THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE and it's definitely my fave so far. Just warning you, I got tired near the end, so I may not have ended it so well... MEH

It's for a guest called Skippy, who requested a team of characters' children to go back in the past.

"Look. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spite our parents and show them how capable we are. Are you in?"

"Come on, Ari," Joy groaned. "You're Cain and Pleasant's daughter, you have a hell of a lot more to prove than us."

"I thought you were my best friend!"

"Doesn't mean I have to do this."

"You'll be fine, Rosie," Candy Haze said, picking at her black-painted fingernails.

"Don't call me Rosie. My name is Joy Rose. Call me Joy, or call me Rose. NOT ROSIE."

"Yeah, whatever, shut your cranky mouth."

"You shut your Goth mouth! See, this is why popular people and funeral directors shouldn't mix."

"Mist is not a funeral director!"

"And Ravel's not that popular," Aretha Tesla whispered to nobody in particular.

"ARI!"

"Gee, sorry. Grumpy much."

Meanwhile, Loyalty Scar and Resentment Dark were glaring at each other in the back. They were complete and utter sworn enemies, which is what happens when the daughter of China and Wreath meets the son of Craven and Scorn.

"I vote for going," Resentment said in an angry tone.

"I vote for going too," Loyalty nodded. "And my vote is more important than yours."

"Is not. And besides, I voted first."

"I hate you to the ends of the earth."

"Run out of comebacks, huh?"

"No, otherwise I would've stopped talking."

"Really? I thought you weren't capable of shutting your mouth."

"SHUT UP!" Aretha yelled. "We're running out of time! We need to use this time-travel device before Dad notices I stole it from him!"

Clarabelle and Sanguine's daughter cackled madly. "Yeah, whatevs, we'll be fine! Who wants salt-and-pepper ice cream? Made it with Mom three weeks ago!"

Candy looked at the tub clutched in Jubilance's hands. "Did you keep that in the fridge by any chance?"

"Nah. Fridges are for losers."

"You're a rebel. I like that." Candy snatched it and began to eat it with a passion.

"Look," Aretha groaned, "Resentment and Loyalty are for it. Candy seems to be too. So Joy, we're going to drag you with us. And Jubilance, I don't think you know what day of the week it is, so you won't mind if we bring you."

"I know what day of the week it is! It's January!"

"That's a month."

"Crap."

"That's not even the right month. This is July."

"Double crap."

"But you got the correct starting and ending letter, so you've definitely improved."

"Oh yeah!" Jubilance started to dance really badly.

Joy looked away. "What are we even doing back in time?"

"We're going to go meet our parents," Aretha said proudly, "And help them with all that heroic stuff they used to do. And then we'll come back and tell them how awesome we were and stuff."

"Mom and Dad would kill me."

"Come on! Bespoke and Low are totally chill."

"Alright…well, fine."

They all joined hands around the time-traveling machine. Well, Loyalty and Resentment slapped each others hands away before they reluctantly touched index fingers, but that kind of counted anyway. Aretha pressed some buttons on the machine, and then a bright blue light enveloped them and they disappeared into the past.

When the blue light faded, they were standing in Valkyrie Cain's old living room. Melissa Edgley was giving them a very horrified look.

"I'M YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER!" Aretha screamed happily, and Melissa fainted.

Jubilance teared up. "That was a beautiful introduction."

Candy simply pulled out her cigarette lighter.

"This is a no-smoking house," Desmond Edgley said. "Please refrain from—"

He then paused. "Who are you?"

"The plumbers," Loyalty said.

"The electricians," Resentment said at the same time.

"Plumbers!"

"Electricians!"

"PLUMBERS!"

"ELECTRICIANS!"

"We're plumbertricians," Jubilance nodded.

Desmond scratched his head. "Aren't you guys a little young to be plumbertricians?"

Candy rolled her eyes. "Aren't you a little young to be sitting here doing bugger-all?"

Spiders leaked out of her hands (did I mention she was a Child of the Spider?), and Aretha smacked her on the back of her head. "That's my grandpa, idiot!"

Desmond looked at her. "Stephanie has a daughter? Or did I have another child that I don't know about?"

"Val—I mean Stephanie is my mom, yeah."

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"So she was two when she had you?"

"Our kind reproduces young."

"I see. Who's the father?"

"400-year-old skeleton.

Desmond looked just a bit baffled. "So… Wait… What?

Jubilance waved her hand in the air and Desmond immediately fell asleep.

"Alright," Aretha said. "Let's split up, find our parents, and meet back here at 4 p.m."

