The Last Time I Felt Like This
Sometimes love is just destined to be. From their first meeting till their last goodbye follow the destiny of Sam & Freddie through their lifetime of love. In this story, the totally blown Seddie arc never happened.
A/N= This One-shot was inspired by a wonderful song written by Martin Nievera and sung by Johnny Mathis & Jane Oliver. You can find it on YouTube. It's a beautiful song and we used it at our wedding. Love, true love, repeats itself over and over till the lovers die. I think that's from me, if not I don't know who said it, but it's true because every day I fall for Tamathy more and more.
In this story, the totally blown Seddie arc never happened.
Playground: Seattle, Washington, June2nd, 1999
Seven year old Samantha "Sam" Puckett stalked the monkey bars looking for the Roberto Hagan, the little creep who had the nerve to make fun of her because her mom made her wear a dress. She hated dresses and all the frilly junk that went with them, but she hated the fact that someone made fun of her even more.
Her bright blue eyes narrowed into slits as she saw the boy in question shoving some wet nosed little twerp in corduroy knee pants, white shirt, and a tie around demanding he give over ice cream money. The twerp wasn't defending himself very well, but he wasn't giving up the money. Every time he got knocked down he stood back up and dusted himself off.
"Give it butt munch," Roberto yelled at the smaller boy, "or I'll bust ya' up bad."
"No," the smaller boy said in a very clear and unfrighten voice, "this is my money, my momma gave it to me to by a lemon popsicle and you may not have it."
'Who talks like that,' Sam thought as she walked closer to the circle of kids that had formed around the two boys.
"Your MOMMA," Roberto said, exaggerating the word momma, "gave you that money? Well ain't that sweet little baby, now give it up or I'll pound you into the dirt."
"NO", the small boy stood firm.
Roberto drew back his fist and popped the smaller boy in the nose, bloodying it.
Sam could see the pain in the boy's eyes and the tears forming, but he stood his ground, didn't cry and didn't hand over the money.
"NO, IT'S MY MONEY AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT," the boys voice cracked some as he fought back tears, but it was loud and firm.
Sam had seen and heard enough, as Roberto pulled his fist back to punch the boy again, Sam launched herself full force onto his back with an animalistic howl. She reined blows down on him faster than the kids watching could see or she could count. Roberto buckled under the tiny weight of the blond hellion as she pummeled him into a fetal position on the ground.
"Never make fun of me wearing a dress again," Sam punctuated every word with a blistering blow to the bully's head or body, "You want a lick kid?" she turned to face the small boy who had stood his ground.
The boy said nothing; he just shook his head no.
Sam shook her head and standing on Roberto for a second she let out a whooping war call and then walked away, an angelic smile on her face and a twinkle in her bright blue eyes.
She went to the swings and sat down on one and began to slowly swing back and forth.
"Hello," she heard from beside her.
The small kid who didn't back down was sitting in the swing beside her. He had big brown eyes that could almost be black and girly like eyelashes that made his eyes even more attractive. For a quick second Sam saw some far off time when she was really, really old, like maybe when she was twenty, she saw herself looking into those eyes and finding peace and safety and even love in those dark brown eyes, and then it was gone.
"Hey, why didn't you coldcock that jerk one time?" she asked.
"My mom told me not to fight," the boy's voice was a little high pitched but very strong and very pleasant on her ears, "fighting never solves anything."
"Well neither does getting your ass kicked," Sam said, much to the boys shock, "So if you weren't gonna fight him why didn't you just give him the money so he wouldn't hit you?"
"Mom also said that you should never give into a bully," he looked like what he said should be obvious, "besides it was money my mom gave me to buy a lemon Popsicle."
"What would you have done if I hadn't kicked his ass when I did?" she had to ask.
"Stood my ground," he said flatly.
"You are an honest to God nub," she laughed, "You know what that is? Part Nerd and part dUmB, a NUB."
The boy's mouth turned up into a smile and for just a second Sam forgot that all boys have cooties and found herself captivated by the lopsided smile of the boy. They both began to laugh.
"So," the boy said when the laughter died down, "I have enough for two Popsicles, would you like one?"
"Uh, Yeah I would," she smiled and they walked toward the ice cream cart together.
The boy bought two, handing one to her they walked toward a bench and sat down to eat them. They talked about school, he was new to the area, the kids, cool, uncool, and bullies. Before they knew it they were out of Popsicles and just talking. Sam had never really had anyone just talk to her, because boys were scared of her and girls were to frilly for her to want to be around.
The sun began to go down and the boy saw his mom coming toward them.
"That's my mom, she's going to be mad at me for being dirty and the bloody nose," he looked down at his shoes.
"Not to worry, I got you covered," Sam said with a smile.
