Episode Tag: "Man Walks Into A Bar"

His anger burned white hot and that scared him more than anything. In all the years he'd watched his mother bend over backwards to keep his father happy and even on numerous occasions practically bend over and kiss the man's feet, he'd never before felt this angry with her.

He'd felt this fury countless times – towards his father. There were so many times he'd butted heads with that man and come out on the losing end. It pained him way down inside now to realize that he'd let all the crap happen and not only to himself, but also to his mother and subsequently, Sarah. Until this… nightmare… had started happening right in front of him, he had never completely comprehended throughout his life what had been going on with his parents.

Thinking back now, Tim recalled several occasions when he'd gone to his father for something: help, advice, comfort, reassurance or, as he'd shared with Tony and Ziva, to give the man his birthday card. His father's reaction to each instance; was to either literally or verbally slap Tim down, then severely berate him for the thought process that had taken him in that direction to begin with. Always, his father always accused Tim of being worthless and not standing on his own two feet.

Conversely, he had never seen Sarah come away from any conversation with their father with anything less than a hug and a expression of his pride in her, some kind of verbal reassurance about her place in his heart. Oddly enough, he never disciplined her. He never spent a single moment teaching her anything, the task of teaching his sister everything a proper married woman should know and practice fell to his mother. Tim could remember countless times when Sarah would do something she wasn't supposed to do or failed to do something she should have done – always for their father. Instead of disciplining her as a father might have done, their father would turn to his wife and angrily blame her for Sarah's shortcomings. Tim heard himself repeating the words now that his father would hurl at his mother every chance he got. "You're not teaching her right! You're supposed to be teaching her how to be the perfect wife."

That was why he forced Tim to stay out of the way when Sarah was falling for Tom! Why he had been so forcibly bullied by his father to stay away – because their father wanted Sarah to marry someone just like himself – and Tom fit that mold completely! His father was abusive. He had never said it to himself, never admitted it - and now he did. Commander McGee was perhaps a milder version of Sarah's abuser, but abusive nonetheless. And the fact that Tim had never been smart enough to recognize any of this years ago – is why Sarah paid this tragic price for this horrible lesson learned the hardest way possible. Would she ever forgive him for that?

As he told all of this to Dr. Cranston, part of him couldn't believe he was doing it and part of him began to feel immensely lighter from that oppressive pile of hurt and anger finally being expelled from the buried places he'd hidden it through the years. Mentally, he remained feeling equally exposed and refreshed all in the same realization. Kate's sister had been careful and persistent enough that he'd finally opened that door and let someone in. The words spoken between them the first time he'd ever met her, came back to him now.

"What are we supposed to talk about?"
"Most people talk about their sex life."

"You were the one who didn't start out in the military or law enforcement. The only one with an Ivy League Education yet you successfully transformed from probie to special agent."

"Who told you about probie?"

"You've done an amazing job of growing. You're technically astute, ah, something feels…ah…stunted."

"Stunted?" How?"

"Women. Deep down, wouldn't you like to be in a committed relationship?

"Ya know, I guess I just haven't found the right girl yet."

"Maybe. Or maybe you're looking too hard."

Blinking several times, Tim found himself returning to the here and now; still unsettled with having opened up about his painful upbringing. Other than the few instances of 'tough love' he had shared with Tony over the last few years, he wasn't sure how he felt about this new turn of events. Yet he knew that it was far better to have let it out with the good doctor than to have burdened anyone on the team with it, even if Tony had tried to be Tim's sounding board.

"You need to let it out, Tim. I know. I may not have lived it, but as a cop, I saw it plenty. I know you're busted up because your sister's hurting but won't come to you or even let you in. Who wouldn't be, in your shoes? She'll come around, Probie. You just happened to see her at her worst that night, man. Trust me, if I had thought she was aware of anything that night, I wouldn't even have let you in there with her, much less gone in there with you. She needs time and lots of it. She's just beginning to process it all."

"Let's take a break." Rachel suggested as her patient showed no sign of having anything further to say. He'd looked completely done in when he'd fallen silent after finally unburdening himself for the past hour. After watching him struggle to get it all out, pacing restlessly with pent-up frustration, she was reluctant to stop but could see that he needed a mental break.

