When Wanda enlists Ralphie and Carlos' help to get Arnold and Phoebe together, hilarity is sure to ensue.

We're Not Characters from a Jane Austen Novel, Wanda

It is a truth, universally acknowledged

"We're not characters from a Jane Austen novel, Wanda," Keesha told her friend, from where she was lying on the platform near the window-sill of her bedroom. It was the weekend, and Keesha and Dorothy Ann were spending a nice, quiet time, lounging in her bedroom. Dorothy Ann was working on her AP Chemistry homework, while Keesha was trying to choreograph a new dance to teach her dance students at the local community center.

At least it was quiet, until Wanda decided to crash and tell them all about her insane plan to get Arnold and Phoebe together.

This had prompted Keesha to tell Wanda that, no, they were not characters in a Jane Austen novel. Dorothy Ann helpfully supplied that if they were, Wanda was being the equivalent of Emma, and they all knew what happened to Emma in the end.

"Yeah, she married Mr. Knightley," Wanda said undeterred.

"Who was at least ten years older than her," Keesha remarked, cynically.

"Details, details," Wanda waved it off, before her eyes widened and she broke into a grin. "Or maybe not. High school boys are so immature."

"Wanda! Really?" Keesha exclaimed, face-palming. "There's no getting to her, is there, D.A.?"

"Nope!" Wanda (unhelpfully) replied in Dorothy Ann's stead. Dorothy Ann shook her head, smiling.

"Wanda, even you have to agree that it's a bit foolhardy to force Arnold and Phoebe to end up together. If it's meant to be, it'll happen in due time," Dorothy Ann pointed out, gently. "Besides, if you're Emma, that makes Arnold Mr. Elton and Phoebe Harriet, and while Phoebe and Harriet share many similarities, Arnold and Mr. Elton most certainly do not."

"Whatever you say, Dorothy Ann," Wanda murmurs absently. "It's not like I read the book, you see."

Dorothy Ann was aghast. "I thought you loved Jane Austen! I mean, I introduced you to the books and you were singing praises of how wonderful Pride and Prejudice was!"

"Yeah, I read that one, but honestly, that was just the one. And plus, the movies were so much better, especially when I realize that Bridget Jones' Diary was inspired by Jane Austen's works. Anyway, it managed to get me an A in English, so I don't see why we both should complain. I get an A, you spread your love of literature, it's all win-win, no? So are you going to help me with Arnold and Phoebe?"

"Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Dorothy Ann groaned, and hit her head against the desk several times in frustration, while Keesha looked pityingly at her blonde friend, before turning to Wanda.

"Wanda, honey, you can't hurry love, you know that, right?"

Wanda looked at Keesha quizzically. "What the hell are you talking about, Keesh? Who said anything about love? God, we're only teenagers."

Dorothy Ann's eyes widened. "What's the point of matchmaking Arnold and Phoebe then, Wanda?"

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Look, D.A., Arnold and Phoebe have never been in a steady high school relationship – "

"Neither have I?" Dorothy Ann pointed out, irately.

"You're too serious for most guys, D.A.," Wanda replied. "Besides, you give off all the wrong signals if you really have been after a real relationship. I mean, you're the kind of girls guys bring home to their parents when they're looking to settle down, and let's face it, high school boys aren't looking to settle down."

"And Arnold and Phoebe?" Keesha raised an eyebrow. "What makes them different?"

"Well," Wanda shrugged her shoulders. "Arnold is definitely interested in girls, seeing as he and Tiffany had an on-and-off, friends-with-benefits thing going on."

"Wait, what?"

"No way!"

"Way," Wanda grinned, somewhat maniacally. "And Phoebe is just pining away for him, and God knows she won't be able to have a decent functioning relationship with anyone else until she gets him out of her system, and she can only do that if she gets together with him." At her friends' blank expressions, Wanda sighed dramatically, "Oh come on! It's so obvious! Everyone knows that if a girl is so hung up over a guy like Phoebe is over Arnold, she'll never have a decent relationship!"

"Wanda, you're crazy," Keesha said bluntly.

"Well you guys are driving me insane!" Wanda shouted emphatically. "Jeez, you know what? Ralphie and Carlos would be more helpful than you two!"

"What?" Dorothy Ann shrieked, but Keesha put her hand on her arm, and nodded patronizingly. "Of course they are," Keesha remarked (somewhat condescendingly, but the condenscension was lost on Wanda). "Maybe they would be a better team than we would ever be in Operation Arby."

"Maybe they would be!" Wanda yelled. "You guys… Arrgggggggh!" She stormed out of the room, screeching at a frequency no human should be allowed to screech in, and slammed the bedroom door, causing both Keesha and Dorothy Ann to wince. There was silence for a while, as both Keesha and Dorothy Ann needed to recuperate after the hurricane that was Wanda.

"Was that wise?"

Keesha shrugged. "This is Carlos and Ralphie's problem now, and I'd like to see what happens. It should be hilarious," Keesha said, and broke into a smirk. Dorothy Ann shook her head and went back to her work. What happened next would be… interesting, if Dorothy Ann had any Seer ability. Which she didn't. But she didn't have to be a psychic to know that. It was a statistical probability, after all.

A/N: Just a warning, since I don't want people to be disappointed beforehand. This fic will feature: C/DA, A/P, one-sided A/W (at different points in time), one-sided R/P, past C/K, past T/J, T/P, A/Tiffany, R/W, R/K and basically lots of different ships which may make an appearance. If you've read my stories, you can pretty much guess which ships are endgame. Regardless whether you guys like the ships or not, I hope you guys give this fic a chance. :)