Always…

Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or its characters, it and they belong to Yu Watase and all those other companies that have rights to them. (I can never remember their names =P )

         The sound of softly falling rain was the first thing he heard.

         Nick opened his eyes unwillingly, knowing even before his hand touched the cold sheets beside him that she was gone.  The steady patter on the window and the eerie silence of the room emphasized his solitary state, and he wished, as he had wished all those years ago, that he could turn back time just a few hours. If he  had been able to then, he would have saved Kourin; if he could now he could have stayed awake and  kept a tighter hold on the woman he loved. Maybe then she wouldn't have slipped from his grasp and from his life once again.

         With a deep sigh, he raised a hand to roughly rub the moisture from his eyes. He had known she would go-had felt it as he had drifted off to sleep, praying useless prayers that he would see her face the next morning. But still….still it hurt so damn much.

         Gathering his strength through the midst of sadness, he sat up, the sheet falling around his hips with a soft but audible rustle. As if in response to his motion, a small movement from the corner resounded in the silent bedroom. His head snapped up, his eyes searching the gloomy semi-darkness. When at last he found the source of the noise, his heart skipped a beat and a tentative smile curved his lips.

         "I thought you had left me." He said softly, fisting his hands in the rumpled sheets. No matter how much he longed to reach out to her, at this moment he knew it would be the wrong thing to do.

         Miaka smiled sadly at him from the depths of a cushioned chair that occupied one corner of his small bedroom. She had drawn her legs up in front of her, her arms clasped around them. As he spoke, he saw her hug her knees even more tightly against her chest, as if she too wished to avoid reaching out for him.

         "I….I was going to leave." She finally admitted, raising her voice a little to be heard above the rain. "I even wrote you a letter." She rested her chin on her knees, her expression becoming guarded. "I wrote it…and then I tore it up. After all that we've been through, you deserve more than words on a piece of paper."

         Nick stared at her, for once having no idea what to say.

         "Last night….I will never regret what happened last night. Even so….I can't stay. You know, you remember what we went through. How hard we worked, how much we sacrificed just so Tamahome and I could be together. And you most of all. I heard the two of you talking that night at the inn….the night before you…..I heard what you told him. You told him you loved me and then when you….in my arms you told me you would find me again…..and you did."

         She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, and smiled. "You always were persistent. Always intent on getting what you wanted; I still remember how much you hated me for stealing Hotohori's attention." She laughed a little at the memory, and then sighed. "It's been so long since I've seen everyone. I miss them all so much….I missed you so much. You, my dearest friend Nuriko, you were the only one who ever understood me. The others cared for me and protected me with their lives, but they never really got to know me like you did."

         Getting to her feet, Miaka made her way to the edge of the bed and sat down, lifting one hand to trail her fingers across his smooth cheek. "Do you have any idea how much it meant to me back then that you were there for me? That I had someone to confide in, to tell me that everything was okay and that Tamahome and I were meant to be together? But I was so stupid and wrapped up in my own problems, I never saw the pain you were in, and how much saying those words must have hurt you."

         Leaning forward she pressed her lips against his, the tears on her face moistening his skin. His arms came around to pull her closer to him, but sensing his intent she tore her lips from his and stood up.

         He stared up at her, entreaty in his eyes.  "Miaka…don't go.  Things aren't the same with you two- I can see that….and I can feel that. I have no doubt that the two of you loved each other with all your hearts…but things have changed. You don't love him anymore, not in the way you used to."

         She turned, not wanting him to see the truth in her eyes; not wanting him to see how right he was. "We've grown up….matured, that's all. We don't need to live in each other's pockets! Just because we've been apart so long doesn't mean we don't love each other like we used to."

         "You said you loved me, Miaka." He replied stubbornly.

         Fisting her hands at her sides, Miaka squeezed her eyes shut tighter, hating herself for what she was about to do.  "Did I say that?" She asked,  in a deliberately detached voice.

         Angry heat rushed to Nick's face. "Yes, you did! You know you did! Why are you acting like you don't remember?"

         "It…I can't love you the way you want me to, Nuriko. When I said that last night I didn't mean it in the way you thought."

         "So you loved me just enough to screw me! Is that it?" He spat out bitterly, suddenly wanting her to hurt as much as she had just hurt him.

         As his words pierced her heart, she flinched, tears immediately rising to her eyes. "Just because I let my hormones get the best of me does not mean I'm in love with you. I thought men understood that better than women." A wave of false calm washed over her and she opened her eyes, her hands relaxing at her sides. It would be easier for her to deal with Nick's anger, and the hard gaze she felt boring a hole in her back. Maybe if she made him angry enough it would be easier for him to forget her, but how would she ever forget him? "Don't confuse lust with love." She concluded coolly.

