We are born to die. Every second of our lives we come closer and closer to sweet death. No one can escape it, though many have tried. We look at those who try to escape the confines of life and death as we look at those with grandiose delusions; they have hopes and dreams that surpass even my own imagination, but we deem them insane. Is it really so insane, to wish to escape? To see what others can't see, to view the world from the eyes of someone not yourself? Yes, yes it is. So we ground ourselves to this world and pray for something beyond death, pray for salvation. I believe that somewhere deep within us all, we know there is nowhere to go after death. We approach a long tunnel with a bright light at the end; we walk towards it, and in a flash... everything is gone. If we choose to walk the other way, where do we end up but again in the world of the living? There is nothing but that tunnel between life and death, and beyond it, there is nothing. Vastness. Emptiness. Life is not so different from death, or perhaps it's just my life. Nothing affects me. I don't smile, I don't cry. I don't feel joy or the rush of adrenaline from riding a roller coaster; I once used to, but perhaps my soul has moved on to death. Is my body not far behind?

"Emil! It's time to go, get yer butt outta bed!" Piped a loud, energetic voice.

I don't want to move.

"I told you not to wake him. He won't like the show anyway, Mathias. I'll stay back and watch him." The boy spoke softly, seriously.

Why can't everyone just be quiet.

"Maybe we should all stay behind, we haven't seen him for almost a week now!"

I don't want visitors.

"Sorry Tino, we think too much company stresses him out... at this rate, we're going to have to bring him back to the hospital..." The first voice spoke again, this time sounding less cheerful, pain seeping through the tone of his voice. "I jus' don't know what to do to help him anymore..."

Silence. Just leave me alone...

"... I'm going to stay with him. You guys go. We'll be alright," said the second boy again, this time there were only murmurs of agreement. Soon after, a door shut, silence encompassed the house.

Footsteps approached Emil's room. Laying on his stomach, face in his pillow, he tilted his head to the side slowly, subtly. A violet eye peered out from the white sheets and pillows to see a stern, dirty blonde boy standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.

"If you keep this up, we won't have any choice but to bring you back," he said, face unchanging. "Our parents are going to take you out of school soon..." Emil only moved to hide his face in the pillows once more, the only sound escaping him was a sigh. "Don't give me that. The sooner you realize you have more control over this, the better. You aren't a puppet, Emil. No one controls you but you."

The white haired boy's mouth opened and he leaned up so he could speak. "You don't understand. Go away, Lukas."

"You know I understand. I understand better than you think," he sighed, furrowing his brows, "You also know I can't trust you alone."

"Then it's going to be a long day."

The hospital. Full of people who spoke a different language, only some of which could understand him. Cold rooms, small beds, thin pillows, and mushy food... Emil didn't want to return. Mathias had to help him change(Emil couldn't find his uniform...), but he found himself able to walk around the house easier than he'd thought. His muscles still ached and felt weak, but after some practice, Emil was out the door of the dorm and on his way to school with Mathias and Lukas.

Lukas was not speaking with him, but Emil could tell from the shocked expression on his normally blank face that he at least approving of him getting out of bed. Emil knew he had hurt Lukas, and it wasn't the first time his words had cut into his half brother. Perhaps I should be more careful. Should I apologize?

He never got the chance.

"Hey, is that... it is! Emil! Emil!" The voice was quiet, but firm and somewhat deep. Emil looked up, recognizing that voice instantly. Tino.

Emil didn't know what to say as the two blondes that shared the room next door, Berwald and Tino(they had a third roommate but Emil wasn't sure who he was), approached him. They were long time friends of his older brother and Mathias. Instead of words, he merely nodded at them, swallowing a growing anxiety in the pit of his stomach.

"We have gym first. Will he be okay?" The taller of the two, Berwald, spoke to Mathias directly. Emil found this annoying, but he understood it... Emil hadn't spoken to anyone but Lukas in a long, long while. He wouldn't have replied if Berwald had spoken to him directly anyway, which would have left them all in a silent awkwardness. Looking past the group of friends down the hall, Emil silently thanked Berwald; he'd been extra considerate these days.

Down the hall Emil saw a sight similar to what someone might see of him freshly walking out of his dorm. A boy, shorter than himself, with slightly curly strawberry blonde hair was surrounded by four others, just as he was. One was the tall, bespectacled roommate of Berwald and Tino(his name... was it Eduard?), the other was a brunette with longish hair, also tall. Lastly there was another blond, with straight hair and a somewhat sassy accent... Emil remembered running into him the first week of school, in the hallways. Feliks, right?

