When the Moon found its Sun

Summary: Ever since Shinichi got back Kaito has secretly been watching him. He watched him get his life back. He watched him return to his Ran. He watched his own life fall apart.

A/N: How Shinichi and Kaito know each other is not included in this story, just imagine Kaito's curious personality, an obsession with his favourite critic and go from there. Warning for angst... Happy reading!

Kaito could not believe he was doing this again. Tailing the detective that had captured his interest had become somewhat of a personal brand of torture for him. He had not been back from that case he was gone on more than a couple of weeks before it seemed as he permanently hooked up with that Mouri girl.

It was not like he did not understand it. She was hot like dynamite, and as far as he knew, had confessed to him many months earlier. A confession that had been returned under the most romantic circumstances. They were childhood friends, she was the sweetest girl on the school and he was the famous high school detective – it made sense they would eventually get together.

It did not ease the pain, however, the young adult thought as he refocused his binoculars. Hiding behind a bush not far from the pair going on a hot date in the middle of the city, he drew quite the odd looks from people passing him. He ignored them. So long they did not reveal his position to the couple he was clear to continue his self-imposed torture.

When the detective suddenly touched the girl's arm, mumbled a short 'wait here, be back in a sec', and ran off, Kaito held his breath. Had he seen something? But no, Shinichi rushed off in the opposite direction and disappeared into the crowd. He strained his eyes, trying to keep track of him, but eventually had to give up and reluctantly went back to watching the girl.

She was standing looking worried, a bit lost in the middle of the square, searching for the guy of her dreams. Her hand was hugging the hem of her sweater. He noticed she was dressed up for the date. A cute dress in a cheerful pink, thin red criss-crossing stripes making up a pattern across her chest and again down at the hem where the material was fluidly moving around her legs as she did. The sweater was Shinichi's, he noticed. She probably got cold in that light clothing, not thinking about the cold weathers a day in early March. Kaito scoffed, ignoring the tingling jealousy he felt.

Kaito made up his mind in a flash, rose from the bushes, earning him a few screams from the surprised passers-by. Making the binoculars disappear, he stepped out of the flowerbed and made his over to the lonely-looking girl.

He was steps away when Shinichi appeared behind her, surprising her and chuckled when the girl let out a high-pitched squeal and turned around laughing when she saw who it was. He gave her an ice cream, licking on his own. Kaito swallowed when the red tongue peaked out, took a quick lick and disappeared into the depths of his mouth. Ran blushed and took her ice cream without looking, equally affected.

Kaito had enough and stepped up. Maybe the rumours were wrong, maybe they were just friends. Maybe he still had a chance.

'Shinichi! Yo!' he said grinning and waved though standing just a meter apart.

Shinichi looked up, surprised. Then his lips stretched out into a huge grin and he answered: 'Kaito, long time no see! How 'you been?'

Kaito felt happiness bubble up and his own grin turned real when he stared into the light that was his detective. He was still important to him, he had not been forgotten.

'Just peachy, been studying like mad for the entrance exams. Mom's going nuts since I started falling behind', he said and chuckled, embarrassed.

Really he had had his evenings full off planning for an upcoming heist. It was essential the authorities did not start suspecting Kid was a high school student. Though he easily waltzed circles around them on heists, if they started poking around in his private life, things could turn heated.

'No way!' Shinichi exclaimed. 'You? I'd never believe it.'

'Well, it happens to the best of us', said Kaito and scratched his hair, messing it up even further. The way Shinichi was looking at him, not quite calculating, more curious, perhaps a bit intrigued, had his blood boiling.

'I suppose', he said, half-convinced. 'Ran's been biting my ass off saying I need to study too, even with the record I have it couldn't hurt.' He chuckled. 'I guess it makes sense with all the time I've been away…'

Seeming to suddenly remember the girl by his side his eyes snapped to her and smiled apologetically. 'This is Ran, by the way. I almost forgot; you've never met, have you?' asked the detective, pulling the girl to him, putting an arm around her.

Kaito lost focus staring at that hand, the way it reassuringly squeezed the hip of the girl. How the slim waist of his detective pressed into hers. The soft strokes as he gently patted her, moving the whole hand in a rhythmic, comfortable way.

Suddenly Shinichi coughed a bit awkwardly, and Kaito's eyes snapped up to meet his. The other was looking expectantly at him with raised eyebrows that made him look ten times more like an adorable puppy.

When he continued to stare blankly at the young adult, he laughed and said: 'I guess not. Kaito, meet Ran, my girlfriend. Ran, this is Kaito, the guy I've been telling you about.'

He made a gesture to Kaito with his other hand and Kaito regretted him not releasing the girl to point at him. Anything to lose their contact, their sweet, intimate, connected contact.

He looked quickly to the girl, smiled a fake smile that only years of practicing the Poker Face allowed him to get away with. He glanced back at Shinichi and changed his mind. Maybe not. He did his best to put up a genuine smile but found his throat choked up and he barely managed a croaked: 'Yo, the Awakened Mouri tantei's daughter, right?' in a voice that wavered just slightly.

The girl blushed and nodded. Shinichi glared. So maybe bringing up her father was not the best of ideas considering his recent downfall. Ever since Shinichi had gotten back to his girl, his face had dominated the papers and Mouri's bravado had diminished into a bleak memory with barely his past accomplishments to save him face when in public. Even that was questionable after that awful showdown at the detectives' gathering some months ago. He had made a complete fool of himself.

'It's nice to finally meet you', the girl said tentatively trying to break up the suddenly tense atmosphere. 'Shinichi has told me so much about you. You're a magician, right?'

