So, I've been trying to find time to work in writing around being a full time student and (unpaid) chauffeur so that I could try catching up with my monthly updates. And then my brother shot me some ideas for DADA teachers and this happened. Tell me what you think in a review.

EDIT: fixed some errors.

Timeline: fifth year, first class

The old Chinese man Dumbledore had hired as their Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year had spent the first three minutes of class yelling at them in muddled English that amounted to "Call me Professor Chan, Sei-fu, or Uncle."

"Now, take out your books and start reading chapter one. One more thing, raise your hand if you have a question. One more thing, no stupid questions. One more thing, do not interrupt Uncle. One more thing-"

Malfoy couldn't take it anymore. He stood and slammed his hands on his desk. "Enough! If you say 'One more thing' one more time, I'm going to curse you into a second retirement!" he yelled.

Uncle just glared at the angry blonde. "One more thing-" he side-stepped the bright curse and responded with an under-hand fling of his chalk. It hit Malfoy so hard between the eyes that it disintegrated into a cloud of powder and knocked him out. Uncle adjusted his glasses. "Never underestimate the master. Who else wants a piece of Uncle?" Silence. "Good. One more thing…"

The class groaned internally. This was going to be a looong year.

Timeline: Fourth year, opening feast

"And may I present our new DADA professor, Negi Springfield!"

The adorable red-haired boy sitting on the chair piled with cushions next to Professor McGonagall stood in his chair to be seen and smiled widely to the student body. "It is a great honor to be here Headmaster. Please take good care of me," he said with a slight bow. The room fell so silent for a moment that you could here a pin drop.

Negi quickly looked up with cute confusion written across his face, only to be met by an ear-shattering "SQQUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" from every female at the four house tables, who then rushed the head table.

"Yipes!" Was all Negi managed to get out before his survival instincts kicked in and he made a run for it.

Finally able to think clearly now that she was outside his immediate area of influence, McGonagall quickly rose from her seat and with a yell of "Get him girls!" jumped over the table to begin pursuit.

A cry of, "Why does this always happen to me?!" echoed back into the Great Hall with the echoes of the stampeding Hogwarts females.

All the males could only stare, dumbstruck, after the female horde. Some of the older boys –fearing the loss of their boyfriend status– turned to the still-shocked Dumbledore and yelled at him to do something to stop the girls.

Finally regaining his senses, the old headmaster drew his wand and charged from the hall with the battle cry, "He's mine you floozies!"

Timeline: Second year, first defense class

The Slytherin and Gryffindor second-years walked into their first Defense class of the year quietly, not yet sure what to think of their new instructor. Most of them had never even met an American before, let alone a magical one.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger, brave Gryffindor's all, heeded the advice of Ron's elder twin brothers and claimed seats at the front.

The American had foregone his (awesome) leather duster, which Harry could see thrown over the back of the chair his long walking staff was propped against, both within reach if he needed them. He was wearing a nice pair of slacks and a button up shirt, it looked like he'd passed a comb through his hair as well, and he'd shaved since the night before, making him appear a good bit less like a travel weary bounty hunter.

Once the room was full, he finally spoke. "Everyone take your seats and be quiet," he said in a professional tone. He stood to face the blackboard and started writing, taking advantage of his height and long arms to scrawl his message at the top of the blackboard. "I'm Harry Dresden. I'll be your teacher for Defense Against the Dark Arts for the foreseeable future. As I prefer a proactive approach to handling dark creatures and practitioners, we'll be starting hot." He stepped away from the blackboard to let everyone see what he'd written. "Lesson 1: Fire."

Harry Potter grinned. He was starting to see what the twins liked about this guy.

Whew. Made it. I posted something before October. I still need to find some way to post twice this month, but at least I haven't fallen any farther behind.