When the boy's mom got to them Sam launched into this tale of the boy saving her from a bully. The boy's mom bought it. They asked her where her mom was and Sam said at home with a sick sister. Sam didn't want to tell them that mom was passed out drunk at home and she would have to walk back home alone.
"Well my dear," the woman looked down at her, "would you like a ride home?"
"Naw thanks," Sam said, "It's not very far of a walk."
She looked at the boy and knew somehow that he could tell she was lying. She could see he was concerned about her. She hated when people did that, so much so that she usually pounded on them till they stopped, but this time the small boy's look sparked something in her that she didn't understand and had never felt before.
"Well we have to go now Freddie," the boy's mother told him.
"I have to go, but thank you," the boy named Freddie stuck his hand out to shake hers and smiled at her.
Sam looked at the boys hand for a second, looked at him and smiled and then took it and they shook.
They both felt it, a charge of electricity, but said nothing.
The seed had been planted and a destiny that would forever link them together began.
.
.
Hello, I don't even know your name
But I'm hopin' all the same
This is more than just a simple hello?
Hello, do I smile and look away
Yes, I think I'd smile and stay to see
Where this might go
.
.
Seattle, Washington December 31st, 2012
Bushwell Plaza Apartments 8th floor
Apartment 8C 11:40 pm
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Carly's New Year's Eve party was in full swing and the music was thumping. While not so loud as to disturb the building, it was loud enough that a quiet conversation was impossible and leaning in close to someone's ear and speaking was the best way to be heard. People danced everywhere, some with the rhythm, some not, and a few danced to a tune not being played at all. Carly danced with some new foreign exchange student from England named Trevor and was having a grand time. They seemed lost in their little square of the dance floor, chatting about the differences between London and Seattle. Carly would have happily talked about dog shit and vomit as long as Trevor talked to her with his accent. She thought to herself that that accent and the right question asked and she would gladly give her virginity to him.
Sam was dancing with Roger Main, the number four ranked stud of the senior class, very close to the food table. This was by design on her part. Sam Puckett was never too far away from where the food was. She also appointed herself the guardian of the table, always making sure no one scarfed more food than they should. This rule did not apply her of course, she was free to devour as much as she wished, and did.
Roger and Sam had been "seeing" each other for about a month. "Seeing" each other meant they went to movies, he paid for whatever they did or she wanted and one makeout session that hadn't impressed Sam very much. Roger was a little too vain for Sam's taste, but as long as he fed her on a regular basis she could stand him in small doses.
Freddie was moving, ducking, bobbing, and weaving his way through the party trying to avoid Karen Tyler like she had the plague. She was a nice enough girl, but she was like a kudzu vine, once she took root she would strangle out everything else, and he wasn't having any of that. He had made the mistake of being nice to her one night at a football game when her boyfriend had dumped her, after all it was the way he was raised, and despite everything he said to her, in her mind, she took that to mean they were an item. He felt like Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction" to Karen's Glenn Close, no matter where he went there she was, and it was beginning to creep him out. Any day now he expected to come home and find a rabbit boiling on his stove.
"Pppssssttt," Freddie crouched down behind the food table and lightly pulled at Sam's jeans and whispered, "Sam, please I'm begging you, HELP ME, I'm genuinely afraid for my life. She's nuts Sam, I mean it, nuts."
"You big wuss," Sam chuckled, "get out here and give that nutbag a fair chance to catch you. You should be thrilled any woman wants to mate with your nubby carcass."
"I'd rather go out with Nora than this flakey chick," he whisper-shouted, "Why did I have to be so nice to her?"
"Because, dipwad, that's who you are," Sam lightly kicked him on the leg, "you ride in save the day and then shoot yourself in the foot every time."
Sam chose not to add the part she was thinking, about how amazing it was that he would take abuse of all kinds from people and never raise a hand, but let someone do it to someone else and he was right in the thick of it, defending the ones who couldn't or wouldn't defend themselves. She didn't tell him that she considered him to be her best friend, even over Carly, because he didn't judge her and what she did and he understood what it was like to be the sane one of the house.
"Well, as much as I'd love to stay here and chat with you, you big piece of Jell-O, Mama needs to make room for more food. Roger, anyone touches the meatball tray you deck 'em. Oh hey, Karen come on over here and give Freddie a hand getting something to eat, he's been looking for you all night," Sam smiled and winked at Freddie, "Enjoy tiger."
"There is a special level of hell waiting for you Puckett," Freddie smiled through gritted teeth, "and Nevel will be there nude and you will be forced to watch him…FOREVER!"
Sam laughed and stuck her tongue out as she headed toward the bathroom. She looked at the crowd on the steps and thought about all the different places people could "get it on" in and decided to use the bathroom near Spencer's room. Making her way through the crowd was tantamount to parting the Red Sea, only without divine intervention. A bump here, a push there, and the uncertainty of what body parts were being rubbed up against her as she worked her way through the mass of people.
