Author's Note: Hi, everyone! This story is probably the most daring project I have right now. It's a plot bunny that has been with me for a while. It's completely AU from the get-go, and I'm a little scared of your reaction, but I would love constructive criticism (so, please, while reviewing give me ideas and tips on how to improve or what to work. I'll be forever thankful).

Disclaimer: Glee and everything related belongs to FOX and Ryan Murphy (even though he screws it up more often than not). The title song belongs to Joe Brooks, although I prefer the Westlife version. Heaven belongs to Bryan Adams and is one of my favorite songs ever.

light up my days (and fill my nights with song)

prologue

Lima, Ohio. December 18, 1994

The sun was rising on still sleepy Lima when Shelby Marie Corcoran, a pretty 22-year-old with dark hair and big brown eyes came back from her anesthesia. She blinked sleepily, eyes adjusting to the sunlight streaming through the blinders of her hospital room, when her hand brushed absently over her now empty stomach, and panic tightened her insides for a minute as she tried very much not to freak out.

But then a little whine came from her left, and just like it came, her panic went away.

She hadn't lost her baby.

No, she had just given birth.

Shelby was an Ohio State drama graduate struggling for money to move to New York when, immediately after graduation last year, replied to an ad on a paper for a surrogate. That was how she met the Berrys. Her initial meeting had been with Hiram. He grilled her about her background, be it cultural, economical and family-wise. He seemed pleasantly surprised when she admitted she wanted the money to support herself as she tried to make it on Broadway (a lifelong dream of hers). Hiram was a small, balding man, whose sharp mind was hidden behind an apparently sweet façade that fooled everyone around him. After Hiram was satisfied with his interview of her, he bid her goodbye and promised her she would hear from him sometime in the near future.

Two weeks later, Hiram called her and told her he wanted her to meet his partner, Leroy. Leroy couldn't be more different from his lover if he tried. A tall, expansive African-American with a head full of hair and twinkling dark eyes that crinkled in the corners when he smiled (which happened often), Leroy was grinning when she walked up to their table on a café near her house in Akron. As they talked, it became clear that the child was a wish from Leroy, and that he would have the maternal role when it came to raise the baby. It was also Leroy who decided she was the one, telling Hiram in the middle of their get-together, "That's her. I can feel it in my bones". Without even waiting for his partner to answer, he turned to her and said, "We want you to move in with us right away, because we'd like the start the process immediately".

A little stunned, Shelby couldn't think of doing anything other than nod, looking from Leroy's exuberantly grinning face to Hiram's more reserved features. "Are – are you sure?" She asked, hesitantly.

"Shelby", Hiram said in response, "why have you chosen to answer to our ad?"

"Partially because of the money", she said, honestly, "and partially because… I'm the middle child in my family. My older sister, Helena… She's gay, and she has been trying for years now to adopt a baby with her partner". She shrugged. "Helena's infertile and Miranda, her partner, has gone through hysterectomy years ago. If I can help anyone avoid the pain and heartache they have gone through, then…"

Leroy smiled at her and turned to Hiram. "See? She's perfect!"

Hiram rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at his husband. "Yes, darling, clearly she is".

It quickly became apparent that Leroy wanted to be as much of a part of everything as he could. He held her hand when Hiram injected her with her daily dose of hormones, took her to her doctor appointments, grilled her doctor with as much questions as she did, stayed on the room with her when she had her eggs harvested (again holding her hand) and did the same when she had the fertilized eggs implanted in her womb.

Two weeks after that, it was Leroy who bought five different pregnancy tests for her to take. They sat down on her bathroom floor, with their backs against the wall, Leroy's hand holding hers, shaking as much as hers. When she noticed this, she smiled at him. "You're going to be an amazingfather, do you know that?"

He grinned at her, even though Shelby could still see the hint of anxiety in his eyes. "And you're going to be a great mommy".

Shelby smiled sadly at the gentle man in front of her. "You know that won't be possible. Hiram said I'll have to sign a document agreeing to stay away from the baby until it's eighteen".

Leroy rolled his eyes with a fond chuckle. "Nonsense! It's just Hiram being his overly cautious self. I'll talk to him. It's stupid to have a paper drawn out between all of us. You're family! If it weren't for you there wouldn't be any baby".

"Well, we still don't know if there isany baby", she teased. "Want me to look?"

"No, no, no. I'll look first". He stood up and glanced at the five pregnancy tests, all neatly placed next to each other on her sink counter. When he turned back to her, there were tears in his eyes, and a grin on her face. "Congratulations, mom. They're all positive!"

Shelby looked astonished at him before a wide grin broke out on her face and she let out a little happy squeal that made Leroy laugh. Pulling her up, he hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek tenderly, whispering his thanks against her skin. She rolled her eyes and laughed at him, called him silly and said there was no need for him to be thanking her. But when he pulled away from her, his eyes were serious.