Emil wondered for half a second whether the boy had gone through something similar to his own situation, but then thought better of it. No one knew what it was like to deal with feeling absolutely nothing but pain. The other kid had probably just been sick.

On his way to school, Emil felt his shoulders hunch and gaze drop as he went on, getting stares from eyes that hadn't seen him in over a month. He'd been gone from school for so long that it wasn't a surprise people were in shock to see his familiar white hair. There was only one or two other people in the school that had similar hair colours, and one of them... well, Emil avoided him.

He met a similar situation when the teacher found him under his gaze in gym class, and throughout the day, many teachers congratulated him on being back in class... only then to give him a large amount of makeup work. Emil, by the end of the day, wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and forget he'd ever left.

Emil pushed himself even further that day; he went to the cafeteria for dinner. He ate, but still did not speak to anyone... a heavy tension hung in the air, for not Mathias or Lukas spoke either. Berwald rarely spoke, and so Tino help up the entire conversation by himself(he too wasn't very talkative, and mostly commented on the people passing by, saying 'look what so and so got, that looks good'). By the end of dinner, Emil further regretted his entire day, and left walking in a sluggish pace back to his room. He wanted to run, but he just didn't have the energy.

Emil wasn't prepared for the explosion between Lukas and Mathias when they stepped into the room after him.

"I told you it was a bad idea! But you went along with it anyway!" Emil had never heard Lukas yell. Ever. Emil jumped, and turned to face the two.

"I'm doing more than you ever have done for him! You call him your brother and yet you don't even try to get him out of the dorm!"

"Of course I do! He isn't ready, you idiotic piece of-"

"You always say that! What's he going to do, live in bed for the rest of his life?! Is that what you want?"

"What I want is-"

"Shut up! Shut up, both of you!"

He wasn't aware that the yelling that'd silenced Mathias and Lukas was his own. It felt disembodied, like a voice from nowhere. The red faces of Lukas and Mathias stared at him, a mix of betrayal, anger, and shock. He never spoke, let alone yelled, but here they were, yelling about him right in front of his face looking about to hit each other! Emil felt a pang in his chest and a broken cry passed his lips. Before he knew what he was doing, he'd pushed past Lukas(knocking him to the ground with force he didn't know he had) and was out the door.

He was already to the stairs when Mathias came running out after him, but Emil wasn't going to stop. He dashed out the exit at the bottom of the stairs, and he ran. He ran as hard and fast as his body would let him, and he didn't stop until his lungs were screaming for mercy.

No one was in sight. The only sound he heard was cars speeding by in the distance... he swore he heard his name being called to faintly. Emil panted, putting his hands on his knees- he coughed so hard he felt himself on the verge of retching, but managed to calm his body.

"Excuse me sir, are you alri- EEK!"

Emil had jumped so hard when he heard that voice what he'd made the girl speaking to him scream and jump in fear. He turned to face her, noticing she'd backed up quite a few steps and looked downright afraid of him. The colour had drained from her face.

She spoke again, "Very sorry, er- that was not my intention! Are- are you okay? You do not seem well- not that you look bad, but you look like you've been crying..."

Emil stared for a moment. The girl had no jacket on, her clothes looked a bit dirty as well. But looking past her bruised and scraped knees, Emil saw her long, blonde hair... it reached mid thigh- albeit she was short, but it was quite a feat for someone. Emil didn't catch himself staring until she spoke up again.

"... You look lost, sir. Would you like to sit down? There's a branch over there- ... I mean, bench? The wooden seats!" Red flushed her face; her English seemed a bit rough, and she kept calling him sir.

"Y..." Emil started, looking down at his feet, his voice suddenly lost. "Y-" He cursed to himself once more, cheeks reddening to match the girl's. "Yes!"

"... Really, it is not necessary to yell, sir," the girl furrowed a brow, looking a bit annoyed with him this time. "But let us go to sitting down. The 'bench' is over there." Pointing him in the right way, the girl walked back towards the bench. Had she been sitting there before..?

Emil followed, still blushing. He was busy forming excuse after excuse to give her for why he'd yelled- his voice was gone again. Focusing on his feet as they crossed the street over to the bench, Emil couldn't even get himself to apologize-

A screech of wheels, the blare of a horn, and a flash of blinding light... Emil felt himself hit the ground. His vision was blurred, spinning- where was he, again? The slamming of car doors hit his ears next, then an almost pathetic cry for help... there was a fight, he needed to move, get up and help the girl... she was so small-

Gunshots. Another scream. He heard his name being called... an engine roared and a car sped away.

Hello and thank you for reading the beginning of "She Was My Cure"! I hope to continue this story and I hope you will enjoy it!