Gwen and Geoff Review the Internet

Review 1: Nyan Cat

Gwen is fiddling with her web cam.

"Yo Geoff, we gotta start soon. You ready?" Gwen turns her web cam on.

"On my way!" Geoff sits down next to Gwen. "Ok dudes, let's rock this show!"

Gwen: Wassup everyone, I'm Gwen, this idiot's Geoff, and this is 'Gwen and Geoff Review the Internet.'

Geoff: Yo wassup dudes, we're on our own iCarly!

Gwen: Geoff, why do you have to mention that crappy show? That show sucks donkey cocks!

Geoff: What? That show is hilarious, man! I especially love Spencer, man. That guy's funny! Props to Jerry Trainor, dude!

Gwen: Ugh, whatever. Anyway guys, tonight we have a crappy video to review. This video is the bane of the Internet, and is part of the cancer that's killing /b/.

Geoff: (Holds up a picture of a can pointing a gun at a bee) This is the can, sir, that is killing bee. (Laughs)

Gwen: (Angrily rolls her eyes) Anyway, the video we're reviewing is Nyan Cat. You all know that stupid video, but in case any of you in our 'lovely audience' is enough of a lucky bastard to have never seen or heard of this video, you can suck one.

Geoff: But anyway, here's a clip of Nyan Cat!

At this moment, a clip of a cartoon cat with purple fur and a body in the shape of a wild berry pop tart appears on screen. Combined with oddly chipper music, this cat skips in rhythm with the music, going "Nyan nyan" throughout the whole video. The clip lasts five seconds.

Gwen: That, ladies and gentlemen, is the whole gist of the video. In five seconds, you have learned ALL there is to know about Nyan Cat!

Geoff: Yeah! The cat's so cute (Starts doing some baby talk) Come on guys, you know you love the kitty!

Gwen: This crap is just awful! Imagine, there's a version of this video that lasts 48 hours! OK, let's look at that clip again.

At this moment, the previous clip plays again. This time it lasts half a minute.

Gwen: Who in the world would watch that shit for 48 hours straight!? OK, let's be clear here, that's a whole two days! A whole two days sitting your ugly ass in front of the computer, watching this shit and nothing else!

Geoff: Aww, but the cat's so cute...

Gwen: It's a pop tart cat farting rainbows in outer space, Geoff.

Geoff: Yeah, that's what makes it so awesome!

Gwen: This video is nothing but a looped image with the most annoying music piece ever made. It has no intellectual or emotional value. It's an absolute pile of crap that underscores the death of human creativity.

Geoff: Nah, man. It's a cute video of a pop tart cat farting rainbows in outer space. How is that not creative? And you know, just because it's crap to you, doesn't mean it's crap to everybody.

At this point, two letters are handed to Gwen. One's for her, the other's for Geoff.

Gwen: Alright, so now it's mail time, where we answer some of the mail you send to us. And my letter for the day reads as thus:

Dear Gwen: Please show me your tits. Sincerely, 'Ken'.

Gwen: Alright, Ken. Here's my response to you: Go fuck yourself.

Geoff: And this is what my letter says:

Dear Geoff: Love the show. Huge fan. Love, mom.

Geoff: Thanks mom! Love you too!

Gwen: (Rolls her eyes) Anyway, to recap, here's what we thought about Nyan Cat. I think it's the bane of the Internet...

Geoff: And I think it's awesome!

Gwen: Anyway, that's our show, we'll see you guys next time.

Gwen turns off the webcam. "Fuck Nyan Cat."

Geoff chuckles. "Nyan Cat forever, man."