Chapter 1

"Fine," Lily said. "I won't help in the future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, Snivellus."

As she stalked away, Severus spat the leftover soap from his mouth and gripped his robes numbly. He'd called Lily a mudblood. A mudblood.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelley's pants?" Potter crowed.

Severus turned a dull glare on Potter. It was Potter's fault, his and Black's. How did Lily expect him to keep his temper with those loathsome Gryffindors beatimg him up every chance they got?

With a casual flick of his wrist, Potter had Severus dangling upside down once again. Severus swore loudly as the blood began pounding in his ears, but he hadn't raised a hand to defend himself. Lily was right.

Severus spent the evening reading back over his OWL papers in the corner of his common room, hoping no one had seen his humiliation that afternoon. The whole place smelled like sour alcohol—several of the Slytherins had just downed five bottles of firewhiskey to celebrate the end of Defense Against the Dark Arts. They were just years from getting their Dark Marks, and they'd gone through the defense classes with the lowest grades they could manage without getting kicked out of school.

"Hey—hey, Severus," Roth called from the bedroom doorway. Lemme see your herby—your herbology essay."

Severus looked up with a sigh. Roth was swaying in place. "No way. You stole my strengthening solution last week, remember?"

Roth laughed crudely. "I saw you this afternoon. Pissed your pants, didn't you?"

Severus shuffled his papers together angrily. The Dark Lord knew what power was; he would value Severus more than any of these louts. Roth and Potter and Black wouldn't matter then.

"Write your own damn essay," Severus said.

Roth lumbered forward unsteadily. "I'll tell your friends, swear—I swear I'll tell them. They didn't see you, huh?"

Severus cursed loudly, but after a moment he yanked the essay out of his bag and thrust it to the floor at Roth's feet. He wouldn't b able to survive two more years here if his friends turned against him.

When the other Slytherins finally stumbled up to bed, Severus threw his bag into the corner and left the common room. The dungeon hallways were cold this late at night, even in late spring, and Severus tucked his hands into the sleeves of his robes as he hurried up the stairs. He had been restless and unhappy all afternoon, unable to settle to anything. He had to make it up to Lily.

Just as he'd hoped, the step outside of the Gryffindor tower was silent and deserted. The Fat Lady frowned at him as he sank down against the wall, but she recognized him. He'd come up here often enough that she sometimes had a friendly word for him. Not tonight, though.

"Out of bed after hours?" the Fat Lady asked severely.

Severus nodded and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I'm not planning to get caught."

And even if he got detention every night for a year, it would be worth it if Lily forgave him. She was the only person Severus truly cared for. They'd been drifting apart this past year, but everything that had come between them had been Severus's fault, and he hated himself for it. This summer would be different.

The Fat Lady rose and left after a while, and the lights along the staircase dimmed. Severus tried to pass the time thinking about the new spell he'd been developing, but his thoughts kept going back to Lily. She would forgive him, she always did; she was too sweet to turn him away. No, she would never speak to him again. Severus wiped his icy palms on his robes.

Finally the portrait hole creaked open, but it was a girl Severus didn't know who peered out at him.

"Won't you go to bed?" she asked nervously.

"No."

The girl's head disappeared, and a few minutes later Lily climbed through the portrait hole. Severus's heart leapt.

"I'm so sorry about earlier," Severus said, jumping to his feet. "I didn't know what I was saying; it just slipped out."

Lily gave him a flat stare as the portrait hole swung closed behind her. "I know. You call everyone else like me a mudblood; why should I be any different?" She drew a sharp breath. "I only came out here because Mary said you'd been here for hours. Go to bed, Sev. We can't be friends any longer, not like this."

"No!" Severus nearly grabbed her arm, but she would have gotten even angrier about that.

Lily turned to leave, flipping her hair over one shoulder. Then she froze. "Oh, no."

The portrait was empty, the Fat Lady still away.

Lily rapped on the blank canvas, perhaps hoping that her friend was still around.

"Don't do that!" Severus touched her shoulder and then pulled his hand quickly away. "You'll wake the whole school."

"Now look where you've gotten us, you prat," Lily snapped. "Well, I'm not going to stand around waiting for a teacher. Don't you dare follow me."

Crossing her arms, Lily turned and stalked down to the stairs, where she began marching past snoring portraits.

Severus paused for about five seconds before hurrying after her. She hadn't threatened to go to McGonagall yet, which she had done in the past. He still had a chance. Lily said nothing as Severus fell into step beside her, trying not to trip over the dark steps, so he took advantage of her silence to apologize yet again.

"Listen, Lily, you know I didn't mean what I said. I just lost my temper, okay?" Severus looked sideways at Lily, trying to decipher her expression. "I was acting like Potter expected, like a slimy old Slytherin insulting the girl he fancies. But it's nothing, I swear. Just an act."

Lily turned around a dark corner, her frown deepening as her robes whipped across the stone.

"Oh, yeah?" she said icily. "And will it still be an act when you start torturing muggles, like the rest of your little Death Eater gang?"

Severus winced. Hearing the stories of his friends' exploits always left a rotten taste in his mouth, but he had hoped Lily hadn't gotten wind of those incidents.

"And you once asked me why I detest them," Lily said sharply when Severus was silent. "Now I'm serious, you have to stop following me."