'I love parties, I just wish people didn't have to be here,' she smirked to herself as she finally broke through a throng of revelers and spotted the bathroom door.
She knocked as hard as she could and listened as best she could before opening the door. To her relief the room was empty. She did her business, washed her hands, and opened the door to head out. She ran right into Roger, literally, almost knocking both of them down.
"Who's watching the meatballs?" Sam asked as she pushed off the wall to stand straight again.
"Relax," Roger laughed, "Freddie and the human leech are standing guard. I hated leaving him alone like that, but that chick is Planters nuts crazy. I got creeped out and had to getaway."
"Yeah, she is an order of fries short of a Happy Meal," she could just make out the two of them standing by the food table, Freddie looking at a knife, "I can't tell if he wants to slit his wrist or her throat with that knife he's looking at."
"Maybe he's thinking of both."
Sam laughed at Roger's quip and looked up at him, "So what brought you over here?"
"This," he leaned down and softly kissed her and then pulled away and looked into her eyes. Part of his smile faded from his face and he leaned down so he didn't have to shout, "Can we find someplace quiet to talk?"
"Sure," Sam took his hand and led him toward the front door.
Freddie noticed them leave and sighed, 'Now I really am stuck with Karen for the night. Wonder what the chances are that the world will end in the next few minutes?"
.
Sam led Roger out to the fire escape and they both stepped out onto it. A stiff, damp wind sent a chill through her as it tossed her hair around. Roger rubbed his hands together as he blew a hot breath on them.
"There's no magic is there?" he asked.
"Magic?"
"Between us," he pointed his index finger at the two of them, "You don't feel any magic do you?"
For a second she just looked at him. He was handsome, funny, polite, and very right. She felt no real heat between them at all. For a brief second she thought about lying to him, but thought he didn't deserve that, he deserved the truth.
"No, I'm sorry Roger I really am, but I don't," she felt like shit telling him, but knew he needed the truth, "I really thought it would come in time, I mean you're a great guy, but it never did."
"I've kind of known for a little while what the score was," he smiled halfheartedly, "but I thought maybe I could turn it around, till tonight that is."
"What do you mean, "Till tonight?", Sam asked, looking confused at him.
"We've been going out for a month and I've learned more about Freddie than I have you," he chuckled, "Did you know that on our first date you talked about him through our entire dinner?"
"Really?"
"We've never had a date where you didn't talk about him in some way," he held up his hand as Sam started to say something, "No, really, I'm not mad or anything like that, well maybe a little jealous of the fact that I didn't luck out and Freddie did, but it's ok."
"What brought all this out tonight though?" Sam asked as she began to get cold.
"The little scene at the food table," he grinned, "You can't see it , but everyone else can. You light up when you're around him. Your eyes shine and no matter what you're saying to him the affection shows through. If it helps you at all he doesn't know it either."
Sam suddenly wasn't cold anymore and her mind began to run through all the things that she and Freddie had been through together, putting all the pieces together so they formed a single picture. She had never really questioned what the pieces meant till that very moment. It was like being stuck in a tunnel walking in pitch black and then seeing a glint of light. She felt a heady rush of emotions as the locks and doors in her mind suddenly flung open and she KNEW why no one had ever been able to hold her or touch her heart, because it wasn't free to take.
Roger bent down and kissed her cheek, "I'm gonna go now Sam, think I'll relieve Freddie at the food table."
"I'm sorry Roger, I…," Sam started to say.
Roger raised his hand and grinned, "I know. Freddie is one lucky son-of-a-bitch, don't let him forget."
Just like that Roger disappeared through the window and left Sam alone in the biting night wind of the fire escape. She found herself unable to stop smiling.
.
Cause the last time I felt like this
I was falling in love
Falling and feeling
I'd never fall in love again
Yes the last time I felt like this
Was long before I knew
What I'm feeling now with you
.
.
"Jesus Sam, what the hell are you doing out here without a coat?" Freddie startled her as he stepped through the window, her coat in his hands, "Are you trying to get pneumonia or what?"
Sam looked up and found herself shaking, and not from the cold. She closed her eyes as he wrapped her coat around her and rubbed her arms.
"Sam, you're shaking like a leaf," Freddie bent down and taking the risk of her giving him a nut shot, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a bear hug. Sam breathed in and lost herself in his scent. It awoke a small place buried deep inside her brain and let one of her cherished memories loose.
Before her dad died, before the dark pit of the abyss pulled her mother down into its hellish grasp and turned her five year old life into a living nightmare, there was the smell.
.
.