         "Dammit, Miaka, stop this!" Nick bolted out of the bed,  not caring that he was naked. Coming up to her he grasped her shoulders and turned her , shaking  her lightly when she was facing him. "Stop acting like it meant nothing to you! Did you forget that I know you? You said yourself that no one ever knew you as well as me, and I happen to know that you would never sleep with someone you didn't love!"

         His hands clamped down on her shoulders and yanked her to him,  as he lowered his head to capture her lips with his. Miaka gasped as his tongue shot past her lips and filled her mouth, its sensuous stroking encouraging a response from hers, which came, despite her best efforts to stop it.. She moaned as she brought her arms around his neck, savoring the feel of his arms lowering to encircle her waist. All thoughts vanished from her head as the kiss deepened, and she vaguely wondered why she was fighting. Being with Nick this way felt so right and so good that she didn't understand the nagging voice in her head that demanded she leave now. 

However and all too soon, cold reason returned as she felt his rigid need for her pressing insistently against her lower abdomen. She tore her mouth from his, breathing heavily, and then pulled away from his touch , blushing as her eyes involuntarily dropped to his aroused member.

. She backed up until she felt she was out of reach from him and her desire, and then straightened her back and forced a bland expression as she met his gaze.

"Did you forget that you haven't seen me in ten years? I was only a girl of fifteen then, I'm a woman now. You don't know me at all anymore, Nick. I love Tamahome-I love him more than anything in the world and we're getting married." I'm sorry, Nuriko.  She said silently. This is best…for both of us. Don't look at me as if I've betrayed you. Hating herself, she lifted a hand to wipe her mouth. "Last night was a temporary lapse of judgment. Don't make it into more than what it was."

         Nick watched with narrowed eyes as she wiped her mouth, apparently conveying the repulsion she felt at his touch.  Anger blinded him and his hands fisted at his sides. He would never hit a woman, especially this one, but the urge to hit something made him shake. She was lying; he knew that truth as much as he knew his own name, but what compulsion was driving her to stand there and belittle what they had was beyond his comprehension at the moment.

                  As he wrestled with whether to give in to his impulse to grab her and never let her go or to pummel the nearest wall until it gave, Miaka suddenly pushed past him and ran out of  the room, collecting her purse on the way out.  He stood in the center of his bedroom, shock and utter disbelief holding him prisoner as he listened to the front door open and softly close behind her.

         She was right about one thing- it had been ten years since he had seen her, but everything else she said had been a lie, calculated to keep him from following her. She was not the type of woman who would ever have casual sex and he would eat his newest manuscript if she were still in love with Tamahome. Love was not a word Miaka took lightly and there was no doubt in his mind that she if she said she loved him, then she did love him!

         An image flashed through his mind, bringing on a rush of anger that momentarily blurred his vision; Tamahome and his sister locked in a passionate embrace, oblivious to anyone and anything around them; Tama's hands on the small of Kat's back, pressing her closer against his tall frame, her arms around his neck holding his head close to hers. The image and the anger finally spurred him into action.

         Muttering words under his breath that would have made Tasuki proud, Nick grabbed the first  pieces of clothing he could lay hands on and hurried to get dressed. Now that he was sure of Miaka's feelings, he'd be damned if he would allow her to get away that easily.

*****************************

         Miaka sat in the back of the yellow taxicab, her tears flowing steadily along with the rain dripping down the dirty window. She had just returned to her apartment, heartbroken and weary, to pack a few belongings until she could have the rest of them shipped to her in Japan. The last to go into her small suitcase was a picture she had taken ten years ago. Her eyes ran over the purple haired figure standing in the left hand corner and she couldn't help the small smile that graced her lips as fond memories flooded her mind.

         Not everything she had said to Nick had been a lie. Nuriko  had been the only one who understood her. How could he not? He had lived as a woman for so long that he couldn't help but understand the female mind. So when the others thought she was strange, or overreacting, Nuriko was there to wipe away her tears and make her laugh.

         He had also been the one to comfort her when Tamahome had shunned her attempts to comfort him after his family had been brutally murdered. They had spent that night huddled around a small fire as Nuriko told story after story  to get her mind off the horrors of what she had seen. It had not been until they were in their bedrolls that he had quietly suggested they leave without Tamahome the next morning, and she had agreed.

