rumor has it

What if Natasha and Clint were never together even after the avengers happened? What if Natasha was fed up with her stalemate relationship with her partner and decided to get his attention the best way she could think of?

Jealousy is something Natasha Romanoff is very, very good at enticing.

Sometimes too good.

Chapter 1

6 tired and battle wary avengers stood in Fury's office with matching desperate look on their faces.

"Why the paperwork?" Tony wailed.

"When are all these reports due anyway?" Clint said staring at the massive pile of papers sitting on the table in front of them.

"Can we please do this later? I am exhausted! Do you people know how hard it is to run 7 miles in 5 inch heels?" Natasha said incredulously. They all winced – no thank god they did not.

"I don't care how you 6 decide to divide the work – just get that shit done and out of my sight!" Fury growled. They all gave the director a dirty look.

"You just don't want to do all of this by yourself," Clint said narrowing his eyes at his boss. Fury's face never changed.

"Correct – now get out," he said frankly. They all blinked – well that was a simple confession.

"You're a dictator!" Tony exclaimed pointing a finger at the director. Fury gave him a blank look. "That wasn't very insulting was it?" Tony grumbled dropping his hand to his side.

"No Stark – you're losing your touch. All of you out – except for Agent Romanoff and Barton," Fury said shooing the other 4 avengers out the door. Bruce and Thor shared a look – like hell they were sticking around.

"Bye guys!" Bruce said before he shot down the hall with a speedy Thor hot on his tail.

"Wait for me Bruce! I want to try the next recipe too!" Thor's voice boomed down the hall.

"Do I want to know…?" Fury said slowly. They all glanced at the two invincible men running down the hall.

"No," they said in unison.

"Alright then – Stark, Cap – kindly remove yourselves from my presence," Fury said pointing to the door.

"What? Why do you 3 get to have a super-secret meeting after our super-secret meeting?" Tony said suspiciously. Steve grabbed Tony by the collar and dragged him down the hall.

"Stark every time you open your mouth that's more paperwork on my desk. So do us all a favour and SHUT UP!" Steve said glaring at the whining man in his grip.

"But Cap - it's not fair!" Tony wailed. Steve rolled his eyes.

"Life is not fair Tony," Steve said shaking his head at the genius' dramatic tears.

Fury turned back to his best two agents when the noise had finally died down.

"I have an important mission for the two of you if you would like to accept it. It's going to be a week in the savannah desert where you will be locating a runaway cloning expert who had decided to piss off the wrong people and shared his work with the wrong sources. This is however not an avengers mission," Fury said as he read off his notes. She noticed the sweat break out across Clint's forehead the minute Fury said non-avenger mission.

"Um…I don't I can do this mission Fury – I dislocated my shoulder pretty badly during our last mission so my aim is not 100% yet. I think I need another week before I can take on a serious mission," he said quickly shooting down the offer. Natasha tensed beside him.

She knew he was lying. That wasn't what got to her though. It was the fact that he no longer seemed to want to do any solo mission with her. He denied the last solo mission as well due to other priorities.

"And you Romanoff?" Fury said turning towards the silent Russian.

"If Barton can't do it – it's better to give the mission to another team that works efficiently together. Partner missions require teamwork and trust," she said giving her partner a pointed look. Clint winced.

"Okay then – I guess I shall give the mission to agent Jones…" Fury said slowly waiting for either of them to reconsider. They didn't.

"Are we done here sir?" she asked blankly. Fury gave her a measured look.

"Yes agent Romanoff - you made go," Fury said with a sigh.

Natasha locked eyes with her partner before she spun around and walked away. Sometimes it hurt a lot to be the emotionless spy.

Fury gave Barton a deadly glare.

"You better have a less shitty reason the next time a mission comes up Barton. Or I'll start asking questions you don't want me to," Fury said warningly. Clint stared after his silently fuming partner and sighed.

"Is torturing yourself with what you can't have not reason enough director?" he said quietly.

rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it

3 hours later.

"Quick it's the Captain hide the magazine!" the junior agent said as Steve walked past the jumpy agents. He paused as they nervously started inching down the hall.

