Chapter One:

William Darcy thought his life was pretty damn good. He was filthy rich, the head of his family's publishing company at only twenty-eight, and any girl would gladly jump into bed with him at the word go. However, even though he had that ability, it didn't mean he was going to use it. No, and that, apparently, in the eyes of the rest of the world, was why his life was an absolute mess; because Mr. William Darcy was, in fact, extremely single.

It blew the mind off the media that William Darcy, head of Pemberley Publishing, one of the wealthiest bachelors in the whole United States, no, the whole world (not to mention one of the most handsomest) was as single as a bum on the side of the road and that Mr. Will Darcy himself didn't seem the least bit bothered by it. Because, the truth was, William Darcy was not the least bit bothered by it.

Yes, it would be nice to have constant sex, but Darcy had other things to attend to then a girl's shopping needs. What, with having to split his time between running the company, taking care of his little sister, helping his best friend sort out his love life, making sure his roommate kept out of trouble, having to deal with his aunt, and finally having to juggle all these balls while his well loved, yet malevolent cousin laughed and watched with glee. A girlfriend would just add to Will Darcy's list of things to deal with, and he just didn't need another ball in the air to juggle right now.

But no, it was still unfathomable! And, according to his aunt, completely unacceptable.

"Darcy, really, you must find a wife!" Aunt Catherine said in her arrogant voice through the phone.

"I appreciate your concern, aunt." Darcy said as politely as he could at six in the morning without coffee, "but, as I had told you before, I really don't need one at the moment."

"Nonsense!" She continued to say, "Of course you need one!"

"Aunt, I am twenty eight, I am still young."

"Young! You are practically thirty! No, I will not have it! You have responsibilities now, Darcy, you cannot waste your life away…"

"What does she think I'm doing? Going spelunking everyday?" Darcy growled when he put his phone down on the table, Aunt Catherine's voice still coming through the speaker.

Wickham snorted into his cereal as he said, "If only you would. I swear, Darcy, you are far too responsible and boring for a twenty eight-year-old."

"Yes, well, your idea of a responsible twenty eight-year-old doesn't fit the definition of a responsible, well, anything." Darcy joked, pouring steaming hot coffee into a mug.

"At least I have a girlfriend. Wickham smirked.

"Ha, how long will this bimbo last?" Darcy asked, slipping his coffee.

"Hey! This one is actually intelligent, for your information." Wickham grinned his somewhat cruel smile.

"Knowing you, I highly doubt it."

"That's highly offensive, you know."

"Yes, but you're the type of guy who likes being with a girl who doesn't know the difference between smooth and chunky peanut butter so you can have the upper hand." Darcy sighed, grabbing the phone just in time to hear his aunt say.

"And that, Darcy, is why you must find a wife!"

"I'll put some thought into it aunt." Darcy said politely, smiling while watching Wickham mimicked him from the other side of the table, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I must leave you for the time being. I really have to get to work."

"Fine." Aunt Catherine retorted, "I'll be calling you at four."

With that, she hung up.

"Oh, just tell the old bat to die already." Wickham said swirling his spoon in his cereal.

"I'm starting to think that Aunt Catherine will die about the same time that you'll finally get a place of your own." Darcy smirked, sipping more of his coffee.

"I can get a place of my own, I just don't see the need to." Wickham grinned his evil grin before gulping the rest of his milk down.

"I bet that's what Aunt Catherine thinks too."

"Haha, very funny Darce." Wickham growled and all Darcy did to respond was raise his eyebrows. "That reminds me, Darcy, would you mind coming with me to my date tonight."

"Why?" Darcy asked, sensing a trap.

"Oh, don't worry, nothing will happen to you." Wickham said with his smile, seeing Darcy tension, "Its just, Lizzie is bring her sister along with her and I would be extremely grateful if you could block her off so me and Lizzie can have a conversation."

"Still hasn't put out?"

"Not a bit." Wickham groaned, "But I'm getting close. And that is why I need you to be pal and come with me."

"George, I really don't feel like meeting one of your skanks and her sister." Darcy said stiffly.

"For the last time, Darcy, this "skank", as you so dub her, is not like the others. The others would have put out already. And you'll like her sister, she's a doctor, now will you please do this one favor for me?"

"Like I haven't done enough for you already?" Darcy asked, thinking about him letting Wickham crash at his place, buying his food, finding him that high paying job that he quit, and paying his bail out of prison.

"Come on, just one more thing." Wickham begged, "For old time sakes?"

Darcy bit his cheek a moment before replaying stiffly, "Fine. But only if I can bring Bingley."

"Deal!" Wickham grinned and Darcy swallowed the rest of his coffee, already knowing that today was going to be a bad day.

So... what you think? I normally don't ask this, but would you mine reviewing? I can't decide whether I like the tone of this story.

~Mpenguin