Samuel Puckett worked his whole life, at least since the age fifteen anyway, and was proud of it. He wasn't rich, but he wasn't poor either. He had cloths to wear, food to eat, and a house to live in. He knew many who lacked one or more of those things and a few who had none of them at all. He was a lucky man.
He was twenty years old and was working construction when his simple life changed forever. He walked into the Ham & More Lunch Counter just across from the job site. It had been one of the few times he hadn't packed his lunch, so he decided to give the place a try.
The waitress couldn't have been more that seventeen or eighteen at the most and she was obviously new to the job. Her long blonde hair was done up in a ponytail and she was franticly trying to take orders, serve food and keep glasses filled with drinks, and making a mess of it all. Despite the way her day was going when she came to his table she smiled, and he knew. They dated for a year and then married at the town hall on a Friday afternoon.
They weren't rich, but they had what they needed and on their one year anniversary, the smiling blonde waitress, Pam, found out she was pregnant. Eight and a half months later they had twin girls, and both of them discovered a deeper love than either of them had ever known. Samantha, named after her father, and Melanie, named after Pam's maiden name, became the couple's greatest joy.
Samuel picked up extra hours everywhere he could so Pam could stay home with the kids and their house was one filled with love.
The accident was a fluke really. One of the mooring cables for the giant crane at the construction site had a small nick on one side of it, a flaw in the cable that no one noticed. Just before lunch the nick began to fray, one tiny strand at a time. As the lunch whistle blew the cable snapped, turning it into a two hundred mile an hour whip. Samuel Puckett never knew what hit him.
In the days after his funeral Pam Puckett slowly began to retreat into herself, lost in an alcohol and drug fueled haze, from which she would never return. That left Sam, at five years old to make it in the world alone, her sister being accepted into a private girl's school. Sam became the parent and lost the feeling and comfort of a strong and loving male from her life.
.
.
The smell of Freddie made her feel completely safe for the first time since she was five. She was still shaking, but not from the cold, she was shaking because she was about to let "tough Sam" go and become Samantha, a woman who was very suddenly sure that she was holding onto the answer from long ago prayers, prayers of a five year old girl who wanted nothing more than a good man to love her and keep her.
"I saw Roger come back into the party," she could feel the words rumble through his chest as he spoke, "Everything ok princess?"
"That's what my dad called me, his little princess," she spoke in a low tone into his chest, "It always made me feel safe and loved."
"What's wrong Sam?" Freddie took her shoulders and pushed her back till he could see her face, "Did Roger hurt you Sam?"
Sam saw a fire light deep inside Freddie's dark brown eyes, something primal that held the promise of violence against anyone or thing that would seek to do her harm, "No Freddie he didn't hurt me. Shit you know I could kick his ass."
"Then what's wrong Sam," he asked, looking her square in the eyes, "You're acting strange."
"We broke up, well really I don't think we were ever together," she found that she couldn't stop looking into his dark eyes, "we didn't have any "magic" together. We both knew it and agreed that we should stop seeing each other."
"Then why are you standing out here in this cold, bone chilling, wind with no jacket on?" He began rubbing his hands up and down her back, the friction causing her to feel warmth that flowed through her back and to her entire body.
"Waiting for my prince to come rescue me," she would have choked on the cheese of the statement any other time, but at this moment she couldn't help herself, she meant it, more than she had ever meant anything in her life.
"Sorry about that, all you got was me," he laughed and gave her a small hug.
"Maybe that's what I wanted all along?" she flung "tough Sam" away in that instance, like so much trash, and stared into his dark eyes as hers filled with tears, "maybe that's what I need, more than air or food, even bacon, maybe all I've ever needed was you."
Freddie said nothing at all, he just smiled and used his thumb to wipe away the tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes and leaned into her and gently brushed his lips against hers.
She had no idea how long they kissed, except that it didn't feel long enough, but when they pulled apart Freddie grinned at her and whispered in her left ear, "About time princess, only took you eleven years to catch up to me."
She looked up and he nodded and smiled as a huge grin broke out on her face.
At that moment every church bell in Seattle began to chime at the same time as fireworks hailed the passing of the old year and the beginning of the new one. The sky lit up as people celebrated the New Year.
Below the fireworks and the noise, two eighteen year olds stood on a fire escape and kissed with eleven years' worth of passion. They broke apart and quietly stepped inside the window and walked down the hallway to Freddie's apartment. With no words, promises were made, feelings were exchanged, and a decision was made between the two that would finally join them together forever.
Sam shook her head yes as they entered the door and began to loosen Freddie's belt, her hands shaking, not from nerves, but from anticipation of the magic about to unfold for them.
.
.
