A/N: Good Gravy my dears it has been far too long! Things got a little Topsy Turvy over here in Nyx land but here it finally is: Chapter 15. As always I owe a mighty debt to the great Xaphrin for fighting through all kinds of craziness to help my poor unfortunate soul. All remaining boo boos are mine. Special shout out to all you darling reviewers who gave me the push I needed to get this damn thing done, especially the lovely JuneGrayson who expressed such concern over the amount of time our love triangle has been spending in Raven's head.

Be careful what you wish for.

Edit: Apparently I wasn't kidding when I said there might be boo boos. Thanks to Queen-of-the-Saps and JuneGrayson for pointing out that I uploaded the chapter with the beta read bits instead of the finished one. This is what I get for skipping my OCD triple check before I post.

xXx

Raven felt sick. Faintly, a corner of her mind replayed the memory of the time Gar had convinced her to join him on the carnival's tilt-a-whirl, the phantom spinning made the ground underneath her seem to sway as if she were on it still.

This couldn't be happening, this isn't real. Her mind screamed as she fought to slow the staccato of heartbeats threatening to hammer their way out of her chest. The sickly smell of her own fear filled her mind like a fog making everything surreal. This is just another trick of the Clones, something to keep me here. Around them Ryan's memories still played, Nightwing's grim face staring down at her as blood splattered his cheek again and again. Richard wouldn't do this. She fixed her eyes on Richard's silhouette hoping for some sign that everything swirling around them was just one more nightmare. In front of her, Nightwing stood like a silent solider, the harsh lines of his back stone under her gaze revealing nothing. Raven licked her lips briefly and opened her mouth, gasping several times before she could make a sound.

"Richard what is this?" Raven's soft whisper made the man flinch as if she had struck him.

"It's just what it looks like," Ryan hissed before Richard could answer. His voice, guttural and low cut across the short distance between himself and Nightwing like a thrown gauntlet, its coaxing challenge clear. Though his posture was relaxed, Raven could sense the madness tinged rage eating away just beneath the surface. Every primal piece of him was roaring for a fight, stirred up by the piece of her magic festering away inside, burning him up. Already the lavender tinge of Love's power was bleeding into the blue of his irises, swallowing the natural colour as the Clone devoured its host. "Your dear leader finally let his true colours show. I may have been a liar back in the day Raven but at least I never tried to make myself out to be a saint while doing it. Dick here though, he's the worst kind of liar there is, one that believes his own fib to be gospel."

Even facing his back Raven could sense Nightwing's jaw clench at Ryan's words.

"You're wrong," he ground out as if it choked him to speak. The muscles of his shoulders trembled slightly with repressed rage. "I've never forgotten not for a second the monster under my skin. It's with me every moment I breathe."

Raven could sense the danger building between the two men and knew she had to do something. This whole mess was a second away from all out slaughter. The metallic smell of war was heavy in the air around them and weighed oppressively on her senses.

"Richard, please… look at me." Raven pleaded, stepping between Nightwing and Red X. Against her back she could feel the faint brush of Ryan's ire at her focusing on Richard instead of himself, but she hardly spared it a thought. Raven was barely keeping it together herself, the cauldron of their emotions draining her. Inwardly, she strained to hold out for just a few more minutes, silently thanking any gods that might listen that she had already rejoined five of the Emoticlones to herself. Raven doubted she could have managed this long otherwise.

The quickest way to diffuse this disaster was to calm down Nightwing. The man had the control of a monk normally, but Raven could sense that control was moments from cracking. Something about Ryan got under his skin like no one, except for Slade. Raven had seen more than enough from the memories Ryan had displayed to know that like Richard's obsession with catching Slade there would be no turning him back once his reservation had crumbled. Raven had to somehow retrieve the last shard of her magic from Ryan and soon if she was to get any of them out of there alive.

Her teammate shuddered again at her words but remained rooted to the spot, silently refusing to face her. He had his thickest mask on, something she had always referred to as his "hero face" in their private moments; a stone wall of stoic emotional repression. Something about it made Raven's already rattled control snap. Her empath powers had taken too much of a toll from the constant battering of Ryan and Richard's strong emotions, and Raven could no longer keep the dam her fear had weakened from flooding. Suddenly she was seeing all the other times Richard had shown her that face, using it to keep her at arm's length, putting painful and forced space between them during their relationship. Anger boiled through her, pushing aside her fear and need, to still the already churning emotional upheaval of the two men in her mind.

"Too many times," she snapped, her voice a dangerously low rumble. "Too many times you've turned your back on me, Richard, with no explanation; no reason and I've taken it again and again."

Raven let the tendrils of her magic snake down her arms and slither unnoticed towards him, too furious to hold back any longer for the sake of the greater good. He wouldn't just let her see such horrors and then push her aside again, she wouldn't let him. "But this time you don't get to just walk away without a word. No more hiding, or running, or fighting. I'VE HAD ENOUGH!"

