50 Ways to Piss Off England:

1. Misuse the English language.

2. Speak with a fake English accent.

3. Insist that Jersey Shore is better than Dr. Who.

4. Insult the 2012 Olympics opening/closing ceremonies.

5. Insult the queen.

6. Make fun of his eyebrows.

7. Spread scandalous rumors centering around Duchess Kate Middleton.

8. Say that he drives on the "wrong" side of the road.

9. Call him Harry Potter.

10. Shout random Harry Potter spells at him in passing.

11. Say that the Twilight Saga is better than Harry Potter/British lit. in general.

12. Constantly bug him about introducing you to Daniel Radcliffe, Tom Felton, David Tennant, or various other British actors.

13. Text bomb him with quotes from The Declaration of Independence.

14. Do the same with the US Constitution.

15. Anytime you see him around America, start singing, "America and England, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

16. Do the same with France.

17. If he happens to say, "Screw you!" retort, "Don't threaten me with a good time!"

18. Stare at him. Don't stop even if he asks you to. Eventually get as close to him as you can (without breaking eye-contact) and whisper, "Where the HELL is my Hogwarts Letter?!"

19. Insist that his closet is the entrance to Narnia.

20. Lock him in said closet. Keep him there for an hour before letting him out. Once he's out, calmly ask, "Back so soon?"

21. Call his eyebrows caterpillars.

22. Ask him when his eyebrows will turn into butterflies.

23. Shave his eyebrows in his sleep.

24. Convince France that England has a secret crush on him and tell him that he likes to be followed around all day long.

25. Speak French all day long.

26. Wake him up by blasting "God Bless America" in his ear.

27. Insist that the tune for "God Save the Queen" was stolen from "My Country Tis of Thee."

28. Send all of his tea down the garbage disposal. When he asks what you're doing, say, "The Boston Tea Party."

29. Hide a music player playing the "Star Spangled Banner" somewhere in his house, and laugh as he struggles to find it.

30. Insist that you speak "American," NOT English.

31. Follow him around all day singing his character song, "Pub and Go!" wildly out of tune.

32. Bring up the fact that English settlers were interested in the American colonies for their tobacco at first. The promptly shout, "ENGLAND ONLY LIKED AMERICA BECAUSE IF HIS DRUGS!" Make sure there are witnesses.

33. Give Sealand the number for Child Protective Services.

34. Burn all of his old Elton John records.

35. Ramble off random names of battles from the American Revolutionary War during awkward silences.

36. Get him drunk and convince him that any American action movie of your choice is real. Videotape the results.

37. Post said video on YouTube.

38. Draw on his face when he's sleeping, and fill in his eyebrows as a unibrow.

39. Misuse British slang around him.

40. Tell him that the Jonas Brothers are way better than the Beatles.

41. Pretend like you've never heard of his country.

42. Imitate America all day.

43. Imitate France all day.

44. While he's sleeping, whisper sexual comments in his ear using a French accent.

45. Insist that he stole various things from America, including "The Office" and "Whose Line is it Anyway?"

46. Point out the medal count for the 2012 Olympics.

47. The NBC coverage of the 2012 Olympics. 'Nuff said.

48. Teach Sealand "The Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves."

49. Ignore him all day.

50. Give the other countries this list.