Hiiii.

My story is nearly finished! There will be two or three more chapters after this one, and yes, I will explain where Robbie has gone to in one of them.

Thank you for nominating my story for Best Jori in the Creative Victorious Awards. It made me feel very lucky. =]

Enjoy!

Jade's POV

I don't think I've ever seen my room this cloudy. I've spent the past few hours ripping my bong and drinking my last bottle of whiskey. I've indulged in the only things I thought would ease the pain. Everything about this is wrong, but I can't seem to stop and all it has done is intensify every single fucking feeling, which deep down, I sort of knew would happen. I've been suppressing my thoughts too much and fighting against my better judgment. If I had any self-control, I'd be with Tori now. Instead, I'm all alone with a bottle in hand, fighting the urge to cry every so often.

I guess this is how it's supposed to be.

I've battled with myself for days, weeks, months...even years, at this point. I've struggled to understand how I became so cold and why I couldn't feel anything. It's the most terrifying experience in the entire world, to feel absolute nothing. No pain, no anger, no sadness...but no happiness or excitement, either. And passion, I missed having a passion for something; to crave and desire anything with all of my heart. I truly had become numb without even realizing it was happening. Then, suddenly, with a surge of emotions pulsing through my entire being, I felt everything. All the years of thinking I was a dark and cruel person were no more, because I looked into her eyes, and the confusing and harsh world around me suddenly melted away; I felt alive.

That was it; why I was so bitter and lost. I had lost a meaning to my life; a sense of belonging and will to survive. The only person I had ever trusted, the woman I looked up to and loved so fucking much, left. She just disappeared; my mother just turned to ash and was forgotten by all. But not by me; never by me. I'll always have those memories of our time together, and I'll never let them go.

But memories cannot change my waking life, and I lived most of it with a man I barely know. I used to get jealous of the girls I'd see on TV who had loving and caring father's. I used to think I was doing something wrong; why didn't he hug me like those daddy's did? Why didn't he ask how school was, or make my lunch, or even come to his fucking wife's funeral?! Why couldn't he just be a decent human being for one fucking hour and show some respect?! And what did I ever do to not deserve his love, or even his time?!

I start sobbing openly, tossing the bottle aside and rocking back and forth on my bed, wrapping my arms around my body to try calming myself down. My reflection catches my eye in my peripheral, and I'm shocked by what I see in the mirror. Who I am has become what my mother was; a lost and lonely soul, and I was well on my way to a drug addiction. I never felt any need to use pot or alcohol to ease my emotional pain or worries; they were just recreational uses. But now...now that I'm feeling so much, I don't know what to do with it.

I hate myself for being like this. I should have never thought drugs or alcohol could fix this; nothing can fix this but me. I wipe my tears away, sitting on my bed to fully face my mirror. I silently promise myself that if I'm ever feeling this way again, I won't go down this path; I need to face this. I need to be courageous. I can't end up lonely.

I can't let my past define my future.

I pick up the bottle of whiskey and toss it in my trash. I leave my bong in tact, though. While I won't be smoking anymore tonight, I was doing alright until I started drinking. God, I was being so stupid.

But how could I not be? I don't know what it means to feel alive, what it entails. But I realize now that it wasn't fair of me to leave Tori so lost in the dark. I feel so selfish; I can't believe how many times I've hurt that beautiful girl. I can't keep doing this to either of us.

I have a big decision to make. Either way, I need to open up to Tori about all of this.

I stand up from my bed, woozy by the amount I drank. I decide I need some fresh air, and climb onto my roof. Probably not the smartest idea, given my intoxication level, but this is my favorite place to be, so fuck it. I keep close to the window and close my eyes, trying to reflect upon everything that just went through my head. Cold water droplets hit my skin, and I look up to see dark rain clouds hiding the night sky. Thunder claps in the distance, and I'm certain it will start storming soon. But I don't care. I like the rain, and I love thunder storms.

But I'd love them more if I wasn't watching them alone all the time.

Tori's POV

The game finally happened, though no one seemed entirely focused. Beck and Trina had quite a few laughs, but I attributed it to the wine they've been drinking. After a while, Cat started getting sleepy. True to her impish nature, she started getting cranky, so André decided it was time to get going.

"Tori! Please come for the ride! Please?! I want to hang out with you as long as possible! Curse my sleepy nature!" Cat shouted, speaking faster than any person should.

"Cat, then André would have to drive you and Beck home, then come back here to take me home, then finally, he could go home! That's a lot of driving, don't you think?" I try to reason with her, but I'm almost positive there's a temper tantrum brewing inside of her.

"I don't mind, Tor! I'd like to get to spend some more time with you, anyway. You can make it up by making me some of that fantastic Belgium cocoa when we get back." André smiles at me as he says this, and I realize I'm stuck. It's not that I don't want to keep spending time with them, I'm just nervous about being alone with André, in case he mentions Jade.

