If I had told you
You would have listened
You would have stayed
You would be here forever
Never went away ;;

Author's Note: This was originally a role play between the characters of Jasper and Bella. We have written them for years and fell in love with their story. We've had requests from people wanting to read our work and we decided to share it. That's why you will find the story in the format it's in. It goes back and forth between Jasper and Bella's perspective and it's written in third-person. If that's not a style you like and want it to read more like a straight story, stop reading now. It would take us decades to edit our role play like a true story format. That said, we really hope you enjoy what we have for so long.

Lyrics: Within Temptation - Bittersweet

CHAPTER ONE

Forks, Washington.

It was hell on earth that for Isabella Swan became an unexpected haven. Just over a year before, the doe-eyed brunette came here with a heavy heart, dreading what was to become of her new life in the small, rain-covered town. But what she hadn't planned on was falling in love with a boy – and immortal boy – named Edward Cullen. And that was putting it in the lightest context. Her world – so dull and uneventful before – was suddenly turned upside down. For the first time, she had a reason to live. Perhaps more fittingly, she had a reason now to die, to want to live eternally, and never have to close her eyes again by the hand of either sleep or death. Because of him, she learned not only how to love another romantically, but how to love the person she was. Not to mention, the place she'd come to call home.

But now Forks was anything but a haven. It was worse than the hell of when she initially came. If Dante was right in describing the nine circles of hell, Forks would be the tenth. It was reserved for those who had to endure lifetimes without the ones they loved. It was the physical, geographical place in which heartache bred and where hopes for happy futures were crushed to ashes. Because while it had been the place where she'd learned to love, it was also the place that held all of the memories that reminded her that such a thing no longer existed for her and never would again. There had been a brief time when Bella had thought that love was gone forever. Too recent for the wounds to be fully healed. But when she and Edward had reunited in Italy, it felt like time hadn't existed for the past several months. All that mattered had been the present, the fact that she could hear him, smell him, touch him. The elation she felt was her happiest moment. It could be the only thing to rival the extreme of lowest moment. The moment the life drained from his eyes and she came to understand that immortality was not a solid concept and eternity had a timely end.

How could she bring herself back here? How could she surpass Dante and immerse herself deeper into a personal hell? How could she come to leave Jacksonville, the makeshift haven that would never amount to anything as Edward's heart had? It hadn't been so much of a haven as it had been an escape. If it weren't for her father and his safety, Bella never would have stepped foot in the state of Washington ever again. But the killings in Seattle were growing in number to the point where the mystery had reached even the news on the other side of the country and Bella could no longer turn her head the other way. Charlie's well-being was a priority. If it hadn't been enough of one before, the fact that Bella had lost more than one of the most important people in her life was a reason to protect the few she had left.

But such a thing was an impossibility on her own. If her goal was to be attainable, the one to keep Charlie safe from becoming the next victim in the string of strange killings happening closer and closer to Forks, she couldn't do it alone. And there was only one group, now a smaller, more heartbroken one, that could help. That was how she came to stand outside the Cullen's all too familiar door.

Though it could be assured that this time, no one would have predicted her coming.

It was a known saying that time healed all.

Jasper had all the time in the world and yet he had not felt an ounce of comfort since the day he lost his wife and brother. No shred of solace had been found, no relief to the constant pain in his heart could be achieved. He thought he'd endured the most painful agony earlier on in his existence when he savagely killed others and felt their pain in their final moments. However not even that could compare to the anguish he felt upon losing his Alice. She had been his hope, his reason for living. With her gone, there seemed no purpose left to his existence.

The only home Jasper had ever known was with the Cullens, and initially the only reason he felt that way was primarily because of Alice. Him staying with the Cullens was for that reason. She was happy with them, and Jasper had grown to be as well. Alice loved them and would have wanted him there. Esme had told him that at some point or another; he couldn't be sure because the minutes, hours, and days all ran together and blurred. At the time her words had cut through him painfully, but deep down he knew his mother was right. Alice would have wanted that. Jasper stayed in Forks, though it was nearly unbearable. He refused to enter the bedroom he had once shared with his wife. Esme and Rosalie had been kind enough to set him up a room of his own instead. They'd even gone as far as to purchase him new clothing, for all of the clothes he had owned up until that point were purchases made by Alice. He'd insisted they burn the old clothes, but Esme had been unable to bring herself to do so, thus they were secretly stored in the cellar. The two bedrooms that had once been occupied by Alice and Edward remained closed. Their belongings were still in place as they were when last left, but the doors were kept shut. Jasper would not set foot near either.