"You know I'm not going to bite your head off just because you have a book full of beautiful women right?" Steve said warily.

"THE SAINT KNOWS! HE KNOWS! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" they whispered before they shot down the hall at neck breaking speeds.

Steve sighed.

"Why do they always do that?" Steve asked staring at the ceiling.

"Cause you still got your stinking V card even after 96 yearsCap. You ain't ever going to live that one down," Tony said as he walked past the depressed soldier.

"That's it? They make fun of my every day because of that one little thing?" Steve asked incredulously. Tony shrugged.

"What can I say? We live in a fickle world Cap. I get booked for having too many beautiful women - you get booked for having...none," Tony said with a cringe. Steve narrowed his eyes.

"There is more to a girl then just her looks Stark!" Steve said heatedly. Tony took out a marker from his pocket and started drawing a stick figure on the white wall beside him.

"Crash course in 21st century Philosophy. This? This lonely guy is you without any 'women' to keep you warm at night," Tony said pointing to the sad face stick man in the corner. He then draw a huge stick man beside the tiny Steve drawing, added some sunglasses, a tequila shot, a couch made out of cash, 10 womanly shaped stick figures hugging Mr. awesome stick figure and some bling bling around the stick man's neck to top off the effect. "And this? This is everything you ain't, yet all the things the simple minded people of the today's world consider cool and signs that scream successful," Tony said pointing to his busy picture on the right. Steve opened his mouth to say something but Tony beat him too it.

"Say the words respect, decency, gentlemanliness or god forbid shame and I will walk away right now," Tony said frankly. Steve went beat red. Tony patted the poor solider on the shoulder.

"It's alright Steve - embrace your squeaky cleanness it's the only way you'll ever survive," Tony said before sticking the marker into the frozen soldier's hand and strolling away whistling a catchy tune as he went. Poor Cap.

Steve shook himself out of his shock just as the director rounded the corner and zoned in on the graffiti style art on the wall with the evidence sitting in Steve's hand.

"ROGERS! WHY ARE YOU DOODLING ON MY WALLS LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD?" Fury growled. Steve suddenly cracked.

"I'M NOT A CHILD!" he shouted back angrily on instinct.

Silence.

Steve paled as Fury narrowed his eye.

"What did you say soldier?" Fury asked dangerously. Steve gulped.

"Um...I'll get a scrub?" Steve squeaked. Fury gave him the stink eye.

"You better," Fury said darkly before he continued his way down the hall. Steve stared down at the marker in his hand with a sour look on his face.

"Damn you Stark…" Steve muttered angrily.

rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it - rumor has it

"Hey Captain. Can you take this to agent Romanoff for me? It's some files she forgot to take with her from the debrief meeting," Hill said as she held out a folder for the Cap to take.

"Where is she?" Steve asked slowly.

"In her quarters," Maria said going back to her own reports. Steve paled. The only time agent Romanoff was ever in her quarters was when she was sleeping. And she was a beast when you tried to wake her up from one of her long overdue naps.

"Captain? Is something wrong?" Agent Hill asked warily as she glanced up at the frozen Captain. He shook himself out of his thoughts and gave Hill a wary smile.

"No nothing is wrong...why ever would you think that agent Hill?" Steve mumbled as he walked away.

10 minutes later Steve fearfully stood in front of agent Romanoff's room debating on whether or not he should just slide the files under her door and run.

"Come on Steve! The least you could do is be brave enough to face your own team mate," Steve muttered before he raised his hand to knock on her door. He made one knock and it swung right open. He froze as he stared into the dark abyss - his response was a loud snore.

Huh. So she really was fast asleep. Just get in and out. In and out. In and out.He chanted to himself in his head.

"I'll just place this here..." Steve whispered as he tiptoed into her room and tried to slide the folders under her alarm clock. He pulled back too fast, hit her lamp and fell flat on his face. The next thing he knew he had his breath knocked right out of him as he was shoved into the floor with a knife held to his throat and an angry half-dressed agent sitting on top of him.

"How the hell did you get in my room?" Natasha hissed. Steve paled.