Her wrist snapped forward, cracking the lash of power like a whip, making it coil around Nightwing and latch its barbs beneath his skin. He grunted under the pain, but his eye contact stayed firm and he said nothing. Raven could feel his half of their bond squirm beneath her magic's grasp, desperately trying to pull away, to keep his secrets hidden and protect himself from being exposed.

For years she had been tempted to do this during her darker moments, to make Richard's innermost heart lie open under her fingertips, the same way he had done to her with his own brand of mental prodding. Yet for his splitting her soul wide to the bone, part of her always stopped just short of making him feel the same nakedness. She wouldn't stoop to his level, she had always had some streak of humanity in her… at least she had at one point. Before now, that part had been enough to hold the rest of her in check, but no more. His and Ryan's firebrand hate for each other was coursing through her, and Raven was happy to let herself drown in it.

With a twist she tore his walls away, her magic's claws shredding through his stoic control.

It was like a volcano erupting. A roar filled Raven's ears as wave after wave of emotion, stronger than Raven had ever felt, battered against her until she feared she might be crushed by it. Somewhere in the distance, she could hear Richard screaming like a man on fire. Words and feelings ripped against her senses, and for a split second Raven regretted the pain she had caused to course through Nightwing. But then the mixed sea of Richard's feelings and memories threatened to pull her under into their black depths, and drove all else from her mind.

Raven frantically clawed at her own throat choking for air. She was suffocating, smothered under the weight of Nightwing's soul, and there was no way to stop it and rebuild the walls she had torn away. She was forced to drown the sounds and memories of his darkness.

Raven was facing Slade, his half bronze mask glinting in the moonlight. Raggedly her chest pumped like a bellows forcing air into her starved lungs. The cold sweat of fear ran like ice down her back, chilling her to the bone despite the heat her strained muscles were giving off.

"Excellent Robin, we appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising, you and I are so very much alike." Slade's voice called from the shadow's like sinister velvet. His taunt caused white hot disgust to surge through her. The truth stung.

"I'm nothing like you!" Raven screamed, her denial singing out in Richard's voice. Her fist sank into Slade's masked jaw, knocking him to the ground. "You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction." Raven clutched a fistful of Slade's uniform and pulled him close as she crouched over him. She could see the reflection of Richard's face in the metallic half of the villain's mask, lip curled in a snarl. Beneath the faceplate Raven could swear Slade was smirking as he gestured to the rocky landscape around them.

"And all you care about, you simply destroy." Around her, the stone ruins of the other Titans lay in heaps, their likenesses having turned to dust beneath her fists as her strikes missed Slade. Her own face was among them, staring balefully back in the dim light.

"No." The whisper slipped from her like a prayer, Richard's voice rasping in her throat. Lashing out she gripped Slade's mask and flung it away. "Who are you?!"

Robin's face laughed back at her, cackling from where it perched on Slade's body.

The sheer terror that gripped her was indescribable.

Sudden warmth surrounded her, blocking the memory from tugging her deeper into the terror and letting Raven breathe again for the first time. Faintly Raven felt a tug on the other end of her magic like a hand helping her to stand. It slowly pulled her from the depths of the blackness and lifted the weight from her chest. As another surge of protective strength trickled down to her, Raven released it signaled that Nightwing was doing the impossible. By the power of his almost primal need to always protect Raven, alone he was pulling his storming soul back into himself, nestling it back in place behind his ribs, piece by piece.

Richard's nightmare from all those years ago explained more than he ever could. Curled in the depths of his mind Raven saw clearly the unspoken reason as to why he left her, confused and alone in her room all those years ago. Nightwing wasn't just afraid of being open, he was afraid that in order to be open he would inadvertently unlock the floodgates and usher in his worse fear: becoming Slade. Richard believed that his constant control was all that stood in the way of his becoming a killer like Slade, that if he allowed himself to feel anything freely he would never be able to stop feeling everything.

As Raven rose from the blackness, her head almost breaking the surface, little beads of light began to brush against her like a caress. Raven latched on, clutching to any scrap that might wash away the bitter taste of the hurricane she had unleashed. Her shaking fingers closed around the nearest glow and as Raven held the beam close her own face swam before her blinking eyes. It was her, as she looked during the Titan days, sitting in her favourite spot by the living room window. The afternoon sun flitted across her hair and she gently held a steaming cup of tea on her crooked knee. Such a simple memory and yet the love Raven felt as she embraced it left her breathless.

Realization hit her like a fist to the gut; those constellations she saw shining in the darkness were Richard's memories of her, stronger with affection than she had ever dreamed he was capable of and glowing white-hot like stars. He had kept them locked away from her, burning behind closed doors. Distantly, as if it had been years ago instead of moments, Raven remembered comparing Nightwing to an ember. This, this is so much more than just a spark, she thought as more memories danced across her skin making snippets of their history swirl around her. Richard burns like the sun.

Then it was gone, the blackness with its galaxy of silver remembrances and Raven was left gasping on the ground. As her vision struggled to swim back into focus, she could make out two shadows sprawled beside her, one hunched over the other.

