This Means War
Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, you know that.
Summary: The team is out paintballing when they talk about crushes which causes tension and competition within the team...
A/N: This totally popped in my head, I hope everyone enjoys it.
Thanks for reading, I hope you leave a review.
Bertrand Russell said, "War does not determine who is right - only who is left."
Emily zipped up her dark green and brown army jacket, chuckling as she looked over at Hotch. Shaking her head as he was straightening the sleeves on his own army jacket.
His head popped up at her laughter, "What's so funny?"
Emily bit her lip, "You" His eyes narrowed at that, "You look like G.I. Joe."
Raising an eyebrow at that, "Do I?"
"A very cute, muscular, sexy G.I. Joe," Emily added picking up her paintball gun.
"Good answer," Hotch told her, picking up his own paintball gun as the two walked towards the large picnic table in the middle of the park.
Hotch knew, that despite being forced to participate in this little morale boost, courtesy of Strauss, that it was a good way to strengthen the bonds between the team.
"Hello my commanding commanders," she greeted the pair while unpacking a small picnic basket on the table as she grinned at the arriving teams "Don't I wear fatigues well?"
"Amazing, PG." Emily commented, taking a seat next to Hotch while Morgan showed up, looking buff as usual.
"Wow, my Mocha milkshake, you look delectable enough to eat." Garcia said as she and Emily laughed.
Both Hotch and Kevin rolled their eyes at that, shaking their heads. Both men would never admit it, but they hated the way their girlfriends paid attention to the athletic profiler.
"Why thank you Baby Girl, Princess?" Morgan said sitting across from Emily, "Eyeing the man candy, Princess?"
"Oh you know it," Emily teased, but felt Hotch pinch her thigh, "Ow, what?"
"Must you do that?" Hotch whispered, watching her furrow her eyebrows, "Flirt with Morgan?"
"Huh?" she was puzzled, "I don't flirt with him."
"The hell you don't," Garcia called out with a raised eyebrow, "But then again so do I. Oh well."
JJ and Dave came out of their little cabin, both dressed in matching armed fatigues and it was obvious that JJ was less than pleased.
"Tell me again why we have to do this?" JJ asked taking a seat next to Garcia, "Since when in the history of the FBI has there ever been a need to participate in a paintball fight?"
"Don't look at me, this wasn't my idea," Emily reminded her before taking a sip of her water.
"Strauss wants us to boost morale and team spirit." Hotch told them.
"More like pad her own career," Dave griped, "I am far too old to be shot at with paintball guns."
"Don't those things hurt anyways?" Reid asked, taking an empty seat next to Morgan.
"Just a little sting, kid" Morgan told him, "Nothing to worry your genius mind about."
"I worry because I bruise easily," Reid informed the older man, "And I don't look good covered in bruises."
"Still aces in my book, Boy Genius," Garcia offered the younger man a smile.
"There she goes again," Kevin muttered to himself.
"So whose pairing up with who?" Morgan asked, "Because I can always use one of these fine ladies on my team."
Both Hotch and Kevin glowered at the way Morgan eyed Emily and Garcia with glee.
"Well obviously, I'm with Emily," Hotch asserted his place in the brunette's life, "And lets see..."
"This is just like sixth grade again" Garcia mumbed, "Only instead of picking teams it's who has the crush on who."
"Well obviously we all know who has the crush on me..." Morgan teased grinning at the three women.
JJ rolled her eyes, "Yeah dream on, Romeo. It's clear as day you've got the hots for Garcia. But did you know that our own little..."
Emily's eyes shot over to the blonde, "Yeah, all right I admit it."
"Admit what?" Hotch asked confused.
"That I had a crush on Morgan when I first joined the team." Emily admitted.
Garcia chuckled, while Morgan looked pleased to hear that.
"Like I ever had any doubt. So what drew you to me, Princess? Was it my sparkling personality, my buff bod?" Morgan asked raising an eyebrow at the brunette agent.