He nodded, not quite managing to look away from the blazing glare of his detective. Smothering, demanding; it was tearing him up. It was obvious he was making a poor impression on the girl, and it was even clearer that the detective was not appreciating his suddenly lacking charm. But he could not help it. His mind had stuck on the introduction he had been presented with.

Ran, my girlfriend. No hesitation, no stuttering, not even a blush. There was no mistaking. They were a couple, a definite, established couple with no quails. They had been together for a while, then. He would not be able to say that so bluntly if he was not sure of their status, was still insecure about his catch. But he was sure. And it broke Kaito's heart.

How could he be expected to smile, say congratulations and wish them a happy relationship, which he knew was expected of him, when it felt like someone had taken an incandescing spear and pierced his heart? He could not even breathe. Blackness was clouding his vision and he felt unsteady. Why was no one seeing that he was drowning?

'Ye…ah-hh' he choked.

His eyes were feeling suspiciously moist and he realised with horrific clarity he might start crying if he did not do something. He tried to call upon his infamous grin, but the hollow feeling in his chest refused to diffuse and his face felt like stone. A mask that had become petrified in an unfinished, stoic grimace that threatened to crack.

Finally Shinichi seemed to realise something was wrong. He frowned, cast a glance at the girl by his side, squeezed her reassuringly and put a hand on Kaito's shoulder. The hand was heavy, conflicted. Worry and irritation in a mixed confusion.

'Hey, Kaito, are you okay?'

Stop touching me. I can't take it.

The hand was endlessly warm, heavy and painful. He could not bear the touch of this man.

Never stop touching me. I will drown.

His entire existence concentrated around that one spot where his hand was pressing down on him. Life seemed to radiate from the skin under the thick layers of his clothes. He was alive only for that small moment of contact.

If you let go now, I will die.

It was always like this when the detective touched him. It was a small taste of heaven that he knew was always followed by the painful decent to hell. He knew of the coldness that would fill him when he removed his hand. His heart would not be hollow and numb anymore but be replaced by a hole of blackness that sucked the heat from his body.

My soul will shatter.

He bent his head low, not wanting to show his face to the other. He was sure he looked like a walking corpse. He felt worse. Trembles travelled across his skin. Chills made his shoulders hunch, he wanted nothing but to curl into himself, unseen by the world, hide.

'Kaito, what's wrong?'

His voice made him smile. The worry touched him deep inside his chest and he managed a small cough. He went for words, but who was he to complain? He swallowed and tried again.

'Just a cold, I should go.'

The other chuckled nervously. And squeezed his shoulder, caused Kaito to wince and he regretted the reaction immediately as he feared he would let go of him. He did not and a small sigh escaped his lips when Shinichi instead grasped his shoulders. He had finally let go of the girl and he threw a glance her way, wondering a bit detached how she was reacting to all of this. He realised he overreacted. It was not like someone had died.

Except my heart.

She looked worried. That girl must be the sweetest thing on this world. Shinichi deserved someone like her, he thought and felt his heart constrict.

'Hey, what are you doing out when you're obviously so bad?' joked the detective but no trace of humour could be found in his tense voice.

Kaito managed a half-hearted laugh that more sounded like sob. He shut his lips tightly, hoping the other had not heard the pathetic sound.

'Can you get home yourself? Or… Do you need me to call someone?' Shinichi asked and Kaito felt like crying, or laughing ironically.

He did not know which was worse; the mortification of the situation or the disappointment he felt over that the detective had not asked if he should take him home.

He shook his head at the question, pushed away from Shinichi and stumbled away. He tried to force his lips into a polite goodbye, maybe a thanks for worrying but no sound made their way out. So he shook his head again, violently. He raised a hand and waved with the entire arm because his fingers felt numb.

He could feel Shinichi's gaze boring its way into his back and put in an effort into walking stably. Would not do to collapse in the middle of the square.

Safely away from the couple, he released the knot in his throat and hulked. Salty tears made their way down his cheeks which he angrily wiped away.

Where had his Poker Face gone, really? What good was it when he could never conjure it up when he needed it the most? Why had not years of practise prepared him for the blow to his heart? How could his father not have taught him the iron clasps needed to keep up a mask when their heart broke?

He somehow made his way home. He stepped out on the balcony, climbed onto the roof. He sat down and watched the sky turn from light blue to yellow, to red, purple and black as the sun travelled across the heavens.

Why was the light so unattainable? It was like being allowed to see it enter the world each morning, look up at it every day, and wave it goodbye every night. Look, admire, long for, but never ever touch upon.

Shinichi was his sun, and now he would be even more unattainable. He was taken. Like a permanent solar eclipse. How unfair that his light would be stolen by something so eminent like the moon. It was not even fightable. Like the moon had hunted the earth while awaiting that exact second when it was finally aligned with the sun and could stop its rotation. Like it had found a new gravitation to revolve around. Shinichi had finally returned and Ran would never leave him, let him leave her.

And he was earth, abandoned by its only star that could bring life to the blue planet.

And Kaito cried at the unfairness.

Because he had never appreciated the sun for what it was – his source of life. He had thought there would be time to pursue the ever elusive light. Thought it would forever return, touch him with its brightness. Did not realise he had been the one seeking the greatness that was his favourite critic. Had not seen that his detective had his eyes set on a jewel so precious even a magician shone on by the light of the moon could not tear his eyes away. Because he was only the area where the light reflected. Because he was only…

Napkins, anyone? Sorry if it was overdramatic #..# I'm not actually a ShinxRan fan, but I think it's very likely the two would really end up together if Kaito did not more actively pursue his interests...