If nothing else, it was clear he needed some time to regroup. She was fairly certain he'd never been given the opportunity to unload his pain, grief or hurt like this before. Being able to do so now, without criticism, limitations or even interruptions, had probably thrown him for a loop, leaving him trying to find his mental equilibrium again. That would explain why he'd been silent for every bit of the past five minutes.

Rachel could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears while the cogs of his brain turned at an amazing speed. Did this young man ever stop processing?

Some of what she had shared with Director Vance was about this young man's team back when she'd been asked to do the assessment on each of them, came back to her now and it seemed quite fitting as she processed what she'd just learned about this remarkable young man , big brother and NCIS Agent.

"…their selfless dysfunction is ultimately why it works. It's clear to me that we all react to life's challenges in different ways. Some fight death. And some embrace its solace. Some recognize their fate, and others do whatever is necessary to alter it. Sometimes we defy other's expectations and occasionally we rise to meet them. But the constant is being true to ourselves. We do what we have to when we have to. We react for better or worse. It's why your team succeeds. But be careful, eventually it might catch up to you…."

"I'll give you a few moments while I go get a drink. What kind would you like? I'll bring one back for you." Dr. Cranston's quietly voiced suggestion brought Tim back from his memories

He smiled softly as he shook his head slightly in polite refusal to her offer.

She smiled back at him with encouragement. "Sit, relax and unwind. I'll be back in a bit."

As he watched her leave, Tim sank down on the couch in front of which he'd just spent the better part of the last hour pacing. Letting out a deep sigh of exhaustion, he laid his head back against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. He thought back to the very reason he'd given up the fight to keep all of this crap locked away and make his own way back from what his father had done to him: what had been done to his sister despite his best efforts to prevent it - and Sarah's rejection of him.

***Flashback***

It had been a week since Sarah had been released from the hospital – a week after they had found her beaten nearly to death; two weeks in which Tim had found himself staying with Tony. Yet he felt himself slipping further and further away from his friends and teammates - a little more every day while the full brunt of his father's attitude towards him, along with their combative history, hit him. Each day he worked in silence and felt more alone, still trying to hold down his job – even if it was just at his desk for now.

One good thing to have come out of all of this had been the budding friendship forged between Ziva and Sarah; two survivors now determined to help each other get back up and keep going without making the same mistakes again. However, while Tim was profoundly grateful to Ziva, it also left him feeling shut out because his baby sister did not need him. She'd been able to move in with Ziva and everyone's favorite Ninja Chick had taken two weeks off to stay home with Sarah.

Tim hadn't questioned that development, figuring she was going above and beyond the call of duty and didn't need to be grilled about it. However, he couldn't just sit back and not worry about his sister after what she'd been through. Ziva had taken the time to pull him aside and quietly explain to him that she was doing her best to get his sister to agree to continue seeing Dr. Cranston for herself and to start attending the survivor's group she had located for Sarah. Similar to the one she herself had joined and been saved by, this group would be extremely beneficial to Sarah. Ziva promised Tim to keep him apprised of any problems that would warrant his help – but only if Sarah agreed to it.

Knowing that battle had been lost before it had even been waged, Tim had let her off the hook. "It's okay, Ziva. You don't have to do anything that makes Sarah uncomfortable. I know you'll take good care of her. Hell, you're taking time off work to do it. Can't ask for more than that. You're already going above and beyond the call of duty."

"Call of duty? Sarah is not a duty, McGee."

"I know, Ziva. I know. That wasn't…never mind."

"Ooh. Another 'American-ism', yes?"

Tim smiled softly. "Yeah."

"I see. Do not fear, McGee. As you said, I will take good care of her for you. Who knows, perhaps she will come back to you sooner than you think."

"I'll manage, Ziva. So long as she's okay. I know it has to be in her own time."

"Very wise of you, McGee." She smiled softly.

"Well, I did learn a thing or two from going to those groups with you before all this started." He replied.

"Yes, yes you did." She gave him a peck on the cheek and left him in peace as she returned to her desk to get to work.