"Shelby, promise me something".

"What?"

"Promise me you'll keep being a part of the baby's life, even after he or she is born". She opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off. "I know you think you won't be able because of Hiram and his need to have an agreement written up. It doesn't matter for me. You're a part of this as much as Hiram and I are. And…" He took a deep breath, worrying his lower lip for a moment, before carrying on, "I can feel this baby is going to need you. A lot. I'll accept it if you don't believe in me, but I'm a little bit psychic. And my gut feeling's telling me you have to be a part of his or her life. Please. I'll never ask for anything else from you".

She had agreed. Her acquiescence, and Leroy's determination of not signing any paper that could shut Shelby out of the baby's life, led to several arguments between the two men, arguments that would make Shelby leave the house for long walks, or have her trying to muffle it out by listening to Broadway showtunes as loudly as she could on her walkman.

But even Hiram couldn't avoid the excitement of seeing Shelby grow big with the baby. As the pregnancy became more real, he too took to accompanying Shelby in her appointments; she recognized the effort for what it was and tried to be accommodating of his needs, scheduling her appointments when she knew he had the day off. But his excitement wasn't nowhere on the same level of Leroy's, who was simply ecstatic with everything.

When the doctor told the three of them that they were having a girl, Leroy immediately dragged Shelby and Hiram to a baby store and began buying everything pink he saw. Hiram rolled his eyes fondly and tried to talk his partner out of buying things that their daughter wouldn't need until she was at least four ("Seriously, Le, what use is a bicycle for a newborn?" He asked Leroy with a fond tilt of his lips) while Shelby watched them with an amused grin.

Leroy was also the one who had secretly chosen the baby's name, and he had kept it secret. Hiram and Shelby had tried, jointly and individually, to find out which name he had picked, but he kept his mouth shut, telling them they could wait until the baby was born to learn.

But now the wait was over. The baby – her beautiful little girl – was finally here. With a small, sad smile (she knew Hiram would come soon with the papers for her to sign, no matter what Leroy said), she stood up from her cot and padded towards the small, acrylic bassinette where the newborn was lying.

She wasn't supposed to see her baby after giving birth. Hiram had secretly warned her just the week before, how she would be kept away from the baby to prevent her from forming the instinctive mother-child bond. Leroy had left to buy milk for pancakes (she had been craving blueberry ones). But when she gave birth just after midnight to a baby girl with the strongest pair of lungs ever ("She's going to be a singer, I can feel it!" Leroy proclaimed with tears in his eyes), Hiram hadn't been on the room with her, and Leroy had told the nurses to place the baby's crib in Shelby's room. He had left a little after four in the morning, after helping Shelby breastfeed the newborn for the first time, promising he'd be back later that day.

She peeked inside the crib, tears flooding her eyes as her heart exploded with love. Her baby girl was beautiful. With just a look she could tell the little girl would grow up to look a lot like her – she could see her cheekbones beneath the round baby cheek, her generous lips pouting up curiously at her, and the dark eyes that focused a little crossed at her had her own eyes' shape.

But the color…

Shelby knew right away that Leroy was the father, and she couldn't help but grin a little at that.

The little girl whimpered suddenly, and Shelby made a shushing, soothing noise, picking her up and cradling her close. She was so warm, so tiny, so soft against her arms. Feeling her lip quivering with her urge to cry, the new mother began to gently rock her baby back and forth. Leaning and pressing a little kiss against the tiny forehead, she felt the soft baby hair tickle her skin and closed her eyes, two tears rolling down her cheeks.

"If I never see you again, my darling, know that I've loved you very much", she whispered, before she began singing quietly.

Baby, you're all that I want

When you're lying here in my arms

I find it hard to believe – we're in heaven

And love is all that I need

And I find it there in your arms

It isn't hard to see we're in heaven

The newborn had settled as soon as she started singing, and Shelby smiled tenderly at her child, promising to herself to commit everything from this moment to memory. Deeply breathing in the sweet scent of baby skin, she pressed her lips against her daughter's head and closed her eyes, swaying gently as she carried on singing.

Oh, once in your life you find someone

Who will turn your life around – bring you up when you're feeling down

Oh, nothing can change what you mean to me

There's lots that I could say, but just hold me now

Cause our love will light the way

Before she could start on the chorus again, however, the closed door of her private bedroom was slammed open, and she startled, gripping the precious cargo in her arms a little tighter. Turning towards the door and humming quietly in order to shush her child, Shelby felt ice flow into her veins when she came face to face with Hiram, who didn't look nowhere close to the composed, controlled Hiram she had met nearly a year ago.

Hiram looked… wild, for the lack of a better word. His hair was disheveled and greasy. His eyes were red, puffy and desperate. His clothes were wrinkled, the same gray jeans, white polo shirt and charcoal woolly sweater he had been wearing when he and Leroy escorted her to the ER, crying and screaming bloody murder. He was pale as death, and something in his face made her heart clench.

