So I had this idea… in fact I had it for a while and originally I was going to write it with adult Mammon, but the way canon has it offers interesting possibilities, too. If you think Mammon would rather blow up the Varia base than comply, I understand it, but… I couldn't help myself ;)

Cover picture by soshi185, in reply to my appeal for illustrations. And I still want them, even if the cover is taken ;) Please?

I disclaim.

Have fun.

Mammon entered the dining room in the Varia mansion and immediately found herself at the centre of attention of her fellow members – all except the boss, who was habitually absent. This alerted the illusionist, who was used to being completely ignored at the table as everybody was busy eating/throwing food at one another/throwing weapons at one another. That suited her fine, since it meant she could eat in relative peace and only sometimes had to duck.

She went over to her place and helped herself to strawberry jam. Whatever it was, no sense in facing it on an empty stomach.

'Mammy-chan~!' Lussuria exclaimed when the illusionist was halfway through her second sandwich. These people had always had a peculiar timing. 'You have a letter~!'

The Varia's resident illusionist raised her eyebrows in surprise, even though no-one could notice it.

Strange as it might sound, it was actually possible to post a letter to the Varia mansion through normal postal service. There was a letter box by the gate and it was, in fact, regularly emptied, usually by Levi or Lussuria first thing in the morning. And no matter how early the officers rose, the post would've already arrived; after a certain incident involving an umbrella, tweezers and a beauty mask postmen had taken to arriving surreptitiously before dawn, often dressed in military-inspired camouflage clothing. With real bush twigs.

But the usual content of the mailbox consisted largely of various magazines the officers were subscribing to, plus leaflets. They post office had once offered, in a desperate hope to appease the most dreaded customers, to stop delivering ads and similar stuff, but that had been vetoed by Lussuria, who claimed they were pretty interesting and helpful, and Mammon, who considered that if they insisted on having a fireplace, it would be bloody stupid to turn down free fuel. In any case, it was not often that someone, let alone Mammon, received a real letter. The last one had been from Reborn, and it had been delivered by a bird. She remembered it distinctly, since the bird had broken her window and later she had demanded that Reborn cover the repair costs.

'Well then,' the illusionist said after a while, 'I guess I'd like to see it.'

There was some exchange of looks and after some rustling and rummaging an envelope was produced from Bel's pocket. It had doves on it. And it was open.

Apart from the brilliant opportunity to overestimate window repair costs, bird-delivered letters had the advantage over normal post that they were brought to you directly. In the Varia, if you wanted privacy, the best strategy was to keep everything secret or, optionally, make the others believe your personal affairs weren't interesting enough to concern themselves with. The latter worked well for Levi, although perhaps not intentionally. Demanding privacy had the opposite effect.

'Anything interesting?' Mammon inquired, taking the envelope and glaring around. Admittedly, no-one could see Mammon's glare as such, but she was good at emitting a menacing aura that worked even better.

'Very nice, shishishi,' Bel volunteered. 'Could be… entertaining.' He grinned, which in any case was his default face expression, but worried Mammon slightly.

Lussuria and Squalo laughed shortly, which worried her even more.

She opened the envelope, producing a piece of white cardboard edged with gold. She read it.

'Mu, a wedding?'

Well, it had always been only a matter of time, and neither being dead, of course, but a wedding already? And they were actually inviting her?

'Yes! Isn't it delightful~?!'

It occurred to Mammon that Lal Mirch, were she to learn her wedding was described as "delightful" by Lussuria, would surely strangle someone to death. The illusionist suddenly felt tempted to tell her.

'And who are they again?' asked Levi, who was a little behind with the events.

'The Prince thinks you're stupid,' Bel declared, which was nothing new in Mammon's opinion. 'That's the chibi who trained the boxing kid and the chick from CEDEF, the one with the centipedes.'

Mammon didn't know about any centipedes and concluded it was probably something to do with the dream about the future and therefore nothing to do with her. She was amazed Bel was able to identify both Colonnello and Lal, but she still wasn't sure where this was going.

'Which means the boxing kid is likely to be there too!' Lussuria was all enthusiasm, and Mammon felt a twang of panic. She glanced back to the invitation. …Mammon… with an accompanying person. Oh, shit. Were they crazy?

'Mu, I didn't sa-'

'Shishishi, worry not, baby. The Prince has decided to accompany you and grace this little party with his royal presence.'

Bel grinned at Mammon, who couldn't help but be relieved and took care not to show it.

'Mammy-chan surely prefers to take someone who knows how to party and has sty-'

'Mammon prefers the Prince,' Bel announced with dignity. 'The Prince knows how to behave in company.'

In the privacy of her hood Mammon doubted this, but focused on chasing away the thought of going to a wedding with Lussuria.

'VOI! YOU? WHEN HAVE YOU LAST BEEN IN "COMPANY", IDIOTIC PRINCE?'

'His royal blood will tell the Prince.' The blond was unfazed.

All right, thought Mammon, there were two Varia officers quarreling over whom she would take with her to a wedding. And it looked like, for now, they were fighting over whom she would prefer to take with her. What was wrong with the picture?