"What have you done to her?!" Ryan's rough voice ground out as he slammed Nightwing's head, knocking it against the rocky soil like a gavel. His long-fingered hands were wrapped around Richard's throat pinning him to cold stone, pale scars standing out ghostly white on his knuckles. Around his curved shoulders, lavender sparks flickered like agitated fireworks. Croaking gasps rattled from beneath Ryan's grip in time to the pops of magic but Richard's dimming blue eyes were fixed on Raven's. Ignoring his own neck, his hand clawed desperately not for air but for where hers rested a hair's breath away. Struggling against her rung out body to call out to Ryan, to make him stop, Raven noticed with terror wide eyes that far from Nightwing trying to break from Ryan's grip, the Titan was pressing his neck into it.

xXx

Nightwing's vision was beginning to dim. Dark spots blinked in front of his eyes partly obscuring his view of Raven. Briefly, he thought he saw her stir, her purple hair appearing to flutter slightly across her face, but it seemed just a trick of the light. Red X's knees pressed sharply against his ribs, keeping Richard from bucking and possibly breaking the choke hold. Not that Nightwing had any intention of slipping free. This was his penance.

Feeling Raven's revulsion as she was submerged in his soul had broken the last part of him that had managed to hold onto sanity for so long. In an instant, holding everything together had been more than he could bear. Staying strong just long enough to pull her free, Richard let everything go as he felt her break the surface and allowed himself to sink into the black.

Perhaps his brokenness had shown on his face, because it was then that Ryan had tackled him to the ground. Richard ignored the other man bent over him like a predator and kept trying to stretch towards Raven. I just have to know she's safe, his oxygen starved mind had mumbled like a mantra, then Red X can kill me or I can implode into nothingness. I don't care anymore. I've been treading water for so long maybe it's time to accept that I've simply been a drowned man on borrowed time. Weakly he reached out his hand again, finally managing to lightly rest it in Raven's. One more touch, his mind faintly called, a small mercy so I can rest in peace.

"You're a poison, Grayson," Red X spat above him through clenched teeth. "You've been killing her for years until finally leaving her broken on the floor of her own mind. A plague playing pretend that he's a cure."

Branches of Raven's magic trembled around X, drumming against Nightwing's chest like the base line to Ryan's rage.

"I may not be able to make Raven love me," Red X continued, his thumbs bruising against the tender hollow of Nightwing's throat. "But at least I can save her from you ever darkening her life again. I'll stain my hands red once more, and gladly if it means keeping her safe."

Richard angled his neck upwards, pressing his skin deeper into Ryan's grip. He was too tired to fight and welcomed the darkness.

xXx

Raven curled her fingers around Richard's and clamped down, desperation flooding her veins with sudden strength. Allowing her magic to well up once more, she focused on the grip joining her palm to his and unleashed it. Offering up a quick prayer that Nightwing's half of the bond would keep it from killing him, Raven forced her magic to surge through Richard like an electrical current and blast Ryan from his perch.

An inky shield formed by her powers shot from Nightwing's chest and propelled Red X several feet into the air. The deep inhale that wracked through Richard as soon as Ryan was flung free shuttered along Raven's arm as his limb shook hers. Gripping Nightwing's hand tighter, Raven flung out her magic again, spearing it through Ryan's chest as he fell through the air. Latching on to the fragment of her former Emoticlone he held hidden in his body, like she had gripped Richard's soul she ripped it away and let the faint purple light melt into the dusky glow of her magic. Relishing the sensation of finally being whole, Raven caught Ryan in a web of magic before he could recover, adjusted her hold on Richard and reached for the seam between her mind and the physical world.

xXx

Changeling startled from his curled perch at the foot of Raven's bed. After Nightwing had used the mirror to go into Raven's mind, Gar had given up trying to keep the rest of his former teammates hopeful. It was simply too hard to convince the others of something he didn't truly believe himself. Instead he let himself shift back to his kitten form, the one he had once used to try and stem Starfire's anger over his prank war gone wrong with Cyborg.

Then with a crack like far off thunder, the shadow of a large black raven had appeared over the bed, shaking Changeling from his post and making the heads of Cyborg, Starfire, and Argent snap in his direction. From the depths of the bird, the bodies of Red X and Nightwing spilled out onto the sterile floor, bloody and bruised but breathing. Raven's own purple eyes flew open as Gar scrambled to his feet.

"Raven! You're awake!"

The formerly comatose Titan looked around the room, seeming slightly shell shocked. Gingerly placing her shaky feet on the floor, she spared Changeling a quick glance before resting her hand on Ryan's bowed head, her stony gaze unreadable.

"Help Richard, don't look for me."

Gar and the other Titans barely had enough time to process her words when with a flutter of black wings Raven and the kneeling form of Red X vanished.

Cyborg rushed forward, helping Nightwing struggle to his feet as Changeling regarded the now empty hospital bed with wide green eyes.

"Well, this isn't good."