He'd steeled himself from allowing any of the others to feel his grief. Occasionally it would slip and waves of despair would fill the house, but he was quick to rein them back in. The last thing he really wanted was for anyone else to feel his pain. Jasper had been keeping completely to himself, isolated in the room given to him. He only left to hunt, and even then he would wait until his eyes were black as coal and the burning in his throat felt like flames engulfing his insides. He welcomed that pain; it was a distraction from the pain of his broken heart. The rest of the family was avoiding their grief by trying to figure out what was going on in Seattle. Jasper had suspected newborns being carelessly brought into the world by another newborn, but without specifics it was difficult to say. Honestly? He hadn't given it much thought, nor had he preoccupied himself with the well-being of the humans of Forks. He could only think of Alice and his own demise.

Currently, he was in Carlisle's study alone. His father had asked him to come down and look at maps of Seattle to try to pinpoint any ideas of a location to where this out of control vampire might be taking haven, as well as to come up with some sort of plan to attack if necessary. Their own existence would be in jeopardy if the Volturi found out there was a threat of exposure. Jasper's initial response had been, "So what?" But he'd agreed anyway. Very little had been accomplished other than the spreading out of a map on Carlisle's desk. Jasper wasn't even anywhere near it; instead he was sitting sideways in an oversized chair with his long, lanky legs draped over one arm. He was playing with a loose thread on the chair, something Alice would've noticed from across the room and insisted on getting new upholstery to replace the old. In the past that thought would've made him smile, but now it just made him tug a little harder on the loose thread to make it worse. There would be no more smiles in his future. He didn't need his wife's power to tell him that.

When Bella came to the door, it was immediately opened. The sound of her vehicle followed by the beating of her heart was announcement enough for the Cullens to know they were going to have a visitor. Unfortunately without Alice or Edward they couldn't be sure who it was. But it was Rosalie who answered the door, and immediately upon seeing Bella she looked her over once, then stormed away from the open door without a word. Carlisle was quick to approach to do damage control as best he could. "Bella..? We weren't expecting to see you." He winced. Alice would've seen her coming.

Jasper tore the thread out of the chair's covering upon hearing Carlisle's words from the other room. Usually his father had a bit more courtesy, but even the good doctor had trouble speaking while he was grieving for his son and daughter.

Though she had been planning this visit for the past month, the long flight across country, and the drive to the Cullen home, there was no way Bella could have prepared for the way she felt when the door was opened. With the quiet sweep of the glass panes went Bella's confidence. Had she had any to begin with? Perhaps confidence hadn't been the right word. She didn't need confidence to go back to this location. She needed courage. Without Edward, courage seemed like a moot point. Her whole life did. It was like a sentence that was sliced in the middle. The words didn't make sense unless a conclusion was given. But that phrase would never be complete and nothing aside from reuniting with Edward would allow that. Since such was an impossibility, so was moving on.

Of all people who could have opened the door, it had to have been Rosalie. At least it was one thing that had remained constant. Rose would have done the very same thing a few months ago when everything seemed to have been perfect. Alice would have already opened the door before Bella could knock and enveloped her in a hug, chattering on about the latest outfit she wanted her to try on. That thought almost hurt as badly as thinking about Edward. Because Bella didn't only just lose him, but she lost the closest thing to a sister she'd ever had, not to mention one of her dearest friends. Alice had always been on her side. Alice had always been rooting from her, even from the beginning. Rosalie was never doing anything of the sort and from the way she scoffed and stormed away upon seeing her, it seemed there was no sympathy for her in the blonde's eyes.

And why should there be? This was all Bella's fault. It all went back to that not-so-brilliant idea of jumping off that cliff in La Push. Absence from Edward had made her so desperate and reckless that she risked her life just for the chance to hear his voice again, to picture him like crystal clear glass in her head once more. Her brilliant planned had work, although not in any sort of manner in which she would have predicted. It brought the two of them together only to ultimately tear them apart at the hands of the Volturi members. Aro was merciless, cruel. That was the only reason Bella was sure she survived – because of the fact that Aro realized it would be more painful for her to endure a human life without her Edward or Alice as opposed to killing her too.

He had been right.

When Carlisle came to the door, Bella froze. It was as if she were seeing a ghost in his otherwise dark eyes. They were on the verge of dark gold and she could tell that meant it had been a few days since he'd hunted. But it wasn't the color that was off. It was something else. They looked hollow. He looked hollow. Like someone who had just lost a child. Or two.

"I'm… I'm sorry I didn't call first," she said. She was aware that her voice was shaky. It didn't even sound like it belonged to her anymore.

