Author's note: To all the wonderful people that read and reviewed this
little bit of fluff. My love goes out to elfee, earthquake, rebeccagrace,
Valkyrie, MilenaLupin, Amalin, Jeanne Dark, Dominique
And most of all Maya who coaxed people to read this fic and is damn good with the leather whip of inspiration. *winks* Entry Eleven is especially for her and her new found love of a certain wizard boy.
Have taken some liberties with characters and events but have stuck as closly as possible to original plot.or so I say.
************************* September : Part One *************************
Entry Eleven:
Weight: 3st. Must have burnt thousands of calories through stress and manic laughing.
Alcohol units: None. V. bad. Am terrifyingly sober.
Number of people seeing me naked: Hundreds. Good god, where is the alcohol.
Buggar! All went horrible wrong. Am stressful mess now and is only a pure miracle that made it onto Hogwarts Express on time. Slept in and awoke with severe hangover, resulting in fluffy tongue and bags under eyes to add to normal hellish appearance. Alarm did not go off and was not up until 10.15am. Packed quickly but could not find school dress. Searched for ten minutes until realised had slept in school dress, which was now all wrinkly. Tore school dress off, tossed in suitcase and raced out of house into a mass of people, all of whom were staring, pointing or laughing. Realised in horror that in haste of undressing had forgotten to redress. Private Drive is apply named it seems. Hate my life. Ran back into house trying to ignore a wide eyed Dudley, threw bed sheet around self like toga and braved running outside again. Somehow made it to train station with half-hour to spare and was going to pass the time by attempting Hagrid's wand trick when realised had left wand back at home! Left Dursleys to watch luggage and owl and raced back to Private Drive. Toga, somehow, got snagged accidentally on F.S.S's shoe and ended up running naked through London. Police chased me throughout the populated street but was able to give them the slip. Went into room under the stairs only to find that wand was not in fact in room but was packed away. However, baggy clothes were mysteriously on floor, so was able to get dressed again and hide my shame.
Raced back to train station, and bumped into plump red haired woman, her sons and her daughter. The daughter, named Ginny, is actually quite cute, and if I wasn't a wizard I might fancy her. No such luck with the sons: they are all ginger. Ew. Am actually sharing a train compartment with one of them named Ron Weasly, as in being so late all other rooms on the train were filled.
Suffered shame when Draco, Sexgod, Malfoy wandered in with two gorillas, named Crabbe and Goyle (hideous boys in monogamous relationship. Probably by circumstance and not choice.). Was obviously hurt and deeply jealous at finding me alone in a train compartment with a redhead! Kept making comments about how I shouldn't hang out with the wrong sort. Left, insulting us, before I could explain situation and dazzle him with story of my nakedness. Sigh. Am doomed to be ginger boy's friend now. Despite his desperation to be my slave, will have none of it. Will pine for Draco. With winning formula mantra of "aloof, unavailable ice Queen", am sure to win him back and.oh.train is pulling into station
Entry Twelve
Weight: 7st. Am horrible bubbling mass of fat. Am unattractive. Am alone! Am without a blond boyfriend to console me!
Number of Houses Sorted Into: One
Number of Houses Sorted Into With Gorgeous Evil Blondes: None. Hate my life.
Did not have time yesterday to mention bushy haired obnoxious girl, name Harmonica, that I met on the train. Is obviously a social reject as well, and she too saw me in my compromising position of alone-ness with ginger haired boy. She even noted that he had a smudge of dirt on his nose. Was not only sharing compartment with redhead, but unwashed mass of redhead! Will the shame never end! Harmonica seems to think herself better than me as has read "Hogwarts: A History". Think I will try and ignore her and fight urges to staple things to her head. Also met an inconsequential boy named Neville. Consequently felt v. good about self, despite hideous lighting scar, which Ron horrified me by showing some sort of fetish for.
On getting out of train even managed to squish a toad under my shoe. Hate my life. Had frog guts all over my soles as I trudged into boat, skimmed across lake and finally arrived at Hogwarts. Have never seen a pig of any sort with a wart, or any other strange boil, but feel that had a hog a wart it would resemble something of this school's architectural disaster. One must believe in magic to see how this thing stands, from an engineer's point of view. Was feeling rather tempted to ask Professor McGonagall about the actually structural capacity of student-smushing-capable stone walls but never got the chance. Instead was given lecture about the sorting process by the prune-faced, and, by the sneer on her face, sexually unsatisfied, professor. Apparently future of self is dependant on smelly old hat. Am convinced of wizarding world's deranged tendencies now.
Draco was put in Slytherin, so his blond badassed self must be pleased. Fear I took aloof, unavailable ice queen thing too far when I begged the sorting hat not to put me in Slytherin. Instead am with Gryffindors. Am foolish twit. Could have been sharing a dorm with Malfoy but not me. No. Not Potter. Could have watched him dress and undress.especially undress, would have been bloody good. Mmmmmmmm.Instead get to listen to Ron snore. Am never going to be a great wizard now. Sigh.
Later:
Had v. wonderful dream about Draco. He was laughing gleefully. He is v. gorgeous when he smiles. Woke up all sweaty. V. good. Dreaming about Snape not nearly as satisfying. He is old, and his hair in the runner up category of most unmanageable hair, next to Harmonica, or Hermin, or whatever that bushy girl's name was. Besides, Snape is already spending time with headmaster, at least that's what Hagrid thinks.
V. sleepy still. Will go back to bed.
Later:
Damn Ron. He won't stop snoring.
Later Still:
Bloody hell. Have to go to the toilet.
Later Still:
Met up with bad Irish stereotype in comun room. Name Seaman. Nonono. Was Seamus. Gave me bad cliched whiskey. Noffinf exploding. Heh. Ophff. Fell ovr. Ron still snoring. Dam him. Goin dream more of Malfoy. Drool.
