Disclaimer: I don't own Farscape.
What? You expected a joke? A Quirky remark?
Spoilers : Everything up to......now!
Contains some sexual innuendo, who am I kidding, you kids are just gonna
read it anyways.
********************
"And as you can see from the charts, we are now experiencing the point in
the season where the fans threaten to leave us forever. It's what I like to
call the, "Oh my god! You killed Kenny! You Bastards!" faze."
David Kemper waited for the others around the table to laugh at his well- prepared joke, but they were ignoring him. John and Aeryn were busy looking at baby things and trying to pick out a name. Chiana was trying to pick out new clothes from a "Hubba Hubba*" catalogue, while at the same time trying to keep her pants up.
D'argo was looking in a "Luxon's Big Guns, When it absolutely must be destroyed this microt" catalogue for new toys to add to his ship. The old woman was taking stuff from her mouth and feeding it to Rygel, to see if there was something he didn't like.
Scorpius and Sikozu were fawning over technical manuals. He was becoming increasingly aware, however, of glazed look coming over her eyes as she stared at him. Kemper continued to wait for someone, anyone to get his joke, but then sighed and move on, "So what that means kiddies, is that now that were in a bit, we'll be moving on to the, 'this show is redeeming itself' section, which means its time to surf the net."
With that he clicked his remote control of everything. The lights went out and a screen dropped down displaying a web browser. Kemper typed in 'Farscape Discussion' and then clicked on the first page listed.
"As you can see, the big discussion on everyone's mind is Aeryn's pregnancy. So that's- yes D'argo"
D'argo lowered his raised hand and spoke in a calm collected voice. "Well sir, it's just that I think I speak for everyone when I say that your full of dren."
"Huh," Kemper processed this for a while, "How so?"
"Well, last year it was 'the fans want tension between these two'", he indicated John and Aeryn, "and you were wrong. I mean, this last season I think they passed the record for having sex and the fans loved it. Frankly Dave, I think it proves that you have no idea what you're doing and you're just making it up as you go along."
There was a dangerous silence. Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched as Kemper and D'argo tried to stare each other down. Kemper slid into his chair at the head of the table and looked at the Luxon through slitted eyes.
"Are you questioning my authority?" His hand moved to a control panel in front of him with a series of buttons on it. His index finger hovered over the one marked "D'argo". John broke the silence causing everyone to jump, "Well I think the D-man is right." Everyone turned to him. "Think about it guys," He got up and indicated the post on the screen, "Dave have you looked at this? The fans are annoyed with this plotline and the fact that it's taking up valuable storytelling time."
"He's right," Aeryn spoke up, "I mean, c'mon this whole 'who's the baby's father?' dren, we all know it's gonna be his." Kemper shrunk done slightly and said in a small voice, "you don't know that, it could still be a surprise." "Oh frell that!" Chiana said throwing down her catalogue, "You're losing focus man! I mean we haven't heard anything about the Nebari in over a year"
"Or about me," Rygel said as he gulped down another mysterious substance from the old woman's mouth.
"and I don't know," continued D'argo, who was just getting warmed up, "what you were thinking with this annoying tralc," he indicated Sikozu who now had her head on her folded arms, and was licking her lips at Scorpius. The half-breed was becoming increasingly distressed by her behavior.
"Exactly," said John, "I mean, what did you do? Bring her in to be love interest for Scorpy?"
Kemper became very pale.
"You didn't." Chi said in a quiet shocked voice.
Kemper began to laugh nervously and fiddled with his tie, "No of course not, why would you think that." He quickly pulled out his palm pilot and made a note.
Everyone looked at him for a brief second and groaned.
John composed himself, "Look, Dave," He leaned down in front of Kemper and gave him his best buddy, 'dude that girl seems nice but' look and said, "Do we want to end up like Dark Angel?"
