Author's Notes: So here we are. Starting all over again. Can you believe it? I'm already enjoying it.

If you're new to the series, I very strongly urge that you do not read this story before Behind Blue Lies, as it contains a variety of spoilers for that piece. If you're returning, man do I have a surprise for you. Read on and find out.

Doomed to Dream – Part 1

It's a scene both familiar and new, but it's always a scene familiar and new. Every time he closes his eyes he's in some shadowy place, surrounded by strangers frozen in time and space. Everything about them utterly still, frozen, captured. Dead. Except their eyes, except their voices. They call to him with both, their voices impossibly quiet, impossibly loud, impossibly present despite their lips never moving. Their minds, their eyes, their voices follow him. No matter how far, how long, how desperately he ran they were always there. So he'd given up running sweeps ago. Learned to make himself still, silent, open to their voices, their words. It was the only peace he was granted. The only peace he'd ever known. The only refuge from the ill will of the damned. When he sat and waited they whispered instead of screaming. It was the nearest thing to true restful sleep that Sollux Captor had known since the manifestation of the rarer of his psychic 'gifts,' the ability to hear the voices of the immanent dead.

Truth was he'd always thought it to be more of a curse.

Nonetheless here he was, caught up in a new 'dream,' half annoyed and half relieved. Already the darkness was fading in a way he couldn't quite describe, but he'd grown used to these last three sweeps. The quality of the darkness felt different, promising that he'd soon wake up naturally. Consciousness couldn't come too soon either. The spirits, ghosts of the soon to die had been growing oddly restless of late, in a way that had been putting him on edge. Something about them was different. Voices he'd known for sweeps as the faintest of whispers had grown suddenly into shouts at times. As if something was changing the normal flow of death. As if something other than nature was trying to capture Beforus and bend it to a very different will.

Still the darkness started to soften, and Sollux might have appreciated it too were it not for the fact that something somewhere in the darkness changed. A voice that had been soft was louder. Much louder. Not quite at the level of wordless scream that Sollux had started to associate with violence, or at the loud and low mournful wail of those age stole away. No, it wasn't too much louder in the scheme of things, but it was different, and markedly so. Which Sollux only knew because it was one of the voices he always oriented himself on in this twisted realm of the doomed. As fast as he could—it could have been the speed of a thought or an hour, who knew—Sollux threw himself to his feet and into a dead run in the direction of the voice. Before him the misty dark world of his gift unfolded, creating halls and doors, fields and hives, a whole dreamscape world that he navigated purely by an instinct that never led him wrong. Soon, too soon and yet too long, he stood before a familiar frozen form, and swallowed his imagined exhaustion.

The face of the troll was twisted, contorted in fear and pain it never should have known because nothing here moved while Sollux did. Wasn't that supposed to be some kind of rule in this place? That the only thing that changed was him? But no, the frozen troll was different from how he had been when Sollux had checked in upon him after falling asleep. His face was shadowed, eyes hazy, and mouth open and emitting the pained whispers that had brought Sollux here.

Then it was gone. Everything was gone. The quality of the darkness changed completely as Sollux sat up on his slab. It was a less oppressive darkness, one broken in many places by points of blue, red, green light from status indicators on electronics. This was the dark of a respiteblock, his respiteblock, arranged for sleeping. Sollux wanted to scream, to rage at the world around him and whatever had ripped him from the realm of sleep before he'd figured out just what had changed.

"Sollux!" a voice called out, warm and worried and filling the block even as the door opened and allowed light from the hall to spill into the room.

He must have cried out in his sleep, Sollux realized as an older troll entered the block, sat on the edge of his slab, and swept Sollux into his arms, tangled bed coverings and all. Must have shouted the name, because here the troll was, in the living, breathing, moving flesh. The only pain in his voice belayed by whispers of comforting nonsense as the troll held him close. When he won himself free from the too tight embrace and had a chance to look closely, there was no sign of pain in his face, only worry in the golden eyes. Concern for whatever had prompted Sollux to cry out in the morning hours. The rightful worry of a guardian for ward when said ward was awoken by what many called daymares, but Sollux knew as painful futures.

