A Kid Like Ed

Chapter 1: Social Services Call

Roy Mustang was having a wonderful day. He'd even say it to be spectacular. Hawkeye, his beautiful blonde Lieutenant and life-long best friend, had only pointed her gun at his head once this morning to get him to work on his paper work. Havoc, Breda, and Fuery hadn't done something wholly stupid, yet; 'yet' being the operative word in that sentence. But, due to his wondrous mood, Brigadier General Mustang was utterly sure that he could take whatever trouble the three men on his team got into, no snapping fingers needed. And the best part, you ask? Edward Elric, one of the men on his team and his not-so secret love interest, was returning from a two-month-long mission in some far off city.

Of course, the last part had some disadvantages, as well. Roy would have to act down-right hostile toward the almost-adult so as to not show him just how in love he was with the other man. He would have to restrain his eyes from staring at that small, but toned, body wrapped in tight black leather. With the way the hot, sticky summer weather in Amestris had been lately, the pants, softened from use, would be clinging to every muscle onto the flesh leg and the metal parts of automail one would be slightly accentuated. The pants would have ridden down a bit, too, exposing a bit of the bottom of a defined set of six-pack abs and a deep 'V' leading to places that were also accentuated due to the tight, sweat-damp leather. Also because of the heat, the almost-legal man would be forced to take off the warm black leather jacket, leaving him in only a tight black wife-beater tank-top. This would expose the elegant column of the shorter man's neck, the right arm made of automail, and the strong, muscled flesh arm and it would also define the taught muscles of his chest.

But, of course, this was Brigadier General Mustang. He had enough control not to stare at Edward Elric's perfect body, his dazzling blonde hair, which laid over a perfect neck, and/or his gorgeous golden-brown eyes. He wouldn't even think about them. He wouldn't think about those tight black pants that were made to kill ladies and gentlemen alike, that perfectly round ass, those plump, kissable lips… Oh who was he kidding? He already was thinking about them. He'd just have to refrain from allowing his traitorous eyes from staring and his hands from touching the blonde, for that matter.

Yes, Roy Mustang would say that this was the perfect morning. That is until the phone on his desk suddenly began to ring just before his lunch break was set to come. This had to be important, else his secretary, a major upside to his promotion, wouldn't have sent the call through at this time without asking him first. He sighed heavily and, determined not to let something as simple as an assumedly lengthy call at lunch time ruin his perfect day, he picked up the phone with a smile, because, of course, nothing could ruin his perfect day.

"Hello, this is Brigadier General Mustang speaking," Roy greeted whoever was on the other end of the phone in a formal tone. It could be the Fuhrer himself for all he knew.

"Yes, this is Wendy Zharnt from the social services branch of Central law enforcement. It has come to my attention that you have had an underage orphan working under you for some years now. His name is Edward Elric, yes? Also, it seems that he and his younger brother Alphonse Elric do not have a legal guardian and have not since they were orphaned at a very young ager. If this is so, I am going to need you to bring them to Central Police Station 3 so that they may be put into foster care. Also, Edward will have to be removed from your team due to the fact that he has no guardian signature giving him permission to join the State Alchemists while underage. I'm sorry, Sir."

"What" Roy exclaimed. So much for nothing being able to ruin his day.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but unless somebody offers to become the guardian for both brothers and sign so Edward can stay a State Alchemist, there's nothing I can do. They will both be sent to foster homes." Wendy said with little apologetic inflection.

"Foster homes? As in plural? They're all that each other have left, though!" Roy tried not to yell into the phone. Seriously, though, he thought that foster care was supposed to do what's best for the kid. It's not supposed to separate family or take your job from you. Also, Roy was particularly upset because he had truly come to care about both Elric brothers. Hell, he'd fallen in love with Edward.

"I'm sorry, Brigadier General, but that's the law. All minors must have a legal guardian; especially if they are in the military."

"What if I took them? I have a large, empty house. I've been supporting them both financially since Ed was eleven. If I took them, could Edward stay in service and could they stay together?" Roy almost pleaded. Almost. Mustang had too much pride for that.

"Are you sure about that, sir?" Wendy asked, "They get into quite a lot of trouble, according to their records."

"Of course I'm sure!" Roy snapped into the phone. Really, this was cutting majorly into his lunch break and if he wasn't back and working on time, Hawkeye would have a gun to his head before he could say 'Blame Ed!" Plus, he was hungry. He hadn't eaten since five o' clock. That was seven hours ago!

"Alright, Sir," Wendy said after some thought. "If you're sure about this, please come to Central Police Station 3 as soon as possible so that you may fill out the necessary paper work. Oh! Bring Edward and Alphonse too. I'll be seeing you three later today then."

"What on Earth have I gotten myself into?"

"Why are you late again, General?" Riza Hawkeye asked menacingly as Roy Mustang walked back into the front office area on the way toward his private office with his philosophical tail tucked between his legs. Damn it. He had been hoping in vain that Riza wouldn't notice. So much for that idea.

"Yeah, General, I would've thought that you'd be back sooner. Ed's been waiting in your office for the past twenty minutes. Alone," Havoc shot him a wink. Roy decided to ignore him and return to apologizing and explaining himself to the sharpshooter who currently had her deadly weapon aimed straight at his forehead. She couldn't be too mad then; it wasn't aimed at his crotch this time.

"I'm sorry!" Roy exclaimed sincerely. "I got a rather long and disturbing call from a social services lady that took up almost my entire lunch break!"

Riza slowly dropped the handgun, but still kept it in a ready position, just in case Mustang made a break for it. She knew him far too well. And because she knew him so well, she knew that, as far as he knew, he didn't have any children. But, due to the fact that he was such a womanizer, until he fell for Ed, that is, she wouldn't be surprised if some woman had had his kid.

"Who'd you knock up, boss?" Havoc asked him. What? Great minds think alike!

"I always use a condom, Havoc. None of the women I've slept with have gotten pregnant. By me, at least. The call was about the demon currently sitting bored in my office. He's probably got the entire place transmuted and re-transmuted by now." Roy grumbled. How could his own men believe him so irresponsible so as to knock a chick up and not take responsibility for the kid immediately?

"What about Chief?" Fuery asked concernedly. He had a soft spot for the short alchemist. Hell, he was soft in general, but it especially extended toward Edward.

"Apparently, Social Services have just now gotten ahold of his record. They tried to split the two up and put them into foster homes. They also said that because Ed is two months underage and he doesn't have a legal guardian to sign permission for him to be part of the military, they won't let him keep his job either. I offered to take both in as their legal guardians." Roy relayed. This was met with looks of shock and anger.

"They can't do that can they?" Breda exclaimed. Nods of agreement accompanied his question.

"They can," Roy said, "but they won't. I offered to adopt the two orphans. They won't be able to take him away now. I have space, funding, and position. Also, he won't lose his job because I'll sign for him to stay." All of the men and Hawkeye breathed a sigh of relief that they didn't know that they had been holding. They really had gotten attached to the Elrics.

"I just need to take them to the Station so I can fill out the paperwork to become their guardians." Roy said.

"Does Ed or Al know yet?" Hawkeye, ever insightful, asked.

"No, I wasn't planning on telling them until I had them both there. Al, I'm not worried about. Ed, on the other hand, might make a run for it. He's not exactly going to like the fact that he's going to have to live with me."

"Good idea, sir," Hawkeye praised. "I'm sure he won't take it too badly, but good luck all the same."

"Thanks, Hawkeye!" Roy called over his shoulder as he walked toward his office where the subject of the previous conversation was currently residing. He was thankful for two things. One, she didn't shoot him. Two, he'd be really needing that luck.