"Wait Natasha-" BAM! She swiftly kneed him where it hurts.

"Oh my god!" he wheezed falling to his knees.

"Steve?" Natasha said sleepily as she squinted at the groaning blond man.

"I'm...never going to be able to have children," he croaked.

"Oh grow up you big baby!" Natasha said rolling her eyes at his dramatics. She haphazardly tossed the knife under her bed and crawled her way back under her covers.

"You're just going to go back to sleep after practically assaulting me?" Steve exclaimed. The ex-Russian spy gave him a look that clearly said why-are-you-still-here?

"Get out Steve before I really kick your ass," she said simply before she fell back onto her pillow. Steve winced as he pulled himself up into a sitting position and leaned his back against her bedside table.

"Hey Natasha...are we friends?" he asked suddenly. Natasha poked her head from behind her covers and gave him a curious look.

"I don't do 'friends' Cap - but for the sake of my sanity - sure why not?" Natasha said propping her head in her right hand.

"Have you ever had people spread nasty rumors about you at some point in your life?" he asked quietly.

She paused.

"Steve...I was a high profile assassin. Lies, rumors and scandals were my life," she said blankly. He winced.

"Right sorry - forget I asked," he said shaking his head and getting up to leave. It was a bad idea anyway. Natasha watched the depressed solider with wary eyes.

"Don't let a bunch of assholes define your life Steve. Life is not only about getting it on with a million women and money you know," she said quietly as he reached the door.

"Stark seemed to think those were one of the top two priorities," Steve said warily. Natasha gave him a look of disbelief.

"Are you really leaving Stark to define the meaning of life?" she asked dryly. He paused.

"Good point," he said with a grimace.

"What's really bothering you Steve?" she asked.

'I just wish I could do something that would finally show these people that I'm not this saint like being that is always work and no fun. It's hard to do anything too crazy when there is always someone there to be one 'uh oh Steve's here we'd better be all prime and proper now!'I really hate that," he said as he clenched his fists.

"What are you going to do?" she asked tilting her to the side. He sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know yet. But I'll manage," he said quietly.

"Do you want me to fix it?" Natasha asked suddenly. He gave her a cautious look.

"What?"

"Your reputation - I can fix it," she said with a funny look in her eye. Steve gave her a wary look.

"When you say fix..." he said slowly.

She smiled and raised an eyebrow.

His mouth hit the floor and he immediately scrambled back until his back hit the far wall.

"No!" he said in horror.

She burst out laughing.

"You don't have to sleep with me Steve - though I am slightly insulted you are so horrified at the thought. If you want to kill a rumor like this Cap - you have to create your own," she said with a shrug.

"But, but, but..." he stuttered.

"What, am I not pretty enough to lose your fake virginity too?" She said warily. Steve looked like he was about to faint.

"NO! YES? Wait no what I mean is that...well you are a beautiful woman Natasha... you have...eh...the curves..." he said awkwardly making the wavy hour glass figure with his hands.

"Spit it out Steve," she said dryly.

"I...I just-"

She gasped.

"You're gay!" she shouted nearly falling off her bed.

"NO!" he denied frantically.

"I KNEW YOU HAD A THING WITH COULSON!" she shouted jumping up and down on her bed.

"HELL NO - wait where did you hear that?" he said in utter disbelief.

"Oh so you haven't heard all the rumors," she said with a wince. He groaned and dropped his head in his hands.

"I'm doomed - just take your gun and shoot me now Natasha," he mumbled into his hands. Natasha sighed and crouched down beside the tormented young man.

"Can't do that Cap - my ledger is already too crowded as it is," she said quietly patting him on the shoulder.

"If...if we made this rumor up...it would just be pretend right?" he said hesitantly. She paused - wow.

"Are you sure?" she asked warily. She really didn't think he would take her up on her offer.

"Yeah…yeah I'm sure," he said as he remembered all those stupid ass comments snarky agents made every day behind his back. Sometimes super hearing is a curse.

"Alright then. Let's give them a show then Cap," she said letting out her hair and fluffing it to massive proportions. His eyes widened as she walked into her closet.