         Now she sat in a slow moving taxicab, leaving behind the man she had fallen so deeply in love with. He was right, she no longer loved Tamahome like she did, but still….she still loved him. He deserved more than her suddenly telling him it was over, that she was in love with one of his fellow warriors. No matter how much she was hurting now; she couldn't bring herself to hurt him that way.

         As they approached the airport, she wiped her eyes and pulled a compact mirror from her purse, checking to make sure mascara hadn't stained her cheeks.  As the car slowed to a halt she took a deep breath and paid the driver. Emerging from the vehicle she lowered her head against the falling rain and waited patiently as the cabbie withdrew her suitcase from the trunk. She smiled her thanks and hurried into the terminal.

         After checking her bag she headed for the appropriate gate, pausing as Tamahome's lithe frame came into view. Her eyes ran over his features as a lump formed in her throat. She had loved him so much, had sacrificed so much to be with him. How could she walk away from him now, when after so much time would truly be together?

              How can you stay with Tamahome when you love Nick? A small voice whispered in her ear, and with a start, she realized it was true. She couldn't.

              Yes, it was true that she had once loved Tamahome more than life itself, but time had changed her mind and heart. The demands of the real world had taken a toll on their young love and she knew without a doubt that even though Tamahome held a special place in her heart, she could not spend the rest of her life with him. To do so would imprison them both in a life neither of them wanted.

         For the first time in months, Miaka's heart lightened. Putting one foot in front of the other, she slowly made her way towards her former love, finding it easier with each step. As she approached him she smiled, not stopping until they faced toe to toe. She set her carry-on bag on the floor beside her feet and tilted her head back to look into his gray eyes. Sucking in a deep breath she began to speak.

               "Tamahome, I can't go to Japan."

         "You can't go to Japan." Tamahome said in the same instant, their words blending together.

         He smiled as confusion filled her eyes.

              "What do you mean I can't go to Japan?" She asked curiously.

         "You're in love with Nuriko." He replied simply.

         "How….how did you…."

         "Well, it was obvious to me right away that he had to be Nuriko, but Kat's confirmed it by telling me he was remembering things. Or she kind of did; she told me he called her 'Kourin' when she went to see him last night. I put two and two together."

         "Kat? You know Kat?" Miaka's eyebrows met as she gazed up at the tall man in front of her.

         Tamahome smiled slightly and grasped one of her hands in his. "Miaka….I'm in love with Kat." He said softly.

         Confusion clouded her mind and she shook her head. "I don't understand. How do you know Kat?"

         "I met her at the bookstore the day of the signing. We've….been spending a lot of time together since then."

         Miaka bit her lip and stared at him for a moment. "What happened to us?" She asked, ignoring the push of people around them.

         "I think we just grew up." He answered honestly. "Let's face it, Miaka, we were young and didn't know anything about anything. I have no doubt we loved each other but I think that instead of it maturing it changed into what it is now. I still love you and always will but it's different somehow. I want to see you happy and I know being with me isn't going to do it. Us staying together is going to do nothing but make us both miserable, you know that."

         She nodded as a tear fell from the corner of her eye. Happiness lighting her face, she threw her arms around his neck, holding on tight. "I'm so happy for you." She said passionately. "You and Kat will make a wonderful couple."

         "And so will you and Nick. Nuriko loved you,… I think he always did, even from the beginning. We just never saw past his clothes."

         Miaka nodded against his shoulder, knowing he was only half right.

               "Well what do you know…looks like someone followed you." Tamahome said brightly.

              She could hear the smile in his voice and pulled away to look behind her. A brilliant smile lit her face and she couldn't contain the small laugh that escaped her throat. "Thank God…he didn't believe me!" She stated happily, thankful that Nick had not taken her cruel words to heart.

         Tamahome felt his heart warm at the happiness on Miaka's face. It had been a long time since he had seen that expression. Tapping the two plane tickets he was holding against his thigh he grinned as an idea came to him. "Wait here." He whispered in Miaka's ear before walking past her to head off the very determined looking man heading their way.

         He paused as they neared one another, the grin on his face widening. He didn't realize until this moment how good it felt to see his old friend again. "Nuriko." He said simply.

         "Tama-kins." Nick replied, crossing his arms over his chest, a slow grin spreading across his own face. The anger he had felt on the ride to the airport took a temporary backseat to his pleasure at seeing his old comrade. He couldn't help but be happy to be connected with a part of his past, even if that part was his present rival.

         Tamahome frowned. "I'm still not a cat."

         "No, but you're still an idiot." Nick shot back, not relenting even when he saw the taller man flinch.

