So, This is How it Goes

She had no clue why she was crying about the dead fish. Okay, it really wasn't about Mr. Fish and she knew it. She knew what to label it and how to classify it. She knew exactly what was going on and understood that really it was about everything else. It was about losing Matt and her kids growing up. It was about the taxes, her divorce and Pittman. It was about her best friend leaving her alone again and if she were honest with herself in the way she would want her clients to be, she would have to admit to being the tiniest bit jealous that Jeanette was happily in love with her Spaniard, while she was stuck sitting on the porch crying over the dead, slightly smelly fish.

"Dani"

His deep voice startled her, he tended to do that a lot so she should be used to it by now, but she wasn't. It wasn't just his voice. It was his presence; there was just something about Nico that made her more aware of everything.

"The package from Marshall…it was for you."

She looked up at him, knowing her makeup was ruined and her eyes were swollen. "The tapes?" Her voice was scratchy and hoarse, a bit more than usual and the fish bowl was still on her lap. It sloshed a bit and she watched Nico take notice as he sat beside her.

"Yeahh," he inclined his head, finally noticing the fish floating in the bowl. "You lost a friend…."

She watched emotion cross his face, an odd flicker she didn't quite catch.

He looked away and leaned forward on his knees a bit. His voice dropped, quieter; solemn and a bit shaky, "I did too. They found his body."

His words pushed her into action. She slid forward and quickly placed the bowl on the porch before reaching for him. Instinctively she pulled him into a hug. She wanted to share his pain, share her pain. It was too much. All of it, was just too much for one week, hell maybe even one yeahr. She cried into his shoulder and her hand found its way into his hair.

"He was the only one who knew me other than you."

Nico's voice was quiet.

Dani pulled back. "I don't know you." She searched his eyes. She meant it, she didn't know this man. Even though he did occasionally reveal a bit of himself, he was a stranger to her. A wonderful, dangerous, charismatic and sexy stranger who made her feel things she tried not to feel. He challenged her and sometimes she didn't like it.

He didn't look away. "You do." His hand was on her shoulder and he titled his face toward hers. He didn't push further, he just waited.

Her hand slid to his shoulder then jaw as she watched his face and tried to decide if this is what she wanted. She mirrored Nico's movement and leaned in until her mouth was a breath from his. Her hand slid to his neck, she slid closer and then they were kissing.

Nico's lips were soft and firm and even though he let her lead she knew he was completely in control. It reminded Dani of the way he often handled people; let them think they were in control. Then his teeth grazed her bottom lip, followed by his tongue and she stopped thinking altogether.

His arm slid behind her and he pulled her closer, deepening the kiss more as his hand slid into her hair. His hand tangled and he pulled back. "Dani…" He kissed her temple and forehead. "Look at me Dani." He waited until the passion started to clear from her eyes, but he couldn't keep his thumb from brushing across her cheek bone and the corner of her now swollen lips. He shook his head. "Damn it, stop looking so fuckable."

She pouted and pulled away. "Don't be so crude." Her voice was quiet and not quite angry, more like shocked. She shoved his hand away. "What's wrong with you?" She couldn't quite keep the tears from her eyes as she stood, this time gripping the box of tapes in front of her like armor. "Go. Get off my porch and go. I'm sorry about Marshall, but you need to leave."

Nico stood up and, ignoring her, followed Dani toward the door. "Dani…" his mouth lifted in a wry smile. "I wasn't trying to insult you, I'm sorry." He watched her face and frowned. "I didn't want to make you cry."

"I was crying when you got here." She wiped her face and when she did the box slipped and the tapes spilled to the porch. She cursed and bent to start picking up the tapes, but only started crying harder.

Nico bent to help, grabbing most of the tapes before she had two or three in her hands. He put them in the box, took the box from Dani and slid his arm around her shoulder to pull her against him as he ushered her into the house.

"It's late. It's been a hell of a long day and we deserve a drink." He shut and locked the door behind them and moved into the kitchen. He put the box on the counter and released Dani as he turned to look at her. "So, where do you hide the good stuff?"

She stood there watching him and shook her head before moving toward the liquor cabinet. "Why'd you do that?" She pulled out a bottle of scotch, something expensive a client had given to her ex-husband.

"What?" He took the bottle when she held it to him and smiled as he read the label. "Nice."

"Stop me…us out on the porch and then intentionally rile me up?" She crossed her arms and kept her eyes on his face this time.

He returned her gaze and then set the bottle down. She watched as he moved toward her with his slow grace, pausing to take off his jacket and drape it over the chair by the table. His eyes never left hers. When he was finally beside her, he bent to rest his hands on the counter on either side of her, boxing her in. He bent so his mouth was by her ear and when he spoke his voice was low and seductive.