That had been just two days after Sarah's release from the hospital. Now, some five days later, Tim was angrier and more antsy than he thought he'd be, just underneath the surface, and although he'd been deemed fit to return to desk duty the day after he'd been assaulted by his father, he was still restricted from field duty and it was driving him crazy.

The only moment of humor had come when he'd come back from Ducky's office that first day two weeks ago, sporting a new pirate type eye patch, compliments of Abby's creativity.

"Hey, Probie, you got a new look!" Tony had crowed as the older man had spotted him returning to the squad room on Gibbs' tail at the end of the day.

"Yeah, purple just wasn't working for me." Tim sniped back tiredly.

Silence had dropped into the squad room like a boom, only for Tim to break it with his own self-directed joke. "I mean really, Tony – purple? On me? Even you have to admit this white blends everything just right. Even I can't go wrong with that color scheme, now can I?"

Tony hadn't been able to stop the grin from showing up – "Nope, not even you can mess that up, Probie. Not even you."

Tim huffed out a laugh while the others all fought to keep a straight face.

In the midst of their all-too brief moment of humor, Gibbs' phone rang, bringing them a new case.

Since then, the days had flown by, a flurry of both work and sleep – with precious little time for anything else since Tim deliberately kept himself busy during any off time he had. Between going to the range and the gym, running, helping Abby with her charity work on the weekends, being dragged, albeit, quietly to one movie after another or playing online games, he left little time to talk to anyone or to think too hard or long about anything. With everything he could – and should - be thinking about, his brain was remarkably blank more often than not, while his body remained forever in motion, as if becoming the physical alternative means for him to vent his frustration. Twice weekly chats with Ziva about how his sister was doing were the only distraction Tim had from his quest to stay as busy as possible.

Now, here it was three weeks since the nightmare had started and Tim was going stir crazy without having any field time away from the office. In all of this, it was the one decision about which he vehemently disagreed with Gibbs– but he had yet to openly challenge him on it.

He knew the man had gone above and beyond the norm for him and for his sister and there was no way Tim could ever repay him for that. With Ziva coming back to work today, Tim's hopes for a less boring day increased and he hoped that her presence would help stave off his rising need to say something to oppose Gibbs' decision, since the man showed no signs of budging on the issue.

Sure enough, as the day wore on, Tim did find himself in a much better mood and much sooner than he'd realized; it was almost four in the afternoon. As luck would have it, Gibbs' phone rang, bringing them a new case at about that time, wringing groans of discontent from both Tony and Ziva even as they prepared to gear up. As the team headed out, Tim had reached for his own gear, only to be stopped by a look from the boss that told him he knew better.

"Boss, I'm fine! I need to be o…"

"What you need to be, McGee, is on desk duty! You wanna argue about it, go home instead!" Gibbs barked at him angrily.

Looking shocked at being dressed down after the man had gone out of his way to be there for him through everything lately, Tim's mouth dropped open.

Stepping closer to the young man, the boss reasoned out what he needed Tim to understand. "You need time to get your head on straight. Wouldn't be the man I know you to be if you didn't after all that." Gibbs chided him in a much quieter tone. "Soon as I get word that you're cleared – you can go back out. Until then, I need you right here where you can do better what the rest of us barely manage to do at all."

With his eyes fixed on his desk, Tim took a minute to absorb what the man was telling him: what he'd gone out of his way to explain.. Once he'd worked through it, he raised his eyes to meet those of his boss – nodded slightly and gave him his cooperation. "Yes, Boss."

Sitting back down without another word, Tim got back to work on the cold case in front of him, once again tuning out the world around him. Mentally he head slapped himself, hard. Damn it! What the hell was wrong with him, giving Gibbs a hard time like that? The boss was right and he knew it! It was high time he talked to someone – at least for some of this anger he couldn't shake and did not want to let loose on the wrong person.

Stopping in his work, he looked around and cast a silent prayer of thanks for the empty squad room, picked up his cell phone and made the call.

***End Flashback***

Completely worn to a frazzle and mentally exhausted, Tim fell asleep amidst his thoughts.

