I Wrote Your Name
Chapter 1: Ignorance is Bliss
"I wrote your name in the sand, but the ocean washed it away
I wrote your name in the clouds, but the wind blew it away
I wrote your name in my heart, where forever it will stay"
His intention was to come home a few days early and surprise his lover Steve. He'd been away in Tokyo, Japan on a business trip marketing some of Stark Industries new clean energy products to some of the conglomerate businesses. A week away from Steve was more than enough to put Tony in the mood for a hot bath with the super soldier and even a little take out before bed but he couldn't wait to feel the man's strong arms around him once again. Entering mansion through the front gate, Tony made a passing comment to Jarvis to keep his arrival quiet as he wanted to surprise his lover. Parking, Tony noticed a new vehicle parked in the turnaround but immediately figured that someone from SHIELD was over. Slightly put off that there was someone else at the house, since Natasha and Clint were on a recon mission in Bulgaria, Thor was in Asguard, and Bruce was… taking some personal time away from all the chaos that the Avenger mansion provided to his everyday life Tony decided that it was enough to just see Steve; they could catch up later. Slowly pushing the side door open, Tony quietly made his way towards the noise in the living room. He could easily identify Steve's but the other was that of a female, and she didn't sound like agent Hill or any of the other agents who have been known to stop by and deliver files.
Stepping through the kitchen and into the living room to say hello to his lover before heading upstairs to change, all breath escaped Tony's body at the sickening site before him. Unable to breathe, his grip on his keys loosened sending them falling to the hard wood floors with a resonating clatter that jerked the two on the couch apart in an instant. Tony locked eyes with Steve and fought the overwhelming urge to pass out.
When they started dating, Tony could remember everyone lecturing him—some multiple times—about how everyone, including Rhodey and Happy, would kick his ass into the next generation if he ever treated Steve the way he used to treat his one night stands; if he ever hurt Steve. Natasha's warning was the scariest as it involved mutilation to his genitals if he ever dared cross their Captain who deserved much better than the likes of Tony Stark, and in the beginning Tony completely accepted that knowing that he would ruin Steve and chase him away like all the rest. But his kisses were soft and sincere, his words were tender, and over all Steve was more than enough to keep Tony satisfied with his doting nature upon Tony's abrasive self. With Steve, Tony could breathe again and feel the world move around him. It was then that he vowed that he would never do anything to jeopardize what they had and poured himself into the relationship because he felt safe enough in Steve's arms, knowing that the old-fashioned man would never intentionally hurt him. He gave the blonde his everything and more. Though not once did anyone ever warn Steve about the fragile heart of Tony Stark as no one, not even Director Fury, could have ever expected Steve to cheat.
As much as Tony wished that he hadn't noticed the writing on the walls, he play ignorant and pretended that he didn't notice the subtle changes in his lover the last few months. The first time Tony really took notice of Steve's strange behavior was three months ago. When they first started dating almost a year prior, getting Steve to stop in the middle of sex was next to impossible but one night the loud shrill screech of his ring tone cut their ears like a blade to butter and Tony had never seen Steve move so fast to answer the phone that he cursed many times throughout the day because he could never figure out how to use it. Steve excused himself from their bedroom after slipping into a pair of basketball shorts and disappeared to another part of the mansion to take the phone call. He didn't return for hours, long after Tony had fallen asleep. The next thing Tony tried to ignore was the late night texting when Steve thought the engineer was asleep next to him. Tony watched the clock for hours one night wondering who the blonde could be conversing with and couldn't shake the unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach that the winds were changing upon his horizon. His back was to the blonde, as if he couldn't see it, it wasn't happening. He didn't want to appear to be concerned and ask who was so important that late at night, so he let it go and pretended not to notice how every text seemed to break him little by little.
As far as the team was concerned, Steve and Tony appeared to be the happy couple but even around their friends Tony noticed how Steve wouldn't touch him nearly as much and would prefer the company of the others most times over him. The last barbeque that they had set up as a team bonding exercise, Tony opted out of in favor of locking himself in his lab to work quietly on some project for Stark Industries. He received the third degree over it the next day when Natasha found him, but he brushed it off because he could handle her attitude better than Steve's distant nature. It made him sick at the thought of Steve pushing him away, but at some point Tony convinced himself that it was because of something he had done. Maybe it was his late night's down in the lab that infuriated Steve, or his tendency to absorb his mind into his work that pushed Steve to his limits with him. Maybe Steve was fed up that Tony was hardly around or maybe his past had finally crept up to bite him in the ass? We wasn't positive what had happened between them, but he was okay with accepting the blame so long as Steve still held a special spot for Tony in his heart.
