A/N: I started writing this story after "Sexy" aired in S2 and then forgot about it. I found it last night and suddenly my muse was just THERE.

HOW TO BE SEXY

"Okay. I'm ready."

Judging by the quirk of his eyebrow, Puck did not believe him.

"Dude, you've been pacing back and forth for like five hours or something. Can't you just spill it?"

Spill it. Like it was that easy.

"I have not been pacing for five hours. Just seven minutes."

Puck rolled his eyes and made an attempt to get up from where he was slouching upon Kurt's neatly made bed.

"Whatever. I'm out of here," he said, causing Kurt to stop mid-motion.

"Wait! I said I was ready!"

"Yeah, right... Later, dude."

"You're my only hope!"

With a hand on the doorknob, Puck slowly turned around to take in the sight of Kurt; the panic in his eyes, the tension in his shoulders and the blush covering his cheeks. And Puck, who never had been anyone's only anything before, could not help but be slightly intrigued by the desperation in his voice. When his hand slipped from the doorknob, Kurt's shoulders slumped visibly in relief.

"I'm listening."

Kurt drew a shivering breath, arms folded around his torso as he cleared his throat.

"I need you to teach me how to be sexy."

Everything was said in one breath. The silence that followed was thick enough to cut with a butter knife. Puck could do nothing but stare.

"Huh?"

"You heard me," Kurt snapped fiercely, the blush intensifying. "I don't know how... how to be sexy and apparently that is now a must for Regionals, even though I have no clue of what sex has to do with show choir, and...!"

"Kurt. Shut up."

Kurt, surprisingly enough, closed his mouth and fell silent. Puck leaned his back against the door and eyed him up from head to toe in a way that made him feel disgustingly violated, even though he doubted that the boy before him had x-ray vision.

"Soo... Have you and Frodo gotten it on yet?"

Kurt blinked.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You and that guy you're always hanging out with, the tiny one. Has he tried to get into your pants yet?"

The blush adorning his cheeks could probably set a forest on fire.

"Blaine and I are just friends and even if we weren't, you would have no business snooping around our supposed sex life."

Puck's lips parted in a smug grin.

"Alright, don't get your panties in a twist. I'm trying to be helpful here, okay?"

"I fail to see how this in any way could be even remotely helpful. This was a foolish idea. I think you should leave," Kurt said.

"Hey, chill, okay? I'll play nice," Puck replied, holding his hands up to admit defeat, his grin faltering. "Who got this into your head anyway?"

Puck crossed the room again to sit down on the bed, patting the bedspread to make Kurt sit down next to him, which he did stiffly.

"No one, I-"

"Kurt. Seriously."

Kurt let out a shivering sigh.

"Coach Sylvester was at the Lima Bean, talking about how you guys were doing some sort of sexed up number for Regionals. Blaine now seems to think that being sexy is crucial for a win and apparently I don't know how to be that."

"He said that?"

"More or less."

"That's stupid."

"Yea- what?"

"I said it's stupid," Puck shrugged. "Has he ever seen you perform?"

"Well, yes…"

"When you perform, you're kind of sex on a stick, you know?"

Kurt could only blink.

"Excuse me?"

"Okay, look," Puck said, propped a leg up on the bed and turned to face Kurt. "When you're on stage, when you sing, it's like… Anyone who watches you can tell that you really love it, you know? You're relaxed and confident and just like… demand attention. I dig that. It's hot. Just don't overthink stuff, okay? It's when people try too hard that it gets unsexy."

Kurt, whose lips were slightly parted in surprise, let out a breath he had not been aware of holding, deflating a little. A smile teased his mouth.

"Thank you, Puck. That's very sweet."

"Don't tell anyone, they'll think I've gone soft," Puck grinned and lured a laughter from Kurt.

"Your secret's safe with me."

"Cool, bro."

Silence fell, but without the usual awkwardness. Puck was smiling, looking so relaxed and comfortable and Kurt wondered if he ever could pull that look off too. It was attractive.

"I can hear the cogs turning from here, you know," Puck informed him with a nudge to his shoulder.

"I was just… thinking."

"Be careful, I hear that stuff's dangerous."

Kurt snorted in amusement, shaking his head.

"It's just… I don't know how to do all that you're talking about off stage, let alone in a situation where I might want to…"

"Get into someone's pants?"

"Get acquainted with someone," Kurt insisted with a pointed look that had Puck rolling his eyes in return.

"So, show me your game."

"My game?"

"Yes, like, pretend you're totally into me and want some badass man-on-man smooching. How would you go about that? And ballads are forbidden."

"I've never- I, no, that's just embarrassing," Kurt spluttered, his cheeks turning red again.

"Fine. Jeez, you're not an easy student. I'll show you my game first then, alright?"

"Fine."

Puck inched closer, their knees momentarily touching.

"Imagine you've got him on your own in your room or wherever," he began. "Doing homework maybe. You want to sit close, but not obviously so. Just so you can bump into each other when you move."

Puck shifted and their knees bumped together again.

"See? Piece of cake."

"Seems easy enough, yes," Kurt replied and shifted too so their arms brushed against each other.

"You learn fast," Puck smirked, making Kurt smile. "Then you make sure you've got a lot of eye contact when you speak, that you smile and laugh at his jokes and sneak in a subtle touch here and there," he continued, his fingers ghosting over Kurt's arm. "And when there's a lull in the conversation, you just glance down at his lips, lean in a bit, but not too far…"

"Like this?" Kurt asked, nearly in a whisper as his eyes flickered briefly over Puck's parted lips, his body automatically leaning towards him.

"Like that," Puck murmured, a grin tugging at the right corner of his mouth. "And when he knows what's coming, you plant one on him so hard he'll see stars."

Kurt burst into a contagious laughter which dragged Puck with it, making him chuckle too, their bodies shaking with it, side by side on the bed.

"Feeling better now?" Puck asked.

Kurt nodded, turning grateful eyes towards him.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Puck shrugged. "You're my boy."

"I don't even know what that means."

"It's a good thing, promise. I've got to get going. Ma wants me home by dinner."

Puck pushed off the bed and Kurt got up too, busying himself with pulling fingers through his hair and adjusting his clothes.

"Kurt?"

He looked up to see Puck standing halfway through the door, his hand still clutching the handle.

"Hm?"

"One more thing," he said. "You don't try to get with people who call you unsexy. You can score with much better than that."

Kurt ducked his head and nodded, feeling a content warmth flood his body.

"Thanks," he smiled.

"Anytime, bro. Give me a call when you're ready for the master class."

And with a wink he was out the door.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this oneshot! All reviews are very welcome!