Hi lovelies ! What I'm doing with this story is actually terrible, because I am changing the whole landsacape of Season 4 Dair, which was already perfect. But, I see an AU potential everywhere throughout the series, and the beginning of season 4 was the most interesting one, to me.

Besides, I get to write them in Paris for a few chapters, and it's always fun to write about Paris.

I really hope you enjoy this one.

This is rated T -for now- I'll tell you if things get heated.

When Georgina gets in a town car with Milo and Dan watches it driving away from Brooklyn, he doesn't know if he sad or relieved. He realizes then that those two sentiments are pretty similar, because it physically reflects in a kind of emptiness.

He stays on the street, under the burning sun of August, doesn't know quite yet what to do with his body. For two months, he has been a dad, and he had started to accept the fact that he would always be one. Right at that moment, Georgina told him the truth. An unbelievably complicated truth, but that kept Georgina's standards. So Milo wasn't his, fine. So the real father's wife had been arrested and wasn't going to come after them, after all, fine.

Dan didn't tell anybody about the baby, except Nate, and now that Milo was gone, it's as if the three last months never existed. Is he supposed to go back to college in three weeks, start looking for an internship and pretend he spent a summer as normal as all the other students?

He is never going to be able to; it would take him at least a month to reconnect with the old Dan Humphrey and he knows he'll never look at his life the way he used to.

Dan starts walking around the block, thinking. He doesn't even remember what his life was before Georgina showed up. Jenny moved to Hudson, his father was still happily married, and Vanessa was in Haiti.

Vanessa.

He never got to explain to her what happened between him and Serena.

Serena.

Dan remembers now. Right before Georgina showed up, he was going to book a plane ticket to Paris, to go find her and tell her that they should be together, that he still had feelings for her. He can't do it now, because a summer has gone and his friendship with Nate is stronger than ever.

Although…Nate has Chuck's black book. He seems to be fine. He seems to have forgotten about Serena.

Dan sighs loudly, as he is back in front of his building. He's trying to take a decision, the right one. What he wants is to be able to get his life back, the life where he has no worry in the world besides the one of graduating, and figuring out what he feels for someone he was sure he had moved on from.

He climbs the stairs to the loft, sits in front of his computer, and just like three months ago, logs on Air France's website. His fingers are shaking as he types his credit card information, and he takes a deep breath before clicking on the "Purchase ticket" button.

It's done. There is no going back. The flight leaves tonight, at 6:30 pm.

He takes a travelling bag, and throws in it anything he can find that will be useful. Two pairs of jeans, shirts, some clean, some dirty, a toothbrush, a pair of shoes, his computer, a notebook and Victor Hugo's poems collection.

Before he closes his bag, he puts on a pair of shoes, and looks around his room, to see if there is something else he didn't think about. His eyes land on the bedside table, and his heart drops in his stomach.

On a Hemingway novel, there is one of Milo's pacifiers that Georgina probably forgot. Dan moves to take it between his fingers. He is determined to get back his life, but acting like Milo never happened or like he didn't change him would not lead to anything.

So he puts the pacifier in his bag, and zips it shut.

Dan calls a cab, shuts down the power and water supply of the loft, and starts writing two notes. One to Nate, to thank him for being such a good friend and to apologize for being such a bad one himself; the other one to his dad, to explain that he is going to Paris, but not explaining why.

When the taxi arrives, Dan hops in without even looking back at his building. After two detours, and leaving the notes for Vanya and Victor, Dan orders to go to JFK.

He arrives at the airport at 1 pm. He has about four hours to kill before the boarding starts. He doesn't do much, doesn't write, doesn't read, doesn't sleep; just walks around casually, observing people, hands in his pockets. There is probably a surveillance camera following him, he would have found anyone with his behavior suspicious.

He sees couples with babies and children. It doesn't hurt. He gives them a casual nod, with a light smile each time he crosses paths with them, and they answer, as if his gesture is a universal sign of parenthood. It doesn't matter if Milo isn't there anymore; Dan knows what it is to be a parent, how to be a dad. He finds himself hoping that it would happen soon again.

When it's finally time to board, he starts getting nervous. It's a bit useless, because he won't be landing in Paris for eight hours. Still, he knows his move to be bald, not his kind of bald. He doesn't care that he liquidated half of his trust fund money with baby expenses and the plane ticket. He'll beat himself up later.

As soon that the plane takes off, Dan falls asleep, dreaming of what Paris looks like.

