I Don't Do Lonely Well

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And Elliot :)

I can get up and face the day
Just fine all by myself
Go out and take on the world
And get it done like nobody else
Ohh but I don't do lonely well

-Jason Aldean

(I Don't Do Lonely Well)

During high school there was nothing to protect her. She was vulnerable to everyone and anyone who tried to steal her heart. It was theirs for the taking.

There were no walls guarding it, and every time someone took her heart out and then put it back in, it was worse condition then it was before. No one bothered to take care of it. It happened too often for her friends liking, as it seemed every other week her heart was torn into another million pieces.

You would have thought she would build up some sort of resistance and never let anyone take it again.

But her biggest fear was not having her heart broken.

It was being alone.

And if she had to go through thousands of broken hearts to ensure she would at least always have someone it was better than never having anyone. Better safe than sorry right?

She had always figured it was the best way— what was best for her. When her friends told her she was better than that and deserve better she just brushed them off or pretended to agree. She acted like she would change, lock away her heart and threw away the key. But she never did, she knew what she wanted, she knew what she was getting. A continuously broken heart was nothing to a lifetime alone.

At the time she didn't know that the way she was living her life that she was alone. It was just in a different way then she had thought.

She had gone through years of her life with this attitude, from her freshman year in high school. So by the time she got to college it was second nature to let a boy in and let him do whatever he wanted to her. However, she changed her methods a bit. Instead of letting boys break her, she just stopped letting them in.

She chose to date more than one guy at time, just in case one of them dumped her. She pretended to really like them, even though it was all really for show.

She didn't feel anything for them.

Her friends never teased her about being a slut because she actually was one. But she heard the whispers, the things people said under their breaths as she walked by.

It didn't matter to her. If she had a boy on her arm she was fine. It was what kept her going. As sad as that was.

"Cam," Bex said, as they sat in their dorm. She looked over her shoulder at the bathroom, where a thick cloud of steam was seeping from the door. "He slept over?"

Cammie glanced at herself in the mirror and pretended her disheveled hair and smudged make up didn't bother her. She shrugged in response to her friend's question as she reached for the hair brush on the table.

"Cammie, you have got to stop doing this."

Cammie rolled her eyes and looked at Bex through the mirror. "Doing what?" Her voice was rough and scratchy and sounded as though she'd been smoking.

"Letting boys come and go as they please," Bex replied. "It's destroying you."

"It's none of your business," Cammie responded, but her words were not harsh, just informative. "Just don't worry about it."

Bex sighed. She was going to reply to Cammie but she suddenly heard the water shut off.

"So who is it this time?" Bex hissed at Cammie.

Cammie only rolled her eyes, "you're so over dramatic."

Bex was annoyed that Cammie was completely disregarding what she was saying. But she knew it was just the way Cammie dealt with things. She just treated it as a joke, because if she didn't it might actually get to her.

The door to the bathroom opened, and a boy stood there, a towel hanging off his hips, steams clouding his lean figure. It was like a scene from a movie, only Cammie and Bex were supposed to be blabbering like idiots while they ogled his perfect body. But neither of the girls did that. Cammie had already turned away to power on her computer. And Bex wasn't one to stare.

"Good morning ladies," he said, smiling what Bex and her friends called a "panty dropping" smile. But it had no effect on Bex, who thought he was scum, and Cammie wasn't even paying attention.

Bex acknowledge him with a stiff head nod. "Hey Zach."

Zach started putting on his discarded clothes, obviously not caring if either of the two girls saw anything they didn't particularly want to see.

"Hey Cam?" he said as he pulled his shirt over his head.

"Yes?" she asked, but hadn't turned to look at him or even seemed to have noticed he was there.

"I've got a class so I've got to go— I'll see you next week?" he asked.

"Sure," Cammie answered, still not looking at him.

Zach noticed Bex was watching the both of him and rolled his eyes at her. It was obvious Bex didn't understand his and Cammie's relationship. And if Cammie didn't chose to disclose that information to her, it wasn't really any of his business.

"Alright," he said, and walked over to Cammie, kissing her cheek even though it was obvious she wasn't look for any kind of affection. "Bye babe."

"Bye," she echoed as he closed the door.

Neither of the girls said anything for a while. Bex was just trying to figure out what was going on. But she knew she'd never make sense of it.

"Zach," Bex finally said. "Really Cammie? Again?"

Cammie shrugged. "I don't know why you have such a problem with it. He's nice enough to you. They all are."

"I just don't get it."

Cammie sighed. "You don't have to."

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Bex asked.

"Do what? It's a casual relationship Bex. I'm not looking for anything serious and neither is he."

"You realize he is probably fucking like ten other girls right?"

"Yes Bex, it doesn't bother me. He's not my boyfriend."

"But how can it not bother you?"

"Bex," Cammie said. "You have known me for my whole life. I have never wanted something serious. Why are you making it such a big deal now? "

"You sleep with a different guy every night!"

That wasn't completely true. But Bex might have had a point. Most of the time Cammie had it narrowed down to three guys. Zach, Tyler, and Kevin. There used to be Michael but he had gotten serious with some girl from a sorority and called it off. Which is Cammie didn't mind because she had other to keep her company. Which was the whole point of why she dated three or four different guys. She didn't want to be alone.

"Why do you even care?!"

"I'm only worried about you. You're smoking and drinking and—"

It was true. Each of her boy toys had their own bad habits that were rubbing off on her. Kevin liked to smoke, Tyler liked to drink, and Zach was already intoxicating enough as it was. He could probably talk her into do whatever he wanted.

"Well don't be. I'm fine."

"Cammie you can't live your life like this forever."

Cammie didn't reply.

