A/N: I think this is the craziest thing I have ever written. Bear in mind that my two little brothers aged 6 and 8 helped me with this. But most of the bizarre things in here are mine.
Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin, if I did Mergana would soooooooooooo be together.
King Arthur sat on his throne talking to his wife, Queen Guinevere, about Morgana. They had captured her a week ago and were now deciding her punishment. He couldn't bring himself to kill her, after all, she was the only blood relative he had left.
"If I can't hang, behead or burn her, then what should I do? Should I sentence her to life imprisonment? That way I can make sure she doesn't cause trouble without killing her," Arthur ranted on.
"But wouldn't she just use her magic to break out?" Gwen countered.
"Hmm... You're right. I'll have to give her freedom, make her promise she won't run away."
"How will you ensure that? Have guards with her 24/7?"
"No, she'll hate that. She won't stand for it," Arthur sighed sadly.
"Marry her off?" Gwen suggested.
"To who? She might marry some evil lord or King and they'll plan to bring Camelot down together. That will just give her an evil ally."
"True, and you wouldn't be able to keep an eye on her if she moved to another kingdom..." Gwen agreed.
"What if we made her marry someone in Camelot? Someone IN the castle..." Arthur suggested. "I'll pity the poor man, but it has to be done."
"One of the knights? Not Elyan, please. I'm already her sister in law in one way, I don't want to be related to her through another marriage."
"Okay, okay. Round up all the knights. We'll see who's the naughtiest, who annoys me the most..." Arthur trailed off.
"Fine... Somehow, I think this is going to end badly..."
Everyone sat at the Round Table, wondering why the King called this random meeting.
"I was going to go to the tavern!" Gwaine whined. Percival rolled his eyes.
"Sire, why have you summoned us?" Leon asked.
"There is an important issue at hand. Guinevere and I are deciding how to punish Morgana. We've come up with something, but it'll involve one of you..." Arthur began, trying to think of how to finish it smoothly.
"Sadly, one of you will have to make a huge sacrifice..." Gwen continued.
"Let me go to the tavern first!" Gwaine wailed like a kid. Leon kicked him under the table.
"Moving on. Basically... we need one of you to marry her," Arthur finished swiftly. "That took a lot of courage for to me to say!" he whispered to his Queen.
The Round Table broke out in screams, some knights fell off their chairs and Gwaine started crying, not because of the outrageous order from their King, but because he needed a drink.
"Who will it be?" Percival asked.
"Elyan, you needn't worry. It won't be you, I've convinced my darling to cross you off the list. You're safe brother," Gwen told her brother, who sighed in relief and smirked at the other knights.
Arthur admired Gwen and Elyan's relationship. He wished he and Morgana were like that; then he wouldn't have to go through all this trouble now.
"Hey, I want to be Gwen's brother now!" Gwaine moaned. "Our names are practically the same. Gwen and Gwaine sound better than Gwen and Elyan!"
"Silence!" Arthur yelled. But one stopped panicking. "Gwaine, right now you're at the top of the list. Welcome to the family brother!" Of course, Gwaine wasn't listening, still jealous over not being the Queen's brother and upset at not being at the tavern.
"I thought Merlin was at the top!" Gwen muttered to herself, but apparently her husband heard that.
"Ah hah! I love you, Guinevere!" Arthur exclaimed, hugging her and kissing her cheek. "Merlin, get ready for your wedding!"
"No, please! Don't do this to me, Arthur! We're best friends!" Merlin shouted, running up to Arthur's seat.
"No, Gwaine's your best friend," Arthur replied.
"Gwen, save me!"
"Yes! I'm the best man!" Gwaine announced.
"No, that's me," Arthur argued.
"But you just said-"
"No, you're the best friend and I'm the best man. Big difference."
"Shut up boys!" Gwen commanded. Everyone but her husband instantly shut their mouths. Even Gwaine stopped whining.
"How come no one listened when I ordered them to stop?"
"I'm more scared of her than I am of you," Elyan admitted to Arthur. Merlin stopped for a moment but started begging again.
"Is this my punishment for having magic? Because if it is, I can explain, I was born with it! I'm Emrys, the most powerful warlock ever in existence and I'm the last dragonlord too!" Merlin blurted out. Gaius' eyes widened in horror.
"WHAT!" Arthur roared.
"Umm, just forget I said that..."
"Now you will be punished, let's announce this to the city. Oh, you can tell Morgana."
Merlin fainted. Gaius had a heart attack.
"Merlin! Merlin!" The man in question opened his eyes, greeted by his best friend.