He is woken up by a stewardess asking him with a frigid, tired smile to straighten up his seat, because they are going to land. Dan looks out the window. The sun is rising, and he can see the city from afar. He doesn't perceive the Eiffel Tower though.

As he passes the customs, there is a Cuban party in his stomach. He is genuinely excited. Not because he is going to see Serena –well there is a little bit of that – but because he is in Europe. In Paris. The home of Picasso, Maupassant, Flaubert, Prévert, Verlaine and Hugo. He will walk in the exact same streets as Edith Piaf and Django Reinhardt did. He will see the monuments, the bridges, the open air markets Monet and Cézanne painted.

He finds quickly a taxi once he is out of the airport and when the driver asks him where to, Dan has no idea where he should go. He could ask for a hotel, on the outskirts of the city. But then he decides that he'll have plenty of time to find a place to stay, and tells the driver to take him to the Quartier St-Michel, because he's read somewhere that it is the neighborhood of good literature.

As soon as he sits at the terrace of a little café, there is a smile on his face. He mumbles the very little of French he knows, before the waiter tells him with a laugh that he can speak English. He asks for a black coffee, and when he takes the first sip, he can't repress a slight moan of contentment. Of course French coffee would be delicious.

He is breathing again. He is smiling again. He is in Paris, goddammit! He feels the need to talk to strangers, and tell them how happy he is feeling. But instead, he takes out his cellphone and turns it on. He has three missed calls, and two voicemails. One from his dad and one from Nate, he assumes. Dan decides to ignore them and presses Serena's speed dial button on his phone.

When he hears the second ring, he gets nervous. He thinks she isn't going to answer, but she does, right before the fifth ring.

"Hey, Dan" Serena says "What's up?"

"Comment allez-vous?" Dan asks, probably in a terrible accent.

Serena laughs "Très bien, merci. Que me vaut l'honneur de votre appel ?"

"Hey, don't get too excited, alright? I only know those three words and voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir"

Serena laughs again, but this time he is not sure it's because of him. He can hear someone, a male voice next to her, and she starts giggling.

"Sorry. I asked you to what do I owe your call? We haven't talked at all, since I left New York"

"Well, guess where I am" Dan can't help the malicious smile on his lips.

"Hum…Cece's?" Serena asks absent-mindedly and giggles.

The Dan has the confirmation she isn't alone, and that she isn't with Blair either.

"No" he says, his voice suddenly hoarse "I'm in Paris"

"What?" he faintly hears her say something in French, assumes she put her hand on the receiver, then hears her clearly again "Is it a joke?"

"Nope"

"Oh my God, Dan" she seems speechless "I don't…I didn't…this is such a surprise! A good one, of course, a very good one"

"I'm sure" Dan says, trying not to sound sarcastic.

"Where are you staying?"

"I was thinking about checking into a hotel…"

"Oh no, you have to come stay with Blair and I at Eleanor's. I'll text you the address, come over"

Dan thinks about it. It would be nice not to have to spend more money than he already has. But does he really want to stay there and having Serena parade her French toy boys under his nose? Moreover, does he really want to live under the same roof as Blair Waldorf for two weeks?

"Okay" he finally agrees "Text me the address, I'll be on my way"

"Great! And, um, I'm not there, right now, but I'll call Blair and tell her that you're coming, so there's someone at the house when you arrive"

"Great." That time, he does mean to be sarcastic.

He phone buzzes in his pocket a few minutes after he hangs up with Serena, but he doesn't read the text. His day is not turning good, and the last thing he wants is Blair Waldorf breaking his Parisian dream. So he decides he is going to wait for the night to come, until Serena will probably be back at the house and he can wander meanwhile around the city.

On the subway, he takes a map of Paris and with a pen, circles the places he wants to go to. Since he is not far from the Musée d'Orsay, he decides that's where he wants to go for now.

He knows exactly what piece he wants to see. Le Champs de Coquelicots, by Monet. He only saw it once, at MoMA, when it had been temporally displayed for a special exhibit. Dan is excited to see it again, on the other side of the ocean.

He is standing there, in front of it, in the museum. And he doesn't feel alone anymore. He looks at the colors, pastel, comforting. He feels empowered by hope. He is only twenty. Life goes on. He still has plenty of things to live, and he now knows that parenthood is a part of them.