Composing himself enough to invite her in, Carlisle shook his head and opened the door.

"No need to apologize, Bella. Come in."

With one step inside, the fragile girl felt the all too familiar prang of hurt that stabbed at her heart, or what was left of it. She tried not to show it and didn't dare allow herself to grow teary. In the time since Edward's death, she had perfected the art of grieving in solitude. Even though she merely seemed distant and observing while in the presence of others, she more than made up for it the moment she was alone and Bella was left to unleash her heartache. In front of Carlisle now, however, she was stoic.

"I heard about the… happenings in Seattle," she said. "More of them." She couldn't bring herself to say 'killings' or 'deaths'. "It didn't feel right to be anywhere else," she confessed. "Not if things are getting worse. And Charlie…" she drifted off. Partly it was on account of the fact that another had joined their party.

"And Charlie is well, Bella," came Esme's soft voice. The Cullen matriarch wasted no time in embracing Bella. "We've missed you."

Somehow Bella's heart managed to break all over again.

It wasn't Bella's voice, the acknowledgement of her from the others, or even her scent that told Jasper it was her. It was her guilt, her grief, her sorrow. He felt it before she even got out of the car as it ran incredibly deep within her. He knew it was her, because those feelings reflected his own almost identically. At once, his own guilt amplified. Jasper felt solely responsible for what had happened. To him, he was the one to blame for the deaths of Edward and Alice. After all, it was he who lunged at Bella and set everything into motion. He thought she must hate him. He didn't feel that emotion coming from her, but he knew that she was feeling devastated above everything else. The hate might come later, or it was just overpowered by the grief for the time being. Regardless, he wasn't about to rush up to Bella and hug her.

He knew that Esme wanted Bella to stay with them. He also knew that she wanted Bella and himself to confide in each other. While it was true that Bella was indeed the only person who might be able to understand his pain, his guilt towards her was so beyond any guilt he'd ever felt before that he couldn't even bring himself to say her name. If he couldn't do that, then how was he supposed to speak with her about his innermost feelings? Jasper also didn't want to dump his sorrows onto her. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Bella that day. He himself refused to even think about it, so he couldn't fathom how she must feel having to relive it often in her grieving.

He couldn't remember when he'd last seen Bella. He knew she was at the funeral, but Jasper had been an empty vessel that day. At the Memorial service, there had been some concern about his level of control. The family had been very nervous for him to attend, fearing he might lose control of himself through his grief and kill any human he could reach. When Carlisle approached the subject, all Jasper had responded with, again, was "So what?" If he slaughtered a group of humans, surely the Volturi would come kill him, too. But his control had not wavered once during the service. Jasper had numbed himself by then. The whole thing was a sham; Alice and Edward had not died from a hiking accident. Truthfully, when the excuse was shared with him beforehand, Jasper had scoffed. Alice was better at exaggerating details to false stories than that. She would've come up with better. It did her and Edward a disservice to claim they'd fallen to their deaths because of a faulty climbing rope. Anyone who knew the truth could attest to that. But Carlisle insisted it was the best way not to draw too much attention. They would've had to have proven a car wreck. Standing there at the service, all Jasper could do was look at the beautiful portrait on display of Alice. Rosalie, thankfully, kept everyone at bay from approaching him. His twin had grown extremely protective of him for whatever reason. Jasper didn't understand it, but was thankful at the time. The last thing he wanted was anyone's condolences over a lie. This had been his wife of nearly sixty years, not his high school girlfriend. The fact that the whole thing was a lie was how he kept himself composed. Burying two empty coffins was the most ridiculous part.

It was fortunate that Emmett had dragged Jasper out hunting two days before. His thirst was not unbearable. He would always pose a threat to Bella, but he was more in control of himself right now. At least, in that aspect. He wanted to just stay in the office and not come out, but even in his grief, he was still a gentleman. He couldn't be impolite to a lady. With whatever will he still possessed, Jasper stood from the chair and trudged from the room. Even just walking took effort now. By the time he reached the front room, Emmett had come in to say hello to Bella. His usually grinning big brother was solemn. It seemed out of place for Emmett, but not even he could make light of this tragic situation. Jasper made no move to announce his presence. He just stood off to the side, as he usually did, until Alice would pull him out to where she was the center of attention.

Out of the Cullens, Jasper was the one that Bella knew she would have the most trouble facing. However selfish it may have seemed, a part of her wished that he would have just stayed in his room or wherever he'd been. How was she supposed to face someone whose mate she felt responsible for killing? Alice's blood (figuratively of course) was on her hands as far as Bella was concerned. Alice was to Jasper what Edward was to Bella. It was an indescribable love that was obvious to any onlooker who saw the pair of them together. They seemed as if they were complete opposites and yet, they complemented one another like puzzle pieces. And because of what happened in Volterra, Jasper was left with edges that would never fit with someone else's.