"Sollux, what's wrong?" the older troll asked, his voice low, soothing, reverberating in his chest the way Sollux had always loved as a wiggler. "What did you dream? Do you wish me to call them..."

"No," Sollux gasped out. The local enforcers only really paid him half a mind when they needed him. Needed to know whether a premature death really was natural or not. or when they needed his other skills. Most of them blew off his visions, laughed over portents. Almost understandable. The few trolls in modern and recorded history who had confirmed visions of any sort had never had them paired with the kind of psionic powers Sollux had. They didn't believe. And how could they? Sollux only did because he lived it every sleep cycle.

"What was it?" the older troll, Sollux's guardian Cyclos Anders, asked in a way that really meant 'who was it?' Sollux didn't, couldn't bring himself to answer. How was he supposed to tell his guardian that he'd heard his death approaching, and not the natural one Cyclos had earned.

"Nothing," Sollux replied, the same answer he always used to keep the burden of knowledge from Cyclos. No need for both of them to suffer the knowledge.

"Sollux..."

"I am not having this conversation again," Sollux lisped around his oddly proportioned teeth, yet another cruel joke of reality. "We don't share this."

"Please, Sollux, I just want..."

"To help. I know. Sorry, it's just... I can't do this to you, okay? Some things are better off unknown. Trust me."

Obviously Cyclos didn't agree, but he was nothing if not accepting of Sollux. Supportive even. A perfect guardian for a flawed ward. Nothing that could be done for it now, though. Not that Sollux would want anything done. He pitied his guardian powerfully, and had no intention of letting anyone take Cyclos from him before his time. Not a single damn troll, not even the Empress Gyliea herself.

"Alright. But I will be scheduling a meeting with your..."

"No," Sollux snapped, hating himself for it as soon as he saw pain flickering over Cyclos's long, expressive face. He hated being mad at his guardian, even for a moment, and always felt guilty when he snapped at the old troll.

"No," Sollux repeated, softer. "I don't need a thinkrapist. Just some real sleep. Soothing sleep."

Not that it would come. No one but his thinkrapist and psychic trainers had ever known the full extent of his doomed vision. Sollux didn't want anyone to know. What was the point of dreams anyway? A troll lost control of what their pans did, losing hours of potential thought just because the body was too weak to keep up. Besides, meeting the thinkrapist was the last thing on his list of desires. She'd notice, she always noticed, that he wasn't taking his medication. They'd fight, she'd talk to Cyclos because she was concerned, and that would make things even more tense between them. Every moment they spent arguing, disagreeing, was a moment that they weren't spending in some other way. They had few enough moments to share these days. Cyclos was in demand, worked often and far from the hive. And he was getting on in years. Between his life's work and his age, Sollux was rapidly running out of time with his guardian, and every moment of it was too precious to squander with fights over the pills that made his head spin and ache and made his psionics sluggish and yet did nothing at all about the dreams.

Cyclos didn't seem as convinced by Sollux's words as Sollux might have wished, but there was really only so much that he could do about that. The older troll was prone to worrying, something that was quite understandable when a troll's first ward came in their old age. Not that all warm bloods bothered to take wards. Some were more content to live their lives without the burden. Cyclos, though, had opted to care for Sollux late in his life, and his concern was usually palpable. Worry that he couldn't do enough for his ward, couldn't be there for him when it would be important because he would already have passed on. It meant that there was coddling sometimes, far more than Sollux cared for as often as not, but it also meant that at times like this it was hard to get his guardian to just give up his concern and move on. Right now he needed his guardian to let this go faster than he normally would have. Because as much as he didn't want to talk to a thinkrapist about this, there was someone he wanted to speak with. Someone who might be some help, might be better at figuring this all out.

"I'm not sure if..."

"I'm fine," Sollux insisted, forcing himself to smile despite for all the world wanting to rage. "And you've got a trip to take in the evening, right? Get some sleep."

That got a chuckle out of Cyclos. "Dear me, sometimes it seems that you're treating me like a ward."

"Well, if you'd ever learned to take care of yourself without me," Sollux teased, shaking his head.

"You little rogue..."

"I'm only what you've raised me to be."

