A/N. Happy Birthday to onebigscribble! She is a dear friend and a great writer, and most importantly, her birthday is today! So this one is for her - I hope you like it, Scribbles :D

Ways in which this is AU: Sirius and Remus are live (I REFUSE TO BELIEVE EITHER OF THEM DIED), but Tonks IS dead (sorry, Tonks) and well... that's about it, I suppose.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. But if JKR ever started writing fanfiction would she, instead of putting a "disclaimer" put a "claimer" instead. "Claimer: I own this. Really, I do. I'm JKR." Would that happen?

...~oOo~...

More Trick And Less Treat, Please

If there was one thing Sirius Black liked as much as Christmas, it was Halloween. Possibly because it reminded him of all those exotic Feasts back at Hogwarts, or maybe it was to do with the fact that it opened up a whole new world of scary pranks. And Sirius, even as he was pushing forty - or, rather mid-thirties, he'd say, because he insisted his aging halted while he was in the Veil - loved pranks. Anything that scared the pants off of someone put a smile on his face.

Especially if that "someone" was Remus. In the past, Remus was absolutely immune to all of Sirius's tricks and pranks. He would just smile, say, "Good one, Pads" and then walk off, munching on his chocolate and reading a book.

However, his kid was the easiest target in the world. Little Teddy was the biggest scaredy cat Sirius had ever seen!

Then again, Teddy was, like, five. So maybe Sirius wasn't playing fair.

But it was the morning of Halloween that Sirius discovered that not all pranks had to be scary or humiliating. No. As a matter of fact, they could be both - but not the traditional sort of frightening or embarrassing. It could be more personal, more mental and emotional - a prank that no one noticed was a prank apart from the prankster. All Sirius had to do was target Remus's weakness.

Sirius realized this when he was sitting in the kitchen with his mate and Teddy. The older two were drinking coffee and the little one insisted on drinking his chocolate milk in a mug - that way he could pretend it was coffee like the big boys. Teddy was sporting purple hair that morning and was already wide-eyed and excited for that evening.

Wizarding kids usually didn't go trick-or-treating, but Muggles did. And Remus thought it would be best for Teddy to embrace his Muggle side as well and take part in some of their traditions. Both of Teddy's parents were half-bloods, after all.

Sirius's revelation came when there was a knock on the door and a click of the lock, meaning whoever was entering had a key. And then there was light footsteps and a friendly call of, "Happy Halloween!"

Hermione Granger had dropped by.

And Sirius saw the signs of Remus's distress immediately. Remus's spine jolted into the perfect straight of a rod, he was untwisting his wrinkled sleeping t-shirt and inconspicuously trying to retie the drawstring on his flannel pants. He was also scratching nervously at his neck and patting Teddy's head as if doing so would make him feel better.

Which it obviously didn't.

Anyone would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to see the sexual tension between the former professor and student. Hermione was less obvious about it - she had a rather high sense of morality and decorum - but Remus was pathetic. Clumsy and nervous and twitchy. He'd always been like this, Sirius thought with a sigh. Even at school. The boy couldn't get within ten feet of a female without breaking out in hives.

Which was why Tonks and Remus had been good together. She did all the advancing and was so forward that Remus didn't have to worry about subtlety or flirting, the things that most set him on edge.

"Daddy, why are you smacking my head?" Teddy inquired, having his spiky hair flattened with his father's hand.

"I'm patting, dear, not smacking," Remus said absently. He took his hand away and flicked open the Prophet, trying to look preoccupied.

"We're in here, love!" Sirius called out, never wanting to miss a chance at Remus being a stuttering fool.

When Hermione entered the kitchen, she was flushed from the cold autumn wind, her nose pink, and her curls whipped into a tumbleweed that she was actively trying to push down. But even Sirius had to admit he'd never seen the girl looking so adorable before - bundled into a black pea-coat, mittens, and warm-looking boots.

"'Mione!" Teddy exclaimed happily, hopping down from his seat and hurtling himself at the young woman. Laughing, Hermione caught him and squeezed tight.

"Hello, Teddy! How are you this fine October day?" she asked, giggling at the boy graced her cheek with kisses.

"Lovely!" Teddy answered, making her laugh more. "It's Halloween, you know!"

"In fact, I do know," Hermione said with a smile, putting Teddy back down. "It's actually why I'm here."

"Are you trick-or-treating already?" Teddy asked, looking confused. His eyes scanned her up and down. "What are you supposed to be?"

Laughing again, Hermione shook her head. "No, not yet, sweetheart. And I'm supposed to be me, of course! I'm here because I hear your father is going to take you trick-or-treating tonight and I want you to stay nice and warm." She crouched down on the floor to Teddy's level and from her pocket drew out two bright blue mittens.

Teddy looked at them, grinning widely, and happily took them. He slipped them, finding them only a little big - room to grow - and rushed to show his father.

"Look what 'Mione gave me, Daddy!" Teddy exclaimed.

"Very nice," Remus said, smiling. "But is Hermione sure she doesn't want to save them for any unsuspecting house-elves?"

"Ha, ha," Hermione said sarcastically, amusement dancing in her eyes. "Very funny. And I dare say, I've gotten quite better at knitting since my SPEW days."

"I'd agree," Remus said as he hoisted Teddy up onto his lap. He often did that when Hermione was around - hold onto Teddy tight. Sirius suspected it had something to do with keeping his hands from fidgeting like they normally did when he was anxious.