Even the sex that used to be passionate and full of the raw need to be with each other was now nothing short of what Tony's late night stands used to feel like. A quick release followed by an even faster escape to another part of the house afterwards. There were many times Tony would roll over after Steve had left and just stared at the empty spot beside him until the sun would peek through the blinds. He wasn't sleeping and he sure wasn't eating, old habits resurfacing that Steve had fought for months to correct in the beginning. The past few months Tony knew he wasn't feeling well, an unsettled stomach and other symptoms he chalked up to be flulike, but dismissed it as the stress over his body. Pepper commented once that Tony was little a little worse for wear, and even asked if everything was okay at home between himself and Steve. Tony denied everything and made the excuse that he hadn't been feeling well that week, something he used to tell Pepper all the time as a means to get his assistant to leave him alone. She didn't need to be bothered with his personal drama, no one did.
The team didn't know about it, and if Tony had his way they never would because he wasn't sure how any of them would react knowing the abuse Tony had started to endure in the darkness of the shadows of their home. Steve was generally mindful to only get in verbal disagreements with the brunette when they were the only ones home, and it was even Steve who snapped at Jarvis to give them some privacy; mom and dad couldn't argue in front of the kids. Tony didn't mind it so much that Steve was ordering around his AI, but even with the unconscious thought that Jarvis was always looking out for him created a sense of ease over the engineer. Sometimes he didn't want to be around Steve when they were alone because he had a tendency to manhandle Tony a little too roughly. Any exposed bruises that the team noticed Tony passed off as something from a recent mission, though if any of the team saw the ones hidden under his shirt, down his body, or on his legs he was positive he was going to have a harder time explaining those. Tony continually told himself that Steve didn't mean it, that he was still trying to control his strength by adapting to his new body, but even Tony found it hard to excuse the blonde when he snatched the genius' wrist and managed to break his radial bone.
Reaching a weak hand out to catch himself on the wall, Tony starred disbelievingly at the two on the couch. She was a pretty girl Tony would admit that with her long dark brown hair that trailed down her exposed back, lightly tanned skin and equally dark eyes with a body that most supermodels desired. Steve's massive hands were glued around her supple breasts, paused in the action of massage her nipples where as her hand was firmly planted in the center of Steve's chest and the other supporting herself on the back of the couch. Steve's knees were bent in the air, but from Tony's vantage point he could see the front of his khaki's were lying open and sticking out from under her thighs. She was saddled perfectly in his seat, straddling either side of his chiseled body with her legs. The only thing covering what Tony was positive was happening on the couch was the flimsy material of her free flowing skirt. Biting back the bile that was rising in his throat, the genius offered a soft, sad smile before excusing himself to escape to their room in the upper levels of the mansion.
He couldn't see it because it meant it was real…
He tried to make his exit look as painless as possible, but he knew he ascended the stairs a little too fast for Steve to easily pass off that one of his friends had just caught him fucking a girl on the couch. When the solid oak door closed behind him, Tony sank to his knees in the center of the room unable to shake the suffocating feeling that their bedroom provided. There were too many happy memories here and every one of them reminded Tony of what used to be and what never should have been.
It was a long while before Steve slowly made his way into their room, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest in a defensive manner and fixing Tony with his icy cobalt eyes. Tony didn't have to turn to know he was standing there, he could feel the steely gaze from his rooted spot in the center of their room. "You okay?"
Ignoring the strong urge to snap at Steve, he knew it wouldn't solve anything other than the two of them getting into one of their famous fights that they managed to keep hidden from the rest of the team. Tony's clenched fists shook painfully at his sides as he tried to control his surging emotions that were threatening to erupt within himself. He could no longer ignore the signs as the most obvious one of all was what he saw in the living room. "Who is she?" Was all he was able to grind out through his clenched teeth.
"Natalie is a sergeant from NYPD." Steve's voice was emotionless and cold.
"How long?" Tony had to know, he had to know just how long Steve had been stringing him along. Standing up in a sudden rage, he turned to face the blonde with a void expression on his face. He could handle Pepper leaving him from Happy as he had Steve to pick up the pieces of the broken man she left behind, but when he knew how fragile Tony was and he still went and did the same thing Tony was at a loss as to how to cope. He couldn't breathe.
"She's good for me—"Tony didn't want to hear how well they complemented each other, he couldn't because he thought he was the only one for Steve. At least that's what Steve used to tell him.
"How long?" He repeated, his voice elevating a few octaves. His feet carried him the few steps to close the distance between their bodies. Starring up at Steve with a hard expression, he pleaded to know how long the soldier had been toying with him. "I need to know."
Steve pushed Tony a step back, getting the shorter man out of his face. The engineer faltered slightly, catching himself on the wall before righting his posture. "Four months," it was the only thing Steve needed to say. Steve watched with a detached image as Tony sunk to his knees, his head falling forward to rest pleadingly on Steve's knees. A portion of this last year was all a lie, his life was a lie because Steve never truly cared for him to begin with. "Get off!" Kicking Tony off harder than he intended to, the soldier watched in horror as his lover's body launched off the floor to land a few feet back in the center of the room. Tony looked up at the blonde with pleading eyes, noticing a flash of emotion surge through him that made him think that they could fix this but as fast as the expression made its way to Steve's face it was gone just as fast. "We're through Tony."
