Well, what to say here? Hmmm, I don't know~! So ok, really hope you enjoy the story. If there is anything wrong, feel free to say it and I'll take care of that. For everyone, it's Shizaya, at least, I think so. There is cursing and some other things, so T to be safe.
Disclaimer.: Sadly for me, besides the plot, not a thing is mine. This shit makes me depressed, really.

Why does it hurt so much?

Why?

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I was meant to be a god. How could I fall from my pedestal just like that? The same way I've fallen for that brute? When did I become so human?

Guess I'm as sick as Namie-san with that unreasonable, obsessive, lovely hate.

I hate him so much. He's mine. Mine to torture, mine to kill, mine to hate. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. All mine. My monster.

Maybe it was just that fact that made me get interested in him. He was special and unpredictable, above the other humans. Surely he wasn't a god like me, but... He could easily stand by my side being the monster he is. What else could stand by the side of a god?

Well. He was the only one who could do so.

I always said that I couldn't love one human above all the others. I really meant it. Even though, that protozoan cannot be qualified as human. One of the reasons I felt so different around him. Hatred. That was only what it could be. My way of showing how special and exquisite he is. The hatred that always had such passion...

I hate him since I first laid eyes on him.

I hate everything about him.

I hate that he's the only one I've ever considered as na equal.

I hate that I think of him all the time.

I hate that I'm the only one in this "relationship" infected with this obsession.

I hate that he'll never see me the way I see him.

I hate that he would never admire me, even when I think so greatly about him.

I hate that he would be happier without my existence.

I hate that he was the only one I opened to and all I got was hatred.

I hate that every insult and curse he throws at me make my heart ache terribly, even when I think it's funny.

I hate that he is way more beloved than me, who only receives hate.

I hate that I actually care about him and what he thinks or says.

I hate how human he makes me feel.

I hate how I try to keep us attached in any possible way, even when it's by hate.

I hate how I'm totally losing control over it, even though I mask my burning sorrow perfectly.

I hate how he does not notice it. Just like everyone else.

I hate how he'll just hate me and not care as I care. Just like everyone else.

I hate how he makes me despise myself

I hate him so fucking much.

So fucking much that I passionately, blindly and undeniably love him with all my soul and everything I have. And there is no escape and no turning back.

And I hate that even after all of this, he's still the only one I hate. My only one... Forever...

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Again thinking about it. How un-god-like of me. Passing over my disgrace again and again miserably. I sighed. My eyes completely dry, as though there was sand on them, staring the ceiling without even blink. Trying to ignore the ringtone of my cellphone with all my will.

I laughed maniacally at how miserable I was. My twisted humor making my bitterness seem something laughable. I decided to take the damn eletronic and see whoever it was.

"Why, hello, Shinra!" I said in a mocking tone when I easily recognised his photo on the screen. The bitterness was implied in my voice. Not like anyone would've noticed. No one cared enough to observe it and plus, I knew how to mask it perfectly. I smirked to myself in the dark.

How my unrequited feelings were funny in a distorted way!~ That's why I didn't get myself into other couples lifes... Entirely.

"Izaya-kun! I have great news!" Shinra said it so giddy that it made me envy his happiness. He had Celty after all. Which made me wonder if she was the source of such joy of his.

"My my, you and Celty-kun are going to marry now? Haha~! How interesting! Can't believe she actually accepted marrying you~!" I teased darkly and a bit amused. Of course, it was a very taunting joke, seeing I would be happy for him if this was the so called 'great news'. But then again, I just couldn't help it.

"Ah, how I wanted that!" Obviously the idea made him totally forget my teasing. I giggled a tiny bit. His voice was all sugar and dreams. I wonder how I came to be the gay one between us.

"But no. Actually, Shizuo is going to marry! Isn't that wonderful? I'm betting that now he is engaged, the number of chases and property damage in Ikebukuro will surely decrease!"

I stopped hearing in 'wonderful'. Thankfully I managed a quick answer.

"How that monster even got someone who could possibly marry him?" 'besides me', I completed in thought, cold and bitter.

"Don't be so cruel, Izaya! Vorona is a perfect match to Shizuo! They're possibly soul mates!" He said all happy, almost throwing confetti in the air as if it was the best thing ever.

That made me sick. I didn't even try to supress the sadist thoughts. Suddenly I had a huge urge to cut Shinra's tongue out as painfully as possible. And maybe kill him as well. And maybe Vorona too. And Shizu-chan... He... How I wanted to be capable of such action. If I was, he'd be dead long ago. But I knew that in the last minute I would freeze and back up against my false will as if I were physically uncapable of doing so. Well. I was emotionally uncapable of doing so.

"Ehhhh? Maybe. But really, in my dear opinion, not one of my precious humans are soul mates with that brute." 'because he's much more precious than them and that's na occupation only I can fullfil. A god and his equal.' "But anyway, I've got to go, Shinra-kun. Lot's of work to do here~."

I knew I couldn't stand hearing more shit about how happy Shizu-chan was with that russian assassin.

"Ahhhhh... Okay. But I guess it's true since you haven't been out the past weeks. Can't wonder what you're working on this time to be stuck home so much time. I hope it's not the Third World War."

I laughed at that with satisfaction.

"Maybe, maybe. You're actually granting me ideas~."

"Oh no! Scratch that!" He said with false desperation.

"Bye, dear little Shinra~."

"Bye, Izaya-kun!"

And then I hung up.

The information finally sinking in my skull in a very painful way. My breath scaped me as my whole body trembled.

Shizu-chan is getting married.

Thanks for reading, dears~! If you'd so kindly feel like leaving me a review hahahha, it'd surely make my day~