"Garrus," Shepard called, digging her nails in his arm. "Garrus, don't… not after everything we've been through!"

She didn't recognize her own voice. There was a desperation it had never before possessed. Garrus was dying right in front of her. Every other turian on this planet was dead and no human would help him. Now she understood him, what is was like for him to try to take care of her when he didn't know anything about humans except how to kill them. This day had been so long. She felt so tired and fucked up and she wished she could just fall asleep and forget everything. She couldn't. Not when Garrus was like this.

Her mind was so messed up. She had been angry that he walked in the mess hall. It was his own fault that he got this wound, but then he went after her despite the injury. He always made up for his foolish actions, making her feel guilty in the end. And despite everything, she kissed him. Why? He needed help, she should have treated his wound, stopped the bleeding, but instead she let her emotions take over. At least he didn't know what it was. Shepard had no idea either, and she had blurted out the first thing that came to mind when he asked.

She shook her head to clear her mind. The only thing that mattered now was keeping Garrus alive, not wondering about kisses and feelings. She finished opening his shirt to inspect the wound. The bleeding seemed slow. Considering how much blood was on his shirt it looked like his blood had already started to clot. She took his tunic off to press it against the injury. She knew it wasn't right to make him move so much right after getting shot, but the alternative was being found by the Alliance. They'd kill him no matter what she'd say and that she wouldn't allow. Her revenge now felt like a betrayal and Garrus deserved better from her.

Somehow the helplessness she felt in her cell was nothing compared to what it was now. She knew she should have been bothered by how much she had grown to care for him, but it became clear to her that she had no control over it since they started to share his room. And it was getting worse. A few hours ago she thought she wouldn't be able to live if someone in the base stayed alive. Avitus had been the last drop. Now that it was taken care of Shepard realized that there could be something much worse.

And of course once again she had started to think about herself instead of helping Garrus. She was an awful person and yet he had seen something in her worth saving.

"You're such a fool, Garrus," she said, pressing her hand against his neck and feeling his pulse. "You're worth more than I am, it should be me lying here wounded. I'm so sorry."

It was much easier to say it when she knew he wouldn't hear.

She ended up falling asleep at some point while watching over him.

The first thing she noticed when she started to wake up was her frozen feet; she barely felt them at all. But the rest of her didn't feel cold. Her head and upper body were pressed against something hard and warm and she recognized it as Garrus' chest. If he was warm, he was still alive, but she still ran her hands up to his neck just to make sure. Yes, there it was, his pulse, stronger and faster than yesterday. Shepard slowly pulled away from him and felt his arm slide off her. When there was no contact between their bodies, he opened his eyes.

She watched him silently, feeling lump in her throat as his blue eyes slowly focused on her. Everything came back in a wave. All that had happened over the weeks, what was done to her, the fear, pain, anger, anxiety, it all washed over her and she had to bite her lip to hold back tears. She had been through so much and it had hurt like nothing else ever before. Only now she realized how much it really had affected her. She had pushed it back, refused to think about it in order to survive, but now it was over and they both were alive. She let herself go. Just this once she'd let it all out.

Shepard slowly laid her head against his shoulder as tears started to fall without waiting for her to hide face. She cried quietly at first, but soon she was sobbing like a child. It hurt so much she thought her heart might burst. She felt Garrus put his hand on her back and it made her cry harder, it didn't matter whether he was encouraging or trying to calm her. Soon his grip on her tightened and she knew he was letting go as well. He didn't cry like she did, but the small, quiet sounds that were coming from him were not unlike her wails. Shepard clung to him just as hard, it suddenly became important to feel him, make sure she wasn't alone, that he wouldn't disappear and it wasn't a dream. For a while she thought she'd never stop.

But she ran out of emotions and tears eventually. Everything was wet – her cheeks, chin, neck, Garrus' shoulder and chest, but she didn't move waiting patiently for him to be done. And even after that, she held on to him. It felt far too good to let go, better that in his bed despite the cold, hard earth beneath them. He was so warm and he held her so tight it hurt, but it was exactly what she needed. Her chest and mind felt empty, but in the good way. She felt free.

