GA: I don't own Homestuck.

Hey look, another plot bunny that I'll probably never finish but I really want to, trust me I do, and I have a massive plotline for it and augh I swear to god I will finish this one, I promise.

I was watching the Homestuck music video for Radioactive (by Imagine Dragons) while writing this because yes it is beautiful. That twirl was like, so high-qual I flipped out. Oh sorry, that was so completely off topic.

Prologue: Red Like Flames

20 Years Ago (1992)

He didn't know what was going on. Everything was red. Red, red, red. It was hot, too, and he didn't like it one bit. Papa was laying on the floor, not moving. why wasn't Papa moving? What was that thing on Papa? "Momma?" he tugged on the battered woman's sleeve. "When is Papa waking up?" She looked at the child, tears in her eyes as she placed her hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Soon, child." She kissed his forehead. "Close your eyes." He did so, and the woman smiled softly, sadly at the child before tapping his nose three times. "Fly away, son."

The last thing the young boy saw and heard before he disappeared was the screeching of a giant white monster and her mother's pained shrieks.

They meant nothing to the young boy.

"What the-" A man, looking no older then to be in his mid-twenties, was taken aback by the sudden appearance of a chubby blonde child in front of him. The boy looked up, eyes wide with confusion.

"Where'd Momma go?" he asked, his voice squeaky and hoarse. The man's eyebrows crinkled in thought. This wasn't really new to him; the demon was a veteran in the arcane arts. But for a small child to just appear in front of him like that...and smelling of smoke, too? What was going on? "Do you know Momma?"

The man's eyes widened as the sounds of firetruck sirens filled the air, his previous questions answered by the boy and the firetruck racing down the street, towards the house of a couple that he knew were adept in magical warfare. Now at least he had a good idea of what happened. In such a suburban area of Houston, it was rare for fires to break out, and even rarer for them to not be connected to anything magical in the area. "Momma sent you to me," he said, picking up the young child. "You're safe now, little one." The child grinned, obviously happier now that he knew he was in safe hands, and papped the stranger's cheeks.

"Hehe, you talk funny!" he said, and the man sighed. There was no way he'd be able to take care of such a young child, especially with his...habits. Propping up the kid with one hand, he pulled out a cellphone with his other and dialed a number.

His phone rang exactly three times before the person on the other end answered. "Dirk Lalonde, consulting magician at your service. What can I do for you?"

"Dirk, it's me, John," the man interrupted him quickly, "I need some help."

"So you decide to come to me?" Dirk exclaimed after John explained the circumstances that led him to the blonde's office. "You've got quite a few screws missing, I'll give you that. What makes you think I'll be a better guardian for this brat than you?" He leaned back against his desk. "Tell me that, Egbert."

John coughed into his fist as the young tyke they were arguing about watched them, his head turning back and forth as though he was watching a pingpong match. In his hands was a box of apple juice, and he sipped it quietly while listening to the two men.

"You don't have certain issues to deal with," John said, making some sort of clapping noise as he angrily tapped one finger across his open palm twice, then two fingers once. The sign of the leeches. To be specific, the fornicatio hirudo. "I can't lug a kid around with me everywhere! Much less a human kid!" Dirk sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Listen, I don't care what you do with him...well, nothing life threatening, you know that, but really! You can send him to a wizarding orphanage! Hell, you can enroll him in the Hunting school for all I care! I just want to make sure he's safe in your hands before I head out to Wyoming."

Dirk rolled his eyes and looked over to the kid. "Hey, lil man, what's up?"

The boy looked up at the older man and grinned widely. "Papa!" Taken aback, Dirk stepped away from the boy.

"No way, kid. I'm...your broth-...errrrr..." He trailed off as he realized what he had just said. "Damnit, John, you knew this would happen," he whispered. The raven haired man simply grinned widely.

"Does that mean you'll keep him safe?" he asked eagerly. Dirk sighed and decided that if it were possible, a headdesk would be the appropriate response.

"Yes, John, I'll keep the kid safe."

John cheered silently and picked up the boy from his chair. "Did you hear that? Your brother is going to..." He trailed away, his smile melting into a neutral frown as blue eyes stared into red.

"Hey. Hey Egbert, you okay there?" John tore his eyes away from the child's and nodded shakily at Dirk.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Wondering what was wrong, Dirk connected his thumbs and pointer fingers in a triangle before squishing them down.

"Are you sure? You...Oh. Oh hell no, man." John tilted his head in confusion as Dirk facepalmed. "Dude, just...that's just weird." Lalonde kept muttering to himself, but it didn't seem like the son of Eros was going to give up the secret any time soon.