"Because when I finally get you in bed I don't want there to be any regrets and no reason for you to second guess why you're there."

His finger played over the sensitive skin of her midriff where her shirt had rode up and she felt him smile against her ear when she shivered.

"I don't want anything between us."

He leaned closer, knowing she couldn't help but feel how hard he was. "I want you there because you want me." He let his nose graze the curve of her ear and down her cheek. "Trust me when I say, I want you and I intend to have you more than once Dani."

She shivered and looked up knowing she looked like an idiot when she opened her mouth to say something and nothing came out. She wasn't sure if she was disappointed or grateful when he stepped away to resume his bartending. She cleared her throat, nodded and tried to steady her pulse. "I see…"

Nico chuckled. "I'm glad you do." He held up a glass. "Ice?"

He held the glass and waited for her answer and wondered why he was still here. He was just going to get hurt, but damn he hoped not. He knew she was still getting over Matt. He glanced over at Dani while he poured himself a glass of the amber liquor. She was so damn sexy it about killed him every time he thought about her. She wasn't just pretty, she was sexy in that way many women wish they could be, try to be and fail miserably at and she didn't even try; hell it was because she didn't try.

"Here."

Her small body was suddenly beside him as she plunked ice into an empty glass and then added some scotch. She took the bottle, her glass and the small ice bucket and motioned him into the living room. He followed, but not before grabbing an apple and knife from the counter.

She'd settled herself on the couch, her small feet tucked up under her and the bottle and ice on the table close by where she could reach it. He took the other end of the couch, swirled and sniffed his glass and then finally he sipped his drink with a sigh and a nod of approval.

"You drink scotch often?" He savored the flavor of the liquor and took another drink. "This is about two hundred dollars a bottle."

Dani, who had just taken a drink, almost spit. She covered her mouth and swallowed. "Two hundred…" She looked at the bottle and then at Nico. "For this crap that burns all the way down?"

Nico smiled. "Guess that's a no, then."

"I'll take a ten dollar bottle of vino any day. I mean, this is okay, but two hundred?"

He nodded and set his glass down. He cut the apple in half and then quickly the half into quarters. He handed two to Dani. "Try some apple with it." He watched her eat a slice and did the same. "Trust me it works together."

He finished his glass because he intended to feel something from the alcohol tonight and getting drunk on good liquor was always better. He added more to his glass and sat back in the center of the couch, closer to Dani with his glass in one hand and apple slices in the other. He ate one and held another to Dani, and again it hit him-why was he still here?"

"Hey, you're wandering off again."

"Hmm?"

"You're here, but you aren't. What's going on in your head?" She sat up and he noticed the concern on her face. "Are you alright Nico? I know Marshall meant a lot to you."

He sat back. His wall went up. "I'm not your client Dani."

"I'm not Dr. Santino right now Nico. We aren't in my office are we? I don't have the 'In Session' sign hanging on my door. So right now, I'm your friend and as your friend, the one you say knows you, I'm asking if you're alright."

Nico finished off the second glass of scotch. This time his thought was that he should be paying more attention to how good it was than just slamming it down like a two dollar shot. He set the glass on the table and turned to look at Dani. "He killed himself. " His voice was angry. "He crashed that damn plane on purpose."

"Oh my god." She grabbed his hand. "Are you sure?"

There was pain in his voice and on his face. He was hurting, but also relieved. "I was wrong earlier. Him paying off your debt…sending you the tapes and then his plane going down…He wasn't trying to disappear, he was tying up loose ends." Nico wiped a hand through his hair.

"Why didn't I see it, Nico?"

"Dani you weren't treating him and he tried before." He was hit by the distress on her face. "Don't beat yourself up over it." He took her glass from her hand and put it onto the table. "Look at me Dani." When she did he cupped her chin and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "If anyone should have seen this coming it should have been me."

Dani searched his face. "You did everything you could."

"I hurt him…betrayed him."

"He needed help, he knew it." She covered his hand with hers and pressed it to her cheek. "You did more than most people would."

He shook his head, but leaned closer. "Tell me something?"

"What?"

One of his hands had slid to jawline and played over it while the other eased down her opposite shoulder. "Tonight, would there be any regrets?" He tilted her chin and feathered a light kiss across her lips. "Would there be an excuse tomorrow?"

He felt her shiver and watched her eyes close. He knew she wanted him, but that wasn't enough for him.

She shook her head and even as close as he was he had to strain to hear her, "No."

He traced her lips with his tongue, barely there and when she responded he pulled back. "What was that Dani?

"No Nico, I said no." She slid her hand to the back of his head and pulled him close. "No excuses."