"It's really over," she said quietly, her voice hoarse.

"Yeah, it is," he confirmed, whispering next to her ear.

"How's your wound?" she asked.

"Hurts, but the bleeding stopped last night," he answered. "I woke up and you were on the ground, asleep."

"And you found me a better place," she concluded with a small smile.

Shepard inhaled deeply his smell making sure she'd never forget it. "We need to get you off this planet," she said. "Can you walk?"

"I'm not sure. Probably," he answered, letting her go. "Do you have a plan?"

She straightened and nodded. "I didn't just randomly run into the forest. We shouldn't be far from the first scouts' shuttle. I hoped we'd reach it right away, but you looked so bad I didn't want to risk it."

"Won't your military watch every transport that leaves the planet?" he asked.

"They will," she admitted. "That's the difficult part. I'll need about day to get to the main ship and find a way to let you slip through surveillance."

"It will take me an additional two to three days to get to the nearest turian controlled territory," he added. "Unless something has changed in the past few weeks."

"This is madness," she said, realizing how much she had overlooked. "We need a different plan."

"I don't think we'll find another way," Garrus shook his head.

"You realize that there won't be any dextro friendly food, right?" she reminded.

"I know, I can go a few days without eating."

"Sure," she frowned, "especially after getting injured and losing all that blood."

"I'm cold and in pain, arguing is the last thing I want to do," Garrus said after sighing.

She bit back all her retorts. She tried to think, but her head hurt from crying so much. If the Alliance hadn't come they'd have a free way off the planet. Then again, the two of them probably wouldn't have left the base alive. How she hated that something always went wrong. Even now when they were finally free nothing was how she imagined. Why couldn't things go right, just once?

"Shepard, I won't die on my way home after surviving all this," he took her hands in his. "It's a good plan, I know you will find a way to get me through radar. Besides, nothing would change even if we chose to wait. The moment you show up, they'll take you away."

"You're right," she agreed. He was in just as much danger trying to leave as he'd be if they stayed. "Let's try to get you up."

She pulled him up by his hands, both of them groaning, and he needed to lean against the tree in order to remain upright. She put her arm around his back to help and when they tried to walk a few steps Shepard realized how heavy he was. She wouldn't be able to move him alone if he collapsed, but he seemed stable enough even though it obviously hurt to move.

They walked slowly and Shepard constantly recalculated the way towards the shuttle. She was afraid he couldn't keep this up for long and that she had made a mistake and ran in the wrong direction. But before she could really start worrying, the small Alliance vehicle appeared between the trees. She sighed in relief. When they reached it, Shepard helped Garrus sit down and went to check if it was ready for use.

When she returned she had a few packs of medigel in her hands. She had heard that it can help no matter what species and Garrus' wound had probably opened after the walk. He was sitting with his eyes closed and his shirt still pressed against the injury. She gently freed it from his grip and pealed of the makeshift compress. He watched her carefully as she dropped on her knees and applied the cool medicine.

"Remember how you did this for me?" she asked.

"It feels so long ago," he said. "Is the shuttle alright?"

"Yes, everything's functional. Wait for my signal and then leave fast," she answered. "I'll give you the short course on piloting this one."

"No need, it looks really similar to turian designs," he shook his head. "Besides I'll have enough free time to read the manual."

"You should use that time to rest," Shepard finished tending his wound and discarded the empty packages.

"It'll be alright," Garrus reassured her.

There was a bit of an awkward pause. Shepard had no reason to stay any longer and the sooner she'd get off the planet, the sooner Garrus could leave as well. Something held her back, she didn't want to leave. She looked at him, waiting for him to say goodbye, but he remained silent.

"I guess this is it," she said, getting up. Her feet felt heavy. "I wish I could express how grateful I am, but I'm not good at those talks. I won't forget you."

"I won't forget you either," Garrus said, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. "I wish I had met you under different circumstances, got to know you better…"

"Who knows, maybe we'll get a chance, the galaxy can be a small place," she smiled weakly. Shepard leaned down to give him a small hug and said: "Stay safe."

