AN: Okay, so this is going to be a long one. This was actually the first fanfic I started writing. The other ones sorta spawned as I was writing. I'm really happy how this one turned out. I do not own Homestuck plot or characters (I wish I did, that would be the coolest). This is a long fluffy JohnDave story. The first five lines are actually from MSPA, page 3302 (Jade: Deploy the cruxtruder in its place). This was mostly written during the August hiatus and I promise to keep as close to canon up to that point. Beyond that, I do my own thing as I've speculated. Anyways, I will be rating this as mature even though I don't get to the mature stuff until way later, but there are still mature themes and language. Enough talk from me, story time.

TG: i should probably text him soon
TG: see whats up
TG: because
TG: i love him
TT: I know.

It was so easy to make the confession to Lalonde. She didn't even bat an eye. She responded so quickly that it felt like she had that answer ready and was just waiting for my line before hitting the enter key. My hopes jumped so high. If she had no reservations about that statement, no sympathies, no attempts at dissuasion, then maybe it would work out. I think I might have actually smiled at those two purple words because she really did know.

I cared for the dork more than I should have cared for a guy that I've never seen before. Well never seen before in the flesh. Hastily taken webcam pictures don't really count. I even still had the pointy anime shades back then. The aviators were totally closer in line to my own style. My first step from out of my bro's shadow. Not that it wasn't an awesome shadow but I want to cast my own. A shadow in my own style of cool and he helped me with that.

I knew we were still young and so I didn't want to scare him away just yet with my confession of wanting a relationship with more than what a bromance usually entailed. But with the events going on thanks to the accursed game, I wanted somebody to know why I was playing. I was playing for him.

So puberty is an interesting thing. Especially when going through it on an asteroid hurtling through space with the only human companionship being my sister. Of course the trolls have proved to be spectacularly interesting. I've only met three of them as one is in hiding and the others apparently either killed each other or were killed off in a series of gruesome events that sends Vantas into fits when they are brought up. I've pieced it together with Pyrope's and Maryam's help. Though it amuses me that despite his verbal vomit of rage and disgust at the universe and everything in it, he didn't actually kill anyone. I guess he's all bark and no murderous intent. Plenty of bite though as my neck and shoulders can attest to. Kinda glad my god tier pajamas have a high collar on them.

As I said, puberty is interesting.

I've known that I was interested in men for a while now. Being raised by Bro exposed me to a variety of things that have probably compromised any sense of innocence that the game wasn't going to strip away. I don't blame him. Actually I'm not sure how I would have ended up without that early exposure. I came into this awkward state of teenager being very confident about who I am despite the onslaught of hormones that have turned me into a medieval rack victim and played havoc on my vocal chords. I would have a nice deep tenor if my voice wouldn't keep cracking and spiking up into little girl mode. Hopefully it will settle out by the end of the three years that we will be travelling.

The hormones have been doing other delightful things to me as well. Such as random boner popping at the most inane thoughts and at the worst possible times. I abuse my god tier skills at these moments to pop away to some deserted niche, closet, or bedroom to get rid of it one way or another, and then to pop right back where I left without anyone the wiser. I've developed quite the mental palette for jerkoff material. A beautiful combination of blue eyes, buck teeth, yellow glares, and nubby horns. I have heartily embraced the concepts behind troll romance with some human edits. I don't know how Vantas manages to accidentally stumble upon every little thing that pisses me off, but oh gog does it feels good to punch him in the face and then kiss his bloody lip until he finally shuts up and loses his words to moans. I know he feels the same as he uses a similar methods to stop my ramblings. Apparently it's not the blackest romance in troll history but I don't really give a flying fuck about that. We are both just stupid teenagers, I'm not even a troll, and it feels gog-damn terrific as it is. As a sweet bonus, I don't even feel bad about having a kismesissitude with Vantas when I think of Egbert because it is nothing but red matespritship on that side.

I can't wait to meet the dorkiest of dorks and ask him to be my matesprit. After I explain the whole damn concept to the derp.

When Vantas informed me of his interactions with Egbert though his awful trollian machinations, I was crushed. Okay, he didn't quite inform me as I had to make a couple deductions from bits of information that he let slip over the three years of ranting and screaming and overheard sobbing. Egbert had rejected Vantas with the line "i'm not a homosexual." Vantas was rejected over a concept that the troll didn't understand despite many patient explanations and anatomy lessons. Even if Egbert hadn't quite understood the concept that aliens have an entirely different romantic structure and equally confusing anatomy to go along with it, he still rejected the advance in terms that shook both my kismesis and myself. I mean, I am a better kismesis for Vantas than Egbert could ever be, but he didn't understand the concept of hateful romance at that point. He denied the overall concept of romance with Vantas because of gender.

Welp, there went all of my chances. All of those hopes and dreams that I had going, dashed upon the shores of pesterchum and trollian by just a handful of blue words. Eventually I was planning on soliciting him for actual red romance (in human terms, the chance for love) in the hopes he might be open to the suggestion with maybe only a little convincing. But if he was using that statement as an excuse to avoid a relationship with a species whose biology renders the point moot, then what chance do I have as I embody the very antithesis of his statement.

This game just finds better ways at screwing me over doesn't it. I get to meet with the doofus in a couple hours apparently, right before we invade the new session that may or may not have the four of us as guardians but will definitely have a younger version of my bro as a player. I'll get to meet up with my unrequited love, a girl who last saw (and kissed) me when I was dead, and a feathered time-splintered version of myself right before we begin to tackle the fantastic challenge of beating an invincible being who puts my awesome time skills to utter complete shame and has already caused the end of two universes.

I'd go kill myself if I hadn't already died so many fucking times. There's no way to know if it would stick or not.