"Wait what?" he asked in shock while he sat on the ground. A SHOW?

What did he just start?

"How slutty do you want your first imaginary bang to be Steve?" she asked poking her head out of her closet. He gaped at the skimpy pieces of fabric in her hand.

"But you're not a-a-a slut! You spend hours sharpening your shooting skills and in your free time you train - well more like make junior agents cry during their hand to hand combat training sessions!" he said in disbelief. Natasha scoffed.

"Hey - that last agent was a baby! All I did was dislocate his shoulder! I was even nice enough to pop it back into place so that it would heal faster!" she exclaimed.

"Natasha...the man had 3 broken ribs, a fractured knee cap and a black eye. The shoulder popping nearly triggered a heart attack," he said blankly.

"...that's what the bastard gets for trying to grope me in a fight..." she said dangerously.

Steve gave her a look.

"Why are you doing this Natasha?" Steve asked cautiously. Natasha leaned against her closet doorframe and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Let's just say I'm sick of being the dark and deadly lone Russian assassin," she said vaguely.

"What's so degrading about that image?" he asked slowly.

"Apparently the lone wolf image makes you very unapproachable," she muttered under her breath however his super hearing picked it up easily.

"Seems like you have someone in mind," he said warily. She shrugged not willing to confirm or deny his comment.

"I'll help you and you'll help me – deal?" she said sticking out her hand. He slowly accepted her hand shake.

"Deal," he said cautiously.

"Let's just get one thing straight - you're really not gay right?" she asked curiously.

Steve flushed a deep shade of red.

"NATASHA!" he cried. She held her hands above her head.

"Okay! Okay! Just making sure!" she said with a laugh.

20 minutes later.

"You ready Cap?" Natasha whispered as they leaned against a wall right around a corner that led into a busy SHIELD hallway filled with hundreds of potential witnesses. This was a one shot deal.

"I'm really starting to regret this…" he whispered nervously. She glared at him.

"Be a man!" she said shoving him forward.

"I don't even know what a man is anymore!" he cried.

"Are they starting to look?" she asked as she turned around to face the nervous Captain leaning against the wall. He nodded.

"Yeah…" he said slowly.

"Good - just don't faint," she said as she stared at him.

"Why would I do that?" he asked in confusion.

"Because part of this has to be believable," she said before she grabbed him by his shirt and slammed her mouth down on top of his.

Massive mob of agents gasped in unison behind them.

If anyone was really paying attention they would've noticed Steve's skin tone suddenly turned 100 shades lighter. The man was about to have a heart attack from the shock. Natasha quickly unlocked the closet door behind them and pushed him inside. She slammed the door behind them and they both leaned against the wall trying to catch their breath.

"Everyone just saw that!" he gasped. She snorted.

"That was the point Steve…" she whispered.

"Oh right," he said with a wince.

"Ready?" she whispered out of breath. He gave her a nervous look.

"NO!" he whispered back in panic. She snorted.

"Too bad!" she hissed before she slammed her back into the door and pulled him towards her.

"Oh! Steve! Oh my god! Where have you been all my life?" she cried dramatically banging her head against the door.

"What am I supposed to do?" he whispered. She rolled her eyes.

"Just hit something! Sound like you're having the time of your life boy!" she said as she tweaked his nose. He looked more like he was about to sneeze.

"Um okay..." he said as he cleared his throat. "HOW HARD DO YOU WANT IT NATASHA? ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE THIS?" Steve shouted a slamming his both his hands beside her head and staring at her with the most intense gaze he could manage. They both heard her silent intake of breath.

"That's intense - good job," she whispered.

"I CAN HANDLE ANYTHING BABY!" she shouted as she stared back at him. They could both hear a pin drop on the other side of the door. Everyone had stopped whatever they were doing and stared at the closed door.

"OH STEVE!" Natasha cried kicking her foot against the door for the finale.

"OH NATASHA!"

"OH MY GOD!" Maria Hill said in shock dropping her files to the floor as she passed the publicly visible closet that had a hundred agents crowded around it.