"You too," he answered and when she let go, he got up from the seat. He held the door open for her, but didn't step out when she left.

There was nothing holding her back now. When he'd disappear from her sight, he'd be out of her life as well. They might never see each other again. He could die without reaching his destination or she'd get killed in some assignment. The future was such a strange thing to think about now that she knew for sure she'd have one. But she'd never forget this place or Garrus. There were so many emotions and even though it wasn't like her to talk about it, Shepard couldn't just let it end without trying.

"Garrus," she said before the door shut. He turned around and looked at her, leaning against the aisle. "I…" she hesitated. She didn't know what she was trying to say, there were so many things, but they were all tangled up and no matter how hard she tried, the right words remained hidden somewhere deep inside that knot and wouldn't leave her lips. "I just wanted to say…" she tried again. She didn't want to leave like this with so many things unsaid. They barely knew each other yet shared some strange bond. She wasn't sure what it was and therefor no matter how hard she tried there was nothing to say. It was too soon.

"Shepard..." he said, his voice soft and gaze warm.

"Goodbye and good luck," she finally got out.

He nodded, but didn't go back inside the shuttle. She could feel his eyes following her until she disappeared into the trees. She felt like such a coward, so useless, unable to formulate something that felt so simple and obvious. Shepard wondered if he knew though, if he felt the same… But she didn't dare to go back to find out. He had become her weakness, one that could kill her. She would be tempted to stay longer, make sure he was fine and after that she might not want to leave because it was easier to be with him than deal with what had happened. It was better to step back before she destroyed her chances for normal life by following some crazy affection formed under such circumstances as theirs. She didn't even dare to look back.

After that everything went as planned. She returned to the base and finally met the Alliance. It was such relief to be amongst humans. She didn't know anyone, but there was a strange sense of belonging and safety. They questioned her on the ship and Shepard kept silent about what was done to her. She showed them her hands and said that the turians had only interrogated her, tortured her sometimes, but when asked about sexual abuse, she denied it had happened. She didn't plan on mentioning it ever, especially not to some Alliance psychologist. She'd still get sent to go through therapy, but this way it would end sooner.

Shepard found that no one from the ground team or doctors knew why the base was attacked. There really was peace between humans and turians now, but the order was to kill every turian in there. The official dates of the mission were changed to one day before the treaty took effect. Shepard had an idea about the true reason behind the massacre. Turians finally decided to get rid of the criminals and found a convenient way to do it. But she didn't share her theory with anyone. She didn't want to get into a trouble later because she knew too much.

Strangely enough even getting Garrus away was easy. The monitoring systems weren't watched nearly as carefully as during the war and she managed to hack into them to let one Alliance shuttle slip through. Shepard was so used to the punishments and troubles that now she caught herself making up scenarios about what still might go wrong. She was safe, Garrus likely was as well, but she had a feeling she'd keep expecting the worse for the rest of her life.

*** Ten years later***

It was like taking a blow to the chest. Shepard forgot how to breathe for a minute and the only thing she heard was her own heartbeat. Two turians were standing before her, arguing and she couldn't make herself to move past them, because she knew one of them. Garrus. He looked exactly the same, maybe a bit taller and muscular, maybe it was just the armor. But his blue markings, voice, and even the way he moved was the same. She stood there like an idiot despite the Council waiting for her and the confused soldiers behind her. How could it be that from all those billions of turians in the galaxy she ran into him?

When the other turian left, he introduced himself, talked about Saren a bit and left when Alenko reminded her about the meeting. He acted like a professional, not giving away that they've met before and all she could do was try to keep up. It was rare for her to get shaken like this. Then again, after all he reminded her of, it shouldn't really be surprising. Until this day, she didn't even know if he had survived his journey in that stolen shuttle.

