Stiles scrubbed at his skin until it was red under the spray of water that was too hot steaming up the whole bathroom. His heart rate was jacked up so high that he could feel it not only in his throat like a living thing trying to escape but pounding ruthlessly in his temple. He had fucked up. He had fucked up bad. Derek was going to kill him. Hell, he wanted to kill himself.

It was stupid. So god damn stupid.

He could feel his himself talking gasping breaths, his chest constricting as the panic really start to settle in for a nice long stay. "Oh My God." He moaned sliding down to the floor running his hands roughly though his hair trying to force himself to calm. It wasn't working. Black spots danced around the corners of his eyes and he kept sucking up water every time he tried to breathe through his nose.

A hard knocking at the door startled him into looking up. "Stiles! Stiles are you alright?" Scott's voice called from beyond the door.

"Fine." He said his voice several devastating octaves higher than it should be. "Just…you know…showering…" His voice broke making him wince and place his temple against the cool tiled wall wishing his friend would just go away.

"At three in the morning?" Scott asked sounding oddly gentle.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be like…" Stiles flopped his hand uselessly around before letting it drop with a thump on the bottom of the tub. "With Allison or something? Or Isaac? Or you know anywhere else but here?"

It was silent a second and Stiles wondered if it had worked and he had offended his friend enough to get him to leave. "Stiles…open the door please." Scott finally said softly. "I just want to see that you're ok. Your pulse is like really elevated."

Aggravated Stiles pushed himself up off the floor, jerked the water off, and walked dripping across the floor nearly slipping on the tiles as he tied on a towel and ripped the door open. "Fine! See! I'm fine! Now go away!" He pointed down the stairs before meeting Scott's puppy dog eyes and the guilt ate at him again. He knew the brunette was just trying to help.

"Derek…" Scott started. "I mean…He told me you didn't react well when he…" The teen wolf kind of half shrugged looking unsure if he was allowed to move too quickly. Stiles made a chocked noise in the back of his throat remembering exactly how poorly he had reacted alright. Tears burned at the back of his eyes and he wiped at the furiously.

"Did everyone know?...That he was going to…you know…"

His best friend kinda gave a weak smile and nodded before looking away. "I told Derek I would come see you first…call him if it was alright for him to come…I'm going to shoot him a text not to if that's alright with you seeing as you still smell like…um…someone else and I don't know how well he would take that so..."

The sobbing started without Stiles consent. Big, heaving, body racking sobs that make him buckle at the knee. Scott was down there with him in a second trying to ease him back up onto his feet before he gave up on the gentle coaxing and just heaved his friend upright and half carried him into his bedroom helping him into bed.

"Scott I fucked up so bad!" Stiles said before hitting his head once on the wall behind him and running his hands up into his buzz cut hair. "Damn it! He…He-he just! Out of nowhere you know! I wasn't! I didn't even expect it and-and I…I freaked man! I'm nineteen Scott and I have never been with anyone else! ANYONE but him and it's not like I can just back out later man if I change my mind! This is huge! Fucking huge and…and…and I fucked it all up."

Scott chewed at the inside of his lip before sitting on the edge of the bed carefully. "Maybe it's better this way…I mean not the whole sleeping with someone else thing that's kinda never cool, Allison would have my balls dude I'm just saying but…" Stiles shot him a dirty look before burying his face in his hiked up knees and moaning pitifully. "But look your right. Maybe you just need more time. I mean I know he asked you and everything, but are you sure this is where you wanna be for the rest of your life. Do you even know if you really love him."

Stiles hiccupped a sob again and pressed his eye sockets painfully into his knee caps. "I love him…I love him so much it scares me. I would move fucking mountains for that stupid asshole. I literally have been studying a spell to move a mountain you know just in case and…and it was so perfect Scott. The way he asked me…one knee. That fucking perfect bastard got down on one knee in the middle of the fucking woods and it was just a regular walk. Just our normal walk around the perimeter we take every fucking night after dinner and I'm just talking away about the fucking bestiary and the stuff I think we should start adding for future reference and I turn around and there he is just…kneeing there and he looks so nervous holding this little ring and immediately I think. "Well look at what Derek found." And I just look at him like an idiot because I have read up on werewolf mating ritual damn it and this wasn't in there so it just doesn't click in my stupid head. What he did is human and so fucking amazing because it's for me. He was born a wolf so stupid things like an actually marriage don't matter to him and I know he is doing it all for me and as soon as I realize it I fucking took off. I run away like death is nipping at my heels and I could hear Derek shouting for me and I know running from wolves is always bad and I must have confused him because in werewolf rituals there is running involved when saying yes but that's under the full moon and I just ran and ran and ran until I got back to the house and got in the jeep and took off again…I was just…so scared."

Silence greeted him after the run on confession and he had to look up to see if Scott was even still there.

Scott looked torn on where he was supposed to tell Stiles he reacted wrong or tell him he was right. "Maybe…maybe you were right…I mean I know you have looked into this mate thing and its pretty serious Stiles. I mean really serious and I can't even think of a time I've heard Derek tell you he loves you and I'm not sure you should-"

"What?" Stiles asked shocked. "He does to love me." He said sniffing and glaring at Scott now who held up his hands in retreat. "I'm just saying-" His friend said again.

"No. No! He gives me the red starburst!" Stiles practically hissed at Scott. "Every time we get some he gives me them because they're my favorite. He lets me change the radio station in the Camaro. He doesn't make me get out of bed on Saturdays to walk him out when he stays over at my place because he knows I like to sleep in on my Saturdays even though he has to get up and go to work but he always kisses me goodbye. He rolls his eyes but he sits through every one of my rants and doesn't tell me to shut up until I'm good and done already. He doesn't like holding hands but if I asked him too he would do it! If I asked him he would do anything even if he huffs and puffs about it and those are all 'I love you's'. Every kiss, every rant he sits through, and every red fucking starburst is an 'I love you' Scott do you get that?"

