Author's Note: Please be gentle it's my first time taking a crack at the Kogan ship. However if you think everything needs to be improved do not hesitate to say so. I take critisiam fairly well. However if you just come out and I say I hate your story without a valid explanation I probably won't appearciate that much well let's see how this story goes- Never let your imagination die, CrazyMary01

Chapter One First Door Unlocked

I watched as he made his way down the hall. The newly formed cuts on my arm began to ache. They were begging, begging for me to take the pain away from my heart, begging for me to do anything that I could so that I could go on living without the pain of seeing him every day, and knowing I'll never be more than a friend.

I looked through my backpack making my way towards the bathroom. Just one more clean cut. That should be enough to make me through the day.

"Hey Kendall," he screamed. Damn make that two.

"H-Hey Logan," I stuttered out.

"Where you running too Knight? We still have like thirty minutes before class."

"Oh well just going to the bathroom. You know having a weak bladder and all."

"Well hurry up, and get your ass back here in five minutes. I have someone I want you to meet."

"Will do," I replied walking away desperately wanting to escape my best friend's presence. The more he was around the more I needed my razor, and the more blood I wanted to flow. When I was in the bathroom I quickly ran into a stall. I dug through my backpack till I found one of the small blades I had broken out of one of the old shaving razors in the bathroom. It had become dull in the past few months sense I had been using it more frequently.

I dug in hard as I drew it across my wrist. Like I said the razor had become dull within the last few months. I needed my blood to flow. Little scratches just wouldn't do. I sighed to myself as the blood trickled down my arm. I was starting to feel slightly content again. I drew the razor across my scared wrist one more time before sitting back on the wall of the stall, and applying pressure to my bloody arm with toilet paper. Once it was done bleeding, I threw the bloody tissue in the toilet.

It was moments like this where U felt like a useless coward. The only reason I do all of this was because Logan Mitchell, my best friend in the entire world, was my secret love interest. True he had shown no interest in me, in fact, he was the biggest ladies man in all the school. He had dated an uncountable number of women, and had slept with even more. Even though I knew all of this, and on top of that I knew he was straight, I couldn't help but feel something for him.

No one knows that I like him, just simply because I hadn't exactly told anyone that I'm bisexual. I had no one to turn to with this. I couldn't tell my mom, she was more than a little homophobic. I couldn't tell my dad, he probably would cut off every tie I have for him, and abandon me more than he already did, and I certainly couldn't tell Logan. That would be more than idiotic.

The only things I confided my secrets in were me, my wrist, and my trusted razor.

It was way past five minutes when I made my way out of the bathroom. No surprise that when I entered into the hall Logan was already there waiting for me.

"Damn man, what took you so long? Are you like constipated or something?" I plastered on my face the fake smile I had mastered oh se well.

"The line at the sinks was long," I lied.

"Well because you took so long you didn't get to meet my new girlfriend Cally." My heart shattered a little more. Oh well my razor would stitch it up latter. "She had to go to class. You'll just have to meet her at lunch.

"Great," I replied, at least I could pretend to be happy right?

"And I'm coming over later. We have a huge project in Biology, and I don't get it." I nodded already making my way to class. I would worry about the pain later.

When I returned home from school I quickly made my way to my room to hide anything Logan might've been curious to look at. I hid my journal for one. I wouldn't want him reading about all the secret desires I felt foe him. I hid multiple bloody razors that I had yet to clean, as well as the long sleeved shirt that I had stained the day before.

Once it was all done I figured it would be best to take of the pain now. I quickly ran to my bathroom with a shiny razor in hand ready to do the deed. I didn't have to push very hard. The razor I held was still fairly sharp. I welcomed the pain that shot through my arm.

It spread throughout my body, and I couldn't help but sigh. This may not have fully taken away the pain. But it sure as hell helped me numb it. I grabbed the towel I had hidden. I decided I only wanted to use in one incase there was a chance my mom would get suspicious about the blood stained wash cloths.

I wrapped my wrist tightly. This cut was deeper than two previous cuts I had made in the day. I must have been sitting on the bathroom floor for at least twenty minutes before the flow even slowed down. I knew I hadn't hit an artery. I made sure to research where it was located after I had made my first cut.

"Kendall." I looked into my bedroom to notice that I hadn't closed my bathroom door. Logan stared at my wrist then at my bloody razor with his mouth open shocked. I was shocked myself though not for the same reason. He looked around and his eyes locked with the bloody towel wrapped around my wirst.

"You should leave Logan." I said slightly angry. He finally took his eyes away from wrist to look into my eyes. He only said one thing.

"Why?" Oh boy did I have an explanation for him.

Author's note: I will try to get another chapter out before the end of the night. It's usually what I do when I start a story. If I don't get it out tonight I should for sure have it out by tomorrow. Well review, and let me know if you would like me to continue- Never let your imagination die, CrazyMary01