It seemed like she wouldn't get away from him so easily. The first thing she had to do after the meeting was finding him. It really didn't help that she didn't know the Citadel at all and had to waste hours to locate him. While it usually would grate on her nerves, she barely paid any attention to that. She had time to think, to prepare for seeing him again. All her confidence seemed to be disappearing when it came to facing Garrus, showing him what kind of person she'd become.

They didn't have time for that. It was all about getting evidence now, no time for emotions or talks, but she wasn't exactly upset about it. Shepard didn't want relive her darkest moments, didn't want to admit how weak and stupid she used to be. She hated everything about that period and when the memories came back on cold nights, sometimes she even hated Garrus because he had kept her alive. Sometimes she hated him because he wasn't there with her. But the loneliness had made her stronger.

As they fought together, she realized he had changed as well, had grown skilled, confident, deadly. She remembered the turian that had saved her, how he doubted his own choices, how hurt he had looked. Now it all was replaced by fire, the same that drove her forward. There was only work for both of them and no emotion slipped past their masks. It was strange how, despite being from different species, living in different environments they had matured in the same ways. Shepard slowly realized that they still could work together, that she wanted someone who would understand and support her on her team.

When the investigation on the Citadel was over and she was made a Spectre, it was time to ask him to continue working with her, but he had disappeared, gone back to work for C-Sec most likely. They hadn't spoken about collaborating longer, but she expected him to at least to stay to congratulate her or wish good luck. She wasn't entirely sure about him anymore. She might've misjudged Garrus. But even if it was so, she had to see him one more time, make sure who he was now and in the worst case say goodbye.

When the Normandy was ready for departure, she messaged him to meet her at Choras Den and he agreed. Shepard knew her crew was surprised that they didn't leave right away, but that would be nothing compared to when they'd find out a turian would join them. She probably should've been concerned about possible incidents, not amused by imagining their faces, but she really couldn't help it. If she had learned to trust him, they will too.

When she arrived at the club and found Garrus sitting at the furthest corner, hiding from curious glances as much as he could, it felt just like in the Citadel tower, like she was seeing him for the first time after ten years. She stood a few steps from his table, looking at him not as a soldier, but as a man she once held dear. When he raised his head and saw her, she finally approached.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me," she said, sitting down and ordering a drink.

"You doubted I would?" he asked. "Though your choice of place is rather interesting."

"I'm new to the Citadel," Shepard explained, "and it seemed that here no one would care if a human and a turian had a few drinks together."

"You're right about that I guess," he said and a slightly uncomfortable silence settled between them. She had so much to ask, so much to tell, but she couldn't figure out how to start.

"You seem to be doing well," he finally spoke.

"I am, more or less," she said. "You probably have a nice position in C-Sec to be trusted with investigating the Council's best Spectre."

"It might look that way, but my job is nothing but a big joke," he answered bitterly. "I'm spending more time filing papers than actually catching criminals. And when I get a chance to do something useful, I'm hampered by red tape at every step."

"Then come with me," she blurted out. "No rules, no red tape, no papers."

He was silent for a long time, watching her intently. "I thought you might ask me. But you already have a good team."

Shepard shook her head. "I got brainwashed by a statue because one idiot couldn't keep his hands off it. There's something really suspicious about William's service record considering just how good she is with her guns. You know better than me what reputation quarians and krogans have, besides Wrex is a merc. They're all exceptionally good at what they do, but it doesn't mean I trust them."

"And you would trust me?" Garrus asked. "It's been a long time, Shepard. I'm not the same person that saved you."

"If we got into a situation like that again, would you act differently?" she asked.

"I wouldn't need you to talk me into revenge," he said, leaning back, "but, no, I could never stand aside and watch something like that happen."

"See, you haven't changed that much," she smiled, but then added seriously: "I know it might get difficult to work with someone who reminds you of the darkest time in your past and if you don't think you can do it, I'll understand. Besides, I'm not quite the same either."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Garrus said after sipping his drink. "I've put most of that behind me, and at worst, with you near I'd have to deal with what's left."