The little girl in her arms was half-asleep, and she shot him a warning glance before rocking her a little more, until she was fully out cold. Gently putting the baby back on her little crib, she turned back to Hiram, eyes worried as she took him in again. "What's wrong, Hiram? Please, sit. You look like something the cat brought in".

His eyes flooded with tears and he closed them, two drops of moisture running down ashen cheeks as he fell heavily down on the single armchair of her room. That was when Shelby knew. She just knew, and the feeling of lightheadedness that came over her was so strong she fell down on her bed, her own eyes filled with moisture. Hiram didn't have to say it, but he did anyway.

"Leroy's dead", he spoke, his voice hollow, full of grief. "Car crash on his way home. They worked on him until a few minutes ago… He didn't make it".

"No", she whispered, horrified. "No, it's not possible".

Hiram nodded and a small sob left Shelby's lips. No, no, no. It couldn't be. Leroy was supposed to be at home, safely asleep, enjoying those last few hours before his daughter was released and he took her home to start enjoying life as a devoted new father to a beautiful child. Leroy was supposed to be there for every milestone of their little girl's life. Leroy was so excited with the prospect of being a daddy.

The sleeping baby made an annoyed noise on her crib, and Shelby's heart clenched. Hiram opened hollow eyes and fixed them at her. He made no move towards the baby. She knew he had seen her already – knew Leroy had taken her to his partner, proud and joyous and beaming like a proud new daddy. So why hadn't Hiram made a move yet to check on the precious daughter she just bore him?

As if reading his mind, he stood up from where he had fallen and walked towards the window, ignoring the transparent crib like it wasn't even there. "I can't keep the child, Shelby".

The woman gaped at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"I cannot keep the baby. I don't want to".

Outrage filled her. "What do you mean? Are you insane?"

"I mean exactly what I said. It's no interest of mine to be a parent to this baby". He seemed so cold, so uncaring, so businesslike. Shelby looked disbelievingly at him.

"How can you say that? She's yours – she's Leroy's! She was his dream – she's everything he ever wanted!" She seethed, trying very hard to keep her temper from exploding. The baby was asleep, and it would be best for everyone if she stayed asleep – a cranky, wailing baby wouldn't help matters now.

"Exactly! She was his dream – not mine! I never wanted children, Shelby. Being a father wasn't part of my life plan. But he wanted a child so badly I gave in to make him happy. Now that he is…" He took a deep breath; she could see a small shudder on his stiff shoulders. "I simply cannot raise a child that will remind me of everything I lost".

Shelby felt like she could faint any second now. She didn't dare to hope; couldn't allow herself to ask him if he was saying what she thought he was saying. But Leroy was gone. And Hiram was turning his back on Leroy's daughter – on Leroy's last dream made true. Squaring her shoulders, she stood up on wobbly legs and came to stand next to small crib. Looking at the tiny, red face, it steeled her decision.

"I'll keep her. I still want my money – and I'm giving her his last name and listing him as her father", she told Hiram, hardly daring to believe she could actually be a mother to the child she had fallen in love with so hopelessly in the last nine months. Tears prickled on her eyes, but she kept them in – she could cry for Leroy later, when everything was settled and she was alone with her grief and her pain and their child.

"That's fine by me" Hiram stated, still not looking at the little girl asleep in the see-through crib. He turned his back on her and went to the door, while Shelby slowly stood up and paddled to where her baby was. Suddenly, she remembered something.

"Hiram", she called out; he stopped at the doorway, but didn't turn around to look at her. "Has Leroy told you what name he had chosen for her?"

There was a long, heavy silence; when he spoke, his voice was low and thick with tears. "Rachel Barbara", he told her. "He wanted to name her Rachel Barbara". With that, he left without looking back.

A confusing jumble of feelings crashed down on Shelby as soon as she was left alone with her child. Rachel, she corrected herself quickly, her name is Rachel. There was a bone deep grief for the man who was so excited with the idea of being a father. There was sympathy, for the man who had just left her, a man who had lost the love of his life. There was anger at the same man, though, anger for his ability to turn his back on the child Leroy wanted more than anything. But there was also relief – a red hot relief for the fact that she wasn't going to be forced out of her daughter's life.

Feeling her eyes grow moist with tears, she picked up her small, precious bundle of joy and held it lovingly in her arms. "Hi, Rachel", she whispered, breathing in the sweet, soft smell of baby skin, "I'm your mommy". A small, astonished chuckle escaped her lips as her own words sank in. She was a mother. She had a daughter – a beautiful, gorgeous daughter. Before she could realize what she was doing, she began singing again.

You light up my life

You give me hope to carry on

You light up my days

And fill my nights with song.

to be continued