He doesn't know how long he has been standing there, watching, when he decides to move. He wants to discover what the museum has to offer. He'll come back to see the painting before leaving. So he turns to the left, ready to wander around in his own inspired bubble, but he stops right there, because he sees her.

Blair is the last person he expects to meet there, because this place represents something that provides him joy, sanity, and Blair Waldorf is the antithesis of all of that to him. But then he looks more attentively. She seems captivated; she is standing there, watching a painting, not moving a single articulation. He can't see what the painting is, and suddenly, out of simple curiosity, he wants to find out.

X

Blair is just entering the museum when her phone rings.

"What?" she answers.

"You seem sad, B. What's going on?" Serena asks.

"I'm not sad, I am annoyed. Who is it you ditched me for, this time? Pablo? Germain? In fact, I don't even care, I'm doing fine on my own. It's better than listening to you blabbering about Nate and Humphrey."

"Well, if you wanted me to stop talking about it, you would have helped me figure things out"

"No, I would have helped you if I cared. Slight difference. I'm not here to get you to make up your mind. I am here to rest, and enjoy good cuisine"

"Then, think about it this way : it's like choosing between éclairs and napoleons. They're both delicious"

"Except Humphrey is a doughnut" Blair says, while showing her pass to the front guard. "I can't talk right now, S, I am at the museum."

"What? No, Blair you have to go back home"

"Why?"

"…Dan is here. In Paris. I gave him our address"

Blair's hand goes rigid around her phone. Great. Now she would have to witness the two of them dancing around each other, like they've been doing for the past three years.

"Call Daphné and tell her we have a guest coming" she says "I don't want to see Humphrey. He'll ruin Paris"

"Come on, B. He's from Brooklyn. He probably feels so lost here"

"I am hanging up, now. Au revoir!"

She turns her phone off and drops it in her Balenciaga bag. As she takes her usual path through the museum, she tries to calm down. Of course Serena would bring over one of her desperate suitors, since anyone on a Vespa or wearing Zadig&Voltaire didn't seem to be enough.

Every time Blair thinks she is starting to get used to how self-centered Serena can be, something comes and hits her, like a vicious slap in the face. Today, two things came. She didn't tell Serena she knows about her going to Columbia in the fall, because she doesn't know what to think of it yet.

She knows that she doesn't want to be with Serena, next year. She wants her own time to shine. She needs a time to shine. The past year, she has been more humiliated than she had ever been in her life. The ridiculously expensive, classy, fashionable Vivier heels she's been wearing all summer doesn't alter how worthless she feels. How broken she feels.

But she decided when arriving in Paris that whatever happened in New York should be put in the past. Chuck Bass doesn't own her, and he doesn't own her emotions. She's been trying to convince herself that he doesn't even deserve it.

Still, even though she spends every night going to restaurants, clubs and drinking too much wine with Serena, she feels more alone than ever. And it's the reason she keeps coming to the museum. All summer, she's been sitting in front of her favorite Manet, reading Colette in the park, hoping she'll lock eyes with someone doing the same thing as her, feeling the same as she is.

When she finally stands in front of the painting, everything in the world feels right again. She stands straight, heightened by her heels, she owns the space surrounding the painting, preventing anyone else from approaching, and break her serene haven.

But at one point she smells something; a cologne. It's spicy, it tickles her nose, and then she hears a voice that she recognizes, but doesn't want to.

"An American who loves Manet? Only Blair Waldorf, surely"

The only muscles of her body moving are those in her eyelids, shutting them down so she could pray that it was just a brief nightmare.

"Le déjeuner sur l'herbe isn't even his best work, you know"

Blair wants to scream. He is ruining Paris. She turns around in a swift motion, and sees him then. His hair is a bit longer than she remembers, and he looks tired, as if he hasn't slept in three months. Still, there is a little smirk on his face, because he knows he got to her.

"I don't care what you think, Humphrey. You are not welcome, here, I don't want to see you, and I don't want to hear you. I want to pretend you don't exist."

Dan holds up in hands in sign of surrender, and takes a few steps backwards.

"Alright" he says "I'm sorry. I'll see you at dinner"

Blair ignores him, turns back to her painting. She can't look at it, now, not in the state she is in. she sighs, trying to calm down, and decides she's going to take a tour of the museum, then come back to Manet right before she leaves.