'Ne, Mammy-chan, think of the fun we could have together~ and with all those pretty boys~ '

'VOI, IF I WERE MAMMON, I WOULD RATHER CUT MY THROAT THAN SHOW MYSELF IN PUBLIC WITH THE GAYLORD!'

That, the illusionist had to admit, summed up her feelings quite well.

'Ooooohhh, don't say that, Squ, I'm hurt~'

'Shishishi, if you were Mammon? Does that mean-'

'YOU SHUT UP, IDIOT PRINCE! VOOOOIII!' There was a sword at Bel's throat at this point. Knives glistened in his hand.

'Oh, does Squ want to go with Mammy-chan too?'

That diverted Squalo's attention from the Prince.

'HELL NO! WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO TO A WEDDING?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!'

'Shishishi, you're just saying that because you know Mammon will pick the Prince. The young sword brat might be there too, you know.'

'HE WILL?' Bel and Lussuria giggled. 'VOOIII, WHAT DO I CARE?! STUPID BABY, MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY, VOI!'

'Of course Mammy-chan will pick Luss-nee-chan, I'm more fu-'

'Mu, no,' the illusionist said quickly, before anyone could offer her a bribe. If Lussuria tried to pay her, she might feel compelled to accept, and she definitely didn't want to be persuaded, in any way, to go anywhere with that… individual. No, no and no. Mammon had her pride.

'The Prince knew, shishishi. No peasant would miss an occasion to go out with a Prince.'

Go out? When did it come to going out?

'Bel-chan then?' The Varia's Sun Guardian dimmed a little.

But soon he brightened again.

'Then all that's left is to decide what you'll be wearing,' he said happily.

'Wearing..? Mu, I-'

'No, that won't do~!' Lussuria exclaimed cheerfully, not bothering to listen to what the illusionist actually wanted to say. 'We'll find you something special~! '

Struck with a terrible presentiment, Mammon referred to the invitation again. Evening dress required. …Great.

The illusionist had never been invited to a wedding before in her life, but she strongly suspected this was not a usual thing to write in an invitation. Normally it should be obvious; how did one dress for a wedding? So afterwards she could state "You never said" and it would be their own fault. The conclusion was that they had included this sentence on purpose to trick her into wearing evening dress.

Evening dress appropriate for her gender, which still remained unknown to the general public.

It had to be Colonnello behind this.

Unless it was Reborn. Lately it seemed to Mammon Reborn was behind everything. On the other hand, Lal wouldn't let him come within ten kilometres of her wedding preparations, neither metaphorically nor literally. Maybe Mammon was finally getting paranoid.

Well, she wasn't going to fall for this.

'Purple,' Bel was saying. 'Definitely purple, as befits a Prince. Plus, the baby's hair is purple, it will match.'

'Aaawww, it'll be so cuuuteee~ What a shame I couldn't see Mammy-chan's hair~'

'Don't even-'

'Which of you will be wearing a dress?'

A brief moment of silence greeted this question, which Mammon quickly employed before hell could break lose.

'Mu, I didn't say I was even going,' she pointed out, wearily.

While a wedding had its good points, namely free food in huge quantities (cake), and the illusionist had always considered Lal to be one of the more agreeable members of Il Prescelti Sette (she minded her own business and didn't follow people around to discover what gender they were), she refused to fall for this evening dress trap.

'VOI! OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING!'

Mammon blinked, which passed unnoticed.

'What?'

'The Prince has ordered so,' Bel put in.

'Mu, I-'

'VOOOI! THE IDIOTIC PRINCE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! YOU ARE GOING TO PROUDLY REPRESENT THE VARIA!'

'Say wha-'

'THAT WOMAN IS A CEDEF MEMBER!' Squalo pointed his sword in Mammon's general direction, which baffled her a bit until she understood he was indicating the invitation she was holding.

'Mu, what does tha-'

'This is an important occasion for all Vongola and we cannot allow a Varia officer to turn down an invitation, you'd be disappointing the Boss!' Levi.

That wouldn't have occurred to Mammon. She wondered if it could have occurred to Lal Mirch. This was not likely.

'Mu, I really don't think she-'

'VOOOI! YOU ARE GOING, BABY TRASH! NO ARGUMENT!'

She had recently saved the captain's life. What had been wrong with her head?

'With the Prince, shishishi.'

Mammon blinked again, readjusting her attitude. In the Varia, you learnt to adapt fast.

'Then if it's a diplomatic mission, I want payment.'

'Mission? Your friends' wedding is hardly a mission, Mammy-chan~!'

Mammon ignored the "friends" part and was just about to snap back, but she was interrupted. Again.

'FINE! BABY TRASH WILL BE PAID! VOI!'

The illusionist relaxed slightly. Too soon.

'Then about that dress~'

'My cloak-' Mammon began quickly.

'-won't do! I told you already, didn't I, Mammy-chan~? You have to wear either a suit or a dress! Don't worry, we'll style you something sweet~!'

Now the illusionist was really worried.

'The Prince will find himself a royal suit worthy of the Prince. The baby can do as the baby pleases.'