"You're going to fall for him," Bex said. "And if not him, one of the others."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because he's charming Cammie. All of the guys you sleep with are. Those kinds of boys can get a girl to do whatever he wants."

"You don't get it. I don't want a relationship with him. And he doesn't want one with me."

"Then why don't you look for a guy who does want a relationship with you. I don't understand why you do this to yourself."

"Because if I looked for a guy who wanted to be with me, I would be the one that got hurt Bex. And I don't want to get hurt. It's just better this way."

"So Zach sleeping around doesn't hurt you?"

"No," Cammie said. "Because he means nothing to me."

Bex shook her head. "I don't even know how your mind works."

Cammie only shrugged, turning away from the other girl, signaling that the conversation was over.

Bex sighed; sometimes she didn't even know why she tried. She'd been doing this since they hit puberty and hadn't had any luck yet. Cammie just had an iron wall between herself and the rest of the world. She thought sleeping with every guy that had a six pack would make her happy. Did it? Maybe— but Bex knew eventually something would happen and it would break her best friend.

The problem with Cammie is she didn't even try. She didn't even want to want a relationship. Not since high school when she allowed boy to walk all over her. The way she had just acted with Zach, was the way she acted with every guy she dated or slept with. She was indifferent to them. She acted like she didn't like the affection because she thought it would just make things complicated. She thought nothing good could come out of relationships. She just always wanted a guy around her— Bex guessed it made her feel less lonely.

*:*:*:*:*:*

You're gone gone gone away
I watched you disappear
All that's left is a ghost of you

-Of Monsters And Men

(Little Talks)

*:*:*:*:*:*

"You just need to leave her alone," Macey said as she wiped down the bar. "Give her space."

"But Macey," Bex said. "She's been doing this for years and—"

"So why are you so worried about it now?"

"She's destroying her life Macey. How can you sit back and watch it?"

"Like you have for the past seven years of her life. She's twenty one Bex— she is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. And she probably doesn't appreciate you butting in."

"She doesn't even care about anything anymore."

"I think you're taking this a little too far," Macey said, leaning against the bar counter and slinging the rag over her shoulder. She had been a bartender at O'Maggies for two years and Bex had been waitressing there just as long. "Cammie will be fine. She always has been."

"Okay so we watched her break her heat hundreds of times in high school and now we're going to watch her sleep her way through college?"

Macey shrugged. "If that's the way she wants it. If she doesn't want a relationship what can you do about it?"

"It's like she doesn't even have a heart anymore," Bex said as she took a seat on one of the empty bar stools. "Maybe it got broken one too many times. But I can't sit back and watch as she does this to herself anymore."

"So what are you going to do?"

Bex was silent. ". . . I haven't figured that part out yet. Everything I say to her goes right through one ear and out the other."

Macey didn't respond.

"How can you not be concerned?"

"Just because Cammie is a bit of a whore doesn't mean I'm going to force her to change her life style. So she likes sex and boys. Give her a break Bex."

"I'm genuinely worried about her Mace, she's not the same person she used to be."

"Oh yeah? How's that?"

"She talks like she's either drunk or high, she never looks directly at anything. She like a . . . like a zombie!"

"Cammie is not a zombie."

"But she has been acting like one."

Macey rolled her eyes.

"I know what we need to do," Bex said, suddenly perking up. "We need to find her a guy. A nice guy that won't take advantage of her."

Macey laughed. "Good luck with that. I'm still trying to find one of those for myself."

"I got it!" Bex said. "Josh!"

Macey laughed at her. "Josh who? Abrams? You think Cammie will even consider dating him?"

"What? He's cute."

"Yeah cute. Cammie goes for guys with muscles and tattoos. Not a Pillsbury dough boy like Josh."

"He is not a Pillsbury dough boy."

Macey shrugged, as if to say 'whatever makes you happy'.

"He's not!"

Macey still didn't say anything.

"Okay, maybe a little bit."

"I don't know why you try Bex. She'll be fine. If she wants a relationship she is perfectly capable of finding her own guy."

"I have found Zach Goode, not once, but twice in my shower this week."

Macey's jaw dropped. "Holy shit. You're kidding. I didn't know it was that serious." She laughed.

Bex shook her head.

"Damn," Macey said. "Go Cammie— that boy it hot, with a capital H-O-T. I don't blame her."

Bex rolled her eyes in disgust. "Ugh. He's a man whore."

"And darling Cammie is a whore. I love her to death, but she is—they're perfect for each other!"

"Zach is the shit on your shoe that never comes off Macey! He's going to ruin her."

"Let's be honest, Cammie has already been ruined, if you know what I mean."

"You are such a bad friend."

Macey rolled her eyes. "No I am not. I'm just letting her live her life. If she wants to sleep with ten different guys in a week who am I—or you— to tell her she can't?"

"I just don't know why she's so opposed to having a serious relationship."

Macey looked at her with an 'are you dumb?' look.

"What?"

"Her parents dipshit."

"What about them?"

"Her dad walked out on them when Cammie was thirteen. Her mom is now an alcoholic who probably shoots up heroin every other day."

Bex was solemnly silent.

"I wouldn't have pegged you to forget."

"She just never talks about it, like ever" Bex reasoned. "It kind of slipped to the back of my mind."

"Plus Cammie hates her mom," Macey said. "She wants to be nothing like her. Even if it includes never having someone for herself."

Bex inhaled deeply, trying to collect her thoughts. "I just don't think she wants to be alone."

Macey shrugged. "Can you blame her?"

*:*:*:*:*:*

I used to think that I was better alone
Why did I ever want to let you go?
Under the moonlight as we stared at the sea
The words you whispered I will always believe

-One Direction

(Rock Me)

*:*:*:*:*:*

Two weeks after that conversation Macey, Bex, Grant, and Liz were all sitting at the bar, this time in their clubbing clothes, waiting for Cammie and her date.

