Tony grabbed the railing from behind and leaned forward, a sense of vertigo running through him and churning in the pit of his stomach. The cold December air brushed his face as he stared down at the river beneath him that was slightly covered with thin ice.

All he had to do was let go. He'd feel free for the first time in his life and the rush of air as he fell. Then pain, there would be pain at this height, but if he crashed into the water, the cold would numb his senses. It'd numb his body, his mind...all of him. His lungs will feel as if they've been set on fire, but after all that pain...just dull nothingness. He'd black out and never open his eyes again.

So he did, one last time. He looked over New York and smiled sadly. This was his birthplace, but not his home. He didn't have a home. He didn't belong and he never will...

"TONY!"

Tony shut his eyes again and cursed while trying to ignore his father's voice. He heard footsteps on the cold, damp pavement of the bridge as his father ran towards him.

"TONY! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! GET BACK HERE!" Howard demanded.

Tony smirked a bit as he leaned out further.

"TONY!"

"You spent all my life looking in water for someone who probably died on impact. You love looking for him...I'm just taking an interest in things you love dad," Tony said with dry humor. Then he turned to face Howard and though he smiled his eyes were filled with so much pain and torment, "Who am I kidding. You wouldn't bother to look for me. Why would you? I'm just a freaking disappointment to you..."

"Tony! Please! Just get back here!" Howard screamed.

"You never gave me anything to believe in, ya know. Not in god, not in science, not even in you. What am I suppose to pray to at moments like these? Who do I call for help? If this is suicide...will I go to hell? Or is there just nothing after this? Did I live in torment only to go to nothing?" Tony asked.

"TONY! Please! Just get off the ledge! We can talk about this like adults! Just get back here!" Howard demanded as he stretched out in an attempt to grab Tony.

Tony stepped away and shook his head, "But I'm not an adult dad! I'm fifteen years old! And what is there to talk about anyway?"

"Damn it Tony! Stop playing the fuck around and get back here!" Howard yelled. His mind was a whirlwind of panic and his chest was constricted in agony and fear.

"All I have to do is lean forward and let go..." Tony whispered but Howard heard him, his senses on high alert.

"If you won't do this for me do it for your mother! Are you really going to make her go through the pain? Think about it Tony!" Howard yelled.

"I HAVE! All I do is think! But I'm done thinking!" Tony yelled as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Tony please don't do this son! I'm begging you! I'll promise you anything! Anything you want! Just please..." Howard begged as he stretched out his arm toward his son to take.

"You...you never put us first...it's always work. Work and Steve...so you'll get me off today. What's keeping me from coming back tomorrow?" Tony asked as streams of tears fell down his face. He sounded so defeated and tired. It nearly killed Howard at seeing his son like that and knowing it was his fault. It was even more painful as Tony looked over the edge with a longing look.

"It'll be different now. No more time apart. Just please...I hate that it's come to this for me to realize how much I've missed out in your life but damn it Tony, give me a chance to make it up!" Howard pleaded.

Tony looked from the water to his father and nodded slowly. But it was December and everything was cold and slippery, even the material that the bridge was. As Tony turned to climb to safety he stepped on some ice that threw him off balance. His eyes widened in horror as he felt the weightlessness of falling. Howard lunged forward and managed to grab Tony only just barely by the hand.

"TONY!" Howard yelled as he clutched to Tony's one arm with both hands and Tony dangled from the bridge.

"Dad! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry," Tony's eyes were widened and scared beyond reason. "Please don't let go. I'm sorry. I changed my mind dad. I don't wanna die. Please don't let me die..."

"Of course not...but you're so grounded when I get you up here," Howard said with false humor, trying in vain to lighten the mood.

Tony cracked a small smile as tears continued to fall from his eyes, "I'm looking forward to it...dad?"

"Yes son?" Howard asked, hoping to a god he doesn't really believe in that his bodyguards will get here soon to help him. He was glad his voice didn't shake then, if ever he needed to be strong for Tony, it was at this moment.

"I'm sorry..."

Howard shook his head, "There's nothing to be sorry for. Just promise it won't happen again."

"Do you think mom will forgive me?" Tony asked quietly.

"We don't have to tell her. Could be our little secret," Howard said as he tried to pull Tony up.

"Dad, I'm slipping! Please don't let go..." Tony begged.

"Never. I'm not letting go, you hear me!" Howard yelled and relief and hope filled him when he heard other cars stop and more footsteps. "Don't worry son. Help is here. You're going to be fine...I promise..."

"Dad...I'm scared...I don't wanna die...I don't wanna go to hell," Tony sobbed.

Howard shook his head, "Of course you aren't going to hell. And you're sure as hell not going to die! HELP!"

"Dad..."

"Yes son?"

"You're a horrible liar. Tell mom I'm so sorry," Tony said as he closed his eyes, feeling himself slip.

Howard hardened his grip but the stress and tension had caused his palm to get sweaty. "Tony! Hang on!"

Tony opened his eyes and Howard saw a century worth of pain, agony, and loneliness in them. His chest ached knowing it was his fault it was there in the first place, and his fault alone it was that intense. He was just hanging on to Tony's fingers at this point. The tears of realization, regret, and pain had finally started to fall. He looked behind and screamed, "HELP!"