***NCIS***

Dr. Rachel Cranston stepped outside to the warmth of the unusually mild day, instantly feeling the soothing effects it provided. She sat down on the nearest bench and slowly breathed in and out to relax for a minute. She had needed a breath of fresh air after the past heart-wrenching hour and a half she'd just spent coaxing Tim to open up and then watching and listening as he dug deep, ripping away the Band Aids from the wounds of his life history.

Getting the weary, beaten-down agent and big brother of a domestic violence survivor here to begin with had taken a lot of work and persistence from the people who cared most about him, his teammates.

Surprisingly enough, Tim had admitted to her that his initial reluctance had little to do with the fact that Rachel was separately counseling both McGee siblings and more to do with his unwillingness to slow down long enough to face everything. She knew what had changed his mind because he had volunteered that information as well. She had known to expect him soon because she'd gotten a call to prepare her – and also to request something from her in the event that he did show up and actually open up to her.

Looking at her watch, she sighed. Tim would probably be wondering where she was, but then again, he might just be enjoying the peace and quiet she'd handed him. Either way, it was time to honor the request she had agreed to handle, which meant she had a phone call to make before she returned to her session with the young man.

Taking out her cell phone, Rachel dialed the number, taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling as she listened to the ringing.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Hi. It's Dr. Cranston. I wanted to let you know and you probably hear this a lot; but, you were right – NOT that I completely doubted you. I already knew part of Tim's background which should have been proof in itself, but…."

"You wanted him to dig deep enough to find it to himself."

"Yes. I did. You told me he had it in him and that I would see that for myself but I needed him to recognize that inner strength for what it is and realize he has always had it. He'll need to embrace it fully if he's going to get through his father's trial next week."

"He'll be fine."

"He'll also need to continue to be patient with his sister while she's working through her recovery. I think he's done a remarkable job of patiently waiting and it's become easier for him now that I've tried to explain to him that she is projecting the anger she feels towards herself, onto him because she's not ready to face herself yet. We're lucky her abuser pled no contest and didn't want to go to trial."

"Doc. They'll be fine. That bastard got his just deserts; five counts of Aggravated Assault– that's 10 years a piece. Add the handful of counts for Threats to Do Bodily Harm and he'll be gone at least fifty-five years. With all the evidence against him, the judge ordered no parole so Sarah's safe and that'll help a hell of a lot."

" I agree. I understand he and Doctor Mallard almost had a falling out?"

"He and Ducky have already worked that out. Took a few days for Tim to see it, but once he cooled off and could think straight, he saw what he was being told, as the truth. Problem solved. Like I said, he'll be fine."

"Gibbs, you've been saying Tim will be fine for three weeks now. I hadn't even seen Sarah McGee for the first time after she was beaten and you were trying to convince me of that. Do you have a crystal ball I don't know about?'

"Doc, you just said I was right when I told you he was as tough as steel and has what it takes to get through testifying at his old man's trial. Doesn't that tell you he'll be fine?

"No, Gibbs. Not completely."

"I'm listening."

"He won't be able to get through everything that's left in front of him from this nightmare alone. He'll need all the love, support and comfort he can get. And I'm not seeing any sign that he's very optimistic about that. What I am seeing is fresh layers of guilt being laid down for not recognizing what was going on in his family in time to prevent this near-tragedy from happening to Sarah. "

"That's not surprising. I kinda expected him to start in on himself about that. But he's not alone, Doc. He knows that. His team has his back. If he needs to be reminded of that, we can do that. It's not a problem."

"Do you remember what I told you about piling things up inside?" She asked him pointedly as she recalled her own words. "It's all about response. We keep things piling up inside, even the harshest response seems appropriate."

"Not for Tim. He's talkin' to you, isn't he? He'll be fine. Even if he wasn't talkin' to you, he'd manage. We'd make sure of it"

"I get the impression, Gibbs. That you don't think his mother's refusal to walk away from the man who abused her and his own son, as well as strong-armed his daughter into marrying someone that fit his mold, will adversely affect Tim at all."

"I know better. But I also know my so… I know Tim. I know my team. He''s not alone in this. He'll be fine."

"You care more about your team then you let on."

"Anything for family, Doc."

***FINIS***