"She's always late," Liz was complaining to Bex.

"She says she has something important to tell us."

Jonas rolled his eyes as he took a seat next to Liz and placed their drinks on the table, only having heard the end of the conversation.

"Doesn't she always have something important to tell us? I bet she's pregnant this time." Liz smacked him.

Grant laughed but none of the girls did.

"Jonas!"

"What?"

"Don't say that about Cammie. She's a good friend."

"She's also kind of a —"

"There she is," Macey cut him off before he could finish. Jonas usually wasn't one to speak harshly of others but Liz had been telling them he'd had a rough day and was just looking to blow off some steam. Something about getting a B on a research paper.

"Who is she with?" Liz asked, peering over as they watched her walked down the streets with an unidentified man.

"Wait is that—?" Bex started but Macey cut her off.

"Bex!" she hissed.

"What?!"

"I thought we agree you weren't going to meddle!"

"What is this? Scooby doo? And I did nothing."

"She's with Josh!"

"I had nothing to do with that!" Bex hissed back.

Macey eyed her suspiciously but did not say anything.

Cammie was smiling as she walked through the door, her hand being held by none other than Josh Abrams.

"Hey guys," Cammie said walking over. "This is Josh."

They all greeted him with a little bit of feigned joy but other than that Bex, Macey and Liz were trying their best to be warm to Josh. Jonas was being a little distant, and just sat in the corner with Grant, obviously wishing he were somewhere else.

The bar was quiet for a Friday night to the gang decided to migrate a little further down town. The girls wanted to dance and the guys were ready for another beer.

"So," Macey started as she and Cammie twirled on the dance floor. "What was the important news you wanted to tell us?"

Cammie rolled her eyes and laughed, spinning under her friend's arm. "It was Josh," she said. "I think I might be a one guy woman now."

"No shit?" Macey asked.

"At least for a little while. He's really sweet and—"

"Oh my god," Macey suddenly said. "You so don't like him. Do you?"

They had stopped dancing now.

"What are you talking about I just said—"

"C'mon Cammie I'm not a complete idiot. I can see the signs and Josh is so not your type. What is all this about?"

Cammie sighed. "Jesus I can't get anything past you."

"Nope— now tell me what you are up to."

Cammie huffed. "Okay, okay. It's Bex. She won't stop badgering about me not being in a relationship. So I thought if I dated Josh for a little while. . ."

"She would back off," Macey finished.

Cammie nodded. "Exactly."

Macey grabbed Cammie's hand and pulled her over to one of the two seater round tables.

"You are devious. I can't believe you would do that."

"She won't leave me alone! I've told her time and time again but she won't listen."

"Cam, she just wants what is best for you. We all do."

"Well she doesn't know what's best for me."

"Maybe you should give Josh a chance," Macey said. "You might really like him."

"I don't," Cammie said. "He's about as exciting as a rock."

"Geologists find rocks exciting," Macey pointed out.

"Well I'm not a geologist."

"Why are you guys talking about geology?" Liz butted in, suddenly standing in front of their table. "I didn't know either of you liked rocks. Or science."

Cammie and Macey shared a look and then laughed. "It's nothing Lizzie. What's up?"

"I think Josh was looking for you," Liz said and pointed in a vague direction.

Cammie feigned a smile. "Great. I've got to go then."

"Maybe you should give the rock a try Cam," Macey said to her as she got up.

"Like I said," Cammie replied. "I'm not interested."

*:*:*:*:*

And I know it's long gone, and there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to

-Taylor Swift

(All Too Well)

*:*:*:*:*

It wasn't like Cammie was purposely trying to upset or piss off Bex— she was just fed up with her friend constantly poking her noes around in her business. It shouldn't matter to Bex who she dated or slept with or if she didn't chose to have a relationship. She couldn't even talk to Bex about it anymore because Bex was getting so roughed up about it. She'd talked about boys with Bex for years and it was an alien feeling knowing she couldn't do that anymore. Because, for some reason, Bex just didn't understand anymore.

She didn't get what Cammie wanted. She didn't understand why Cammie did this to herself, and she acted as if there were no greater sin. But Cammie liked having different boys to pick from, it made her whole insecurity about being alone vanish into the air. Because if one boy dumped her or found someone else, she had another one, and if that one did the same she could still find someone else. It was a hole-proof system, and maybe it didn't work for everyone— but it worked for her. She didn't need someone, she just needed anyone. It didn't matter who they were, just as long as they made her happy and feel like she had someone to constantly rely on. The problem the most people had with choosing one person to do that was if that one person walked out: you were screwed.

Even though Cammie was sure in what she was doing she understood Bex's worry. In high school, Cammie had a slightly different system. She wouldn't date ten million guys at one time; she would stay with just one. But if that guy was a complete asshole to her and cheated on her she wouldn't break up with him. She'd stay with him just because she couldn't stand the thought of being alone. But after she graduated she was getting sick of a broken heart. So that was when she created her new system. She'd actually been very proud when she'd figured it out. She'd finally found how to get what she wanted without having to break her own heart a thousand times. Of course, it made her a bit of slut, but to her, that was a small price to pay. It didn't bother her, so it shouldn't bother anyone else.

The guys she dated she liked— not loved. They bought her flowers and took her out on dates but she was always sure to tell them it would get serious, which, as you can imagine, a lot of boys went for. It was like a win-win. She got the companionship she craved and they got guilt free sex and pretty girl to have on their arm. Cammie didn't see a problem with it, and none of the guys she dated with did either. But, of course Bex did.

So that's when Cammie came up with the whole "date Josh" thing. If she pretended to be in a relationship with a boy who didn't seem like an asshole Bex would stop hounding her about her sleeping around. And Cammie just wanted her friend back, so it seemed like the most logical reason at the time. But that was before she realized what a poor decision she'd made.