"How are Potter and Black any better than—what was that?" Severus froze at the creak of a door.

They were almost to the entrance hall. When a pair of soft voices drifted down the stairs, Lily and Severus shared a stricken look. Then Lily darted into the shadows, grabbed a fistful of Severus's robes, and pulled him down beside her. They were so close that Severus could feel her warmth, and for a second he was back in the park near their neighborhood, leaning against a tree with Lily's fiery hair pooled on his shoulder.

"We should go outside," he whispered, blinking away the bright memory. "If we stay here, we might get caught. Besides, the moon will be out." And it was nowhere near full, so they wouldn't run across the idiot Lupin anywhere on the grounds.

"Don't be stupid." Lily moved away from him and set her jaw. "How do I know you're not just trying to lure me into some Death Eater ritual?"

That hurt. Severus lowered his eyes and stared glumly at a stream of moonlight on the flagstones, wondering when Lily had started seeing him this way. How long had it been since she'd smiled at him with those beautiful eyes of hers?

For a long time they sat in silence. Then the professors' voices rose towards them again.

"…recruiting so openly?" one muttered.

"Great evil will certainly come of this," the second responded. Dumbledore—it sounded like Dumbledore. "But the ministry has been tightening its grip on Hogwarts. We cannot intervene until the incidents become worse."

Lily jabbed Severus in the side, and he started.

"You win," she whispered. "Let's get out of here."

Ducking his head to hide a grin, Severus crept out from the shadows with his back pressed against the wall. With a swirl of sharp night air, they were outside, the crescent moon gleaming on the walls behind them. Lily wrapped her arms around her shoulders, shivering visibly—she only wore a thin cloak over her pajamas. Severus resisted the urge to put his arms around her.

"Okay, Sev." Lily sounded exasperated but no longer angry. "What do you actually want from me?"

"I just want to talk," Severus said diffidently.

They began to pace down the silvery lawn towards the lake, the breeze swirling their robes behind them.

"You've known me for years," Severus said. "You know I'm not evil. Why are you so scared?"

"I'm not scared. But you played some really nasty tricks on Petunia a few years ago, and you can't blame those on your awful friends. I'm worried that you're not as innocent as I always thought. And if there's some nasty part of you, this Death Eater business is just encouraging it."

"Petunia's a brat," Severus said. "She deserved that, you know she did."

Lily clicked her tongue in disapproval. "That's not the point. I'm afraid of what you might become, especially if you join You-Know-Who. And don't say you won't; I know what you're planning."

Severus clenched his hands together. He wanted to tell Lily that she was wrong, that he would become whoever she wanted him to be, but it would be a worthless lie.

They could hear the lake now, the water lapping at the stone shore, and in a moment they had reached the narrow, sandy beach where they'd eaten picnics and teased the giant squid as second years. Lily sank down cross-legged and Severus knelt beside her. The sand was icy on his knees. For a while they sat in silence, listening to the gurgling water and the fluttering leaves. This was the longest that Severus had had Lily to himself in months, and he didn't want to ruin the moment with renewed arguing.

"I'm working on a new spell," Severus said at last. He hadn't mentioned this to anyone else, but more than once he'd imagined telling Lily.

"Oh, no. Not another one."

Severus was hurt. "What do you mean? You have no idea how much research it takes—hours and hours in the library, and then hundreds of tries before I get the wording and the wand movement just right, and—"

"I'm sorry, Sev." Lily tossed a stone into the lake, where it sank with a plop and a gurgle. "Don't be offended, but a lot of your spells—well, they're not very nice." She shook her head, still staring out across the water. "Sectumsempra, even Levicorpus—it's just for a laugh, sure, but people like James can use them against you. This afternoon—"

Severus stiffened. "Don't speak about that." When Lily was silent, he took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.

"Well, tell me about your new spell," Lily said reluctantly. Severus imagined her rolling her eyes.

"Don't be that way. It's not like the others. No, really, this is more like the reverse of Sectumsempra. A way to—to knit your skin back together." Severus was getting excited now. "Just think of how much that would help healers. If they could patch someone up with a simple spell, instead of carrying around ten different potions, it would revolutionize the healing system."

At last Lily turned and looked at Severus, her eyes wide and shining. "Oh, Sev, that would be wonderful." She lifted one pale hand and placed it gently on Severus's knee. "I had no idea you cared about that."

Severus nodded and shyly put his hand over Lily's fingers. "Of course. The Dark Arts are fascinating, you know—seductive and ever-changing—but healing things, putting them back together, is even better. It's like the whole universe might come together into one giant jigsaw puzzle. It might start to make sense."

Lily nodded, her eyes still alight, and Severus grew bolder. Curling his fingers through hers, he lifted a hand and stroked a flyaway strand of her hair. She had let him play with her hair as a child, but it had been years since he'd dared to touch her like that.

Her mouth tightening, Lily uncrossed her legs and rose. Their hands were still twined, so she pulled Severus up with her.

"Let me prove that I'm still good," Severus whispered. "This summer, just give me a chance."

Lily lowered her eyes and nodded. "You know I will." Then she released Severus's hand and turned away from the lake. In silence, they followed a path of moonlight up to the castle doors. Within the walls of the sleeping school, they parted ways.