Hello, I can't wait 'til we're alone
Somewhere quite on your own
So that we could fall the rest of the way
I know that before the night is through
I'll be talking love to you
Meaning every word I say
`Cause the last time I felt like this
I was falling in love
Falling and feeling
I'd never fall in love again
Yes, the last time I felt like this
Was long before I knew
What I'm feeling now with you
.
.
Seattle Memorial Hospital
June 2, 2022 11:37 pm
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"But dad," Freddie jr., eight years old, whined at his father as he helped scoop up his two four year old sisters, Carly and Melanie, as his dad placed the girls, nicknamed, by Sam of course, as Cara Mel, into their car seats, "I'm eight and you said I could be here when my baby brother got here, you promised me."
"Yes I did, didn't I?" Freddie smiled at his eager son, "Ok here's the deal then, you help Aunt Carly and Uncle Gibby get your sisters to their car and I'll have Uncle Gibby bring you back up here to Grandmamma Benson so you can wait till your brother comes, ok?"
F.J., as he was known smiled at his dad and offered his hand in a handshake, "Yes sir that sounds super cool. Does grandmamma still have those brownies she made for momma?"
"Son, I'd be surprised if momma left any of them, but grandmamma might have saved you one or two," Freddie chuckled at the question and the answer.
His mom's journey from overprotectivemother to grandchild spoiling grandmamma was one for the books. When Sam and become pregnant on their two week honeymoon, Freddie's mother suddenly became as regular of a mom and grandmother as he'd ever seen. She stepped into Pam Puckett's role as Sam's mom and the two became, despite years of warring words, fast friends and confidants, a surprise to everyone. They went to stores together and Marissa became the mother Sam had lost when her father had died. Sam brought out the wilder side of Marissa and turned her near maniac persona into one of a more fun-loving and not so strict mom.
The birth or Freddie Jr was the final catalyst that brought Marissa out of the overprotective shell she had been in since her husband had died.
Douglas Benson, it was a fluke that they both shared the same last name, met during her first year of nursing school, and he pulled the young stick in the mud Marissa out of her cocoon and out into the world of living like there was no tomorrow. He had, by the third date, her in a vat of grapes in wine country stamping them with her feet. Within two months she couldn't stand having a day go by that she didn't see him. One year to the day they met they married. Six months after that she found out she was pregnant, and the bliss they shared became enchanted. June, 5, 1992, at 6:00am Fredward Karl Benson was born. Named after Marissa's father he was the spitting image of his father. Life was perfect for the family. Just as they put Fredward, already called Freddie by his father, down to sleep, they walked into the dining room where family and friends were gathered. Douglas smiled and raised a glass to toast his family when a tiny blood vessel inside his brain, one that had been there from birth, gave way in an instant. He was dead before he even hit the ground.
Marissa was shaken to her core by his death. She retreated into a world of overprotecting her son, for fear that he too would die and leave her alone. She would spend most of her son's formative years drumming safety into him and worrying about his health and what would happen to her if she lost the only other man in her life.
When Freddie jr. was born the veil of sorrow she had lived under for so many years lifted and she found a joy for life again. The tofu casseroles, squid jerky, Brussels sprout flavored ice cream, and cucumber cupcakes gave way to sloppy joes, meatloaves, mac &cheese, and fried foods of all kinds. Time with the grandchildren wasn't taken up by basket weaving classes, tick baths, or ear cleaning, no now time with grandmamma was hide & seek, water gun fights, playing with the family dog, and making mud pies with her two granddaughters. Marissa would even hold a dog treat in her mouth and let the dog, Scout, take it from her.
Freddie had almost begun to believe that Aliens had taken his mother and replaced her with the woman who was known as "grandmamma", the woman the kids begged to spend the night with at least once a month, who always had "junk food" at the ready, and didn't care what anyone thought as she would climb and slide with her "little angels" at the park.
After getting the sleeping girls strapped into Carly and Gibby's backseat, father and son walked back inside to head back to the waiting room.
"Daddy," F. J. asked looking up at his hero and father, "now that I'm the oldest does that mean I can stay up till eleven o'clock now?"
"Sorry little man, but not for a while," he smiled at his son and rubbed his hair, "When you're twelve I'll see what we can do about that, ok?"
"Ok," F.J. sounded a little dejected, but accepted his father's rule, "When Samuel gets here, how long till we can play cars and soldiers together?"
As the door automatically opened into the waiting room, any answer by Freddie was pointless as F.J. saw grandmamma sitting on a couch, still in her nurse's uniform, and a Tupperware dish that looked to be stuffed with brownies, "Grandmamma," he yelled, forgetting he's was in a hospital, as he ran and leaped into her lap, kissing her cheek and giving her a huge bear hug.
"Someone told me my little Freddiedoodlewas about to become a big brother again and I had to bring him some brownies to eat while we wait," she hug F.J. back and smiled at Freddie, "How's our little trooper doing in there?"