"Are you okay?"

Cammie looked up and saw that Zach had been watching her. She thought he'd been asleep, but she should have known better. The boy never slept; whenever she woke up he was already up or in the shower, and he never fell asleep before her. She should have suspected he was just testing her, he must have noticed something was off now.

"Yeah," she said. "Of course."

Out of all the guys she went out with, Zach was by far her favorite. Not only did she think he was the hottest, he was also the only one that treated her like they were in a real relationship. And even though it wasn't what she was looking for, she still liked it. She knew he slept with tons of other girls but he never said anything about it and he acted like she was his girlfriend. They just had an understood agreement not to talk about the other people they may or may not have been seeing.

Bex, before she'd gone all wacko, had even suggested that he actually had a crush on her—only because he was the one guy that ever showed any kind of affection openly towards her. But obviously Bex had changed her mind all together.

"You are the worst liar I have ever met."

Cammie was sitting on the couch that sat in between her and Bex's beds. She gotten up somewhat early so she could finish some last minute homework. But right now she was staring at a blank page. Fighting with Bex— even though they weren't really in a fight— always made her uneasy. It was like fighting with a part of yourself.

Cammie tried to smile and roll her eyes. "I know."

He laughed and pulled the covers off and came over to sit next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her shoulder.

"Is this about Bex?" he asked.

Another thing about Zach: he could always see straight threw her. He had an uncanny sense of if something was wrong with her, and he always knew just what to do.

"Babe?" he prodded.

Cammie closed her laptop even though she had yet to start her paper. She turned towards him. "Yes."

She loved Zach's eyes, the kind of green they were just made her want to stare at him all day.

"I thought so," Zach said. "What's wrong?"

Cammie shrugged. "It's nothing."

Zach laughed and she could feel his breath against her skin. "I thought we already established you are an awful liar."

She sighed. "Really Zach," she said. "It's nothing I can't deal with on my own."

"C'mon Cam," he said. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Shut me out."

These conversations always confused Cammie. He always talked like they were going to be together forever, and even more weirdly, that they were actually going out. Zach was constantly asking her personal questions. She always answered though, because she liked him asking. It was different from anything anyone ever did to her before. It was refreshing.

But now he was asking her not to shut him out— which made them sound like they were much more serious than they actually were.

"I'm not shutting you out Zach," she replied. She could feel Zach fingers dancing along her skin, and she knew he was only trying to warm her up now. "But something's are just personal."

He kissed just below her ear. "If you're sure."

He never pushed anything out of her. Not directly at least. He drew it out of her, and she didn't even realize he did it. By him giving up asking it made her want to tell him.

"She just keeps judging me and I'm sick of it."

"Because of our arrangement?"

God, he made it sound like he was talking about organizing flowers.

"Yes," she answered after a small pause. "I guess."

Zach laughed again. "Just don't let it bother you."

She sighed. "I guess."

He knew that she wouldn't listen to him. She was too close to Bex to let it not bother her. She could just forget it.

"So," Zach said. "In other news. I heard you're dating Jimmy."

"I'm not dating a Jimmy— I don't even know a Jimmy."

"That's not what I heard."

"I thought we didn't talk about this."

He shrugged. "We don't. But if you're going to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else—"

"I'm not," she answered before he could even finish. "But what? What would you have me do?"

"First off, are you seeing someone else?"

"I think you know the answer to that question."

"You know what I meant. Exclusively."

Cammie let out a big breath. "Sort of?"

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know," she said. "Do we really have to talk about this?"

"It was just a question; you don't need to get so defensive. I was just curious."

"Fine," she said. "His name is Josh, not Jimmy."

Zach shrugged. "Makes no difference to me. He doesn't really seem like your type."

Cammie suddenly pulled out of his arms. "I think you need to leave."

Zach was completely thrown off by her behavior. "Cammie—"

Cammie had grabbed his shirt of the floor and threw it at him. "I've got homework and classes Zach. You need to go."

He knew that he shouldn't prod anymore. She was clearly upset and if she didn't want to talk about what was bothering her it shouldn't bother him. But it did. He wanted her to trust him.

"Alright," he said, gathering his things.

She felt kind of bad for kicking him out so abruptly but she was still annoyed with the interrogation he'd tried to give her. They weren't in a relationship and he shouldn't press her for things she didn't want to share. He really shouldn't be asking her anything personal.

He smiled at her even though she wasn't happy with him.

"I'll see you later," he said.

*:*:*:*:*

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

-Jessie J

(Who You Are?)

*:*:*:*:*

Cammie didn't like Josh: He was too boring.

And Cammie couldn't stand boring people. She was sure to surround herself with people that could keep her entertained. Josh being boring was just one of the many reason she would never date him. He was the complete opposite of her type.

This was how one of their typical conversations would go:

"Hi Josh."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Do anything interesting lately?"

"Well in class the other day. . ."

And then she tuned out the rest because his voice was a monotone and all she wanted to do was fall asleep. She didn't know how much longer she could keep up this act. She couldn't stand the boy.

Cammie supposed she could have felt worse about the whole thing. The only thing she had done was right was telling Josh they were not going to be exclusive anytime soon. She guessed it was still considered using him, but he didn't seem to mind. She supposed he found her interesting.

But at least it was keeping Bex at bay. Cammie had to cut down on seeing her "friends" though. She barely saw any of them anymore, which kind of defeated the purpose of why she dated them but there wasn't much she could do. She needed to keep Bex happy, at least for a little while.

But after a month of having to sneak time with Zach and the other boys she had finally had enough. She told Josh that she no longer needed his services and that now they could only be friends. She couldn't stand just being with him all the time; he was annoying and never had anything interesting to say.

