Author's Note: This is my first fanfic. Yes, it had to be Rizzles. ;) I've actually been working on it for sometime now. There will be quite a lot to this story. At first it started as something small I just wanted to play around with. The idea came out of the episode 3X7 when Jane gets kidnapped. I wanted to explore how it affected both her and Maura in more detail. But I've gotten really into it-maybe have had a little too much fun fooling around with these characters :) I really hope you guys enjoy the story as much as I have writing it. Hearing what you think, and any feedback you can give me, would be lovely.

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Rizzoli and Isles and the characters or anything of course (I really wish I did though because they're brilliant).

I Just Want to Be There

Chapter 1

Jane's thoughts spun around in confusion. They matched the chaos of the ER surrounding her, people yelling and crying, phones ringing. Her brother sat next to her trying to make her smile or at least respond to him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do much. Frost stood protectively beside her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the concerned glances he snuck. Jane tried to concentrate on things in the room, even Frosts' worried eyes—although god knows she hated pity—anything to stop from seeing in her mind the images of the room she had been tied up in just an hour before. Anything to stop herself from seeing the man's crazy, hungry eyes staring down at her helpless form. She wanted desperately to wash off the feeling of his breath on her face, the burning of her skin where she had been tied up. The more she thought about it all, the more her head spun, and the faster her breath came.

Ok, calm down, Jane. You're safe now in a hospital, for Christ's sake. This is ridiculous.

But her breathing wouldn't slow down, and she thought of his hands, and, god, her heart just kept going faster, when suddenly everything stopped. The person she wanted to see most in the whole wide world ran down the hallway towards her. Everything faded away, and she heard only the clack of Maura's shoes, saw only her best friend's concerned face. Then suddenly that face was so close, Maura was right in front of Jane, grabbing her shoulders, her light eyes widened in fear.

"Jane!" she heard faintly. "Jane!" louder this time.

Suddenly the world came rushing back, all the sights and sounds.

"Jane you're having hyperapnea. You need to raise the level of carbon dioxide in your blood and you do this by decreasing…"

Jane looked up at Maura in even more confusion. She couldn't even understand Maura anymore. Well, if she thought about it, she normally couldn't understand her half the time, so maybe this wasn't too bad.

Maura seemed to grasp Jane's state, for she tightened her grip on Jane's trembling shoulders and said, "Jane, you need to breathe. Breathe steadily, in and out." Maura demonstrated, slowly breathing in and then blowing out with her eyes closed.

Oh, breathe. That she could do. Well, maybe. Jane tried to mimic Maura, but she didn't close her eyes. Instead, she focused on Maura's familiar face, those eyes she swear she could stare into for hours, and she wasn't gasping anymore. Suddenly Jane was breathing more slowly, rather normally. The world had started to come back into focus. And her heartbeat had slowed. It was more steady, and increasingly so, as she grabbed Maura's hand and held on. Held on for dear life. Because this was the first time she had felt even remotely close to normal since the incident, and she desperately wanted that, needed that. Maura gave her that. She needed Maura.

Jane wanted to put this into words, but nothing came out of her lips. She moved them, but just empty air escaped, so instead she squeezed her friend's hand even harder. Maura squeezed back in response, her other hand rubbing Jane's shoulder.

"It's okay Jane, just breathe. It's okay, now."

Jane noticed the crack in her friend's voice, the way her breath hitched, the sadness and concern in her eyes, the redness that surrounded them. She noticed the way Maura's finger stroked over Jane's bandaged wrist for a second before returning to the safety of Jane's hand. She noticed everything about Maura, and often did, so this wasn't anything different, but all Jane knew is that more than ever right now she needed to take in the sight of Maura, and all she was. She needed to be with her. She definitely didn't want to be alone tonight. Even with Frankie and Frost beside her she had felt alone. But now, she didn't. And she wanted to keep that feeling, the only good feeling she'd had since this happened.

Suddenly Jane heard a strange voice say, "Maura, please. Can I come home with you?"

Jane could feel all eyes staring at her, and she realized that of course, that must have been her speaking. Okay, well that made sense. And she hadn't said anything weird so, what were they staring at? And then Jane realized that this was the first time she had talked since they had taken her out of that awful room. At first, she had been just so surprised and overjoyed to see her team. But then somewhere in between she had clamed up, turned into this mess. She hated being stared at, but she tried to remind herself that all that really mattered right now was Maura, so she focused on her.