"Fine, she's had the epidural and now wants ribs," Freddie smiled as he watched his mom and oldest son interact with one another.
"Sounds about right," Marissa laughed, "I'll call Pete in about thirty minutes and put the order in."
Since it opened eight years ago, "Adam's Rib's" had become a ritual in the Benson household, in fact for at least one year they kept it in business, and owner Pete James always took care of his most loyal customers. At the birth of every child he would get up at any time and make sure Sam and the family had ribs, fries, coleslaw, and cornbread. He and his family became de facto member of the Benson family and they became part of his. Every year when the Seattle Pear office had their company cook-out Pete catered it, as president of the company Freddie made sure of that, and when she interviewed someone for Seattle Weekly magazine Sam almost always took them to Pete's.
"Ok little man you help keep the bevecoons out of grandmamma's brownies," Freddie stood at the door leading to the birthing room Sam was in, "and I'll come get you both as soon as Samuel gets here."
"Ok dad, can I give him my teddy bear then?"
"You mean you're going to let him have Mr. Bear?" Freddie knelt down in front of his son.
"Sure, I'm the second oldest man in the house now," he smiled at his dad, "I have to start taking care of things and I don't have time for Mr. Bear anymore, so he needs a good person to watch out for and Sam is just person for him to watch."
"When did you get so smart and big?" Freddie said with pride in his voice.
"I've been watching you daddy," F.J. told him, "momma told me that being like you would make me a good man. I want to be just like you daddy, just like you."
Freddie hugged his son and stood, "I love you little man and you to grandmamma," he kissed his mother on the cheek and went through the double doors toward the birthing room.
.
Sam was sitting up in the bed working a crossword puzzle when Freddie walked in. She looked up and smiled, "A three letter word for enjoyment, hmm, I know, NUB," she grinned as Freddie leaned down to kiss her.
"I don't think that's it baby," he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her shoulders, eliciting a moan from her.
"Well it should be," she fake pouted as she leaned back into him, "You have exactly eighty years to stop that," she purred as he worked the flesh and muscle tissue of her shoulders with a skill born of many years of doing so, "You do realize this is what lead to me sitting on this bed with a needle in my spine don't you?"
Freddie gently kissed her shoulder and whispered in her ear, "Uh hum, I sure do Mrs. Benson."
"You know that at least for the next four to five weeks that that ain't gonna happen, so don't start what you can't finish Mr. Benson," she smiled and lightly patted his right cheek.
"God you make it hard for a man to be good," he kissed her shoulder again and sighed.
She reached down and felt his crotch, "Hum, very hard I see," she just laughed.
New Year's Day 2013 had begun a new chapter in both their lives. With the safety and love Freddie offered her Sam blossomed into Samantha, still tough and an unrepentant carnivore, but the anger was gone for the most part. She still had her moments, but far fewer and less violent. She settled into school better and became an honor student; it turned out that she would do anything to be with Freddie, even school work. She found a peace she had never had and despite herself she found that being "girly" wasn't always a bad thing.
For his part Freddie gained a confidence in himself and a strength that he never knew he had. With Sam by his side he went after what he wanted and most of the time got it. He had always loved himself, not in an egotistical way, but he was shocked to find that someone else loved him.
By mid-way through the first year of college Freddie decided that he couldn't wait any longer and had to act. On the night of February 20th, 2013 after a meal of steak and lobster, in the middle of the quad, in front of his mother and hers, as well as most of Seattle City College, he asked Samantha Faye Puckett to marry him. She said yes and on February 20th, 2014 they married.
With both Freddie's and Sam's help Pam Puckett was able to quit drinking and drugs and at least live long enough to see her first three grandchildren. By the time the twins were two her hard life had caught up with her and three months after the twins turned two she quietly passed away in her sleep of heart failure. She was forty-eight years old.
The doctor walked in and smiled at them, "I thought I already gave you guy's three babies? Isn't that enough?"
"That never gets old BRAD," Sam's sarcasm dripping from the name Brad, "let's get this show on the road, I got ribs coming."
Brad shook his head and chuckled, "That's why I love you Sam, priorities, you always have your priorities straight."
"How's Mark doing?" Sam asked as Brad gloved up.
"He's good," Brad said with little enthusiasm.
"His parent's still freaked out about the whole gay thing?" Freddie asked as Brad sat in the roll chair and rolled over to them.
"Yeah, still the "how did I raise a queer?" shit and all that goes with it, I mean my dad's a freeking Marine and he's ok with it, why can't Mark's dad get over it already?"
"Take it from one who knows," Freddie kissed Sam's hand, "some people just take a little longer than others."
"Speaking of which, it's time Mrs. Benson lets us have a baby why don't we."