She much preferred to spend time with Zach. Or even Tyler or Kevin. At least they knew how to make her laugh.

The only problem was explaining it to Bex. She couldn't tell her that it had all been a lie. Cammie figured she would put off telling her they had "broken up" until it was absolutely necessary.

But when Cammie had thought Bex was sleeping over at Liz's she'd invited Kevin over and Bex did not look happy to see the two of them sleeping in Cammie's bed.

"What are you doing here?" Cammie asked, looking nervously over at Kevin who hadn't woken yet.

"What the hell?" Bex asked, ignoring Cammie's question. "I thought you were seeing Josh."

Cammie climbed out of bed, luckily fully dressed in her pajamas, and grabbed Bex's arm and pulled her into the bathroom.

"Josh and I broke up."

"What?" Bex asked. "When?"

"A couple of days ago. . ."

"Why?"

"He just wasn't for me Bex. He is about as interesting as that toilet." She said and then pointed to the porcelain toilet.

"He was nice."

"If you think about it, he wasn't even a real person. He didn't have any personality. I can't be in a relationship with a toilet!"

"He's not a toilet!"

"To me he is. Or a rock. You pick."

Bex rolled his eyes. "And you're already in bed with that douche again?"

"At least he knows how to tell a joke."

Bex sighed loudly. "Cammie. You can't keep doing this."

"Why?" she asked. "This is what makes me happy Bex. Why can't you just let me be happy?"

"Because you deserve better!"

"I don't want better! This is what I want."

"Can't you just pick one. Why do you have to see five guys at one time?"

"Three."

"It doesn't matter. If they all have 'personality' why can't you just have one of them."

"I don't know why it is such a big deal to you!"

"Why do you keep avoiding answering my questions!"

Cammie was silent and just stared at her best friend.

"You know why," she said quietly.

"Cammie your parents—"

Cammie held out a hand, gesturing for her to stop. "Stop. Bex, don't even go there."

"But—"

"This is about me," Cammie said. "Only me."

She was lying. Both of them knew it. It was to do with her mother. There was no way someone could be so afraid of being alone without something traumatic happening to them.

"Cammie please. I can't watch you do this to yourself."

"Why can't you just let it go?"

"I need you to talk to me about your mom."

"I'm done," Cammie said and grabbed the bathroom handled. Bex slammed her palm onto the door.

"You are not leaving until we talk about this."

"There is nothing to say," she snapped.

"Cammie—"

"Just stop it!" Cammie said, raising her voice. "If you want to be my friend then quit asking me to stop. I can't be around someone who keeps criticizing my lifestyle."

"What are you saying?"

"I can't live or be friends with you if you are constantly nagging me about this Bex. I'm sorry but I'm not going to listen to you. This is what makes me happy, and you're just going to have to live with that."

Bex took her hand off the door. "Fine," she said. "Go then."

Cammie only hesitated momentarily before she turned away and stormed out of the bathroom. She didn't even bother to waste her breath saying good bye as she grabbed her bag and stormed out of the dorm room. Bex didn't know when she would be back. If she would be back.

*:*:*:*:*:*

I swear I used to be what I truly believe,
That I'm not just a man with these broken dreams,
That even I could go to heaven,
If I part the seas

-Hollywood Undead

(Pour Me)

*:*:*:*:*:*

"What are you doing here?"

The girl didn't answer immediately, instead she turned to the bartender and asked him for a drink. She tossed her caramel colored hair over he her shoulder as she thought of a way to word what she wanted to say.

"I need you stop seeing Cammie."

He stared at her, his expression implying he thought she was out of her mind. "How is that any of your business?"

Bex sighed. "She's my best friend. I'm trying to protect her."

"From who? Me? I've never done anything to hurt her."

"Not that you realize."

Zach shook his head and laughed. "Okay Bex."

"I'm serious. Please Zach, for her sake, leave her alone."

"For her sake?" he asked. "She the one who asked me to do this. I don't think she'd ask me if it wasn't what she wanted."

"You don't understand Zach. You don't know her enough to know that it's hurting her. Right now you are not what she needs."

"So the other guys she sleeps with are? I don't get what you're trying to say Bex. I—"

"No," She cut him off. "Of course not. But Cammie barely knows their names Zach. You're the one that comes over more than once a week. You're the only one that might mean anything to her."

"I'm still not understanding your point."

She took a breath. "It doesn't matter. I just need you to stop. Please, Zach."

"Have you ever thought that maybe I care about her? Do you think I want to hurt her?"

"Of course you don't care about her Zach. You're Zach. And she's Cammie."

"Because that explains everything.

"It does," Bex said. "You like sex and Cammie likes having boys around. There aren't feelings involved."

"So what's the problem?"

She sighed in frustration. She just couldn't get her point across.

"Look, Cammie does this to herself because she thinks all boys are shit and will leave her."

"So you want me to leave her?"

"No!" She said. "Wait— yes."

"Alright," he said, still looking at her as though she were crazy. He turned back to his drink.

"I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. But the point is I need to get you out of her life so that she can find someone that is good for her. Someone that won't end up hurting her."

"What makes you think I'm going to hurt her?"

"Because Cammie likes to latch onto people. Sooner or later she's going to fall for you and when don't return the feelings—"

"Why do you think I wouldn't return the feelings?"

The question stumped Bex, because she hadn't expected him to ask it. He knew that he enjoyed Cammie's company but she had never thought it was anything more than that. He was just kind to Cammie, that was different than having feelings for them.

"I don't know. . . Would you?"

"Let's put it this way," he said. "I don't like that Cammie sleeps around anymore than you do."

Bex stared at him, now completely perplexed.