Humphrey is everywhere. Every painting, every sculpture, every fresco that she finds interesting, he is already there. She wants to prove that he doesn't affect her that much, that she couldn't care less about his presence, so she often goes to stand next to him. And when he leaves the piece, she watches from the corner of her eyes what he is going to see next, sometimes to discover that he stands where she's planning to go next.

It gets to a point where, she doesn't even know how, they start moving together. Actually, she knows how, but is not quite sure. She just could swear that she had seen him lingering in one of the rooms, waiting for her in front of Botticelli's Venus, pretending to read a brochure. Because when she started moving again, so did he.

When they get in front of two Degas, Blair can't help emitting a small sound of admiration, and Dan turns to her, kind of surprised, but smiling.

"Really?" he asks "That's what does it for you?"

"What do you mean?"

Dan shrugs "Just that…frilly dresses and tutus are not really my idea of art"

Blair shakes her head "You are such a boy"

She starts walking away to go back to her Manet, and she hears Dan's footsteps behind her. Thinking he is following her, she turns around, ready to tell him off. But she sees that he stopped, and stands in front of a painting. He looks compelled, in sync with the piece. Blair starts walking back towards him. It's Monet's Poppy Field that has him so oblivious of the surrounding world, and Blair is surprised.

The fact that Humphrey likes this one does show a side of him that she didn't know about. A much less cynical side.

She gets closer to him, and whispers "You know, this isn't even one of his best works"

His body shakes with a laugh, and he starts walking toward the exit.

"Come on, I'm starving" he says.

Blair watches him go, and looks over at her painting. She hasn't stopped to see it before leaving. She decides to follow him, though. There were Japanese tourists in front of it, anyway.

X

Blair takes him to a bakery in an adjacent street and gets them two mille-feuilles. When she hands it to him, along with an Evian bottle, he turns up his nose.

"They didn't have any bagels, or Dr. Pepper?" he asks.

Blair shoots him an outraged glare "Humphrey. Just when I start thinking there is hope for you"

"Hmm, sorry to disappoint you"

They start walking, eating, and enjoying the day. They must make quite an unusual pair, Dan thinks. She is wearing this beautiful, classy dress, and those heels, and her hair and make-up are just perfect. His shorts are worn out, his Converses too, and a travelling bag is on his shoulder.

As they walk, Dan looks around him, marveling at the finesse of the architecture. It is truly one of the most beautiful things he has ever seen in his life. Blair looks at him discreetly, allowing herself to get tendered by his amazed eyes.

"It always does that, the first time" she says

"What?"

"Paris. This feeling you're getting, like this is where you belong. Paris always does that, the first time. For some people, it never stops"

Dan nods, and looks around more. He can't believe that just yesterday, he was in Brooklyn, packing a baby bag, and now he is in Paris, eating pastries with Blair Waldorf.

"You won't believe what happened to me this summer" he says, doesn't really know why.

"I probably won't care, either" Blair replies.

"The day you left with Serena, Georgina Sparks showed up at the loft. Pregnant"

It's quite unbelievable how easily and detached he is telling the story. But Paris, and its art, and its pastries and delicious coffee are making him feel light. When Blair gets where he is going with the story, she slows down her pace, looking at him with intent.

"Oh my God, Humphrey…do you and Georgina have a baby together?"

"We did" Dan says, and realizes how clumsy it is when he sees the horror on Blair's face "I mean, the baby is fine! It's just that, he wasn't mine, after all."

Blair doesn't really understand why he is telling her that, but the fact that it's Humphrey doesn't make the story less sad. On the contrary, for some reason, she can see him, giving a bottle, and singing lullabies.

"Well that can't be too surprising; it is Georgina Sparks we're talking about"

Dan simply nods in agreement.

"Was it a boy or a girl?" Blair asks.

"A boy. His name is Milo. And he is the most adorable little thing on earth"

Blair wants to laugh, because not only he is saying that of Georgina Sparks' baby, but also because the look of the gaga daddy suits him well.

"I didn't tell anybody, except Nate, because it was just too…weird. And it's a good thing I didn't, because now, I don't have to give anyone any explanations" He turns to her with a smile "What about you? How was your summer? Did a lot of shopping?"

Blair rolls her eyes at his obvious mockery "If you must know, this summer was all about getting a very well deserved rest. That way, when I go back to New York, I'll be revived and ready to rule Columbia"

"You're transferring?" Dan looks at her "I didn't know that."

"Why would you?"

"Well, I am going to miss the daily sigh of disappointment over my outfit"

"So you did notice it! I wasn't sure, since your clothing didn't improve at all."

