A/N: Heya everyone! So this story was basically born out of my frustration with everyone in the HP/FMA section for not updating lately *growling*. I also had a bet with myself to write a story completely out of dialogue (I don't know if there's a term for that ^^). The plot is pretty much this: Alphonse, Edward, and Mustang just appeared in Grimmauld Place. The only other people who speak are Dumbledore and a surprise/mystery guest.

Rating: T. The words 'whore' and 'bastard' are used, but only once or twice. Other than that, it's pretty PG.

Disclaimer: If I wrote/created both HP and FMA, I would be the awesomest person on earth. Sadly, I am not, but I'm still pretty darn close. ;)

EDIT: I fixed a few errors that I had missed the first time, but everything is essentially the same. :)

"Right, so we're here to find the... association of spontaneously combusting flamingos? ...Oi, couldn't you have taken care of this yourself, Colonel Pyro? This is your area of expertise, not mine."

"You didn't read the mission report, did you, Fullmetal?"

"I skimmed it."

"Brother, it's called the Order of the Phoenix!"

"Well, whose brilliant idea was it to name a group after a bunch of flaming birds?"

"Yes, Fullmetal, how do they even go out in public with such a strange name?"

"I don't know Horsey, why don't you-,"

"Excuse me, but who are you, and how did you get in here?"

"Alright, when did the old dude get here!?"

"No idea."

"I didn't notice him."

"Jeez, his hair is longer than mine! Well anyway, old man, we're in the military, and an omnicient being with a penchant for making our lives suck has, shockingly, decided to once again make our lives suck, immediately after we fixed the crap that happened last time. Oh, and we got here via advanced alchemical portal. We landed on your table."

"Sorry for falling on you, by the way, Brother."

"I'm just glad we both landed on Colonel Bastard."

"Sorry to interrupt, but how do you know about our Order?"

"I already explained that!"

"I apologise, sir, it seems my subordinate gave you the short version of our story."

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A PATHETIC BEANSPROUT THAT DOESN'T NEED ALCHEMY BECAUSE HE CAN REARRANGE THE ATOMS BY HAND!?"

"We were sent here to find and kill a man by the name of... Um..."

"Hahahaha! See, even Mister 'Read the mission report, Fullmetal' didn't pay attention! I bet you only bothered looking at it because Hawkeye threatened to shoot you! I think the guy's name was Moldywhore or something equally ridiculous, though."

"No, Brother, it was 'Story' or 'Joke' or something. Oh! It was 'Riddle'!"

"HOW DARE YOU FILTHY MUGGLES BESMIRCH MY MAGNIFICENT AND AWE-INSPIRING NAME!?"

"HOW DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP SNEAKING UP ON US!?"

"I think that went rather well, don't you?"

"Brother, you called their world's most feared villan a whore, followed that with 'chimera', and ended with 'pedophile' before you punched him with an alchemic fist."

"Hey, that last taunt was directed to everyone in the room except you and me."

"Are you calling me old, Fullmetal? Need I remind you that, as we are once again back in our world, I can court-martial you? And I was the one who actually completed our little mission."

"Yeah, and I'm sure the fact that everyone's eyebrows except yours were singed off was a coincidence."

"Of course."

"And the crazy-looking woman who was standing behind the 'Dark Lord'?"

"Casualty of war."

"And what about that dumb looking redhead teen who walked up right before you snapped, Colonel?"

"Survival of the fittest, Alphonse."

A/N: Ah, that was epic. Has anyone but me noticed that everyone calls Voldemort "Moldywart' or "Voldywhore" but no one has ever said Moldywhore. So I decided to fix that tragedy. ;) Explaining what they did to Voldemort took some thought, but the rest was super fun to write! Now maybe the rest of you guys will update your own stories! *holding Winry's wrench threateningly*