Kemper hung his head. Aeryn came up behind John and put on her kind 'I'm not going to kill you, so relax' face, "Think about it David, they started looking at the fans input and look what happened. The show started to resemble the fanfic" She shook her head sadly.
"remember Xena?" Chi said, "When that started to take itself too seriously."
"Or worst of all," said D'argo, "The X-files. I mean they lost focus and it became all about these two people and how they weren't having sex."
John moved behind Kemper and put his hands on his shoulders, "We are better than that Dave. We can do better" the others gave reassuring nods, "let's not fall into the same traps."
"You're right" Kemper got up, "I know what this show needs, and it isn't questions about who fathered Aeryn's baby! It needs pizzazz! It needs to keep fresh! It needs........sharks!"
Everyone's face dropped.
"Dave," John said, "what are you talking about?"
"Don't you see? Sharks! Maybe with laser beams or maybe even," he stopped as he stared up at the ceiling, his eyes glazing over as he whispered, "vampires".
D'argo put his hand over his face, "Oh god," he said quietly.
"You can't be serious Dave," Aeryn said quietly, "we'd go from best sci-fi on television to complete cheese overnight."
But Kemper wasn't listening, already he was on the phone, "Right, yeah, we're going for a new look, right? You ready? Vampire. Yeah, unhunh, it's gonna be great. What? Oh" he pulled off his shoe, "size 9 and a half." He put his shoe back on and walked off towards the door, "Right, unhunh, I wouldn't worry about Joss, I think his cast is ready to kill him anyways."
He exited the building, pushing past a very tardy Crais, who was dressed in sweatpants, Birkies, and a tee-shirt saying "Don't Panic" written on large, friendly letters. He looked at Kemper as he left and then turned to the others.
"Did I miss something?"
Aeryn was leaning on the table looking down, "Only the descent of our show into 'Buffy in Space with Sharks'."
"Bummer," Crais said and pulled a joint from behind his ear, "well, anyone else want a hit?"
Meanwhile, Scorpius was becoming more distressed as Sizoku was breathing rapidly and her cheeks had become flushed.
"Tell me again," she said with dreamy eyes, "about proper entry into a wormhole?"
The End ---------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------- Vaya *Hubba Hubba is a leather store in Cambridge Ma.
David Kemper waited for the others around the table to laugh at his well- prepared joke, but they were ignoring him. John and Aeryn were busy looking at baby things and trying to pick out a name. Chiana was trying to pick out new clothes from a "Hubba Hubba*" catalogue, while at the same time trying to keep her pants up.
D'argo was looking in a "Luxon's Big Guns, When it absolutely must be destroyed this microt" catalogue for new toys to add to his ship. The old woman was taking stuff from her mouth and feeding it to Rygel, to see if there was something he didn't like.
Scorpius and Sikozu were fawning over technical manuals. He was becoming increasingly aware, however, of glazed look coming over her eyes as she stared at him. Kemper continued to wait for someone, anyone to get his joke, but then sighed and move on, "So what that means kiddies, is that now that were in a bit, we'll be moving on to the, 'this show is redeeming itself' section, which means its time to surf the net."
With that he clicked his remote control of everything. The lights went out and a screen dropped down displaying a web browser. Kemper typed in 'Farscape Discussion' and then clicked on the first page listed.
"As you can see, the big discussion on everyone's mind is Aeryn's pregnancy. So that's- yes D'argo"
D'argo lowered his raised hand and spoke in a calm collected voice. "Well sir, it's just that I think I speak for everyone when I say that your full of dren."
"Huh," Kemper processed this for a while, "How so?"
"Well, last year it was 'the fans want tension between these two'", he indicated John and Aeryn, "and you were wrong. I mean, this last season I think they passed the record for having sex and the fans loved it. Frankly Dave, I think it proves that you have no idea what you're doing and you're just making it up as you go along."
There was a dangerous silence. Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched as Kemper and D'argo tried to stare each other down. Kemper slid into his chair at the head of the table and looked at the Luxon through slitted eyes.