"Alright then...I guess...let's get going?" I say, unconvincingly. I grab my purse and meet Cat and André at the door way.

"Beck? You comin', or what?" André asks. Beck shrugs, pouring himself and Trina another glass of wine.

"I think I'll hang out here for a while. Don't worry about me; go on ahead!" The three of us look at each other, slightly stunned, and our thoughts taking a turn for the worse. I shake them from my head and make my way to Andre's car.

I stare out the window most of the way to Cat's house, only speaking to show I'm at least listening to her. She's such a sweet girl, but even fully focused, it's hard to keep up with her conversations. Luckily, she's easy to keep happy, and deep down, I think she knows something's on my mind, and in her own way, is accepting it.

We drop Cat off and soon it's just me and André, mindlessly chatting and singing along to songs on the radio. He takes detours just so we can keep singing together, and honestly, it makes me genuinely happy for the first time in a while. He pulls up to one of the closer beaches by my house and parks his car. We hear a clap of thunder, and he looks over and smirks at me.

"Great place to watch a thunder-storm, huh?" He says proudly, and I roll my eyes.

"It's alright I suppose!" I tease, making the both of us laugh.

"I really missed you, chica. I'm really glad to see you're doing better. I...I'm really sorry I didn't keep a better eye on you at the party. I just feel so-"

"André, relax. It's no one's fault but Ryder's. I was blaming myself for a while, but it's not mine, either. I didn't want what he did, I wasn't asking for it, and I shouldn't look at my need to find good in people as a bad thing. It's taken me a while, but I'm starting to see that now, even though I sometimes forget and bring myself down. But André, how could you, or anyone else know that it was going to happen? None of us are at fault." I notice that André can't seem to look at me. I grab his hand and squeeze it tight, hoping it helps reassure my point.

'Sorry, Tori. I just...you're like a sister to me, ya know? And I've been so worried about you, and so shocked that any of this even happened. I mean, why was it you? And what if we hadn't found you sooner? I'm just so glad you're okay!" André finally faces me, and pulls me into one of his bear hugs, holding me tightly, as if he's afraid I'll disappear.

"Don't think about those things!" I say, choking back tears, "They didn't happen, and we should just be grateful for that instead of wondering about what if's. I'm okay, and I'm getting better because of people like you. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, André. You're my absolute best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you."

The two of us remain in an embrace for a while, just appreciating each others love and presence. I'm disappointed with myself for how much I pushed everyone away, but I can't let what happened get the better of me, especially when it comes to André.

"Tori, I need to ask you something seriously." André says, as we pull apart. "And you have to promise to answer me, completely and honestly. Can you do that?"

"Of course, André. I promise." I say, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Are you in love with Jade?"

My heart stops. I didn't think he was going to ask about her; I thought it would be an incident related question. I start to panic internally; what do I do? I promised I would be honest with him, and André always knows when I'm lying. But is this really happening here? Right now? Am I finally going to say this out loud?

"I...um..." I look away from him and close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Yes...I...I love her. I'm in love with her, André."

"You have been falling for her for a long time now, haven't you?" His question surprises me, and I look back over at him, shocked by his accurate observation.

"How...how did you know?"

"I just did. I could tell, Tori. How you two interacted, how you looked at her...everything about the two of you screamed it. I just didn't know if it'd ever get to a point where something would come of it." I shrug and lay back in my seat.

"Well, nothing has come of it." My words come out bitter. André puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Yet! You're both so stupid, you know that? She is feeling the same way, Tori! I promise you." I push his hand away, mostly for calling me stupid.

"Oh yeah? And how could you possibly know that?"

"I was with her today. I couldn't even mention your name without her breaking down. She didn't say anything directly, but you didn't have to for me to know what was going on, and she didn't have to, either. She's just scared. Trust me, Tori. She needs you. And you need her, too."

The rain starts to fall, gradually getting harder as the moments of silence pass on. I'm so surprised by his confession that I can't bring myself to say anything of substance. Could he be right? Is Jade just afraid? Does...does she need me, too?

It becomes an all out down pour. I turn to André, and it seems we read each others minds. He starts the car up and puts it in drive.

Jade's POV

The rain hits hard against my skin, but I don't move. It almost feels like nails, cold nails that somehow leave me unaffected, probably from the amount of whiskey I've drank tonight. I'm crying again, wishing this could all be easier. I wish I wasn't so weak; if I was a stronger person, I could have her. But I can not give her what she deserves. Tori is an immaculate human being, and I'm not sure I'll ever meet someone like her again in my life. But I have to face reality; I'm a fuck up and she needs stability. I have to accept that I'm not good enough for her, even though I'm absolutely in love with every single part of her. She'll meet a pretty boy who will tell her how beautiful she is and take her to fancy dinners and match his tie to her dress for prom...he'll make her happy. And I'll be happy that she's happy, because she deserves every ounce of happiness this world could offer.