Scott gives a smile rubbing the back of his head and chuckles standing up. "Yeah…yeah I get it. Do you?"

Stiles freezes at that blinking eyes burning again as a fresh wave of dismay rolled over him at what he'd done. Derek loved him. Loved him enough to ask him to marry him, and Stiles loved Derek. There was no question about it. It wasn't the man's body (though it was outstanding)it was him. His cheeky smiles and snort laughs. It was the wolf and the man and the perfect combination of the two. It was the way he never pressured him for anything in any aspect of their lives. Not sexually, not for helping the pack, not for wards or spells, not for anything. He always let Stiles do as much or as little as he wanted. He was truly perfect for Stiles. Every snore. Every morning breathe kiss. Every fight that ended in make-up sex. He wanted to be with him. Forever.

"I want to marry him." Stiles said weekly voice hoarse from crying. "I want to get old with him and watch grey hairs show up in his stubble and see the wrinkles he gets from frowning all the time. I want to make fun of him forever for always burning the grilled cheese sandwiches because he turns the stove up too high because he is impatient. I want to wear his ring and look at it every day and I want to spend weeks flirting with Derek before the night or our mating ritual and then I want to run naked under the full moon and let him catch me even though I know sex in the woods is going to suck. I want to talk about adoption and argue about whether we should call a repair man or fix it ourselves. I want all that. I want to scowl at every Alpha Bitch joke that Jackson makes at me and laugh every time Derek makes him work harder in training for it. I want…everything and I…" Stiles hiccupped a sob again eyes tearing back up. "How will he ever forgive me? How can I even ask him to?"

"I don't think you really have to." Scott said shrugging back up towards the door glancing out into the all. "You know since he's been here since I got here and all."

Stiles whole body stiffened and shuttered at the same time as his lover stepped into the room looking more nervous than he had when he was kneeling on the forest floor. "Hey…" he said shifting awkwardly as Scott left the room shutting the door behind him.

"Hey." Stiles breathed out. "I…Oh God I'm so sorry." He rushed out shuttering again feeling sick to his stomach. "I…I made a horrible mistake I…Danny told me once, not this is at all his fault it's my fault, he told me if he was confused about a boyfriend he would go to the bar and dance with someone else and if he felt guilt he knew he really wanted to stay with whoever he was with and if not he knew his feelings were gone and he needed to end the relationship."

"And how did you feel?" Derek asked looking at him with those intense eyes of his. God that man was gorgeous.

"Awful!" Stiles half sobbed half laughed. "Oh I felt awful but he pulled me to the back-" he paused long enough to sniff and whip at his cheeks to try and get rid of the insistent tears that just kept coming. "I said no. I said no, but then I just let him because I needed to feel someone else outside of you and know what it was like and…and oh god It was terrible! I mean he tried. I mean I think he really tried but I just…I couldn't get into it because all I could think of was you. How much better it would be with you. Not the foreplay. Well yeah the foreplay, but life. My life. How much better it would be if I was always with you. I…ran off before he could um…before anything really happened." He whispered the last part too afraid to look up at Derek and see his face after confessing to what he'd done. "Not that that makes it any better. I'm shit. I'm a horrible human being. The scum of the earth. But I love you…and you're so intense sometimes it scares me. Not that this is at all your fault. You're perfect! I wanna marry you!"

"Stiles…" Derek spoke up leaning onto the bed making it dip. "Shut up." He whispered before kissing his lips gently.

They pulled apart and Derek gave a big huffing sigh. "I'm sorry…if I rushed you. I didn't think that you might want to experience life more before we…settled."

"You didn't rush me." Stiles said shaking his head quickly. "I'm just an idiot. HUGE difference…so if the offer is still on the table?" he left the question open glancing up at Derek's face who rolled his eyes and gave one of his short laughed before holding up a shining white gold ring and pushed it onto Stiles thin finger.

"You're an idiot. I'm not asking you to bond with me yet…Just…marriage." Derek muttered placing his head against Stiles shoulder and it was like the wolf's whole body relaxed.

"I was ready for bonding…" Stiles admitted blushing slightly. "I know that sounds weird but I had been doing so much studying on it that if you asked me to bond I would have know exactly how to act but the ring…and the kneeling…I panicked. It was suddenly all so real and final…My dad still has his wedding ring you know even after mom…This just feels more…I don't know real world to me. Like something I never thought would happen once you and I got together. I was scared. I hope…I hope I didn't hurt you to badly."

"Just my alpha pride and my wallet. I owe Lydia twenty bucks." Derek said.

Stiles frowned at that wrapping his arms around the larger man. "Why is that?"

"She said you would bolt the moment you realized what was going on." He said and Stiles could feel the Derek smiling. "It's ok though because Boyd owes me forty because I said I would convince you to marry me before tomorrow at noon."

"You bet on how I was going to react to this?" Stiles asked before scowling. He could totally see that happening. "You are all horrible people you know that." Derek chuckled and let Stiles push him down onto the bed and startle him. He was sure he looked a mess with his eyes red and puffy from crying and his skin irritated from the shower but Derek just smiled up at him and ran his hands over his now bare hips. His towel had ended up abandoned on the side of the bed. But it was alright because Derek was pulling him down for a kiss and he could see the ring on his finger shining out of the corner of his eye and yeah maybe he freaked the fuck out, but he was so going to initiate the mating ritual and they would see how well Derek would handle the tables being turned.