"Are you questioning my authority?" His hand moved to a control panel in front of him with a series of buttons on it. His index finger hovered over the one marked "D'argo". John broke the silence causing everyone to jump, "Well I think the D-man is right." Everyone turned to him. "Think about it guys," He got up and indicated the post on the screen, "Dave have you looked at this? The fans are annoyed with this plotline and the fact that it's taking up valuable storytelling time."
"He's right," Aeryn spoke up, "I mean, c'mon this whole 'who's the baby's father?' dren, we all know it's gonna be his." Kemper shrunk done slightly and said in a small voice, "you don't know that, it could still be a surprise." "Oh frell that!" Chiana said throwing down her catalogue, "You're losing focus man! I mean we haven't heard anything about the Nebari in over a year"
"Or about me," Rygel said as he gulped down another mysterious substance from the old woman's mouth.
"and I don't know," continued D'argo, who was just getting warmed up, "what you were thinking with this annoying tralc," he indicated Sikozu who now had her head on her folded arms, and was licking her lips at Scorpius. The half-breed was becoming increasingly distressed by her behavior.
"Exactly," said John, "I mean, what did you do? Bring her in to be love interest for Scorpy?"
Kemper became very pale.
"You didn't." Chi said in a quiet shocked voice.
Kemper began to laugh nervously and fiddled with his tie, "No of course not, why would you think that." He quickly pulled out his palm pilot and made a note.
Everyone looked at him for a brief second and groaned.
John composed himself, "Look, Dave," He leaned down in front of Kemper and gave him his best buddy, 'dude that girl seems nice but' look and said, "Do we want to end up like Dark Angel?"
Kemper hung his head. Aeryn came up behind John and put on her kind 'I'm not going to kill you, so relax' face, "Think about it David, they started looking at the fans input and look what happened. The show started to resemble the fanfic" She shook her head sadly.
"remember Xena?" Chi said, "When that started to take itself too seriously."
"Or worst of all," said D'argo, "The X-files. I mean they lost focus and it became all about these two people and how they weren't having sex."
John moved behind Kemper and put his hands on his shoulders, "We are better than that Dave. We can do better" the others gave reassuring nods, "let's not fall into the same traps."
"You're right" Kemper got up, "I know what this show needs, and it isn't questions about who fathered Aeryn's baby! It needs pizzazz! It needs to keep fresh! It needs........sharks!"
Everyone's face dropped.
"Dave," John said, "what are you talking about?"
"Don't you see? Sharks! Maybe with laser beams or maybe even," he stopped as he stared up at the ceiling, his eyes glazing over as he whispered, "vampires".
D'argo put his hand over his face, "Oh god," he said quietly.
"You can't be serious Dave," Aeryn said quietly, "we'd go from best sci-fi on television to complete cheese overnight."
But Kemper wasn't listening, already he was on the phone, "Right, yeah, we're going for a new look, right? You ready? Vampire. Yeah, unhunh, it's gonna be great. What? Oh" he pulled off his shoe, "size 9 and a half." He put his shoe back on and walked off towards the door, "Right, unhunh, I wouldn't worry about Joss, I think his cast is ready to kill him anyways."
He exited the building, pushing past a very tardy Crais, who was dressed in sweatpants, Birkies, and a tee-shirt saying "Don't Panic" written on large, friendly letters. He looked at Kemper as he left and then turned to the others.
"Did I miss something?"
Aeryn was leaning on the table looking down, "Only the descent of our show into 'Buffy in Space with Sharks'."
"Bummer," Crais said and pulled a joint from behind his ear, "well, anyone else want a hit?"
Meanwhile, Scorpius was becoming more distressed as Sizoku was breathing rapidly and her cheeks had become flushed.
"Tell me again," she said with dreamy eyes, "about proper entry into a wormhole?"
The End ---------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------- Vaya *Hubba Hubba is a leather store in Cambridge Ma.