Dan laughs, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. He puts a fist in front of his mouth to cover his yawn. But the truth is, he is feeling very tired.

"Jetlag?" Blair asks

"Probably, yeah. I guess I'll have to see the Jardin des Tuileries another day"

Blair simply nods, and takes out her cellphone to call a car. They don't talk until it arrives, and on the ride to Eleanor's apartment, Dan has a hard time not to fall asleep. When they arrive, he follows Blair inside, declines the maid's proposition to take his bag while Blair drops hers on the coffee table.

"Come with me" she says.

She leads in through the pre-war design corridors, and Dan feels like he is in a movie. Blair opens a door, and he follows her inside the room. It's spacious, with a bathroom, wooden furniture, a little library, and there is even a little balcony opening on the streets.

"This will be your room" Blair says "Serena's is just across the hall, and mine is the door on her left. Of course, you are under no circumstances to enter my quarters. Dinner is served at 7:30."

"Jesus, when did you turn sixty?" Dan asks, impressed by the strictness of her tone.

She gives him a fake grin "There is also a bathroom" she says "And yes, I am leaving you a cue. And try to do something with your hair, while you're at it. You look like a Muppet"

Then she leaves, closing the door behind her. Dan sighs, letting his body fall on the bed, closing his eyes. He is too tired for a shower. He leans up, to reach for his travelling bag and zips it open. He takes out his poem collection and Milo's pacifier, then puts them both on the nightstand, before kicking his bag away and lying on the bed.

He sleeps practically all night. At one point, he is awoken by the creak of the door opening. He hears someone approaching quietly and putting something on the nightstand. He can smell ham, and cheese. It's tempting, but he is too tired. He wants to open his eyes, to thank Serena, but it takes him too much time, and right when he can manage to lift his eyelids, he barely has the time to distinguish the door closing on brown curls.

X

Serena is acting strange, Blair thinks. They are both sitting at the breakfast table, and she hasn't looked up from her cup of coffee once, and she barely talks. Blair knows that it's because she is nervous about seeing Humphrey, but it's not like she doesn't know the guy is madly in love with her, just waiting for the day she'd dare looking at him again.

But Blair is proven wrong when Dan enters the dining-room, fresh from a shower and well-rested, and Serena's face brightens. She gets up from the table, and goes to take Dan in her arms.

"I am so happy to see you" she says "I missed you"

Blair watches as Dan smiles too, and wraps his arms around Serena.

"I missed you, too. You have no idea how much"

Blair thinks she is going to vomit. Serena goes back to her seat, and Dan takes place next to her.

"Waldorf" he says

Blair simply gives him a forced smile, before sipping on her coffee.

"We should go check out Valérie Mounier's new collection, today" she tells Serena. "She personally sent an invitation"

"Actually, today's not good" Serena says, awkwardly "I have some stuff I need to do. Why don't you take Dan for a tour? You know Paris better than anyone else"

Blair takes a deep breath, her eyes fixed on Serena. Ditching her for some fling is one thing, but dropping her enamored suitor on her responsibility is a whole new level of torture, especially when that suitor happens to be Humphrey. But then, Blair has an idea. She looks at Dan, and he looks back at her, suspiciously.

"What? Do I have something on my face?"

"I have some errands I need to run. I was planning on cooking a boeuf bourguignon for tonight" Blair says "Therefore I need to go grocery shopping. You Humphreys love to do that kind of things, right?"

"Not particularly" Dan says "It's just that we can't afford to pay people to do it for us"

"It's a yes, then" Blair says, ignoring his sassy response "I'm going to get ready, eat fast!"

She leaves the table, and Dan confused.

"Did I just agree to go shopping with her?" he asks Serena.

Serena laughs, and puts a hand over his on the table "I'm really glad you're here" she says, softly.

"You've got odd ways of showing it" Dan can't help replying.

"I know, I'm sorry. But I need you to do me a favor, you have to keep Blair occupied"

"Serena…I didn't cross the ocean to see, Blair. I came to see you, to talk to you"

"I know that, Dan. And I wanna talk too, but something happened, and I have to take care of it."

Dan snorts, because there is always something up in Serena's life.

"What is it, this time?" he asks.

Serena seems to hesitate "It's…it's awful, but I'm not sure you're the one I should be talking about it with."

"Try me" Dan says, annoyed.