"You're the one acting weird, Dirk," John retorted. "Anyways, I really have to go. My plane leaves in, like, a few hours, and you know how traffic can get."

Dirk made the triangular movement again and nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, yeah. Just don't jump any strangers on the way to the airport."

"Dirk!" John whined before taking one last glance at the kid. The young child tilted his head questioningly, and John nervously fumbled with something in his pocket, finally managing to pull it out. "Here," he said, handing the pair of sunglasses to Dave, "have him keep these. His eyes are...unique," John said, and Dirk snorted, not wanting to know where he got them - or how.

"And what about mine?" he asked, referring not to his eyes, but to the enchanted pair of sunglasses he had requested from John's sister.

John waved a hand vaguely in the blonde man's direction. "Yeah, yeah, Jade's working on it. The shape's going to end up weird, though. Something about the power concentration. Are triangle lenses okay?" Dirk shrugged. Anything that could stop his bouts of uncontained power every once in a while was fine by him. "Anyways, I have to go." He paused slightly. "And don't worry, I'll keep out of his business." Before Dirk could reply, John was out the door and walking down the street.

"That's highly unlikely," he muttered to himself, and turned to the child. "Er...what's your name, kid?"

The boy grinned at him, sunglasses clenched tightly in his tiny fists. "I'm Dabe!" he said, his Dave Lalonde...No, Dirk thought to himself, sighing as he picked up his phone and dialed a number. Time for another name change.

"Hey, Serket, I need a favor. Yeah, that kind. How does Dirk Strider sound?"

Seven Years Ago (2005)

"Hey, Bro," A fifteen year old Dave Strider asked his probably-not-but-at-least-looks-to-be-thirty-two year old brother Dirk, "Tell me about him again." The older blonde looked over at the younger Strider from where he was sharpening a sword. He saw that Dave was fiddling with the sunglasses in his hands, a habit for him whenever he asked about his mysterious savior.

"Well," he said, leaning back and resting his hands on the stool he was sitting on, "how much you want to know?" His own glasses were still perched on his nose, and he stared at Dave, who glared at his brother before turning away, blushing.

"Well...everything, I guess."

Dirk sighed. No matter how much he said, it was never enough for the boy. He knew Dave would, of course, want to know more about the man that saved him from the fire elemental's wrath when he was a young tyke, the man who became the reason Dave trained to be a Hunter, but this was too much. Dirk knew he had limitations. No name, no age, no mentioning that oops, you were saved by a succubus. The only male succubus in existence, in fact. Congratulations, kiddo. "Well, he was tall. He had hair as black as night – you know, like Snow White and shit. His eyes were so fucking blue I swore he was going to turn into a giant puddle on the floor. And he was actually pretty short." He chuckled to himself as Dave stared at the wall, no doubt imagining his savior. He frowned after a second, and turned back to Dirk.

"But did you ever get a name?" Dirk winced, not wanting to lie to the young boy – remember the line, he told himself, let fate resolve itself – but knowing he had no choice.

"Sorry, kid. We talked about you for a while, he gave you to me, handed you the shades, and bam. He was gone." The fact that he hadn't talked to John, or any of either of their relatives for that matter, since he took Dave in only made it easier to hide the kid, but he knew it would only last for so long. Although children of the goddess of love tended to stay within the boundaries of affection, Dirk knew what his Nereid half-sister told him, that saving Dave would only lead to inevitable downfall. Of what, she wouldn't say, but Dirk could only prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Dave put his shades back on, putting his pokerface back in place along with it, and picked up his own sword, a Morphing Weapon that Dirk had made for the blooming Chosen Child of Chronos. "I'll find him someday," he said casually, even though he knew Dirk would hear the spark of excitement in his voice. "I'll find him and thank him personally." He whispered a single word, and the broken sword in his hands changed so that it was complete, unbroken.

Dirk snorted and placed his hat on his head, drawing his own sword from the scabbard hanging at his hip. "Good luck with that, lil man." He grinned and his own sword hummed, ready for the heat of battle. "Now shut up and strife."

GA: Thus ends the prologue!

Translation: Fornicatio hirudo literally translates (thank you, Google Translate!) into sex leech, an approximation of what incubi and succubi are.

There's going to be a massive textblock at the beginning of the next chapter to explain some stuff in the AU, I apologize for that! And then after that, there will be a few more, albeit smaller, paragraphs in some chapters explaining things (ex: Hacks, Puppeteers, etc. Stuff I made up instead of researched.)

Until then, so long!