I just wish I could be the one to make her happy. But I can't. I love her so fucking much...but...I just...

"Jade!"

My head shoots up, and I look around, almost certain I've officially lost my mind. But I could've sworn I just heard Tori. I really thought-

"Jade! Jade, what are you doing up there?! Jade!"

I look over the ledge to see Tori, standing there in pouring rain, calling out to me, as if this were a dream.

"T-Tori? W-What...how...what are you doing here?"

"I...I came to see you! Are you okay? Why are you on the roof?!"

I can't believe it. She's here! She's really here! But...why? Why is she here? And what do I do now that she is?

"Jade! Please talk to me! I know you probably don't want to see me, but I-" a loud crash of thunder echos in the distance, and I watch as it makes Tori jump, startled by the sound.

"Jade, just...can you at least let me know if you are okay?!" Here she is, soaking wet, frightened, and alone, and still, she's worried about me. I start crying harder now, and unable to form words, I nod. I stand up and point for her to go onto my porch. She nods back and runs to shelter, while I go through the window and back to my room.

I don't stop moving for a second. I dash through my room, down the stairs and straight out of the front door. I expect to see Tori standing there, but instead, she's on my lawn, holding a rose, uncaring of the rain pelting down on her. She's just standing there, her tears mirroring mine, waiting patiently for me to do or say something, but I'm left speechless.

"Jade..." she finally says, voice cracking and weak. "Jade, I know you're afraid. I don't know why, and I never will unless you tell me. But you don't have to now, or tomorrow, or a week from now...you don't have to tell me ever, if you don't want to."

She takes a step forward, and I can tell she's trembling.

"But if you don't, you'll never get past this. And if you never get past this, then we...we'll never have what we both want...what we both need!"

She moves even closer now, but doesn't come onto the porch.

"So I can wait, Jade. I can wait until you're ready to talk, until you're ready to open up, until you're ready to move forward and to be mine. I'll wait forever if I have to, because there is not one person on this entire planet that could ever be what you are to me. " I'm sobbing now, my hand on my heart, trying to calm its erratic beat. She holds the rose out, and takes a deep breath.

"I love you, Jade West. I'm absolutely in love with you. I love everything you are and everything you stand for. You are an incredible woman, Jade, with more strength than you seem to understand. And you have shown me these past couple of weeks a love and caring that I honestly just can't let go of. I don't care if you get jealous, or angry, or upset...I'll do whatever I can to make sure you are happy, loved and safe. I'll be what no one else has ever been for you. And I'm prepared to wait until the end of time. I...I love you so much, Jade. I have for so long. Let me be everything you need, like you were for me."

Like I was for her...

My first moment of clarity throughout the entire ordeal finally hits; I can be enough for her. I need to be enough for her, because she's as hooked on me as I am on her. I will be what Tori Vega needs; and she will be mine.

I go into auto pilot, running down the stairs with arms open. I pull her into me, holding her cold and shaking body as tightly as I can, the both of us sobbing into each others arms.

"I...I love you so much, Tori..." I pull back, and she looks up at me, her eyes filled with such joy that I hadn't seen in such a long time. I tilt her chin up, and all my doubts escape from my brain the moment I press my lips against hers. We lose ourselves in the kiss, her satin lips moving in perfect synch with mine as we melt into one another, and finally, things seem to connect. It's unlike anything I've ever experienced before; my heart feels as if it's on fire, and I'm worried my legs will give out at any moment. I've opened myself up to Tori, and it's the most free I've felt in my entire life.

We pull apart, but only because she's shivering so much, and I can't bear to let her stay so cold on my account. "Come on, let's get you inside so you get dry off and warm up." I say in almost a whisper. She nods, grabbing my hand as I lead her inside. I bring her up to my room, both of us in a comfortable silence. I grab a towel and pull out the warmest sweat pants and sweater I own. I leave her to change while i head downstairs to change and decide to surprise her by making hot chocolate. Seems like something Vega would like.

Vega...hmm...I don't think calling her that will ever change, though it may be less frequent.

Once in warm clothes, I grab the mugs and head upstairs, stumbling a bit from drinking. I shake it off and slowly open the door, my nerves suddenly getting the better of me, as I finally realize how much just happened in such a little time. I swallow hard, entering the room to see Tori in the center of my bed, in my clothes that are way too big on her, smiling softly at me while she towel dries her hair.

"I uh, made you this." I say, more awkward than I could have ever imagined. I hand her the mug. She looks down at her beverage and giggles before taking a sip.