Serena looks at him attentively, then resigns and starts explaining that the French police called Lily, telling her that a dead body bearing Chuck's ID has been found. At first, Dan thinks it's a joke, it can only be a joke. But then, he looks closely at Serena, and he understands that nothing more serious has ever happened in her life.

"So?" he urges her to continue

"So I need to go there, and identify the body. Apparently, it's too beaten up to be recognizable"

"And Blair doesn't know" Dan says

Serena shakes her head "And she can't know, until I am sure. That's why you need to distract her. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure"

"Thank you" Serena kisses him on the cheek "And again, I am really glad that you're here"

She leaves the table to get ready, and Dan just stays there, waiting for Blair. He is not sure how to behave next to her, knowing what he knows. When she comes back to him, she is wearing a summer dress, with a beret and ridiculously high heels. She has a smile on her face, almost devious as she looks at him, but Dan finds her beautiful. Of course, he knows that it's the pity inside of him talking, and that it tells him that no one, not even Blair Waldorf should have someone ripped off from their lives this way.

"Shall we?" she asks

Dan stands up, goes to pick up his wallet and follows her out of the apartment.

Blair tells the driver their destination, in French, and Dan doesn't understand. It makes him nervous not knowing where they're going. He has this feeling that Blair is plotting something. He is right. When they stop, they're not in front of an open air market, or a typical monument. They are standing in front of a hair salon.

"Blair, what are we doing here?" he asks.

"We are getting rid of that mop on top of your head. Don't worry, it's my treat, you probably couldn't afford artists such as André"

"Of course your hair-dresser is called André"

When they enter the salon, a tall, slim man comes to kiss Blair on both cheeks. Blair starts talking to him in French, gesturing toward Dan's head, and Dan doesn't say anything. He figures that if there is one thing Blair Waldorf can be trusted at, is making people look good. Besides, she seems to be having fun, and she might need it before the news about Chuck drops on her.

After he goes through a shampoo involving a dozen of unnecessary hair products, Dan is seated by André in front of a mirror. He can see the reflection of Blair seated behind him on a leather couch, reading a magazine. She's not even reading it, it seems; she just turns the pages quickly, as if everything written gets boring the second she lays eyes on them. She doesn't seem very peaceful.

For some odd reason, he can't help but picturing her reaction to learning about Chuck's death. She is probably going to cry, perhaps scream out her pain and frustration. He looks at her face features, and imagines them cringed in pain, her jaw clench and her eyebrows joined in sadness. She would definitely be the kind to hyperventilate.

Or not. She is Blair Waldorf. She could also be the kind to shut down her pain. To not let anything transpire, to act as if everything is fine, and that the subject doesn't need to be discussed while she is burning inside, screaming inside. And Dan realizes it would certainly look how she is looking right now.

When André is done with him, Dan looks at his reflection for the first time since he was seated in front of the mirror. He does look good. Blair approaches him, a smile on her face and tells something to André. Probably congratulating him on making such wonders, Dan can only imagine.

When they leave the salon, Dan's phone rings. Serena. His hand shakes a bit when he answers.

"Hello"

"It's not Chuck" Serena says, and he can hear her relief.

Dan doesn't show any sign that the conversation he is having is heavy in adrenaline, because he doesn't want Blair to suspect anything.

"Good" he simply says.

"But the fact that his wallet is here means that he is probably in Paris. I need to find him"

"Okay"

"Just, enjoy the rest of the day with Blair. I'll see you tonight"

She hangs up, and Dan tries to quickly come up with something to tell Blair, but she just gets in the waiting town car and urges him to hop on too. On the ride to the market, Dan looks at her. Now that he is sure Chuck is not dead, it's easier to be around her. He isn't the bearer of a fact that would alter her life in the most horrible way.

Or would it? Dan is not even sure of how things ended up with Chuck and Blair.

"How did things end up, with you and Chuck?"

He didn't mean to ask the question, it just sort of fell off his mouth. Blair turns slowly to him, eying him suspiciously.

"You were never really good at minding your own business" is all she says.

The answer doesn't satisfy Dan. When they get to the market, he helps Blair choosing the vegetables, because she is terrible at recognizing those ripe enough to be cooked on the same day. He also carries the bags, following her around, silently sympathizing for Dorota. Blair just wants every vegetable or fruit that she finds has a pretty color. That's why they end up with more ingredients than necessary to make a boeuf bourguignon. Blair tells him this way he'll have things to cook to repay her for hosting him.