"Lies. All lies. I tried to raise a perfect gentletroll wise in matters of the emotionally well adjusted. And instead I got you."

"You can't help the fact that I..."

"I know," Cyclos said, mussing up Sollux's already sleep disheveled hair. "Remember to take your medication while I'm gone."

"As if I could forget," Sollux mumbled, shuddering at the very thought. "Now get out of here, get some rest."

At last Cyclos released Sollux and rose from the side of the slab. With a final, soft smile, his guardian bid him good sleep, and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him and shutting out the light of the hall. For a while Sollux lay there, stretched out on his slab, waiting to be sure that his guardian was back on his own slab resting. After what felt like a good amount of time, he slid from the slab, hauled a light warmth garment on over his resting clothes, and made for one of the clusters of red, blue and green lights in a corner of his block.

It took only a minute after pressing an amber light for his system to start to boot up, leaving Sollux with nothing to do for a few minutes but to wait. Still, he put the time to good enough use, digging around through a miniature thermal hull for a package of chilled, citrus plant derived nourishment drink, and a half-finished package of cheese sticks. Though the things were particularly marketed towards wigglers, Sollux had never given up a fondness for them, and had happily leapt at the chance to purchase more during their last run to the food acquisition location. Drink and cheese in hand Sollux perched himself on the edge of his swivel chair, rolled himself up to the monitor, and smiled as the screen came to life just in time with his security screen. Time to figure out what to do about his dream.

twinArmageddon [TA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TA: we need two talk

TA: TZ come on ii know you're there 2o ju2t an2wer me already

TA: don't tell me you aren't onliine riight now becau2e you are totally logged iin

TA: then agaiin you never log out iit2 almo2t liike you want two confu2e people

TA: wiill you ju2t an2wer already iim not falliing for thii2 becau2e you are clearly onliine a2 iit ii2 miideveniing for you and youre between cla22e2 2o 2top actiing liike you aren't there

GC: G33Z SOLLUX C4NT YOU 3XH1B1T 3V3N TH3 L1TTL3ST 4MOUNT OF P4T13NC3?

GC: 1 W4S PR3TTY BUSY D34L1NG W1TH 4 D1S4GR33M3NT OV3R TH3 CONNOT4T1ONS OF W4RDSH1P L3G1ST1C4T1ON 1N TH3 L4ST F1FTY SW33PS

GC: WH1CH 1 W4S OF COURS3 W1NN1NG

TA: what ii2 iit wiith you and neediing two wiin? no dont an2wer that becau2e ii really dont have tiime for thii2

TA: ii had a dream

GC: 1 KNOW TH1S M4Y COM3 4S 4 SHOCK TO YOU SOLLUX BUT M4NY TROLLS 1 KNOW R3GUL4RLY DR34M DUR1NG TH31R SL33P CYCL3S

GC: YOUR 1NCLUS1ON W1TH1N TH31R R4NKS 1S H4RDLY SOM3TH1NG TH4T 1S WORLD SH4K1NG

TA: yeah not world 2hakiing that every tiime ii clo2e my eye2 ii can hear the voiice2 of the dead

TA: not really a thiing at all thank2 for telliing me ii gue22 ii 2hould return my attentiion two my normal liife

TA: no waiit ii forgot ii dont hear the voiice2 of the dead but of the 2oon two be dead

TA: major fuckiing diifference becau2e one ii2 common among maroon2 and the other ii2 liiterally unheard of iin the hii2tory of our race

GC: OK4Y OK4Y 1 G3T 1T TH3R3 1S 4 B1G D34L GO1NG ON H3R3

GC: M4N SOLLUX YOU R34LLY N33D TO G3T B3TT3R 4T K33P1NG ON YOUR M3D1C4T1ON

TA: ju2t who do you thiink you are two comment on my mediicatiion?

GC: YOUR MO1R41L... DUH

TA: well 2iince you were the poiint that poiinted out you are my moiiraiil then dont you thiink iit2 fiittiing for you two take me 2eriiou2ly when iim comiing two you

TA: ii mean ii2nt that what a real moraiil would do? 2upport theiir pale quadrant?