"But you sleep around too."

"Actually," Zach said. "I don't."

"You don't need to lie Zach I don't—"

"I'm not lying," he said before she could finish. "I know you and Cammie think I do, I just never bothered to correct you. Plus I'd feel like an idiot if Cammie was seeing other guys and knew I wasn't seeing anyone else."

"Are you saying you want Cammie to be your girlfriend?"

Zach looked away, suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation.

"No," Bex said. "There's no way. You're an asshole!"

"Thanks Bex."

"I'm sorry, I just. . ." she trailed off, unsure of what she was to say. "I just never thought about you like that.

"Like what?"

"I don't know . . . having feelings… and a heart."

"Again —thanks."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, forget what I said then."

"I was already planning on it."

"I've got a new plan."

"No."

"But—"

"Bex you can't try and fix it for her. If she doesn't want to be with me I'm not going to make her."

"But she will!"

"Have you seen the way she acts around me?"

"Those are just walls. Sometimes they take a little while to knock down."

Zach took a sip of his drink. "No kidding."

"Alright," she said. "I'll take care of Kevin and Tyler and you can get the rest."

"What are you—"

"I've got to go," Bex said and grabbed her bag. "This was a good chat."

"Okay?"

"Bye," she said and then disappeared before he even had time to react.

"She's crazy," Zach muttered to himself.

*:*:*:*:*:*

Till now, I always got by on my own,

I never really cared until I met you

-Heart

(Alone)

*:*:*:*:*:*

He couldn't find her anywhere. He'd been looking all over campus after he'd figured out that she wasn't at her dorm and she wouldn't be there for a while. Not until she and Bex made up.

He checked her friend's rooms: Liz and Macey hadn't seen her in days. Apparently she'd been keeping to herself for the last twenty four hours. But she couldn't be sleeping on a bench in the park. She had to be somewhere. But he'd spent hours looking at his search had exhausted him and he decided he would just find her tomorrow.

When he'd been talking to Bex he'd actually been worried he needed to take her to a mental institution. She hadn't been talking sense. But afterthought he'd come to the conclusion that she had a point. He didn't want Cammie sleeping around either. He found it strange that he so easily told Bex how he felt about her best friend. He'd never actually told anyone he wanted to be with her exclusively. Like any guy, he didn't want to be the one to take the first step. He was afraid of rejection and embarrassment. But somehow the words flowed out of his mouth as he told Bex: maybe it was because he was just sick of keeping it to himself.

After their conversation Zach had sat at the bar for half an hour, just thinking it over and wondering what he should do. He finally came to the conclusion that he should stop being a pansy and tell Cammie how he felt. It was better than letting her be with the Jimmy kid.

Zach had only expected his roommate, Elliot, to be home when he got back to his dorm. Instead he found the one person he'd spent hours looking for.

"Jesus," he said as he saw he lying in his bed with her back to him. "I was looking for you everywhere."

"Me?" A voice suddenly came from the bathroom. It was Elliot. He came out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in his hands.

Zach rolled his eyes.

Elliot looked behind him. "Oh Cammie? Yeah, she's been here for a while. She wanted to wait for you but I guess she fell asleep."

Elliot had met Cammie on the several occasions that she stayed over. They got on well— much better than he did with her roommate.

"She didn't call me?"

"She said she left her phone at her dorm room. And she thought you would be back soon."

"Well that's a little ironic," he said. "I was out looking for her."

"What happened?"

Zach gave him a look.

"Never mind," Elliot said. "I probably don't want to know anyway."

"Probably not," Zach muttered.

"Well I can leave if you want to talk or whatever. I need to go see Jenny anyway."

Zach nodded. "Alright, see you then."

After Elliot got his stuff and closed the door Zach took a deep breath. He removed his shoes before he went and sat on the side of the bed.

He shook her awake, he couldn't wait any longer: he needed to tell her how he felt.

Her eyes opened. "I was waiting for you."

"And I was looking for you."

"Well I was here."

"I didn't know that."

"Why were you looking for me?"

"I ran into Bex."

"Whatever," she said. "Now you found me."

She sat up and stretched her arms around him. She started kissing him before he even had time to realize what she wanted.

But when he did he gently pushed her away.

"What?" she complained.

"I think we need to talk."

She moaned. "No, less talking, more kissing."

"Seriously Cammie, there's something I need to tell you."

"You have to break it off?" she guessed.

"No," he said, rolling his eyes at her assumption. "The opposite actually."

"What do you mean?"

Zach looked away from her. He didn't exactly know how to put his feelings into words. And he was worried she might think he was being sarcastic or just joking.

"I want to talk about us seeing other people."

"We don't talk about this Zach. . ."

"Well now we do," he said. "I want to be exclusive Cammie."

She didn't say anything at first; she just averted her eyes and drew her hands out of his.

"You ran into Bex," Cammie said sighing loudly as she pulled completely away from him and got off the bed. "Of course. Well I'm going to go then."

"No Cammie, whatever you're thinking—"

"You're telling me Bex didn't put you up to this? She keeps trying to change my life but—"

"You think I came here because Bex asked me to?"

Cammie nodded. "What other reason is there?"

"Why would I do anything for her? I barely know her."

"I don't know. Maybe she paid you or—"

"I'm not here for Bex," he interrupted. "I'm here for me."

"I still don't get what's going on."

"Jesus," Zach said. This was probably one of the more uncomfortable conversations he'd had in his life. "I'm not seeing any other girls, Cam. I know you think I am, but I'm not. And I don't want you to keep seeing other guys."

"You want to be exclusive, and you're serious?" The way she said it made it seem like the idea was completely like it was totally ludacris.

"This isn't easy for me Cammie. I'm trying to tell you how I feel and you're thinking it's a joke." Just like he'd worried she would.