"You read Kurt Vonnegut," Emily reminded him before locking eyes on Hotch, who looked more pissed off, "Hey Dave, you want to hear something?"
"Ah let me guess," Dave chuckled, "You had the hots for me too?"
"God no," Emily shuddered, Hotch visibly relaxed at that, "No, but JJ did. She told me that she thought you were... Sex on a stick."
JJ snorted, coughing as she took a sip of water while everyone laughed.
Except for Hotch, he was glaring at Morgan while JJ was glaring at Emily for revealing her secret.
"So, you know who had a crush on you Gumdrop?" Garcia asked, looking over at Emily, "Well besides tall, dark and McBroody over here? Let me guess the brain there."
Morgan and JJ looked over at Reid whose cheeks were pink.
"Oh ho, way to go Boy Genius," Garcia said grinning, as Emily looked confused.
"Yeah, when Emily first joined, I wanted to ask her out," Reid admitted, "But over time we grew into a... well you know."
"Mother-brother type of role," Emily finished smiling at Reid, "Well I guess it's just my loss."
"Huh, I guess that takes care of everything" JJ said looking around, "Hotch?"
"What?" Hotch asked pulling out of his thought.
"Pick teams?" JJ said glaring at Emily, when she looked up at Hotch he was glaring at Morgan while Dave looked between bored and amused.
"I call Dave." Garcia said loudly, grabbing at the older profiler stunning everyone including Dave and Kevin.
"Penny?" Kevin asked hurt.
"Oh don't worry love monkey," the blonde assured him, "I'm not into him at all..."
"Way to boost a man's ego Kitten," Dave murmured.
"I just want to win," Garcia said, "And I know Agent Rossi is an excellent marksman."
"How do you know that?" JJ asked angry that the analyst took her partner.
"A little hack..." Garcia saw the way everyone looked at her, "I just know these things."
Emily turned her attention to Hotch, waiting for him pick her for his team but when he didn't say anything just glare at Morgan, she leaned over to him.
"Stop it," Emily whispered, he turned his look on her "Stop acting like some insane guy."
"My girlfriend tells me she has a crush on my agent. How the hell am I suppose to react?" Hotch asked.
Hotch looked over at JJ, he could see the anger she was directing at Emily and contemplated.
"I call JJ," Hotch said surprising Emily, JJ and Dave.
"What?" Emily asked, narrowing her eyes, "Morgan. You're on my team."
"And we will win," Morgan said, looking over at Reid and Kevin, "Guess that leaves the two of you."
"Great," Kevin muttered looking at Reid, wondering how he could talk the young agent into shooting his own friends.
Emily and Morgan peered behind a tree, he chuckled at her persistent attitude of staying alert.
"What?" Emily asked kneeling down, she raised her paintball gun to look out the scope of the lens.
"You, Princess" Morgan said shaking his head as kneeled next to her, "You look so adorable. Like a little soldier girl."
Emily rolled her eyes, "You know I'd be on Hotch's team now if I hadn't told him that once upon a time I had a crush on you."
"But you don't now, do you?" Morgan asked.
"No, I'm with Hotch" Emily said training her gun on two targets, "Now let me get them."
Morgan peered over her shoulder laughing, "Oh, ho. Go get them, Princess."
Emily clicked on the trigger and the two agents grinned when they heard double groans from the other two BAU employees.
"Ah damn it." Kevin cried out, looking down as he set his paintball gun down and rubbed his shoulder.
"Statistically, injuries sustained in paint ball wars are likely to..." Reid started, but grimaced in pain when Kevin lifted his gun and shot Reid in the arm "We were on the same team."
"Now we're both out," Kevin told him looking over at Emily and Morgan, "We're going to the benches. Please go shoot Penelope and Agent Rossi next, I'd like to spend some time with my girlfriend on this trip."
"Can do," Emily said walking off, hoisting the paintball gun over her shoulder while Morgan followed her.