And most of all Maya who coaxed people to read this fic and is damn good with the leather whip of inspiration. *winks* Entry Eleven is especially for her and her new found love of a certain wizard boy.
Have taken some liberties with characters and events but have stuck as closly as possible to original plot.or so I say.
************************* September : Part One *************************
Entry Eleven:
Weight: 3st. Must have burnt thousands of calories through stress and manic laughing.
Alcohol units: None. V. bad. Am terrifyingly sober.
Number of people seeing me naked: Hundreds. Good god, where is the alcohol.
Buggar! All went horrible wrong. Am stressful mess now and is only a pure miracle that made it onto Hogwarts Express on time. Slept in and awoke with severe hangover, resulting in fluffy tongue and bags under eyes to add to normal hellish appearance. Alarm did not go off and was not up until 10.15am. Packed quickly but could not find school dress. Searched for ten minutes until realised had slept in school dress, which was now all wrinkly. Tore school dress off, tossed in suitcase and raced out of house into a mass of people, all of whom were staring, pointing or laughing. Realised in horror that in haste of undressing had forgotten to redress. Private Drive is apply named it seems. Hate my life. Ran back into house trying to ignore a wide eyed Dudley, threw bed sheet around self like toga and braved running outside again. Somehow made it to train station with half-hour to spare and was going to pass the time by attempting Hagrid's wand trick when realised had left wand back at home! Left Dursleys to watch luggage and owl and raced back to Private Drive. Toga, somehow, got snagged accidentally on F.S.S's shoe and ended up running naked through London. Police chased me throughout the populated street but was able to give them the slip. Went into room under the stairs only to find that wand was not in fact in room but was packed away. However, baggy clothes were mysteriously on floor, so was able to get dressed again and hide my shame.
Raced back to train station, and bumped into plump red haired woman, her sons and her daughter. The daughter, named Ginny, is actually quite cute, and if I wasn't a wizard I might fancy her. No such luck with the sons: they are all ginger. Ew. Am actually sharing a train compartment with one of them named Ron Weasly, as in being so late all other rooms on the train were filled.
Suffered shame when Draco, Sexgod, Malfoy wandered in with two gorillas, named Crabbe and Goyle (hideous boys in monogamous relationship. Probably by circumstance and not choice.). Was obviously hurt and deeply jealous at finding me alone in a train compartment with a redhead! Kept making comments about how I shouldn't hang out with the wrong sort. Left, insulting us, before I could explain situation and dazzle him with story of my nakedness. Sigh. Am doomed to be ginger boy's friend now. Despite his desperation to be my slave, will have none of it. Will pine for Draco. With winning formula mantra of "aloof, unavailable ice Queen", am sure to win him back and.oh.train is pulling into station
Entry Twelve
Weight: 7st. Am horrible bubbling mass of fat. Am unattractive. Am alone! Am without a blond boyfriend to console me!
Number of Houses Sorted Into: One
Number of Houses Sorted Into With Gorgeous Evil Blondes: None. Hate my life.
Did not have time yesterday to mention bushy haired obnoxious girl, name Harmonica, that I met on the train. Is obviously a social reject as well, and she too saw me in my compromising position of alone-ness with ginger haired boy. She even noted that he had a smudge of dirt on his nose. Was not only sharing compartment with redhead, but unwashed mass of redhead! Will the shame never end! Harmonica seems to think herself better than me as has read "Hogwarts: A History". Think I will try and ignore her and fight urges to staple things to her head. Also met an inconsequential boy named Neville. Consequently felt v. good about self, despite hideous lighting scar, which Ron horrified me by showing some sort of fetish for.
On getting out of train even managed to squish a toad under my shoe. Hate my life. Had frog guts all over my soles as I trudged into boat, skimmed across lake and finally arrived at Hogwarts. Have never seen a pig of any sort with a wart, or any other strange boil, but feel that had a hog a wart it would resemble something of this school's architectural disaster. One must believe in magic to see how this thing stands, from an engineer's point of view. Was feeling rather tempted to ask Professor McGonagall about the actually structural capacity of student-smushing-capable stone walls but never got the chance. Instead was given lecture about the sorting process by the prune-faced, and, by the sneer on her face, sexually unsatisfied, professor. Apparently future of self is dependant on smelly old hat. Am convinced of wizarding world's deranged tendencies now.
Draco was put in Slytherin, so his blond badassed self must be pleased. Fear I took aloof, unavailable ice queen thing too far when I begged the sorting hat not to put me in Slytherin. Instead am with Gryffindors. Am foolish twit. Could have been sharing a dorm with Malfoy but not me. No. Not Potter. Could have watched him dress and undress.especially undress, would have been bloody good. Mmmmmmmm.Instead get to listen to Ron snore. Am never going to be a great wizard now. Sigh.
Later:
Had v. wonderful dream about Draco. He was laughing gleefully. He is v. gorgeous when he smiles. Woke up all sweaty. V. good. Dreaming about Snape not nearly as satisfying. He is old, and his hair in the runner up category of most unmanageable hair, next to Harmonica, or Hermin, or whatever that bushy girl's name was. Besides, Snape is already spending time with headmaster, at least that's what Hagrid thinks.
V. sleepy still. Will go back to bed.
Later:
Damn Ron. He won't stop snoring.
Later Still:
Bloody hell. Have to go to the toilet.
Later Still:
Met up with bad Irish stereotype in comun room. Name Seaman. Nonono. Was Seamus. Gave me bad cliched whiskey. Noffinf exploding. Heh. Ophff. Fell ovr. Ron still snoring. Dam him. Goin dream more of Malfoy. Drool.