They also need wine. So Blair takes them to the best wine merchant around that of course happens to be one of her mother's friends. The merchant, Bernard and his wife Alice don't look as posh as Dan expected. They are just wine fanatics, wine experts that live as simply as they can, in a traditional wooden shop.

It's around two in the afternoon and they haven't had lunch yet, so Alice fixes them a plate of the leftovers of their own lunch. She sits at the table with them, and talks with Blair, while Dan just eats, smile at the two of them from time to time, used to not understanding a damn thing in this country. Twice Blair puts a hand on his arm and says his name to Alice. He wonders what she could be saying about him.

When they have everything they need, they go back to Blair's to start cooking, because boeuf bourguignon takes time, and God forbid to Blair it doesn't taste heavenly.

At first she is around him, watching carefully the way he cuts the carrots, and the way he chops the onions.

"I can cook, Blair" he finally says, annoyed.

Blair takes a step back "So can a lot of people, you don't have to be so aggressive about that"

The fact is, she is impressed. It seems to be so ridiculously easy for him to touch food, like it's all his been doing with his free time. Blair assumes that being Rufus's son, he has a penchant for every activity that involves cooking something. But she thinks it's the first time she's seen a man other than her father cook.

It's kind of sexy. Not as Humphrey sexy but as the masculine entity handling so well a knife, and managing aliments with extreme delicacy. She can understand why Lily went with Brooklyn, in the end.

"What?" Dan's voice snaps her out of her thoughts.

She realizes that she's been looking at his hands to whole time. She tries to regain composure and she says,

"You're making too much noise"

It's easy to cook with him, he knows what he's doing. The recipe book is open on the counter between them, and they move around each other, synchronized, like a perfectly rehearsed choreography.

When they have nothing to do left but wait, Blair takes out a book, and sits at the kitchen table. Dan sees the cover and smile.

"I wish I knew French" he says. "I'm sure Verlaine's poems are well translated, but it is frustrating sometimes to know that you are not reaching the core of it. Besides, it must sound really good."

Blair purses her lips, because he is annoyingly disturbing her time rather than vacating to his own occupation. Still, she feels his pain. She couldn't imagine reading Verlaine in English. So she clears her throat, and starts reading out loud.

"Je fais souvent ce rêve étrange et pénétrant; d'une femme inconnue, et que j'aime et qui m'aime; et qui n'est jamais, ni tout à fait la meme; ni tout à fait une autre, qui m'aime et me comprend"

Her voice, her accent and the incomprehensible, yet phonetically delicious words make Dan shiver a bit. He sits at the table with her.

"Which one is it?" he asks

"Rêve familier"

"Ha" Dan smiles, and she sees him frowning his eyebrows, as if trying to remember "I often dream a dream, strange and penetrating; of an unknown woman whom I love and loves me; and who is never quite the same one; never quite another, and loves me and understands me"

Blair raises her eyebrows, not hiding how impressed she is.

"There might be hope for you" she says.

"Thanks" Dan laughs before getting up "I'll go to my room. Call me if you need anything"

When he enters his room, the first thing he sees is Milo's pacifier on the nightstand. He takes out his computer, to write. Claire Carlyle is taking too much place in his mind, right now.

Time flies, and at some point, Blair knocks on his door. He knows it's her, because the knock is hesitant, almost resentful. He tells her to come in, and she opens the door, but stays in the hallway.

"Serena called, and said she was going to be late, for dinner" she says.

"Okay"

Dan wonders if she found Chuck. She hasn't called him, and it can't be good news. Then he realizes that he's not sure what he considers the good news should be; finding Chuck, or not.

Blair's eyes set on the nightstand, just like him, and she steps inside the room, going to take the pacifier between her fingers. Dan doesn't tell her to stop. He just looks at her looking down on the little device.

"Is that your son's?" she asks

"It's Milo's, yes" Dan corrects her.

Blair continues to look at it, and sits on his bed.

"It must've been so…scary"

"To think I would be stuck with Georgina Sparks for the rest of my life? Yes, that got the best of me, sometimes"

"No" Blair doesn't laugh with him "Having your life changing so suddenly. Being a parent, responsible for someone" she looks up to him "Did you ever think that you couldn't do it"

Dan doesn't understand the sudden interest in his feelings "I didn't have the choice" he answers, precautious "And retrospectively, learning how to be a parent was way easier than learning it was all an illusion"

Blair looks back down to the pacifier, and Dan can hear her whisper the word "illusion". She puts it back on the nightstand and starts leaving the room.

