Ok, this is my very first fan fic so please guys be kind, I am not a born writer so please expect spelling mistakes/ grammatical errors and also I am English so if you don't understand some of the words I do apologise however I have tried to keep the dialog American as best as I can.

I normally don't write anything like this but I need to keep myself occupied until season 9 starts!

It is rated M due to language and also I do want to get a bit more 'adult' as this story progresses!

Dum dum de dum, dum dum de dum….

Even the sound of the wedding march is making me feel sick…

Oh god this church is huge…can this aisle be any longer…

How many people did Meredith invite?

I feel uncomfortable enough in this big dress without these people all staring at me.

Just focus on Burke, Lexie and Mark Cristina and everything will be ok she told herself as she locked eyes with them from the end of the aisle, Burke seemed very uncomfortable, things hadn't been going well between them one of the reasons was because Cristina was very reluctant to agree on a date for their wedding.

"Cristina, are you ok?" Meredith asked concerned.

"I'm fine this is your big day don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

30 minutes later…

"CHRISTINA, I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE FINALLY MARRIED!" Meredith screamed in to her ear.

The ceremony had finished and now they were stood in the hotel grounds having their photos taken, whilst the sun was still shining, one of the few rain free days Seattle gets every year.

Cristina couldn't believe this either after nearly 5 years of ups and downs, break ups and ex-wives showing up Meredith had finally married her McDreamy aka Derek Shepherd.

"I know, I still can't believe you guys finally did it"

"Hey, it won't be long until it is yours and Burke's turn, have you not thought about setting a date yet?"

"Oh Mere, do we really need to talk about this now… this is just not the right time to have this conversation especially on your big day."

"Cristina, what's going on, are you and Burke ok, you haven't seemed yourself lately. "

"Please let's just talk about this later, I cannot have this conversation with you on your wedding day you need to go and enjoy yourself with your husband on your first night as husband and wife" Christina replied.

"Ok, I will but you do need to tell me what is going on, I may be married now but you are still my person"

"I know Mere, I will tell you when I am ready"

The truth is Cristina didn't know if she would ever be ready. How can she tell the guy who loves her, this amazing cardio god, that she just doesn't love him anymore and every instinct she has is screaming at her to end this relationship before she morphs into this other person forever.

She had admired Burke before she even knew the man; she had already read what seemed like hundreds of medical journals during her time at medical school regarding his amazing cardio surgeries. He had been such a huge inspiration to her to strive to become one of the best in the cardio field and be known alongside him as one of the best surgeons in the world.

They first started dating back when she was an intern, what started as just sex and company turned into something much more serious and unexpected. It was blissful in the beginning Cristina had thought she had found her perfect match, a man who could teach her so much about being a surgeon and then could also go home with him once work had finished. Burke then started to control the little things, like how she behaved when she was with him in public and at work and even what she wore, it then moved onto forcing her to move in before she wasn't ready but she had fallen for this man and she wanted to make him happy, next thing she knew she was also engaged. Gone was the strong minded female that she once was and now she had become one of these women who cowered in a corner.

It took her nearly 3 years to wake up to the pitiful situation she was in and realize this was not the life that she had wanted or set out for herself. She needed to get out of this trap and try to rebuild some of the person that she once was and cure herself from this disease of a relationship which she felt was like a cancer eating away at her over time.

This realization hit her only 4 weeks ago in the cafeteria in work. It was just a normal day, she was sat having lunch with her friends Meredith and George when Derek came over to say hello to his soon to be wife, when it hit her the amount of love Derek had in his eyes for her best friend. Cristina had never been into romance and declaring your undying love for somebody. One of her worst memories of school had been when she had to write an assignment on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, she thought all that 'made for each other' romance was awful. She was one of the very few people in her class that didn't believe in 'the one'. But right there in that moment she knew he would do anything for her and she would do anything for him. It was then that she knew Burke was not the man for her. He told her that he loved her but she had never seen love in his eyes when she looked at him and she knew she had to end it.

That is what she had been trying to do for the last month however things hadn't gone to plan. Heart transplants and Coronary Artery Bypasses had got in the way as well as last minute wedding plans and maid of honor duties.

Cristina decided she needed time some time to herself, she decided to go up to her hotel room and freshen up, Burke had told her 20 minutes earlier he was going to ring work for an update on his patients from the guest free bar on the other side of the hotel so she knew there would be no chance she would find him in their room that was the last thing she needed.

She walked over to the elevator and pressed the button waiting for the large doors to open. When they did however they opened on couple in the middle of a very public display of affection, Cristina diverted her eyes and just as she was about to say something the gentleman turned to look at her and then it hit her it was Burke stood there wearing a shade of lipstick she definitely didn't wear she looked to her left to see April Kepner frozen on the spot wearing the same shade of lipstick which was on Burke's lips, neck and cheeks, whilst Burke's hand was still glued to April's butt.

"Cristina…." Burke whispered.

I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. I do know where I am heading with this story, however I don't want to publish the next chapter yet as I would like to hear your thoughts as to where you think it should go and how I can improve so please review and leave your suggestions and tell me what you think! Thanks