Not only had he lost a mate, but a brother as well. Edward had told Bella before that of his brothers, he felt he shared a closer bond with Jasper. She imagined it worked both ways and thus, the loss the blonde boy would feel was doubled. Again, at Bella's hand. At the funeral, Esme had expressed to Bella as well that she thought it would be good for her and Jasper to speak because of the similarities in what they were feeling. But at the time, the brunette was still in shock and paralyzed with both guilt and heartbreak that she couldn't manage to speak to anyone, especially about what had actually taken place back in Italy.

For those reasons, Bella willed herself to perk up. With Jasper's ability, she understood that whatever she was feeling, he would feel as well and she already knew how down he was. She didn't need a special talent for that. The last thing she wanted to do was overwhelm a person she was… afraid of. Even though he lunged at her earlier in the year, Bella had never feared Jasper – not for what he was or the fact that he struggled containing his thirst at times around her. But now he scared her. Because in him, she saw reflected exactly how she felt and since Edward's death, she hadn't been able to fully face the truth.

Instead, she focused on the other members of the family. Emmett didn't seem like himself – and why would he be? But he didn't seem displeased to see her like Rosalie had. Turning her attention to Carlisle and Esme once more, she swallowed.

"What can I do?" she asked.

She owed it to them to do whatever she could – however little a human could do – to ensure the safety of not only Charlie, but to the Cullens as well. To her, they were still family. Albeit, a family that was still suffering.

Jasper had grown accustomed to turning out certain emotions, or ignoring certain people so that his mood would not reflect that of a complete stranger. Usually he kept tabs on his family, though he would never tamper with their moods or emotions unless asked. He did not want to pry into Bella's state of emotion, but she was someone he consistently had tapped into in order to know what he needed to look out for. If, for instance, she was feeling anxious and her heart rate sped up, that was something he needed to know so that he could drown out the rapid thumping of her heart with other thoughts and not be pulled in by the temptation to make it stop beating. That was why he was reading her now. What he felt was her fear.

It startled him and he visibly flinched. Bella, though she probably should have, had not ever expressed fear in the presence of the Cullens. Even with him, she'd always been kind. To finally feel that fear for what he believed it to be was shocking. Plenty of people, humans and vampires alike, were intimidated, afraid of, and even threatened by him, but to feel it from Bella actually stunned him.

It brought with it overwhelming guilt. Of course she was afraid of him. He'd lunged at her, violently snapping his teeth, ready to drain all the blood from her body to satiate his burning thirst. He couldn't blame her for that. Jasper had never felt more like a monster than he had on that day. It was something he still had not come to terms with, but until just then, it had been placed on the back burner due to the tragedy that had struck the family in recent weeks. He'd come face to face with it again and it was suddenly even more difficult for him to stand there in her presence. Jasper kept his hands clasped behind his back and looked on though he wanted nothing more than to leave.

Carlisle, unaware of his son's sudden realization, was trying to figure out what exactly they should do with Bella being back in town. She was certainly more at risk being that she wasn't across the country. If this was Victoria, like they suspected, then it was entirely possible that she could pick up on Bella's scent and come back.

"For now, we're still trying to figure out what we're dealing with." For so many years, they'd relied on Alice's visions in times of danger. They were flying blindly now with only their suspicions and educated guesses to guide them.

"I assume you're staying with Charlie? I do want you to know that you have a place here always, Bella. And.. if things take a violent turn, if the attacks get too close, we might ask that you take us up on that."

If Bella could only know where Jasper thought the source of her fear was coming from, it would have doubled her own guilt. The reasons she feared him had nothing to do with what had happened on her birthday. Bella more than understood that he could not help himself, that it was in his nature to want her blood, and that he felt awful about it. Enough so to leave... and take the rest of the family with him. But Bella had never blamed him for a second and she maintained that still today. It was because she only thought of pain when she looked at him as a result of the death of his mate and brother. The thought of her fear by other means didn't even cross her mind currently. Instead, she concentrated on Carlisle and his words.

She froze when the good doctor mentioned that there was a possibility that she would be asked to come and stay with the family. How could they expect her to do that? She could only imagine how awful things would be if it came down to that. Rosalie (whom she had heard scoffing all the way upstairs upon Carlisle's invitation) would surely promptly move out and take Emmett right her. It would be Bella's responsibility that the family was broken apart, even more so than they already were. Aside from that, the guilt and fear she felt around Jasper would surely have consumed her to the point of insanity. Half the time, Bella already felt as if she were going out of her mind with her mixed emotions, but surely that would have set her over the edge.

