Forever

The Hunger Games does not belong to me, it belongs to Suzanne Collins.

Peeta is back, and I should be happier, but I cant bring myself to face him, what if he tries to kill me again? I know its not him but seeing the eyes of the one person that I love unconditionally filled with anger and hate. Just the thought of losing him to the capitol again, even after it has been overthrown is too hard to bare. I consider calling Haymitch, but can't bring myself to get to the phone, as I can hardly move. I don't want Peeta to see me like this though, drunk and crying on the couch. I know one of the only thing he detests more than the capitol, is me drinking. Still, I didn't let that get in my way, I was just consumed with loneliness that I decided to pick up a bottle. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew I shouldn't, but I decided to ignore it. As another tear drips of my face, I decide that is the last tear I'm going to cry today. I make that declaration to myself, and there is a knock on the door.

I don't reply to it, because it could be Peeta. With that thought, who other than Peeta comes through the door, his face gleaming with joy that I can only hope are in anticipation of seeing me. That gleam is gone when he sees me though, its replaced with concern and I know I have let him down again.

"katniss, what's going on?" he says with all the sadness in the world, more than I could ever ask for. "Why are you crying?" he continues. I hope he wont notice the smell of alcohol on my breath, but as always I am mistaken. His face cringes when he smells it, I can tell he's not pleased, but somehow not angry either. I'm confused, this array of emotion is to much for me while I'm in this state. "Why are you drinking? How drunk are you? Should I be worried? Is this because of me?"

How can he think that this is because of him? Well it kind of is, but its not his fault. It's almost unbearable to answer him, but I need to answer him, he deserves it.

"I'm pretty drunk as you can see, I don't really remember when I started drinking or why. I don't want you to be worried, but it might be appropriate for you to be. To answer your final question, its not because of the Peeta that I know, its because of the Peeta that the capitol created." As I am about to keep going, I start to feel sick, my facial expression must be gruesome, because Peeta goes and grabs a bucket. Then walks me over to the bathroom. Why am I such a disaster? Why can't I manage not to disappoint him? Why does he need to take care of me, when considering what he has been through, shouldn't I be taking care of him?

Finally, I come out of the bathroom and I'm almost acting like myself. I start to look for Peeta, but he is nowhere in sight. I start to stumble up the white pristine stairs, hoping to maybe find him up there waiting for me. Sure enough, he is waiting there, has got my bed made and set up for me to lay down and sleep, there is no smile on his face, but not an angry face either. Just a disappointed one. He motions for me to lay down, and I don't argue. As he starts to leave the room, I finally speak up and ask him if he will stay.

"Not tonight, Katniss. I have to go get situated at home. Being away for six months kind of has its toll on a house."

I don't want to accept it, but before I can argue any further, I am pulled into the darkness of sleep. As i start to lose focus of my surroundings, I can see a mockingjay's feather signalling that I might actually sleep well tonight.

Peeta's POV

I can't believe she is drunk, and that its my fault. I can not permit a surge of heavy emotion though, I cant let an episode happen right now though, when the subject of my aggression during my episodes is right next door, drunk and vulnerable. I will deal with it tomorrow, when she is out hunting. I'm thinking about walking over to Haymitch's house and demanding why he let her get like that. I'm also wondering when this all started.

As i walk over to his house, I'm trying to calm down, its not working so well. I barge into the door and I'm not supprised to see Haymitch on the couch, with a bottle of liquor. "Why the hell is she like that!?"

"Nice to see you too kid. I haven't stepped in that door and she has barely stepped out of it for about a month, I didn't know anything was wrong, she's not a big talker, that one."

"Did she take a bottle the last time she was here?"

"Yes, and she had a right to, with you being gone and having to deal with all of the nightmares, and the grief, and of course the guilt over your torture. Don't get me wrong kid, you needed those six months to help with your issues, but it had to be hard on her."

"I need to know what to do about it, you are still my mentor anyway. Should I stay away, or should I be right there with her through this? I'm just lost is all, seeing her like that, well it makes my stomach churn to see her in pain."

"Well kid, just do what she needs you to do. Don't let her have anymore alcohol, be there for her, and keep yourself healthy. That's all she really wants and needs." says Haymitch with a grin.

I might just be ready to talk to her when she wakes up. Instead of going over to my house, I decide to go over to her house, so I can make sure the first thing she sees when she wakes up is me. I might even make some bread too.

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