.
.
F.J. and Marissa were lying on one of the couches, F.J.'s head resting on Marissa's chest. Smiling he shook them both awake, "Hey sleepyheads, I got someone you need to meet."
"Sam," F.J. shouted and then put his hand over his mouth and then said in a whisper, "sorry, Sam's here?"
"Yes he is," Freddie led his mother and son back to the room and opened the door.
F.J. looked and broke into a grin that lit up the whole room as he walked up to his mom and new baby brother.
"Would you like to hold him?" Sam smiled at F.J. as he stared at his brother and lightly touched his open fingers. When he did, Samuel Douglas Benson gripped his brother's finger and stared at him.
"Can I?"
"Sure, watch his head now," Sam passed Samuel to F.J. gently.
"You got to hurry up and grow," F.J. whispered as he gently swayed his brother back and forth, "I got you some cars and I'm giving you Mr. Bear to take care of. You're gonna like it here. Momma and daddy are the best and grandmamma is so cool, not like most old people at all. She also has the best snacks."
Sam and Freddie watched F.J. talking to his brother and smiled at each other.
F.J. walked over to Marissa and grinned, "This is grandmamma Sam," he offered his brother to Marissa, who took him, making a cooing sound as she beamed at her new grandson.
.
Later on in the night, after Marissa and F.J. had left to go home, Freddie and Sam laid together on the hospital bed looking at their sleeping son in his crib, his little chest rising and falling, and a lite snore coming from him.
"I don't say it enough Freddie," Sam laced her fingers with his and stared into his eyes, "but thank you, for all this, my life. You've given me more than I could have ever hoped for and more than I deserved. I love you with all my heart."
"Sam I only gave you what I could," he kissed her forehead, "you deserve everything under the sun."
"Don't you plan on going anywhere in the next eighty years," she grinned at him, "because I've got plans for you."
"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon princess," he hugged her and watched little Sam sleep.
.
.
Oh, the last time I felt like this
I was falling in love
Falling and feeling
I'd never fall in love again
.
.
Seattle Memorial Hospital
April 23, 2072 9:22 am
.
.
Sam Benson slowly walked back into her husband's room, coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit in hand. The hum and beeps of the machines keeping time to some kind of unnatural tune only they understood. She took up her spot, the same place she had been occupying for the past week, beside Freddie's bed. She opened the wrapper and took a bite of the biscuit. She watched the slow rising of his chest.
"You know that stuff will kill ya?" A weak voice said.
"Yeah, yeah looks whose talking nub," Sam's voice was tinged with love and concern, "thought you were asleep?"
"I was till I heard the paper noise and that first big bite of yours," he smiled at her as she stuck her tongue out at him, "you never could eat quietly princess."
Sam was set to reply when she noticed that his eyes closed and his mouth twitched as a wave of pain passed through him. She reached for his hand and felt as he feebly gripped it.
"Bad, baby?" she set the coffee and biscuit on the bedside table and stood, wrapping her other hand around the hand she held, "Use the button baby, that's what it's there for."
He shook his head and grinned at her through the pain, "I can't enjoy your beauty if I'm all hopped up on pain pills princess."
"You are the cheesiest nub in the world, you know that?" she reached out and stroked his haggard face. It was a face she had come to memorize over their fifty-eight years of marriage. Every smile line and crease on his face was burned into her brain. The way his hair slowly went from dark brown to its salt and pepper look now, the fire that even now burned in his dark chocolate eyes, and the way, without a word, he could set off the hormones in her body still amazed her.
"You love every word of this cheesy stuff princess," he gritted his teeth a little as he spoke.
She could tell this was a bad spell and they were coming more often now. Each one left him that much more tired and weak. She knew where things were going, but couldn't stand to think about it.
They had just finished taking down Christmas decorations after the Benson brood left their house in 2071 when Freddie confessed to Sam that he wasn't feeling good and hadn't been in a while. As she always did, Sam pushed him till he went to see a doctor. Freddie knew what it was before the doctor came in and told them, advanced stage three leukemia, six to eight months tops. Sam went to pieces but Freddie was ready for it, in fact seemed to know it was bad before any of them did. After the first of the year they gathered the whole family, all four children and their wives and husbands, nine grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren and broke the news to them. Tears were shed and old times were rehashed. Since the family stilled lived in Seattle together they were all able to help Sam keep Freddie at home until a week ago, when Freddie quietly told F.J. and Samuel that it was time to talk to momma about him going to the hospital. After an epic argument and Sam's near breakdown at what it meant, Freddie was taken to Seattle Memorial Hospital, the same place that all his children had been born in would be where he left the world from.