"What the hell is going on?" she asked in disbelief. Everyone instantly shushed her.

"SHHH! They're still in there!" one of the overexcited agent squealed. Agent Hill gave the younger agent a disturbed look. She was concerned for the sanity levels of the next generation of SHIELD agents.

Suddenly the closet door slammed open and every single agent in the hall scrambled to resume what they were originally doing. It was like the entire hall had frozen as Natasha and Steve played out their audio show for a full 5 minutes. Natasha's hair was puffed up and tangled while Steve's beautiful locks were sticking out and all angles. They both looked thoroughly ruffled with half their buttons done up wrong. If that wasn't damning enough the slight lipstick smug on Steve's face sealed the deal. The captain and black widow had it on. This information went viral instantaneously.

"WHAT THE HELL? You- Cap – Red- 3 hours ago! Virgin – WHAT?" Tony Stark was the first person to break the dead silence of utter shock – however his brain had not quite caught up with mouth yet.

"You think he's a virgin? Ha! Get your facts straight Stark before you open your big mouth," she said with a snort.

Natasha spun around and blew Steve a kiss and walked away from the ruffled solider.

"Bye handsome!" she called back sending him a wink for everyone to see. The red that crept up the soldier's neck was nearly dark enough to make him look like a half ripped tomato.

For the first time the whispers that followed him around had nothing to do with his apparent uptightness. Instead they had everything to do with Natasha and him and their suddenly very public display of affection.

How far can a rumor go anyway?

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1 hour later.

Apparently rumors flew as far as the corners of the internet could reach.

Natasha hanged upside down from Steve's bed as she read through the latest SHIELD gossip blog on her tablet.

"Ha! Hey Cap did you read this yet? They think your Mr. Sex bomb now!" Natasha said cracking up at the stupid junior agents who literally had nothing better to do. Just yesterday they were calling him an uptight saint! How pathetic could they get?

"Yeah - my reputation has suddenly gone through the roof...but Natasha...I'm not sure we can say the same about yours..." Steve said slowly. Natasha snorted.

"Psh. Don't worry about it Steve - I have a gun, an archer and 20 years of martial arts under my belt. Nothing can touch this," Natasha said reading through the hilariously heated debates about the nature of the relationship between the Captain and the black widow. These sad simpletons.

"What does Clint think about this anyway?" Steve asked cautiously. Natasha smiled from behind her tablet screen – what was her dear partner thinking at the moment?

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At the same exact moment.

"NATASHA SAID WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Clint shouted at the top of his lungs.

Tony pressed replay on the screen behind him.

"You think he's a virgin? Ha! Get your facts straight Stark before you open your big mouth. Bye handsome!" Natasha said with just as much sass the first time around.

"I UNDERSTOOD IT THE FIRST TIME!" Clint shouted slapping Stark upside the head.

"OI! What on earth is she doing?" Tony said rubbing his bruised skull.

"I don't know Stark - but if she keeps it up SHIELD will never be the same again," Clint said in horror.

"When do you think it started?" Tony asked warily. Clint froze as the reality of that statement hit him square in the face. Natasha and him have been on the Avengers for two years. They've known Steve fucking Rogers for two years. Oh my god…

"I'm leaving," Clint growled before he spun around and stalked out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Tony called out after the fuming archer.

"Out," Clint said darkly.

Tony winced as the door slammed behind him nearly breaking off its hinges.

"JARVIS…what are the chances of this entire mess going explosively, horribly, disastrously wrong?" Tony asked warily.

"Sir…I would need a larger circuit board to calculate how close to 100% that number would be," JARVIS replied in his robotic voice.

"Oh dear Pepper – we have crisis on the horizon," Tony said slowly.

A/N: Poor agent Hill and Barton – they were traumatized.

You know as much Natasha and Steve think they are solving their individual problems…rumors have a way of exploding way out of proportion.

However…Clint is pissed. Score 1 for Natasha? : 0 for Evil.

Steve is no longer a "righteous virgin"– Score 1 for Steve? : 0 for evil.

Let's keep track for the rest of the story…the numbers might surprise you.

Let me know if I should continue!