         Tamahome rubbed the back of his neck and laughed. "Yeah I guess I am. I didn't do the one thing I was supposed to-make Miaka happy. But I'm hoping to make up for my past mistakes right now."

Grabbing one of Nick's wrists he pulled his arm from his chest and slapped the two tickets into his open palm.

         "What's this?"

         "You once helped me get the girl and now it's my turn to return the favor."

         The raven-haired young man stared up at him and frowned. "I don't get it."

         Tamahome sighed. "You love her right?"

         "Yeah."

         "You plan to marry her right?"

         "If she'll have me."

         "I think we both know the answer to that. Well, consider this my wedding gift. The only thing I can do now to make Miaka happy is to let her go. She loves you, Nuriko, not me."

         Tamahome's words sunk in and Nick's fingers wrapped around the tickets; a wide grin came to his face, but then disappeared. "You know I should still kick your ass for stealing my sister's heart." He said sternly.

         The younger man's eyes widened in surprise. "You know about us?"

         "Yeah I saw you playing kissy face on the sidewalk the other night."

         Tamahome's cheeks flushed and he averted his gaze. "Yeah, well, about that…."
         "I trust Kat. I know she wouldn't do anything like that if she didn't truly care for someone." His grin returned and he socked Tamahome in the shoulder, causing him to stumble slightly. "Doesn't mean we aren't going to have a long talk when I get back."

         Warmth filled Tamahome's eyes and he couldn't resist pulling the younger man into a quick embrace. "I'll look forward to it." He said quietly, tears coming to his eyes. It was so good to have his friend back.

         Nick met Miaka's gaze over Tamahome's shoulder and grinned. Suddenly everything else disappeared and he could think of nothing but holding her in his arms. He pulled away from the other man's embrace and made his way to Miaka slowly, his eyes drinking in the site of her features as if he hadn't seen her for years. He felt the weight of the two tickets in his hand and his grin broadened.

         "Nick I-" Miaka started to say when he stopped in front her, her words abruptly cut off as he lay one finger over her lips.

         "Don't say anything." He answered softly, one finger coming up to rest on her lips. Leaning down he removed the single digit, his mouth stopping a breath away from hers. "Just…" His words trailed off as their lips met.

         Nick's arms wrapped around her small waist, holding her tight against his lean frame, the crowd around them faded as their bodies melded together. His hands traveled the length of her back, ending at the small of her back where he pushed gently, holding her even tighter against him. The taste of her tears squeezed his heart and he deepened the kiss, telling her without words how much he loved her. He felt more than heard her moan and his body responded, his jeans suddenly becoming uncomfortable. Pulling away from her slowly he grinned down into her bemused face and ran a finger down the side of her cheek.

         "I would love nothing more than to continue this in a more private setting but we have a plane to catch."

         Miaka's eyebrows furrowed in incomprehension and she shook her head. "But I told Tamahome I wasn't…." Her words trailed away as she saw the plane tickets in Nick's hand and a smile curved her lips. "Hold that thought." She said quickly and moved past him to throw herself into Tamahome's arms.

         The startled young man wrapped his arms around her reflexively and laughed slightly as Miaka's arms squeezed him tight. "What's all this? If you don't hurry, you guys will miss your plane."

         "Thank you." Miaka whispered, tears of happiness wetting her cheeks. "Thank you so much."

         Tamahome's smile softened and he stroked her hair. "No….thank you, Miaka. Thank you for loving me all these years. When you get back, we'll all get together for a long talk."

         She nodded against his neck and pulled away with a sniff. As she looked up at the man standing before her, for a moment she saw the old Tamahome, the young man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. The easy smile was back where it used to be and the light in his eyes was something she hadn't realized she'd missed until this moment. Grabbing his hand, she squeezed it quickly then turned to hurry back to Nick's side.

         As their hands met and fingers entwined, Nick's free hand came up in a farewell to his friend. Any guilt he had felt, no matter how small, vanished as he saw the genuine smile of happiness on Tamahome's face. Nick gave his friend a small wink, and then pulled Miaka behind him as he quickly made his way to the boarding gate.

         Tamahome stood motionless in the busy terminal, watching as his best friend and his former love disappeared into the crowd lining up to board the plane. He waited for anger at the final separation to overcome him- or sadness at the very least- but felt nothing except  happiness and a sense of satisfaction that he had finally done the right thing.

 Kat's face sprung to the forefront of his mind and he grinned. Glancing at his watch he turned and set out at a run., thinking that by the time he acquired a rental car and directions to the quickest way into the city, the jewelry store should just be opening.