"Gwen?" he croaked. "What happened?"
"You fainted, Gaius had a heart attack..."
"Gaius had a HEART ATTACK!" Merlin shrieked.
"He's okay. Don't worry about him, I'd worry about you," Gwen said.
"Oh, the wedding?" Merlin remembered. "I don't wanna get married. I'm comfy here." Gwen shook her head in disbelief. "Does she know?"
Arthur walked to the cells, a few guards following him.
"Morgana," he greeted.
"What do you want?" she sneered.
"You're getting married dear sister," and with that he left.
"To who!?" Morgana screeched. Her brother didn't even have the decency to tell her who her lucky man was. He'd been hanging around her way too long, to have become this cruel. No, it was Uther's fault. After all they were father and son. He wasn't her father, Gorlois was, so Arthur wasn't her brother. Right?
"People of Camelot! I have gathered you all here today to tell you of the solution to my problems. As you all know, my sister, the Lady Morgana was captured a week ago. Despite all she has done, she is my blood, a Pendragon, so I cannot kill her," Arthur declared.
The crowd booed, very disappointed that the witch wouldn't be executed for her crimes and acts of treason against the crown.
"A friend of mine has been found guilty of sorcery, and I can't kill him either. We are much too close for that."
The townspeople murmured amongst themselves. Who was this mysterious friend of the King's, who happened to be a sorcerer? A knight, a Lord of the court?
"So, I have decided to marry these two criminals together as a punishment. They will be bound together for eternity, doomed to live together forever."
The city erupted into argument, most people wondering how a royal wedding was a punishment. Of course it would be hell to be married to the witch, but surely, it wasn't the most befitting punishment for sorcery was it?
Morgana stared at her healing bracelet, tears of sorrow falling from her eyes. Betrothed? This would take her one step away from seizing the throne of Camelot. No doubt, her brother, no the man she grew up with – he was NOT her brother, had chosen an annoying husband for her. One that would get in the way of her scheming, one that would be a constant thorn in her side...
Her eyes widened in horror. What if it was HIM? He who betrayed her, made her drink poison, killed her like a coward, he who she once lo- liked. Her bane, her doom, her destiny. No, not him, anyone but him. Hell, she'd even marry Gwaine rather than Merlin. She'd rather die than marry her doom.
"Gwen!" Morgana cried upon seeing the Queen in front of her cell.
"That's Queen Guinevere to you," Gwen replied curtly. "I'm just here to tell you that your future husband isn't too happy with the marriage either. Are you, Merlin?" Morgana felt like passing out as Merlin stepped out of the shadows.
"YOU!" she shrieked.
"Hey, I'm not all that in love with you either!" he yelled back.
"I'll leave you two alone," Gwen chimed, waving the guards off. "This is going to be a long day!"
Merlin watched his bride-to-be wearily as they rode out to the forest.
"I don't understand why you had to pick this part of the forest!" Merlin complained.
"I don't understand why you have to exist!" Morgana retorted.
"Harsh, that stung," he said sarcastically.
"Great!" She got off her horse and tied it to a tree.
"Where are you going?"
"To have a bath!" Merlin went pink.
"Okay... I'll just stay here... waiting..."
Morgana took the horn out of her pocket, which she had stolen from Arthur and clutched it tightly. Merlin saw this and immediately jumped off his horse, running to her. Unfortunately, he forgot to tie the horse to a tree and it escaped.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" he asked from behind her. Before she could turn around, he put his arms around her waist and picked her up. She was shocked by this action.
"PUT ME DOWN!" she bellowed, her arms flailing like she was drowning. He grabbed the horn from her grasp.
"Thief!"
"Pick upper!"
They began to fight and forgot that they were supposed to be having a picnic on Arthur's orders. Merlin also forgot that he'd have to be going back to the castle on the SAME horse as Morgana's, as his had escaped.
A few maids were struggling to get Morgana ready for her wedding. Not many women actually had a choice in marriage. Gwen was very lucky indeed.
"Gwen got to marry Arthur! How come my half brother got to marry his lover? And I'm stuck marrying a heart breaker!" Morgana ranted. "Stupid wedding! Stupid Arthur! Stupid MERLIN!" The maids all exchanged looks; terrified by the King's sister's wedding jitters.
"Why? Save me God, save me! Kilgarrah do something!" Merlin cried, desperate to get out of his wedding.
"Hello brother in law," Arthur greeted, walking into the room. Merlin turned around and glared at him but Arthur's grin just grew wider.
"I hate you," Merlin said grimly.
"Careful, that's treason against the crown," Arthur teased. "Ready for the wedding?"