And he left…
Tony lay curled up on the floor, unmoving for what felt like an eternity, what was only thirty minutes felt like a lifetime, until the sounds of Clint and Natasha rummaging around downstairs lifted to his ears. He could hear the familiar slam of the refrigerator followed by the clatter of the cupboards of Clint rummaging through the storage in search of something to snack on to sedate his hunger. Natasha was calling out for Tony, probably wondering where he was as she had more than likely seen his expensive sports car parked in the lot. He wanted to call out to her, beg for someone to acknowledge him, but the brain signals didn't make it to the muscles in his mouth to get him to call out for help. In truth he didn't want it, but it was ingrained into him that at this point he had hit rock bottom and he was going to need someone to help pick him up.
Instead, he lay motionless on the floor listening to the two special agents in the floor below search the basement and first floor wondering where Tony was. It was when he heard Natasha's gentle footsteps head up the stairs that he started to panic. Her room was directly across from his and Steve's, she would surely see the weak man that Steve left in a heap on the floor. Panic struck through his very being but he still couldn't move be it from his numb limbs or the searing pain in his side from where Steve's foot connected with his body. Repulsed with himself, he squeezed his eyes shut in hopes that when she passed his open door she would just move on by and pay any attention to the broken man inside. Clint too as his room was just past theirs.
His prayers went unanswered as Clint was the first one to find him. The slap of his boots against the floors jarred Tony from his daze before the blonde gently rolled Tony onto his back, cradling his head between his thighs. "Tasha!" The worry in his voice was heart breaking to Tony as he didn't deserve their pity.
Small hands were lifting his shirt to expose the severely bruised skin and the cut that ran the expanse of his rib cage. The two agents were barking questions at Tony and growing steadily annoyed with his lack of will to answer. "Did you get a hold of Steve?" Carding his fingers through Tony's soft hair, Clint starred down at his team mate with a dark fury hidden behind his normal stoic face.
"No, he's not picking up." She sighed before looking back at Tony's darkly bruised side before her eyes skipped across the rest of his body to notice the yellow and green discolorations of other bruises that were healing over. "I think some of those are broken, I'm calling the medical team from SHIELD to come in and have a look at him. Here, see if you can get this to stop bleeding." Pulling off her black tee, Natasha handed it over to the other agent not at all bothered that she was now only wearing her bra before the other two men in the room. Clint allowed an approving eye to travel over the curves of her body before taking the shirt and holding it to Tony's side.
Biting back a scream that came out as a strangled cry, Tony's hands sprung to life as he tried to fight against the pressure Clint was holding to his battered thoracic cavity. "Easy Tony, the med-team should be here soon. Just relax, okay." Having a mothering nature wasn't something Clint would say he was proud of, but Tony was a part of his team and clearly in need of a friend.
While Natasha was on the phone with multiple different people trying to figure out what had happened, Clint looked down and noticed for the first time in a few months just how skinny Tony Stark had become. He knew there was a change in behavior in the engineer as they all saw the fast change from the loud personality that couldn't be tamed to the meager shell of a man who once stood so proud. He and Tony used to be the same size, but by the added notches to the expensive belt and the bunched fabric around his waist, Clint guessed that they were a good four sizes in difference now. Even the toned muscles on the thirty-year-olds body had withered away to nothing, leaving his skin pulled tight over the expanse of his ribs. Natasha returned with a sad smile on her face in regards to the billionaire lying on the floor.
"I still can't get a hold of Steve, this isn't like him. Do you think something's happened to him?" Placing her hands on her hips, the fiery red head tried not to look down at the broken Tony on the floor. Even though he was a few years older than herself, Natasha found him to be like her kid-brother and to see him like this only made her stomach clench in a painful manner. Kneeling down beside him, she allowed her fingers to trail lightly over the semi-conscious man's face trying to rouse a reaction out of him.
"Cap is strong enough to fend for himself, but I would say something to the director in case someone got the jump on him. Keep trying either way, if I were Steve I would want to know what was going on with Tony."
Tony was numb to their gentle touches and even if he wanted to respond he couldn't as it hurt more than anything to explain to them that Steve did this, that Steve was the reason why he was in so much pain. He wanted to kick himself over and over for allowing himself to fall full heartedly in love with the blonde, and even more so for allowing himself to become dependent upon the other. He knew people were all the same—abusive—but he wanted to believe for a moment that not everyone was like his father, that not everyone were power hungry thieves like Stane, and that maybe someone did truly care for him on some level other than his brilliance. Closing his eyes, unable to manage the hurt expression of the two agents, Tony shut himself off from the rest of the world and locked himself back into the dark recess in his mind. It was a scary place that he thought he'd never see again, but at least there he knew no one could hurt him and little by little he would rebuild his walls and maybe he would be okay again if given some time.
Maybe he could fix himself so Steve would want him again…
A-V-E-N-G-E-R-S
A/N Oh my, that got dark. Sorry for this guys, but I am so sick of reading stories where Tony is always the one who screws up and as believable as that is, I think Steve is just as flawed in his own ways and is just as likely—if not more—to turn the tables on Tony. I blame this on the many late nights of listening to Country music and a recent break up of my own. Let me know what you guys think, I love reading your reviews!