To everyone who's waiting for the S&S&LS/DKITYTI sequel: don't worry! It's in the works. :) But in the meantime, you can't fight inspiration, and I have decided it's time for my first ever Sabriel AU (plus of course there's Destiel too, because my OTP sneaks in everywhere). Unusually for me, I'm starting posting this before it's finished, so there might be longish delays between chapters. But I've gotten really into taking inspiration and suggestions from my reviewers lately, so I couldn't resist posting the first chapters now. Okay, enough blabbing, time for the story!

Chapter titles and general psychological inspiration come from the brilliant Chris Smither song "Help Me Now" (youtube: watch?v=ex2MCrIMRCY).

CHAPTER ONE: A Fool of Singular Cool

"So, what exactly are you celebrating tonight?" the girl with the dimples asked, her almond eyes sparkling knowingly above her drink.

Gabriel spun on his bar stool to face her and spread his fingers dramatically, pausing for a beat before answering. "Liberation. I'm a free man."

She laughed, playing along, but the bartender just cocked an eyebrow and said drily "Break-up or lay-off?"

Gabriel tried to look offended. But it had been a long day, and it wasn't over yet. "The latter," he finally admitted, and turned back to the girl whose name he hadn't caught. "And for the stupidest reason, too. It was my boss's––my ex-boss's––own fault if he was holding that damn bottle too close to himself when he opened it."

She couldn't hide her intrigue. "What, did you shake his soda or something?"

"Pssh." Gabriel scoffed. "No way, I'm no amateur. Here, I'll show you the trick. Bar man, bring me a bottle of water and a thumbtack."

"That'll be two-fifty," was the grudging reply as the requested objects were placed on the bar.

Ignoring him, Gabriel told his attentive one-person audience "Now, watch and learn from the master." With no hesitation, he grabbed the tack and jabbed it into the bottom of the bottle. When he withdrew it, not a drop of water came out of the tiny hole.

"Wait, that's crazy, how does..." Her voice trailed off.

"Physics, my dear," Gabriel replied blithely, continuing to poke holes all around the base of the bottle. When he'd made about ten of them, he glanced around for the perfect victim. And voilà: a jock-type guy was strutting over from the pool table, pocketing a wad of cash with a cocky grin on his face that Gabriel couldn't wait to wipe off. He slipped the bottle to the girl. "Flirt with him. Give him this." She raised an eyebrow, but Mr. Green-Eyed Pool Hustler wasn't bad-looking, so she willingly joined the game, leaning over and sending the newcomer a charming smile.

Seeing her, the guy adjusted his course and swung himself onto the stool next to her. "Hey." A practiced grin slid across his face as he looked her up and down, none too subtly either. What a sleazeball, Gabriel thought, perking up a bit. His day had been lousy, but it was about to get a lot better.

She started in, pluckily. "I was watching you over there. Pretty impressive." Another big smile, accompanied by a fluttering of eyelashes. Almost too over-the-top, but the guy was eating it up.

"Yeah?" He smirked at her.

"Yeah. You're really good. You've been at the pool table all evening, you must be thirsty. I ordered an extra water by accident, do you want it?"

It was awkwardly played, but she was cute enough that the dude didn't even notice. Grin still in place, he took the proffered bottle and began unscrewing the lid. "Thanks, babe. I'm Dean. And you are...?"

But Gabriel still didn't get to find out her name, because as she was about to answer, the guy jumped to his feet, swearing loudly as many tiny spurts of water gushed out all over his shirt. Some of it got on the girl herself, but she was giggling like mad and clearly didn't care. Gabriel couldn't hold back his radiant pride as she shot him a glance of conspiratorial glee. "And that," he told her, like a professor continuing a lecture, while Dean pitched the bottle across the room and stared down at his soaked shirt in dismay, "Is physics at work. When the bottle cap is removed, the tension is broken and all the water comes shooting out of the prepared holes."

"You did this?" Dean growled across at him, noticing Gabriel for the first time. "Where the hell do you think you are, buddy? In third grade?"

"No, I'm in a bar. So are you." Gabriel was willing to make conversation, but apparently this guy was rapidly descending into an animalistic fury as he noticed that almost everyone in the room was looking their way and even the bartender was chuckling to himself.

"You pint-size prick...!" With no further words, Dean lunged for him, and Gabriel decided it was time to leave. Blowing his erstwhile physics student a kiss, he dashed for the door.

Unfortunately, he ran right into a wall. A wall that hadn't been there a moment ago. A warm, well-muscled wall, with arms that caught hold of him and a voice that said "Whoa, slow down, buddy." Then the arms pushed him to one side and the voice continued: "Dean, chill! What's going on here?"

Head spinning, Gabriel craned his neck and saw that the wall was actually an extraordinarily tall man wearing a plaid shirt and a bemused expression. More importantly, he had one arm in front of Gabriel and the other one holding off the rageful Dean, who was still glaring at the prankster. "Let me at him, Sam. Bastard thinks he's so funny. I'll show him what's funny."

The tall man raised an eyebrow in his direction, and Gabriel shrugged in as innocent a manner as he could muster up. "I was just giving the young lady a physics lesson, and we needed a guinea pig."

"A physics lesson." Tall dude didn't sound impressed, but he was still the only thing holding off his would-be attacker, so Gabriel hurried to explain.

"You punch holes in the bottom of a water bottle. As long as the lid's on tight, none comes out. Soon as you unscrew it, though..." Gabriel shook his head sadly. "Can't fight the laws of nature."

Dean's eyes narrowed dangerously, but to Gabriel's relief, the giant named Sam cracked a wry smile. "Laws of nature, huh?" He shook his head, and Gabriel noticed how absurdly long his hair was. "Dean, give it a rest, let's just go."

And before Gabriel knew it, he was watching the two scary big guys leave the bar and counting his lucky stars.