"No!"
"Perfect!"
"Do you, Morgana Pendragon, take Merlin Emrys as your lawfully wedded husband?" Morgana did not respond, but smirked at her groom.
"Hurry up and say yes! I need to PEE!" Arthur wailed. Gwen rolled her eyes. Suddenly, an unnatural gust of wind shook the whole room.
"Kilgarrah?" Merlin croaked.
"Who's Kilgarrah?" his bride asked, but he didn't answer.
Uther appeared in the centre of the room, just like Morgana did once before.
"What is this? Why must all of my children marry servants?"
"You're not my father! Gorlois was!" Morgana shouted angrily.
"Speak against me child and I'll have you restrained!" the former king warned.
"Hey, you can't do that! I'm the King now!" Arthur argued.
"So! I don't want Morgana to marry Merlin!" Uther shouted.
"For once I agree with you," Morgana cut in dryly.
"How can you keep him alive after all he's done, Arthur?"
"I could say the same for Morgana," the young King countered.
"How dare you!" father and daughter yelled at the same time. Morgana glared at Uther who looked surprised.
"We're finally seeing eye-to-eye," Uther said happily.
"Not likely," Morgana replied. "I'm marrying Merlin just to piss you off. My answer is yes."
"Do you, Merlin Emrys, take Morgana Pendragon to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Geoffrey of Monmouth continued, ignoring all the crazy things that were happening. After the wedding of Uther and the troll, nothing could faze him anymore. Merlin thought of his answer.
To make things worse, Kilagarrah crashed through the windows.
"You called, young warlock?"
"YOU!" Uther screamed at the Great Dragon. "Guards!"
"Shut up father!" Morgana and Arthur demanded in unison.
"I called you about an hour ago. Where were you?" Merlin asked.
"Problems with Aithusa. So what- Why is the witch here?"
"Can't you tell? Or do you want me to give you a riddle?" Merlin teased, in a bitter voice. It was obvious! His fiancée was in a wedding dress and a veil and he was dressed in smart clothes for once. And the dumb dragon STILL couldn't tell.
"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!" Kilgarrah roared after minutes of awkward silence. "I must confess that I did not foresee this."
"Neither did I," Morgana added.
"You were wearing your healing bracelet," Merlin replied. "You still are." Morgana looked at the bracelet her fiancé pointed at.
"Oh yeah, I forgot that it blocks out TOTAL nightmares."
"Does it work when you look in the mirror?" Merlin quizzed. Morgana's mouth fell open and Arthur burst out laughing. Kilgarrah's guffaw muffled his laugh though.
"Assholes," Morgana muttered, referring to Merlin, Arthur and Kilgarrah.
"Moving on," Kilgarrah said. "How stupid can you be Merlin? Marrying HER of all people? She's not even a person."
"Look who's talking, you huge bloody lizard!" the bride retorted.
"Language," the Queen ushered.
"Stop treating me like some overgrown, big eared kid you crazy dragon. It's not like I'm marrying her by choice, the only person I'd marry is Freya but she's dead so..."
"Who's Freya!" Morgana growled getting jealous even though she hated Merlin.
"None of your business. Why don't you tell us about Alvarr?" Merlin snapped.
"Who's Alvarr? Not another sorcerer serving boy?" Uther questioned hopefully.
"No, a druid," his daughter corrected.
"That's even worse!"
"How?"
"JUST SHUT UP!" Arthur commanded, sick of the whole wedding. "I need to fucking pee!"
"LANGUAGE!" Gwen repeated, only this time shouting. She grabbed her husband's ear.
"Owwwwwwwww!"
"Ya know what Kilgarrah? I'm marrying Morgana, just to piss you off! I say yes," Merlin voiced, copying his bride's earlier words.
"Perfect for each other!" Gwaine howled, severely drunk. No one had a clue where he suddenly got a drink from.
"You may kiss," Geoffrey announced.
"Is it-" Morgana started.
"Really necessary?" Merlin finished. Arthur couldn't take it anymore. He pushed Merlin into Morgana, their lips crashing, and ran off to pee. Gwen raised her eyebrow.
"That's my move," Gauis whined childishly, making everyone stare at him in shock.
"Ah I've found my new best friend," Gwaine chirped.
A month or so after the wedding, one day, Merlin grabbed Morgana and pulled her into an alcove.
"What do you want, dear husband?" Morgana snarled. She noticed that her glares and insults directed towards him were starting to lose their hate.
"Nothing... you just owe me," he replied, squeezing her hand.
"For what?"