Everybody in the room who was not unconscious or sleeping nodded their approval, and the room slowly emptied out.

Aretha flew over the city. Her parents had raised her to become an Elemental, not wanting her to become caught up in Necromancer politics. She could see why—Loyalty and Resentment were always at each other's necks, although maybe that was just their families' rivalry.

Ah, there they were! Valkyrie and Skulduggery were coming out from the Bentley. Aretha had always wished she could ride in the Bentley, but Skulduggery had never let her.

"Hi!" she said to them as she touched down. "I'm Aretha Tesla, your daughter, and I'm an Elemental, and can I ride in the Bentley please?

Skulduggery gave her an odd look. "My daughter is dead."

"Not THAT one, the other one!"

"I have another one?"

"You are such a terrible father," Valkyrie laughed.

"And she's my mom," Aretha said, pointing at Valkyrie.

Valkyrie stopped laughing. "That doesn't... make sense... What? I'm too young! And I don't even remember... stuff..."

"I'm from the future, idiot!"

"I think your father would not be happy with you calling your mother an idiot," Skulduggery nodded. "I should know."

Valkyrie whirled around to face him. "And you're okay with this?"

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"Because we're not a couple... like that, anyway! And we'd never... Aretha, are we married?"

"In my time, you've been married for sixteen years."

Valkyrie turned white. "And when... when did the relationship start?"

"Today, actually."

Valkyrie looked like she was about to faint, so Skulduggery put his arm around her. She made a half-hearted attempt to swat him off, and then seemed to give up.

"We're really married?"

Aretha showed them a picture of them hugging her as a baby."

Valkyrie began to tear up. "Okay." And then she kissed Skulduggery full on the teeth.

"Ew," Aretha groaned.

Meanwhile, Joy and Candy were having tea with Tanith and Ghastly. Candy couldn't find her father anywhere-he was probably tunneling somewhere. And Clarabelle? Only God knew where she was. Candy doubted even she knew where she was.

"Would you and your friend like some more biscuits?" Ghastly asked, pink mittens covering his hands.

Joy sighed. "She's not really my friend, I mean..."

Candy rolled her eyes. "Don't bother, I already ate the rest of the cookies while you were getting us some more tea. Oh yeah, speaking of the tea, I spat in it. So don't drink it."

"Why would you spit in the tea?!" Joy yelled.

Tanith sipped her tea. "Spit doesn't bother me."

"My spit contains spiders."

Tanith dropped the cup and screamed, then spat spiders out of her mouth frantically. Candy just laughed.

And that was when Sanguine tunneled up through the ground and grabbed Tanith by the throat.

"We're plumbers, dumbass!" Loyalty was yelling.

Yes. It was still going on, and the people in the library were getting seriously pissed.

"ELECTRICIANS."

"Plumbers!"

"Electricians!"

"Electricians have a more dangerous job! We could've electrocuted ourselves pretending to be an electrician!"

"But plumbing is SO ANNOYING," Resentment whined. "I don't want to dig around in somebody's poop!"

"Would you rather get electrocuted? Be a man!"

"You be a man!"

"I'm female, stupid!"

"What's going on in here?" China Sorrows sighed. "Would you please be slightly more quiet?" Scorn followed her out.

"Yes, mother," Loyalty bowed. China raised a delicate eyebrow.

"I am not your mother."

"I am from the future."

"Prove it to me."

"Wreath is my father. Until you decide to acknowledge my birth to the public, you are keeping me behind this secret bookshelf."

Loyalty pressed a button and a bookshelf slid back to reveal a tiny baby in a crib.

Everybody in the room looked at China. China looked almost horrified.

Wreath, unfortunately, also happened to be in the room reading a book.

He gave her an almost uninterested look. "You hid our baby in a bookshelf, did you? How original."

China glared angrily at him. "Where would you have put her?"

"I," Eliza Scorn smirked, "have a much better place for my baby boy, because I'm not ashamed of him OR my relationship with Craven. My little boy has his own mansion."

"Liar," Resentment muttered. "You hid me in the fridge."

Eliza hit him and he howled.

"You just hit our son?!" Craven yelled. "How dare you!"

"Back off," Eliza growled, and Craven backed off.

"Your partner is a coward," China smirked. "He absolutely pales in comparison to mine."

Eliza put a hand on her hip. "Oh, you think?"

"You know me, Eliza. I always think. Unlike you."

"I think!"

"On occasion. When it serves you best."

"I'm not paranoid like you are, though."