"Are you jealous you haven't got a pair of your own?" Hermione teased lightly.

"Quite," Remus chuckled.

"Well, then, good news for you, I've got you something better!" She pulled a long scarf out of her pocket - and another one as well! They were striped orange and black with green fringe at the ends. "Matching scarves for you and Sirius!"

Remus blanched and Sirius barked with laughter.

"You shouldn't have..." Remus said.

"But I wanted to!" Hermione said.

"People already think we're bent for living together," Sirius said, beaming, "we might as well throw matching fringed scarves into the mix and erase all doubt!"

Hermione scowled and said defensively, "They won't think you're gay, Sirius. They'll think you're... very good friends."

"Yes," Sirius agreed. "Very good, shirt-lifting friends. But bugger that, I still want mine!" He stood up and took the scarf from Hermione, pressing an unnecessarily long, sloppy kiss to Hermione's cheek.

Remus's cheeks flared red.

"I'll get you some coffee, kitten," Sirius said before sauntering over to the stove.

For the slightest moment, Remus wondered if he'd just caught Hermione sneaking a glance at Sirius's bareback and bum. It sparked a deep pang of jealousy in him. Maybe some things never changed. In Hogwarts, Sirius would always turn heads and those heads would instinctively turn away from Remus.

Although, Remus probably wouldn't be able to handle it if Hermione had a thing for Sirius.

"And this one is for you," Hermione said, draping the last scarf around his neck, wrapping it around once, resulting in her fingers skimming his jugular. It sent his pulse into a frenzy.

It was getting harder and harder to not touch Hermione whenever she touched him. Remus knew she was merely friendly, all the gentle pats or hand-squeezes. But it drove him mad.

Whenever the Wolf side of him - and the purely male part of him - started whining, begging to touch Hermione, he had trained himself to draw up a mental image of Hermione the first time he met her. Fourteen with crazy hair and bad teeth, a know-it-all, and a teacher's pet.

But somehow, in this mental image, her fourteen-year-old self never stayed fourteen. No. Somehow she grew into her current twenty-one-year-old self, but still wearing the uniform, that plaid skirt...

You are a dirty old werwolf, he told himself. Practically a pedophile, never mind that she's of-age. She was your student, she is a young girl, and you are forty-one. FORTY-ONE. Remember that.

While Remus was telling himself all of the things wrong with having sexual knee-high sock fantasies about Hermione, Sirius's own mind was plotting. Plotting on how he could abuse Remus's very obvious feelings for Hermione and finally succeed in humiliating Remus in his own way.

Then it was so obvious Sirius could have smacked himself.

When Sirius put a cup of coffee in front of Hermione, his opportunity arose.

Teddy was chattering to Hermione all about their plans for that evening. About how Uncle Sirius and Daddy were taking him trick-or-treating with the Muggles and how he was going to dress up and about how Sirius wanted to go as a "pimp" even though Teddy had no idea what a pimp was and -

"Oh, dear," Sirius said, cutting into Teddy's monologue. He put on his best mournful expression. "I didn't tell you, did I?"

"Didn't tell us what?" Remus asked slowly, sensing trouble approaching.

"I'm afraid I can't go trick-or-treating tonight," Sirius said regretfully.

Teddy's eyes went giant like saucers and his lower lip quivered. "But...but we were supposed to be the Three Musketeers!"

Remus glared darkly at his old friend. "Yes, Sirius, what could be so important that you'd abandon us?"

"I'm afraid I have to work."

"Work! You don't bloody work!"

"My novel," Sirius said, looking dead serious. "I've been neglecting it for too long."

"Then neglect it a day longer," Remus said sharply.

"That would just be irresponsible," Sirius said indignantly. "What sort of traits are you instilling in your child - procrastination and neglecting duties? You should be ashamed."

Teddy was pouting and said quietly, "But... who's going to be our third Musketeer? We need three!"

"Hm," Sirius faux-mused, "what a good question... Hermione, are you busy this evening?"

"No," Hermione said, perhaps a beat too quickly. "Um... if I'm not imposing, perhaps... I could your third?"

Teddy's face broke out in a smile. "Yes, 'Mione! Please come with us!"

"I'm sure Hermione has better things to do," Remus said quickly, but Teddy was already up and out of his seat and running for the stairs, laughing like mad.

"I don't, actually," Hermione replied, smiling, her brown eyes twinkling. "To be honest, I'd actually love to go trick-or-treating. I haven't since I was ten... and it would look kind of strange, me going out alone, wouldn't it?"

"You don't have to," Remus said, quietly to Hermione.

"I know I don't," Hermione said, "but I want to! As long as its alright with you, of course."

"Oi!" Sirius said before Remus could answer. "Enough with the back and forth. Hermione's going, Teddy's happy, Remus - quit it and suck it up."

Then Teddy came whizzing back into the room, holding a hanger with clothes draping from it. "This is your, 'Mione!" Teddy said, dropping it in her lap.

It was, sure enough, a Musketeer uniform, obviously made for a man of Sirius's size.

"Well, I'll be off then, to take this in and whatnot," Hermione said. "What time should I be here?"

"We'll probably leave around five," Remus answered, feeling defeated.

"I'll see you then!" She dropped a kiss onto Teddy's cheek and waved before leaving.

Remus sent a grimace Sirius's way, hoping to communicate, You're dead.

...~oOo~...

A/N: Part 2 coming up next!