And of course, there was the issue about where she would actually stay. In Edward's room? There was no way she was ready to even step foot in there with the constant reminders of him. It was bad enough that in her room at Charlie's, she could see Edward at every turn or corner. Sleeping, for this reason, had been completely impossible and she had a feeling it would be like that for quite some time. It had been especially cruel that when Edward left, he'd taken every piece of him with him, literally erasing him from her life as much as he could.

Both nothing could erase memories.

"But what about Charlie?" she pointed out, using this as a very valid excuse,. "I couldn't just leave him," she said honestly.

How could she be all right knowing that while she was safe with the Cullens, Charlie was still at home, innocent and unsuspecting to this part of the world altogether. It made her stomach feel queasy to know that he was so oblivious to it all. It didn't help matters that he was determined, as the chief of police in Forks, to investigate why these deaths were occurring. Especially since they began to get closer and closer to home and continued to grow in number.

Jasper wasn't sure what he would do if Bella was to stay in the home with them. He knew she would be uncomfortable with him there, as it was evident that she was afraid of him just standing there now. If she did end up staying at the house for an extended period of time, he'd use the excuse he was going patrolling or to investigate nearby areas in order to stay out of the house. It'd probably be good for everyone if he did that anyway; they wouldn't be subjected to his mood swings and depression.

He couldn't bring himself to look directly at Bella. He'd been debating whether he should, but as soon as he felt her fear he quickly decided not to. He didn't want to make it worse. Jasper wasn't even sure how much longer he could stand there. He was starting to get overwhelmed; the depression was beginning to envelope him again and he wanted to grieve for his lost wife again, his Alice, his hope. The sadness sometimes crept up on him like that; with all the emotions of everyone else fluctuating, sometimes his own feelings went unrealized until they were so strong that they caught him off guard. That was how he was feeling now. Sorrow, in its most raw form, began chipping away at what was left of his broken heart. He let his gaze drop to the floor.

"Excuse me," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, I..." he looked up, almost pleadingly at Esme, who nodding in understanding to her fragile son. Jasper took that as an "it's okay" and nodded back, then went back into Carlisle's study.

Carlisle watched him go with sad eyes. He would make no apologies for Jasper, as he knew his son was grieving. He turned back to Bella then to address the situation.

"Charlie is, of course, a priority. We've been keeping an eye on him and will continue to do so. We won't make you stay with us Bella, we just want you safe. If you decide you'd like to, the offer will stand." He placed his hand on her shoulder. "It is very good to see you."

It was incredibly hard to swallow when Jasper left.

Who would be next? Emmett? Esme? Carlisle? Rosalie obviously couldn't stand to be in the same room as her and now Jasper?

Bella, more than ever since she'd first stepped foot in the town of Forks again, was beginning to think she'd made a grave mistake in coming back. What could she have done in any case? Protect her family herself? She was weak, useless. Part of that family involved the Cullens and since one third of them was gone altogether by her hand and another third couldn't even stand to look at her, what could she possibly do? Silly Bella.

A lump had formed in her throat that would remain for quite sometime after Jasper made his exit. She watched his retreating back and stared after it until it was invisible to her sight. The sad eyes she faced when she met Carlisle's gaze again was enough to solidify how awful she felt.

"Thank you," she said in response to his assurances about Charlie.

Her voice didn't sound as strong as she would have hoped for it to sound. Nodding, she didn't say anything more about the offer to stay. If she didn't have enough reasons not to before, the fact that she was driving people away just by breathing was enough to drive that point home. More than that, it was enough to make her wish for a hasty exit. Why hadn't she just called? What did going to the house accomplish when Carlisle could have simply told her these things through a wire? That would have been the smart thing to do, the much easier thing.

Silly Bella.

"I told him I would be back soon. He'll be worried," she said.

But her excuse was as weak as her voice and she was sure that it, just like her brave facade, would be seen through. Esme, again, approached her with a hug. And though Bella responded, she wished they wouldn't keep showing her such kindness. In fact, a part of her wished they would turn away from her like Rosalie did and now, Jasper as well.

"Please come back and see us, Bella," she said in her ear.

Bella could only nod again. Perhaps she should have said something more, but instead, she turned in case that lump in her throat would have gotten to the point where she couldn't hold back tears anymore. It wouldn't be until she was halfway between the Cullen's and Charlie's that such a thing occurred.