Craven laughed and Wreath turned to face him.

"You think your wife is better than mine?"

"Yeah, I do. What gave it away, besides that my wife is totally OWNING yours?"

"You're so wrong, you have no idea."

"Oh, you think? ELIZA! KICK HER ASS!"

Eliza gave him a look. "I don't take orders from you. Shut up."

He shut up.

"You have him well trained," China said with a note of admiration in her voice.

"Yeah, Craven," Wreath grinned. "Scorn owns you."

"Does not!"

"He does whatever I tell him," Scorn said, slightly pleased. "Craven! Kill Wreath!"

Craven immediately started to whip up shadows. Wreath got his cane ready, and China came to stand beside him.

"That's hardly fair, China," Eliza sighed. "I guess I shall have to fight alongside my puppy dog of a husband."

She shot red light towards China, who deflected it by tapping some symbols on her arm and pushing the energy away. Wreath whipped shadows at Eliza, who used China as a shield. Wreath withdrew the shadows at the last second, redirected them at Craven, and then the reader got bored already so September decided to start writing about Tanith and Joy instead.

"PUT MY MOM DOWN!"

Sanguine laughed. "Hello, darling."

"Don't call me that!" Joy snapped. "And what are you doing with her?"

"I want her to give me the child," Sanguine growled.

"Child? What… which child?" Joy asked, looking around in confusion.

Sanguine looked pointedly at Tanith. "Say you'll give me the child, or I'll kill you AND her."

"What are you talking about?" Ghastly said, pulling Sanguine off Tanith. "And how did you know Tanith was having my child?"

"It's not your child, dumbass," Sanguine snapped. "It's mine."

Candy picked at her leather boots. "Intense."

Then Ravel burst in the door. "Tanith! How's the child?"

Tanith turned white.

"How do you know about the child?" he yelled.

"Um, sorry to tell you Ghastly… but I think it's mine," Ravel sighed.

Sanguine looked confused. "No! It's mine, isn't it?"

Ghastly sat down and Tanith burbled a little bit.

"It's mine!"

"MINE!"

Tanith attempted to run from the room and the three men caught her and started questioning her.

Finally, she screamed, "I DON'T KNOW!" and fled the room, leaving the guys to beat each other up.

Joy and Candy gave each other puzzled looks, when Sanguine grabbed Joy and Candy and held a knife to their throats.

"STOP OR I'LL KILL THE GIRLS!" Sanguine screamed.

Joy yelled and kicked. The decision to not be magical was not very smart, when she thought about it. Candy, meanwhile, yawned.

And then Jubi burst into the door.

"DADDY!" she cried happily. She caught him in a bear hug, and then she made everybody in the room go to sleep.

"Come on," she laughed. "Let's go back!"

"Where have you been?" Candy frowned.

Jubilance grinned. "I'd rather not say."

China and Eliza were slapping each other on the floor, and Craven and Wreath were hitting each other with their Necromancic objects instead of actually using them. So Loyalty and Resentment were seriously bored.

"I'm sorry about the fridge thing," Loyalty sighed. "At least I had a crib."

"It's okay. And you know what, maybe we could've been plumbers."

"Really?"

"Yeah. This is stupid," Resentment said, gesturing to the fight going on around them.

Loyalty nodded and took his hand in her own. "I agree. Let's go home."

And they walked off, still hand in hand.

Aretha was waiting for them at the machine, along with Joy, Jubi, and Candy.

"That was interesting," they all said in unison, looking pointedly at Resentment and Loyalty, and then they disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Later, after suitable bragging to parents had been achieved, Candy went up to Tanith. "Is Rosie my half-sister?"

Tanith sighed. "I honestly don't know. I never got her tested."

"Well, you should do it now. For her sake. Otherwise she might stay angry forever."

Joy had been curled up on the couch, not talking to anybody, for about two hours.

"Alright, I'll do it."

They got her tested, and some time later the results came back—Joy was Candy's half-sister. Candy gave her a hug and bought her some black nail polish.

"I don't know," Joy sighed. "My entire life I thought Ghastly was my father, and now… I don't know what I know anymore…"

Candy hugged her again. "Look, Joy, it doesn't matter who your blood father is. Ghastly loves you so much. And so does Tanith. And honestly, so do I. We're a silly, lopsided family."

Joy laughed for the first time that day, and then drifted off to sleep.

Sorry for the randomness. I'm afraid I can't write a Dexter/Rue fanfic because I never read TMS, but I will see what's up next... bye!