Maura's face had softened, her eyes looked watery. Jane noticed Maura's body move closer to her, as if she was going to embrace her, but Jane unwillingly moved slightly backwards, and Maura quickly took a step back. It would be unnoticeable to a bystander, but Jane felt it and saw it all in painstaking slow-motion, and now she inwardly kicked herself for moving away from Maura when really all she wanted was to be closer to her. What was wrong with her? Her body flinched at the slightest touch since the guy had laid his hands on her. In fact, when she thought back on it, she hadn't even let Frankie hold her hand when they were driving to the hospital. She looked down at her hand tightly holding onto Maura's now.

"Of course, Jane," Maura said softly.

Jane let out a sigh, and felt a small smile flick across her lips. Well, that was a start, she guessed.

Maura returned it with a bigger smile and turned to find a doctor to make sure Jane was ready to leave. But as she did so, as Maura's hand let go of Jane's and she turned her attention elsewhere, Jane noticed the smile slip, and a frown replace it, saw her eyebrows furrow. Maura fiddled with her hands nervously, something Jane rarely saw her do. Jane bowed her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Maura clearly was worried and upset, and Jane hated to think that she was the cause of it. She needed to pull herself together more—for Maura. There were other times to be weak and let her emotions get the best of her, like when she was in the dark, alone….well hopefully, not alone. Jane didn't think she could handle that for quite awhile actually. In fact, her heart and breathing quickened at the thought of being alone again, being vulnerable to his warm breath and rough hands. Her heartbeat got increasingly loud in her ears. Maura stood talking to a doctor, but turned her head, probably at the sound of Jane's obnoxious, heavy, quick breathing. Her eyebrows creased further and she had begun to turn in order to hurry to Jane's side, one foot towards Jane.

Jane cursed herself, and quickly willed her heart and breathing to slow down by looking into Maura's eyes again. Already she was failing at what she promised herself she would do. She saw Maura relax a little at her slower breathing. She gave a slight, reassuring smile to Jane than went back to talking to the doctor. Okay, that was more like it.

Walking out of the doors of the hospital with Maura's arm around her, Jane already felt a little better. She looked forward to a long bath in Maura's tub, to scrub everything of the night off her, to start fresh.

Jane stayed in the bath probably a bit too long, long enough so that Maura came knocking at the door, quietly asking if she was alright, her voice laced with concern. It's just that Jane couldn't seem to scrub off all the grime no matter how hard she tried. Her skin looked pink and irritated when she finally lifted herself out of the suds, but she still felt that it was filthy.

Getting into comfortable clothes made her feel a bit better though, and snuggling under a blanket with Maura on the couch made her feel a lot better. It was the safest she'd felt in what seemed like a long time. Alcohol washed easily down her throat, as Jane rested her head on a cushion and stretched her legs on top of Maura's. She relished in Maura's body heat and relaxed a bit. But she couldn't help feeling Maura's concerned stare, even when she was looking away—at the floor, at the wall, anything to avoid that gaze. Jane was truly trying her best to push away her fear, and act normal, specifically so Maura wouldn't look and feel like this, but apparently she was failing. Apparently, Maura could see right through her. She looked up at Maura's worried eyes for a moment, and felt herself sink into them. She let Maura grab her hand, and it was all Jane could do not to squeeze back with all her might, but when Maura started to stroke the inside of her palm, trace the lines of her scar, Jane suddenly pulled away. Another bad memory flashed through her mind, and that was something she definitely didn't need tonight. Maura jumped a bit at her fast reaction, and immediately Jane felt badly. She wanted so desperately to have this be another girls' night in where they joked and giggled over drinks.

So she started in on teasing Maura, trying to establish the familiar actions of their friendship. They had ended up laughing some, after a hard amount of work and acting on Jane's part. She just hoped Maura hadn't been acting as well. She hoped she had fooled Maura into thinking she was much better than she really was. Maybe Jane had been successful since she seemed to have fooled herself somewhat—a few times she found herself genuinely lost in her laughter with Maura, but this never lasted long.

As Jane lay there in the dark, she tried to feel Maura next to her, remind herself over and over again that she was not alone, that Maura was in the same bed as her for god sakes. But she still subconsciously found herself inching closer and closer to Maura. The closer she got, the better she felt. She turned over on her side to see Maura.

She watched Maura's small shoulders rise and fall with her breathing. When Jane let out a breath she watched as strands of Maura's hair moved. She was really close. But she wanted to be even closer to her, as close as possible-touching even. Her body ached for it, craved it, but she didn't dare reach out and touch Maura. What if she woke her up? She couldn't do that to her after all she put her through today. No, she'd just lie here in the dark until the sun came up and deal with it. She would focus on appreciating that Maura was such a good friend as to let Jane sleep beside her in her own bed. She would stop thinking of wanting more.