"Not a joke. I just think you're lying."

"Why would I lie?"

"I don't know," she said. "But you're Zach Goode, of course you are sleeping with other girls. I don't understand what your trying to get. I'm already giving you my body Zach. What else is there?"

"You're heart Cammie. I'm saying it bluntly: I want to be with you. All of you."

"Excuse me if I'm having a hard time believe you. Zach, you don't care about girls you never have—"

"Quit trying to tell me what I'm feeling Cammie. I know what I want and I have told you at leas three times in the last two minutes. I want to be with you exclusively. I want you to be mine and only mine. If you think I'm a heartless player: I'm not. Not anymore. Maybe I used to be. I didn't care about girl's feelings but that was before you. Don't you get it?" He asked. "I never really cared until I met you."

She looked at him like she was just trying to process everything he'd just said. She looked at the ground, and when she looked back up at him he saw her eyes were glassed over. Was she about to cry?

Cammie didn't want him to feel this way. She didn't like it when strings got to tangled. And Zach was making a web by telling her she had feelings for her. She was frustrated that he was making things complicated.

Feelings she couldn't say she returned. She didn't want to hurt him: because she knew what that felt like, but she couldn't tell him she wanted this too. Not when she didn't. From the beginning of their relationship she'd made it clear she didn't want any feelings or mushy crap. She wanted his body, and that was as far as it went. She'd thought he'd understood that.

"I don't think we can see each other anymore," she said quietly, not knowing what else to say.

Zach felt a strange sucking feeling in his stomach. He could feel his face flush. He had never felt more embarrassed. She didn't want him that way. Bex was wrong. Cammie didn't feel anything for him, she couldn't.

"So—?"

"I'm going to go," she said and grabbed her bag. "Don't call me."

And with that she was out of the room before he could tell her goodbye. After the door closed her felt an uncomfortable, unfamiliar empty feeling in his stomach. So this was how all the girl's he left felt.

Getting dumped sucked.

*:*:*:*:*:*

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

-Adele

(Turning Tables)

*:*:*:*:*:*

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Cammie asked as she returned to her dorm room. She looked livid at her best friend. "Who do you think you are?" She asked before Bex had a chance to reply to the first question. "You can 't mess with my life like this!" She slammed the door behind her, just trying to convey her anger and frustrations.

Bex glared at her. "I'm just doing what is best for you," she snapped back at her.

"How the hell would you know what's best for me?!" Cammie yelled. "You had no right to talk to Tyler and Kevin."

"I was trying to protect you!"

Cammie only glowered at her. "And Zach?! Good lord, what have you done?"

"What do you mean?"

"He think's he's in love with me!"

"He is!"

"He is not!" Cammie retorted. "Why can't you just stay out of it?!"

"Because you're not you anymore! I can't just stand by and watch as you become a different person!"

"I'm not becoming a different person. You on the other hand—"

"Don't give me that!" Bex said before she could finish. "I don't even know who you are anymore!"

"I'm the same as I've ever been!"

"You are not! You are cold and indifferent. It's like you don't even care about anything anymore! All you do is sleep with guys, all the time."

"I do not!"

"You can't even admit it!" Bex shook her head in disgust. "I'm trying to help you, why can't you see that?"

"I don't want your help!"

"You need it!"

"Ugh!"

"I know this is about your parent Cammie and you just—"

"Stop it," She ordered. "Don't you dare bring them into this."

"You're acting like a wimp Cammie. You need to get over it! And you can't do that if you won't even accept that there is something wrong."

"There isn't anything wrong!"

"Obviously there is."

"Yeah because you're being a nosy bitch who won't mind her own business."

"I'm the bitch? Really?"

"Yes!"

"Well at least I'm not a moral-less whore."

"Thanks Bex," Cammie said. "You really are a great friend." She grabbed her bag.

"Stop!"

"I can't do this anymore Bex I—"

"Then stop avoiding the problem!" Bex yelled. "We need to deal with this."

"You're making something out of nothing."

"I am not," she said. "I know you sleep with guys because you don't want to be alone. And I know you don't want to be alone because you're ass of a father ditched your mom and she turned into a pile of shit and you were left to pick up the pieces."

After she'd finished there was only dead silence. Cammie's face was unreadable but her eyes had glassed over and Bex was suddenly worried she'd taken it too far. Hit a sore spot too hard. It wasn't her intention to hurt Cammie. But they needed to figure this out.

"You have no right to speak about my family that way," Cammie finally said, gritting the words through her teeth. Her fists were clenched in fists at her side.

But Bex knew she wasn't angry, not really. She'd hit home with her words and Cammie was now just trying to keep it together.

"I know that it's hard Cammie," Bex said, her voice softer now. "But we need to talk about this. I can't watch you do this any longer. Sleeping with other guys isn't going to fill the hole in your heart. It's only going to make it bigger."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Cammie come on," Bex said. "You sleep with guys and date them so you make yourself think you aren't alone. But come on, you can't really believe that you can do that forever. One day there isn't going to be anyone to keep trying to save you."

"Don't you get it?" Cammie said. "It doesn't matter. I end up alone either way. This way is just less painful."

"How can you think that?" Bex asked. "How can you be so cynical of love?"

"Because it never works," Cammie said, her voice rising.

"Just because of your parents?" Bex asked.

Cammie looked away.

"I get it," Bex said. "But we can't ignore the problem anymore. You can't keep thinking that everyone is going to leave you," Bex said.

"I can do what I like."

"Stop trying to push me away Cammie," Bex said.

"I'm not. You're pushing me away."

"Look at yourself. You keep denying what's obvious. Your dad left your mom and she turned into a cold hearted bitch. Do you really want to be like that?'

"No!" Cammie said. "That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid."