It was the same for Shepard. She knew she'd never get over those weeks completely, but it didn't get in her way anymore. Sometimes she could go for months without remembering it. There really wasn't a better remedy against bad memories than knowing she had killed most of them herself or imagining her enemies on missions had Avitus' face. Even if it'd turn out that she and Garrus could no longer be near each other, he could always come back to the Citadel.

"I meant to write you a few times," he spoke, making her switch her attention back to the conversation.

"You knew what I was doing?" she asked, surprised.

"You're not exactly leading a quiet life," Garrus smiled. "Right now you're in the news because you became the first human Spectre and just a few days ago because of Eden Prime. Before that there was Torfan…"

She looked at him intently when he mentioned the name and it didn't slip past him.

"I'm not reproaching, I know most people considers what happened there a mistake, but I would've done the same," he almost touched her hand, but drew back before they made contact.

"That's why I want you to come with me," Shepard said. "You'd understand my choices. Back then on Torfan I realized that what those slavers had made others go through wasn't much different than what Avitus did to us. There would've been more victims if those batarians got free than those men that died fighting them."

"I know, you did the right thing." There was a long pause before Garrus spoke again. "Do you ever wonder if you'd have done things the way you did if you hadn't been caught? If we're his…"

"… if we're his legacy?" she finished in his place and Garrus nodded. "I can't say I don't enjoy putting a hole in a criminal's head or that I'm not repeating vengeance for what was done to us in my head on some missions. Killing is a soldier's job and no one made me stay with the Alliance. But I'm not raping, torturing or killing innocent people yet, so maybe there's still hope."

"I didn't mean it like that," he shook his head.

"I know," she took his hand. "I've had these thoughts as well, but someone has to get their hands dirty. Might as well be me," she said, stroking his fingers where his talons were. They had regrown quite a bit. "Why didn't you tell me what cutting them means? I wouldn't have asked you to do it."

"At that time I didn't think I'd live long enough for it to matter and I didn't want to hurt you more," he explained and turned her hands to inspect her little fingers. "Prosthesis?"

"Yeah, works almost as good as the originals," she said, bending them. "Got them a few months after leaving the base," she raised her head to look at him. "Will you come with me, Garrus?"

"Yes," he let go of her hands and stood up. "I'll take a few things from my apartment and meet you at your ship."

"Can I come with you?" she asked.

"Sure."

They walked slowly and most of the time Shepard let Garrus do the talking. She had missed him during those long years and after finally speaking with him about the past, Avitus, and what they had become, she felt more at peace. She didn't think things would go wrong with him on board, they'd been through too much to let memories crush them and having him next to her made her feel safe. During their time apart she often wondered if there would be anything left from the feelings she had for him when they'd meet again it and it truly surprised her how much had stayed unchanged.

"I'm really grateful for this chance," he said when they arrived at Normandy and waited for the decontamination cycle to end. "Would you prefer if I expressed it in words or gestures?"

She turned to ask him what he meant, but then noticed the small smirk on his face and realized what he was talking about.

"Been waiting long to say that?" she crossed her hands over her chest.

"A few years," he admitted. "Since I saw this human couple being rather passionate. My first thought was 'Someone did something grand'. Then some extranet searches…"

Shepard couldn't help it, she had to laugh at the mental image. "For my defense, back then it was a way to thank you. And I was young, dumb and confused."

"Does that mean you won't do that again?" he asked, jokingly.

The door opened before them and they stepped in the ship.

"Think you could earn it for the second time?" she asked, but then saw Joker, Kaidan and Ashley in the cockpit looking rather dumbfounded. The smile disappeared from her face instantly. She had no idea how much they had heard, but just the sight of their commander bringing a turian on board or having a light conversation with one would be enough to catch them off guard.

"We're leaving tomorrow morning, we'll go after that matriarch's daughter. Be ready," she told them sternly. Then she turned around and gestured for him to follow as she went further in the ship.

"Why do I have a feeling you're not the easygoing type of commanding officer?" he commented when they were out of earshot.

"You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into," she answered, patting his shoulder.

A/N: This is it. Thank you to everyone who read, added this story to favorites and left a review!