GC: OK4Y OK4Y 1 G3T YOUR PO1NT

GC: TH3 D3F3NS3 W1LL CONC3D3 TO TH3 PO1NT 4ND 4CC3PT TH3 PR3M1S3 OF TH3 CONV3RS4T1ON

GC: WH4TS GO1NG ON? OTH3R TH4N CR33PY FUTUR3 DR34MS OF D34D P3OPL3 4ND 4LL TH4T

TA: one of the voiice2 changed TZ changed iin a really bad way

GC: TH4T M34NS V1OL3NT D34TH R1GHT? OR 4T L34ST UNN4TUR4L

GC: SOUNDS L1K3 YOU N33D TO G3T 4HOLD OF YOUR LOC4L 3NFORC3RS TO D34L W1TH TH4T 4NY CLU3 WHO 1T W4S?

TA: cyclo2

GC: FORG1V3 M3 BUT 1 DONT TH1NK 1 R34D TH4T R1GHT B3C4US3 CYCLOS 1S TH3 N4M3 OF YOUR GU4RD14N

GC: TH3 F4M3D 4ND HONOR3D WR1T3R 4ND PRODUC3R OF 1CON1C R3D ROMCOMS?

GC: M4YB3 1T W4S JUST 4 D4YM4R3 SOLLUX WHO WOULD W4NT TO HURT CYCLOS?

TA: do ii look liike an iidiiot two you TZ?

GC: W3LL 1 C4NT S4Y B3C4US3 1 C4NT S33 YOU 4T TH3 MOM3NT SOLLUX

TA: dammiit TZ thii2 ii2 2eriiou2

TA: ii know what my own guardiian2 voiice 2ound2 liike even when iim a2leep

TA: what am ii 2uppo2ed two do?

GC: F1RST 4ND FOR3MOST 1 WOULD R34LLY SUGG3ST YOU GO TO YOUR 3NFORC3R FR13NDS TO T3LL TH3M WH4T YOU DR34MT

GC: TH3Y COULD PUT H1M 1NTO PROT3CT1V3 CUSTODY

TA: problem 1: they dont beliieve me half the tiime problem 2: cyclo2 would never accept protectiion problem 3: iit2 not loud enough two mean iit2 happeniing iimmediiately 2o the enforcer2 wiill get bored waiitiing for the thiing

GC: YOU ST1LL N33D TO T3LL TH3M 1T 1S YOUR R3SPONS1B1L1TY 4S 4 TROLL LOY4L TO ORD3R 4ND STRUCTUR3 TO R3PORT SUCH OFF3NS3S 4G41NST 4NOTH3R TROLL

GC: 4ND MOR3 1MPORT4NTLY TH4N TH4T YOU B3TT3R K33P ON YOUR M3D1C4T1ON SOLLUX

TA: no fuckiing way tz ii am not goiing two take away the only defen2e my guardiian may have iif people refu2e two beliieve me

GC: SOLLUX YOU N33D THOS3 P1LLS

TA: they dull my p2iioniic2

GC: 4ND TH3Y K33P YOU ST4BL3 YOU 4LW4YS S33M TO FORG3T TH4T P4RT SOLLUX YOU N33D THOS3 TH1NGS 1 C4N N3V3R S4Y TH4T 3NOUGH

GC: 1 H3R3BY FORB1D YOU FROM C34S1NG YOUR T4K1NG OF YOUR P1LLS

TA: when ii feel liike ii dont need them two protect me or my guardiian iill agree but for now they have two waiit

GC: SOLLUX!

TA: ii know what iim doiing TZ have faiith iin that

GC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH4T F41TH 1S R34LLY WH4TS 4T PL4Y H3R3 1M MOR3 CONC3RN3D FOR YOUR CONF1D3NC3 1N YOURS3LF SOM3T1M3S

TA: ii have perfectly fiine confiidence

GC: ONLY H4LF TH3 T1M3 WH3N YOU 4R3NT ON YOUR... N3V3R M1ND YOU DONT L1ST3N 4NYW4Y

TA: and you ju2t beat dead hoofbea2t2 untiil they admiit that youre riight

GC: HOOFB34STS C4NT T4LK

TA: exactly

twinArmageddon [TA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]