"For not letting Kilgarrah eat you at our wedding."
"Oh please, that lizard doesn't scare me."
"He could wipe you out in a second."
"Whatever."
"Well, you know what you owe me, so..." he trailed off seductively, pushing her against the wall.
"I've never seen this side of-" Morgana couldn't finish as Merlin cut her off, kissing her ferociously. But before she could kiss back he pulled away. "Let's take this to the bed."
"I totally agree darling wife," Merlin replied, pulling her out of the alcove. They ran through the castle running into a few friends. Gwaine instantly caught on, wolf whistling at the couple. Arthur looked mock angry and Gwen blushed even deeper than the pair themselves.
"Glad to see they're getting along," Leon commented. The newly wed couple reached their bedroom and wasted no time in getting on with naughty things that night.
Merlin watched his wife throw up everywhere.
"You want me to get Gaius?"
"No!" she cried. "Yes!" He returned with Gaius who had a bucket with him.
"In here Milady," he ordered, passing her the bucket. A few maids followed, prepared to clean up the mess. "How long has this been happening?"
"Yesterday," Morgana replied, glaring at her husband who shrugged at Gauis but discreetly winked at her. She immediately blushed as she remembered what they did a week ago.
"And any changes in your mood?"
"Oh, she threw a dagger at me yesterday," Merlin interjected. "But she missed as always."
"Okay, she has raging hormones and she's vomiting everywhere. I think we know what that means," Gaius concluded.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS SSSSSSSSSSS! I'm going to be a father!" Merlin yelped excitedly, hugging Gaius. He also hugged his wife and kissed her cheek and started dancing.
"Congratulations my boy. And you Lady Morgana," Gaius said laughing before he exited his (former?) ward's bedroom.
The Queen walked towards Merlin and Morgana's room, intending on asking Morgana how she felt. Upon going to talk to her the previous morning, Morgana started vomiting but begged her not to tell anyone, especially NOT their husbands.
They had become friends again over the year and Gwen was very happy about that. Morgana also resumed her sibling rivalry with Arthur, the type that didn't involve harmful plots, conspiracies or killing him. The only person she still fought with was Merlin, but that was probably how their relationship worked.
Upon entering the room, she saw Merlin dancing around the room like a fool and Morgana watching him half-happy and half-angry.
"Gwen, guess what?!" Merlin asked. Gwen could already guess, glancing at Morgana crouched over a bucket, still dressed in her night gown and maids mopping vomit on the floor. But she kept up the pretence.
"What?"
"Morgana's with child!" he exclaimed, hugging Gwen and spinning her around. He put her down and then kissed her cheek.
"Great!" she replied. "I'll tell Arthur!" She stalked off out of the room when she saw her husband outside the door.
"Guinevere," he said, surprised. "I was looking for you. What were you doing up here?" Before she could answer Merlin ran out of the room.
"Arthur!" he exclaimed, slapping him on the back. "I'm going to be a father!"
"And I'm going to be an uncle!" Arthur slapped Merlin back and pulled him into a bro hug. Then they both danced down the stairs, dragging the reluctant Queen with them. She giggled at her over excited husband and best friend.
"Does giving birth hurt Gwen?" Morgana asked fearfully. "I'm scared I'll die."
"You're a strong woman Morgana, if I survived with Arwen, so will you. Won't your magic protect you?" Gwen replied, not answering the part about pain. Unfortunately, Morgana noticed this.
"Gweeeeeeeeen."
"Yeeeeeeeeees."
"Does childbirth hurt?"
"I'm not going to lie, it does hurt. A lot, almost like you're dying. Not that I've experienced the pain of death. Okay, I'm not saying you'll die but there is a chance-" the Queen babbled.
"Gwen darling, you're babbling," Morgana stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh, sorry," Gwen apologised, blushing. Morgana laughed. She guessed her life was finally okay again.
"Ouch," Merlin cried, rubbing his hand; Morgana just about broke it during childbirth.
"My baby girl. Little Lady Mergana," Morgana cooed.
"Look Arwen, that's your cousin," Arthur told his son, who he was holding.
"He's five months Arthur. He doesn't understand," Gwen chided, holding her newborn niece.
"They're exactly like us Morgana! Five months apart!"
"Yipee!" Morgana cheered sarcastically.
"Hold her Gauis," Morgana said warmly. "You're her great great uncle."
"I feel really old," Gauis commented, chuckling as he took Merlin's daughter in his arms.
"What about me? I'm the uncle!" Arthur complained.
"Later Uncle Arthur," Merlin replied.
A/N: So, like it? Hate it? Just review it.