'Black is appropriate for all occasions,' said Mammon desperately. She remembered hearing something along those lines from Luce, years before. Luce, the woman who had always worn white, but that was beside the point.

'No for a wedding it's not~! Unless it's a suit. A black dress or a white dress at a wedding is very bad manners~!'

'Mu, I. Will. Not. Wear. A. Dress. Or. A. Suit. Forget it!'

'You will not disgrace the Boss by being inappropriately dressed!'

'I don't think he gives a-'

'But if Bel-chan wears a suit, Mammy-chan must wear a dress~! Mammy-chan will look soooo adorable~! '

Mammon had a brief thought regarding the question who would be the one wearing a dress if she had agreed to take Lussuria, and decided not to entertain it.

'HA! IF MAMMON WEARS A DRESS, IT MAKES HIM A CREEPY CROSSDRESSER, VOI!'

The illusionist shuddered.

'Look who's talking,' said Levi under his breath.

'VVOOOIII! WHAT DID YOU SAY?!'

'The Prince pities your narrow horizons. Wearing a dress makes Mammon a girl. If the baby decides to.'

Well that was more like it.

'Weeelll, which will it be, Mammy-chan~?'

'The Prince would not object to the baby wearing a suit, either. The Prince prefers a guy to a creepy crossdresser.'

'How generous, and here I thought it was me taking you,' Mammon muttered under her breath.

She gritted her teeth. Experience told her that her fellow officers could easily be stupid enough to mean everything they were saying, but something else – paranoia? – insisted they, too, were doing this on purpose.

Come to think of it, Colonnello had that stupid bird that carried him around, didn't he?

Could it be-?

…Was she really developing some sort of persecution mania?

Now, she could easily take down everybody in the room if she used her illusions, escape to another country… It sounded so inviting…

'You can't even begin to imagine how much this is going to cost you,' she muttered.

'The Varia's image has value beyond money!' Levi, of course.

Squalo, Lussuria and Bel exchanged looks.

'Well then the Prince is sure you will be happy to pay the baby yourself, shishishi…. Now the baby has to call the centipede bride lady to tell her she will have the honour of having the Prince as a guest.'

'Mu,' said Mammon non-committedly and teleported herself back to her room.

._._._._._.

The illusionist sat down, picked up the phone and dialed the number she had found on the invitation.

'Lal Mi-'

'Tell your fiancé I hate him,' said Mammon.

'Okay. Anything else you wanted, Mammon?'

'Mu, I will come to that wedding of yours,' said the illusionist gravely.

'Good. Are you taking anyone with you?'

'Bel.'

'All right. I suppose it could be worse.'

'So do I. Tell me, who else of the Arcobaleno have you invited?'

'Everyone, although personally I hope Verde won't come.'

Oh, no. So that creep would be there too.

'Mu, did you have such hopes for me too?'

'You? No. You're not half as eager to spoil everyone's mood as he is.'

'Mu, point. Bye.' Mammon hung up. No need to waste money.

She sighed. Time to start the preparations, then.

._._._._._.

The first thing Mammon did was cast all sorts of illusions around her room, so that if someone trespassed on her territory, he would be instantly a. blinded, b. attacked by his worst nightmares, c. violently thrown out, d. unable to sleep for a month. Then she carefully locked the door and blocked it with a wardrobe, for good measure.

Then she sneaked out through the window and flew to town.

Mammon could attend a wedding. Mammon would even attend a wedding in evening dress. But she would die before she attended a wedding in evening dress styled by Lussuria.

._._._._._.

'It does not do to make the Prince wait, baby,' said Bel from the other side of her door.

'Shut up, Bel.'

'The Prince wonders if you are making your eyes, shishi.'

'Mu, you wish,' Mammon answered, carefully arranging the thick, dark – but not black - veil flowing from the fancy tiny hat perched over her forehead, so that it would artfully obscure the upper half of her face.

She regarded herself in the mirror and resisted the urge to face-palm.

No, she didn't look all that bad, but…

'Mammy-chan, you need to go or you'll be late~!'

…she didn't feel like having people look at her.

The illusionist reminded herself she had to brave – she was being paid for this after all – and opened the door.

'…' was the collective response to the sight of Mammon in a miniature but flowing ball gown made of purple silk, with buffed sleeves, frills, creases, sequins and a huge bow tied around her waist. Not to mention the way her hair was combed high up and coming down in waves – not very long, but still waves. And the hat. And everything.

She glared at them through the veil.

'Mammy-chan you're so cute~! I'm so glad you went for a dress after all~! I wanna hug you~!'

'VOOOI, ANOTHER CREEPY CROSSDRESSER!'

'Is… that… Mammon?!'

'The Prince thinks you're all stupid. That's the Prince's little lady companion, shishishishi.'

Bel picked Mammon up and situated her on his shoulder, taking care to arrange the folds of the dress. She noticed he was wearing a dark grey, shiny suit, a light purple shirt and a dark purple tie. And his tiara, of course.

Not unlike many women before her, she reflected men had it easier.

'The Prince thinks the evening will be ours, shishishi.'

Mammon feared Bel could be right.