"What? My hot chocolate is amusing to you?" I ask with a smirk, trying to calm myself down and regain my confidence.

"No, you're amusing to me." She raises her eyebrows, as if to challenge me. I give her a curious look as I take a seat next to her.

"Oh yeah? Why's that, Vega?" I take a sip of my drink, noting how rich the chocolate smells. Much better than the scent of whiskey.

"Because even after everything tonight, you're still uncomfortable doing a nice gesture for me, even if it's as small and simple as hot chocolate." I glare at her when she says this, which only furthers her laughter. I sink into myself, slightly embarrassed by how accurate her observations are.

"Well, regardless of how much I may love you and your stupid sense of humor, you're still an absolute pain in my ass." The words leave my mouth so easily, and I'm surprised by how nice it feels to express myself openly. I see a small blush come across her cheeks, which makes me feel fantastic; I've got the upper hand again.

"Wow, sweet and sassy all in one sentence. You sound like you're doing better already. Sobering up perhaps?" I almost choke on my drink, and have to spit it out to stop my coughing.

And just like that, she has the upper hand again.

"I, uh...wh-what are you talking about?" The cracking in my voice as I try to act casual gives me away entirely, as if I was going to be able to convince her otherwise in the first place. She rolls her eyes and sets her mug down on my night stand. She reaches into my trash can and pulls out the whiskey bottle. She then reaches next to my night stand and lifts up my bong. Fuck, I didn't even think to hide anything.

"Tori, please don't be upset. I swear, I can explain! I was-"

"Jade, chill!" She says, setting everything down and grabbing my hand. "Jade, I don't care if you drink or smoke pot in the least. I just don't want you doing these things to make yourself happy, because I don't think they'll solve anything. And after seeing you on your roof, alone in the pouring rain, I know this wasn't being drank for any other reason but sadness. It's not worth it, ya know?"

I nod, staring down at the ground, shocked by how okay she is with all of this, and by how well she's reading me.

"How did you even know I drank that tonight?" She laughs and grabs her hot chocolate again, hanging onto the mug for warmth.

"Jade, your room reeks of pot and booze right now. I may not be experienced in drinking or smoking, but I'm not completely stupid."

"How do you know what pot smells like? I don't take Trina to be a smoker, and I'm pretty positive you haven't." I get up and go into my closet, searching for one of my throw blankets.

"Jade, André is my best friend. I know he doesn't smoke much, but he's told me all the times about smoking with you and Beck. And he's smoked around me, too. Sure, I haven't done it, but I'm not bothered by it. And I hope you know you don't have to hide those sort of things from me. I'm a lot more easy-going than you think!" I chuckle to myself; she's so cute when she's fired up. I find the blanket and pull it out. I walk over to Tori and get eye level with her as I wrap the blanket around her shoulders.

"I'm starting to learn I don't really need to hide anything from you." I whisper, my lips just centimeters from hers. She gasps, and I lightly brush our lips together before kissing her softly. "It'll just take me some time to open up about everything."" She giggles nervously, and rests her head on my shoulder, leaving small kisses across my neck.

"I told you I'd wait forever, Jade. And I meant it. I know it may sound sappy and cliché, but I really couldn't keep this bottled up anymore, and I certainly couldn't just let everything pass by without giving it a chance." She pulls back, and pulls me up so I'm sitting next to her again. "I mean, did you really think that ignoring everything was a better idea? Am I crazy or were you fighting the same feelings I have for the past two years?"

"I...I didn't know what was right..." I admit, shamefully. "But I certainly didn't think this was right. And it's not because I didn't want you. Come on, Vega, no one could get under my skin like you could, and no one could bring out the sides of me that you have. I obviously was feeling the way you were, but it was just coming out differently. And because of that, because of my cruelty towards you, I didn't think I deserved you. And I really don't know why I felt the need to be so harsh with you. God, I'm so sorry for so many terrible things I did. I really am..."

The night goes on, with Tori and me talking about everything we felt, everything we thought, and how we ended up where we are now. Now it's close to 3:00am, and I don't know where the time went. But both of us are emotionally drained, exhaustion finally setting in. Soon Tori and I are getting under the covers and settling into my bed.

I know I've laid with her before, but for some reason, this time feels different. I can't put my finger on it, but it makes me almost afraid to touch her. This is all becoming so real now, and though I'm jubilant about the out come, I'm still terrified, and I know it'll take time for that to pass.

While Tori cuddles up next to me and falls into a deep slumber, I lay awake for a while longer, reliving the past three years of my life, and how much I wasted hurting Tori instead of loving her. It astounds me how easy it was for me to live in denial.

Reckoner

Take me with you...

But there's no way to deny anything anymore. I love Tori Vega, and I'll spend the rest of my time on this planet showing her the love I bottled up for far too long.

Reckoner

Take me with you.