"Well you're not doing a very good job."

Cammie sighed and just sunk to floor, looking as though she just couldn't deal with it anymore.

"This is what works for me," Cammie said but her voice hiccupped and Bex realized she was crying. Bex took a seat on the floor, close to her, but not touching.

"You can't even try something else?" Bex asked. "Cammie, Zach cares about you. And I think you care about him too."

Cammie shook her head and wiped at her eyes.

"Please Cammie."

"He'll leave me Bex," she replied. "He'll make me fall in love with him and then he'll leave. Just like they always do."

"He's a good guy."

"You think he's dirt."

"I did," Bex admitted. "But I talked to him and I realized that he really does care about you Cammie. He wants to be with you."

Cammie shook her head but couldn't find words to say.

"You have to try. You can't keep living you're life thinking that you'll bee alone."

"I will be alone. But I don't want to be."

"How can you know he'll leave you? You don't even know each other that well."

"He will Bex. And then I'll be brokenhearted and alone."

"You have to try."

Cammie shuddered as she took in a deep breath. "I don't want to be like her."

"Like who?"

Cammie looked up and met Bex's eyes. "My mother."

"Then don't be."

Cammie nodded and it looked as though she were having a revelation. But just as a smile came to her face it fell away.

"What?" Bex asked. "What now?"

"It doesn't matter Bex. Even if I do like Zach. After the things I said to him I'm sure he doesn't like me anymore. He probably never wants to see me again."

Bex frowned. "You have to try."

Cammie sighed. "I don't think I can."

*:*:*:*:*:*

Here comes another sunset
Here comes another long night
I'm not over you yet

-Jason Aldean

(I Don't Do Lonely Well)

*:*:*:*:*:*

Cammie spent the next month practically living in her room. She didn't go out much, just to go to classes or to get food. Other than that she dwelled in her dorm, trying to make herself feel at peace. Even though she hadn't wanted to try and fix things with Zach, she had stopped sleeping with every guy she met.

She was taking her own time. And she didn't want to be alone, but Bex had convinced her that was what she really needed. The first week had been difficult and alien, but then she realized it was probably for the best.

There was always one person that wouldn't get out of her mind. Could you guess? It was Zach. She felt unsettled about the way they'd left things. He hadn't tried to contact her and she had reached out a hand to him either. Honestly, she was too afraid to. She couldn't face him after the things she said, and she had convinced herself that he hated her. Bex was constantly trying to sway her, but to no avail.

But then the inevitable happened. She ran into him. If she'd only been attention to what she was doing she could have avoided him. But no, she'd been looking down at her phone, texting Macey and not realizing what was going on.

Then she'd knocked into something hard and strong and it knocked her phone out of her hand. She made the mistake of looking up before she went to get the phone. Zach was looking down at her, his green eyes mysterious and alluring.

The moment she met his eyes her phone was forgotten. How could she have ever denied she didn't have feeling for him? The rapid beating of her heart told her she'd been wrong all along.

Zach cleared his throat. "Uh, hi."

Cammie felt like a complete idiot, but she couldn't get any words out. "Hey," she finally forced, taking a deep breath to try and control herself. She took a step back from him, feeling uncomfortable with the amount of awkwardness between them.

"How are you?" He asked.

Cammie suddenly realized her phone was still on the ground and Zach was staring at it. She quickly picked it up and shoved it in her pockets, hoping the blush on her cheeks just made it look like she was cold.

"Good," she said. "You?"

"Alright."

God, it was awkward. They just stood there staring at each other.

"Well I should go," Zach said.

Cammie nodded but she really didn't want him to leave. She wanted them to talk. She wanted this awkwardness to go away.

"Wait," Cammie sighed. "Can we talk?"

Zach turned back towards her. "About?"

"Us?"

"Us?" He repeated. "What us?"

Cammie sighed and averted her eyes from his. "I'm sorry."

"That doesn't really mean anything to me Cammie," he said, his voice taking on a hostile tone. "They're just words."

"I know," she said. "If it makes you feel any better— I'm not seeing anyone. At all."

Zach didn't look like he was surprised. Cammie had a sneaking suspicion that Bex or Macey had been talking to him.

"Great."

"Okay," she said. "This has got to stop. Can we please just go back to normal?"

"And what is normal to you Cammie?" he asked. "Sleeping around?"

It was a low blow, but she deserved it.

"I guess you're still upset."

Zach scoffed and looked away, looking as though he wanted to be elsewhere.

"I really am sorry."

He shrugged and then turned to walk away.

"Please don't," Cammie said. "Can't we fix this?"

He stopped walking but didn't look back at her.

"Things ended badly because I was blind and I lied about how I felt you," she said and took a deep breath. "I know it's too late but I want to work things out. And if you don't want to be with me anymore that's fine. I just can't stand the resentment I see on your face. I need you to know that I regret what I did the moment it happened. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you."

He didn't move. He didn't say anything.

"Can we please just talk?" she asked. "Get some coffee?"

This time he turned towards her and smiled. It was small, not even really a smile, but it was enough to make her heart flutter.

"That depends," he said. "Are you having coffee with anyone else?"

She smiled at the euphemism.

"No," she said. "Just you."

He took two steps towards her. "Then yes," he said. "We can get coffee."

Fin.

An: Hey guys! Just another one shot from your truly. (even if it ridiculously long) This was inspired by a friend of mine. I know that it is very repetitive and lengthy but I really wanted to make sure readers understood what was going on. I hope you guys liked and got the ending. If you have an question in a review and I will try and get back to you. I worked pretty hard on this story and I'm sorry if you were annoyed by all the song lyrics but I could think of just one for the whole thing so I just added them between scenes. I hope you guys liked it.
:)
I love you if you review :)