"I'm scared dad...will I be okay?" Tony whispered.

"HELP!" Howard cried again and then turned back to Tony, "Please hang on Tony. Just a few more seconds. Please!"

"Dad...am I going to be okay?" Tony repeated quietly.

The tears that fell down Howard's cheeks landed and merged with Tony's as he nodded and choked back a sob, "Yeah. You're going to be just fine. We're going to go home and plan a vacations, all of us. Me, you, and your mom. And we're going for burgers and pie afterward..."

Tony smiled sadly and his voice shook as he replied, "Y-you're such a b-bad liar..."

And in the worse moment of his life, Howard lost his grip and Tony slipped from his grasp. Tony's eyes widened even more as he free fell and plummeted towards the freezing, thinly iced river beneath him.

"TONY!" Howard shrieked and nearly fell off the ledge himself before one of his bodyguards held him back. He kept trying, his mind unable to process anything correctly, all he could think about was reaching for Tony.

The very next day news arrived that they had finally found Steve Rogers and were bringing him home.

In an attempt to distract his mind from losing his son, Howard went to over look Steve's recovery, seeing he was still alive.

His own pain was so intense he didn't even think about his lovely Maria. In the depression of losing her son, something inside her broke. She had gone to Tony's barely used room, laid in his bed and hugged his pillow, and took the remaining pills in her sleeping pill prescription jar. By the time Howard returned home one evening, it was too late. She was deadly pale and cold.

In his refusal to let go of the past, he had ignored what the present held. He had gotten his friend back, but at what cost? Were his wife and child worth it?

Howard leaned on the railing overlooking the river in his armor. Steve approached him in his civilian clothes. He approached the genius and stood there silently for a moment before he sighed, "You can't keep blaming yourself."

"Yeah? And why not?" Howard asked without looking up.

"It's not healthy. I'm sure neither Maria or Tony would want to see you like this," Steve said.

Howard smirked, "You didn't know Tony. He was so smart...so witty...he was like me. He'd be happy to know I'm suffering so much. It's what I deserve after what I did to him."

"Howard-" Steve was going to try again when the genius cut him off.

"What do you want Steve?"

Steve sighed, knowing that when Howard was in this mood there wasn't anything he could do to get him out of it. Guilt was a power thing after all. More powerful than Steve. So he stuck with what he knew, "S.H.I.E.L.D is still having some malfunctions. They're pretty sure the cage holding Loki is stable and strong enough but just to make sure they want us there to take shifts watching over him."

"They want me to babysit?" Howard asked incredulously.

"Why sugarcoat it? Yes," Steve said and began to walk away.

Howard sighed and put his helmet back on and flew to S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. When he got there he got to work on the portal that was going to send Thor and his brother home for a while before it was his turn to babysit 'Reindeer Games'.

"Ah, now it falls on the Man of Iron to keep an eye on me? Shouldn't I feel honored," Loki said sarcastically as he saw Howard approach.

"How about you and I play the quiet game?" was Howard's response.

Loki just smirked, "I see your failure still has you bitter."

"I don't think you quite grasp the concept of the quiet game. Here, watch me..." Howard remain quiet for a long moment. "See that? That's how the game is played."

"What would young Anthony think if he knew his dearest father played games with a villain but not with him? Must hurt," Loki baited.

Howard tense and tried so hard to not look at Loki but Tony was always a sensitive subject with him, "How the hell do you know about my son?"

Loki smirked, "I know all about him. It's hard not to know the boy adopted by the On Coming Storm."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Howard hissed.

"Oh, don't you know? Anthony is alive...but you should know. Unless he was right and you didn't bother to look for him. I mean...you did look for him, right? In the river?" Loki asked

"How do you know that?" Howard hissed.

Loki's smirk just grew bigger. He ignored Howard and just continued talking, "His body was never found was it? You held hope that he had somehow made it to shore and lived. But what does that say Man of Iron? If he is alive, which he is, why didn't he come back to you? Did he give up on you, like you had on him?

"I'm curious...what did young Anthony do to make you hate him so much?"

Howard was about to snap back when he caught himself and realized that this was just a game and he was falling right for it. He snapped his mouth shut and turned away.

"He and I are very similar. Outcasts, who are smarter than those around us, but looked down upon for some reason or another. All we hoped for was our father's attention and praise but it didn't work out. For me though...there was reason. The AllFather didn't love or trust me as much as Thor because I was the very monster parents tell their children hide under their beds. But young Anthony wasn't a monster, was he? And now you think he's dead."

Howard turned around and slammed his hand against the glass and glared intently at Loki. If looks could kill, Loki would have died about a dozen times in those few seconds.

"Stark."

Howard turned around and saw Natasha standing in the doorway.

"Your watch is over. They need you on deck," Natasha replied coolly as she locked stares with Loki.

Howard was panting as he turned back to glare at Loki. Then he turned around and began to walk away.

Loki called out, "He's alive you know. And he's replaced you. With a better father. You can choose to ignore me but we both know you won't. You're looking for a man who can change faces and travels in a blue box. He's known as the Doctor. He has your boy Stark...the question now is, will you look for him?"

Dedicated to my lovely friend Lunabell Marauder Knyte