"Dinner will be ready at 9" she says before closing the door behind her.

X

Dan is ten minutes late, and he assumes Blair is going to give him hell for it. But when he enters the dining room, she is just sitting there, straight, her face turned to the window. Dan clears his throat and she jumps a little.

"Good, you're here" she says "I was hungry"

Dan takes the seat facing hers. Everything is already settled on the table and the only thing left to do is eat. Blair chews on her salad quite absent-mindedly, not paying attention to him. It's like he's not even in the room. When he can't possibly bear the silence anymore, he asks her if she has some music. Blair gets up and goes to a corner of the room, where Dan hadn't noticed to be a phonograph.

She takes a vinyl out, places it carefully on the player and then, the room is filled with a light violin intro.

"Is it Charles Aznavour?" he asks when she is back on her seat. "My mother used to sing some of his songs to me, when I was little"

"So did my father" Blair says.

They don't talk through the first course, but when they start on the meal they prepared together, Blair smiles and congratulates him. Dan does the same, then they are back to being silent. Dan can't wait for Serena to get home. He knew being stuck with Blair would be a bad idea. They have absolutely nothing to tell each other. But the way she's acting doesn't quite look like disinterest. She looks like she is imprisoned in her own dreadful thoughts and Dan, being Dan, can't help asking;

"Blair, are you okay? You seem a little off"

"I am fine, thank you" she says "I've got wine, boeuf bourguignon and Charles Aznavour. What else could I possibly want?"

Dan scratches the back of his neck, already regretting what he's going to say next.

"I know that we're not…friends, but if it's about Chuck, you can talk to me. If you want"

"And what makes you think, exactly, that you are suitable?"

Dan could say that it's because they both hate Chuck; because he betrayed them both. Because he knows how it feels having someone for one moment and thinking your life will be resolved around them, and losing them the next. But he knows that's not what she would need to hear.

"Because I'm here" he says.

Blair looks at him. He is right, whether they are friends or not, he is there. Where is Serena? Where is her mother? She is not fine, she doesn't feel fine, and when she is alone, she feels like she could suffocate in her sorrow.

Dan stands up, holds his hand out to her. She looks at it confusingly, and he sighs, a bit annoyed "Come on, Waldorf, we've dance together before. I like this one, it was my mom's favorite"

Blair takes his hand, puts one on his shoulder, and they start moving slowly. There is still a distance between them, and it makes the movements slightly awkward. To ease the knot in his stomach, Dan asks her what the song is about.

"Bohemia" she says "It's about a lost time in Montmartre, when even though everything wasn't easy, at least it was peaceful. And now a man is just left with broken memories"

Dan is unhinged when Blair closes the distance between them, and rests her forehead in his chest, her eyes closed. She still has one hand in his, and the other on his shoulder, but they stopped moving.

She seems fixed in this position, and at first, Dan doesn't say anything, but when no change occurs after two minutes, he starts to worry.

"Blair, are you okay?"

She sobs, it startles him. Then she shakes her head against his chest.

"I'm really not, Humphrey" she says, voice broken "I've been acting like I'm okay, but I'm not"

Dan is listening, but distracted by the sight of Serena at the entrance of the dining room. With just a glance, Dan asks her not to come closer. Blair didn't hear her coming. Serena just looks at them, worried.

"I can't sleep, I can't…eat" Blair says, and Dan's eyes lower to the top of her head. "They say it's a broken heart but, I hurt in my whole body"

Her hand on his shoulder clenches in a fist, wrinkling his shirt.

"What if I stay like this forever? What if I never get over Chuck?"

Then Dan understands that there is nothing more he can do, so he nods to Serena who almost run to their side. When Dan steps away from Blair, and she sees Serena, she just jumps into her friend's arms, crying.

Dan watches as Serena supports all of Blair's weight on her, and strokes her hair. With a nod, Dan indicates silently that he is going to bed.

"Call me if you need anything" he whispers.

He doesn't go to sleep right away. Blair just gave him so much material for his writing; he can't let a night of sleep break the cycle. She is clearly hurt, and Dan doesn't think she deserves it. But Blair's fate is out of his reach, and the only thing he can do, is start writing the ending Claire Clarlyle deserves.

Am I ruining season 4 Dair? Tell me.

xo