He wasn't scared to die, he saw it as a moving on rather than an end. He and Sam had attended church since before they were married and he had always believed in a heaven so he was very at ease out his death, at least for himself. His worry was about Sam and how she would handle it. With the exception of a few camping trips with the boys over the years, all the Benson men camping, generator for laptops and pads in tow, was something he had treasured, but beside those, he and Sam had never been apart, and he hated the thought of her being left alone.
A knock at the door caused them both to look as the door opened and their four children stepped in. F.J., forever the older brother and Freddie made over, spoke, "You guys mind a little company?"
Freddie smiled thru the pain and hoarsely said, "Come on in before this old woman molestes me."
"Please, you should be glad I'd even look at you nude, you dusty old fart," Sam said with love in her voice as she lay down on the bed beside him. The two of them together really showed how thin and frail he had grown.
Even though they had been here most of the time, it was a shock to the children to see how frail their father had become.
"Ew, mom, really?" F.J. shook his head, "we don't want to hear about that stuff. You guys shouldn't be doing that anymore, you'll break a hip or something."
"Not the way we do it," Freddie grinned at the uncomfortable look his children had on their faces, he and Sam had changed each other in many ways, of which this was one.
"No, no, no, La, la, la I can't hear you," Samuel, who looked like a male version of his mother stuck his fingers in his ears as he chanted his mantra against the words and thoughts of his parents ever having sex.
"Samuel, grow up," Sam playfully snapped at him, "how did you think you got here, the stork?"
"I'd be very happy to believe that rather than have a picture of you and dad… bumping uglies."
"I'll have you know that there is nothing ugly about your mothers…" Freddie grinned.
"No, no, no don't say it," Samuel was now pushing both hands over his ears in a bid to push his ears together, "I swear to God, I'll scream and then piss myself if you say it dad."
Sam and Freddie looked at each other and with the practiced timing of fifty-eight years of marriage spoke at once, "VIGINA!"
All four children groaned at the outburst, but Cara and Mel did so with smiles on their faces.
Sam and her daughters were very close. Sam made sure they knew she loved them and she worked every day to give them the kind of mother she never had. She was close with all her children, but the Benson women, daughters-in-law included, were a very tight knit group. She took pride in the fact that her girls and her talked every day, and about many things. It was one of many things loving Freddie had given her in life. She had no way of calculating the ways he had made her life into the fairytale she had always thought would elude her.
Freddie groaned as a sharp pain sliced through his body, causing him to see white for a few seconds.
"Daddy?" F.J. sounded like a small child as he spoke and tears came to his eyes.
He still held the button of the pain medicine dispenser in his left in his left hand, unused. No one but him knew that he had tinkered with it and could get more than he was supposed to get. The doctors had given him Fentanyl, one of the most powerful pain drugs they had, because, as they told him, it would only work for so long and then the pain would get worse till he would just pass out, all of this before the end would come.
"Babe," all the jest went out of Sam as she spoke, "please use the meds, please."
As the wave of pain ebbed, he opened his eyes and looked at his wife and children and smiled, "You'll never know how much I've love you all, never. I wouldn't trade one day of the time I've had with you," he kissed Sam's hand as a tear rolled down his cheek, "for anything in this world or the next. You kids have made me proud and I marvel at the amazing people you have become. Sam, I know it's all been arranged, but just make sure they do this right for me, it's what I want to do."
He ran a shaky right hand up to touch her face as he pressed down on the dispenser two quick times, looking Sam in the face and silently letting her know it was time, "I'll be waiting babe, just like I always do."
Sam drew in a ragged breath and whispered, "Oh, please don't go nub, please don't go."
With fading strength as the doses began to kick in, he hugged the girl he had met on a playground, the young lady he kissed on a fire escape, married, had children with, and had grown old with one last time and whispered in her ear, "I've got to make sure they have plenty of meat there when you join me princess."
With that Fredward Karl Benson flatlined at 10:02 am and was revived at 10:10 am per his request. Three days later as his entire family stood around him the doctor's turned off the life support and began the prep work for his useable organs to be harvested and transplanted to donors who had been brought to the hospital from all over by the Fredward Benson Memorial Foundation.
Samantha Puckett Benson spent the last ten years of her life making sure the Foundation was running well, making sure her great-grandchildren knew about their great-grandfather, and watching old home movies of her fairytale life with Freddie. She passed away quietly in her sleep on April 26, 2082. Beside her on the nightstand was a two word note:
My Nub
Yes, the last time I felt like this
Was long before I knew
What I'm feeling now with you
This is just one of many stories being posted today in honor of iCarly's final season premiere tomorrow night. Check them all out, because some great writers have all joined in on this and we want to bring a spark into the fandom with all these stories.
Summer Of 12 is still going on, I've got several chapters almost ready to post, so keep a look out for them.