While Emily and Morgan walked away they didn't see Hotch or JJ hiding behind the cabins.
"Want to get them first or Dave and Garcia?" JJ asked.
"Lets follow them, get Garcia and Dave then go after her," Hotch said turning to the blonde, "Then him."
JJ grinned as the two moved backwards from sight.
Garcia and Dave peered out from behind an old car, "You see anything, Capitano?"
"Nope," Dave said, "No Kevin, no Reid. Hell, where the hell is JJ and Hotch? I figured they'd be shot by now by Emily and Morgan."
"Crap-zilla," Garcia said, "I figure Boy Genius and Kevy-kins."
Dave looked down with a smirk on his face, "Care to bet on it?"
Garcia raised an eyebrow as she lowered the paint ball gun, "Sir, are you suggesting a side bet on our team morale expedition?"
"Why?" he chuckled, "Do you think it's a bad idea?"
"Hell no," Garcia said pulling her wallet from her pants, "Ten on Kevin and Reid."
"Ten on Hotch and JJ," Dave said pulling the bill out of his pocket, "Hang on to this, I see movement over there."
Garcia grabbed the money shoved it in her wallet and stuffed it back in her pocket. Picking up the gun, she gave Dave an angry grunt.
"Lets shoot some people." Garcia growled out.
Dave raised an eyebrow, "Remind me never to get on your bad side, kitten."
"Perish the thought, mon ami." Garcia teased, winking at him.
"Flirting with me, blondie?" Dave chuckled.
"Always," Garcia said, then yelped in pain when she felt a pelt hit her arm, "Ow, what the hell?"
"You just got paintballed" Dave said seeing the yellow paintball on her upper right arm, "Yellow. That's Morgan and Emily's color right?"
"Yes," Garcia whimpered, "That really hurt. Derek Morgan if you shot me, I am so kicking your ass."
Dave chuckled, "Sorry kiddo, I've got to go hide so I don't end up shot... Ouch, my stomach."
The two yellow stained splotches of paintballs hit the older agent, who looked down to see the stain on his camouflage jacket.
"Man that's going to hurt." Dave sighed as they looked over at the two agents revealing himself.
"Damn that spy," Garcia glared "How Sydney Bristow of you, Gumdrop" Garcia said throwing down her paint ball gun.
"That's Agent Gumdrop, PG" Emily said shouldering her gun as she looked over at Morgan, "And her faithful sidekick Agent Hot Chocolate."
Morgan chuckled at that, "Aw, Princess."
"By the way, PG we got Kevin and Reid..." Emily started.
"Told you, that ten is mine," Garcia said grinning at Dave.
"Great," Dave answered dryly.
"And he said they'll be on the benches," Emily told her, "So you might want to check on them. Especially Reid, he looked less than pleased that Kevin shot him."
"But they were on the same team," Garcia said, shaking her head, "Ah, Reid must have spouted off statistics."
"Of course, he's Reid after all," Dave said standing up, "Come on blondie, help an old guy to the benches."
"But who'll help me?" Garcia teased as the two walked away.
"Four down, two to go" Emily said pulling the paintball gun off her shoulder, "Who'd of thought I'd take out those three out of four."
"Would have been four if Kevin hadn't shot Reid..." Morgan said, "But then again, if I had been his partner during this game, I'd of probably shot him too."
Emily chuckled as she rolled her eyes, "Try not to tell him that."
"Come on Princess" Morgan told her, "Lets catch us the final two."
Emily felt a shiver up her spine, she knew they were being watched.
She grabbed Morgan's arm, stopping the man in mid-step. He paused turning to look at her.
"What?" Morgan asked.
Morgan could see her mind hard at work as she took in their surroundings. He turned to the left when she grabbed him rushing behind a bench as a paintball flew by Morgan's head.
"That's what." Emily told him, taking the safety off her gun, she looked towards the trees and spotted one.
"Come out, come out wherever you are." Emily called out in a sing-song tone.
Hotch turned to JJ, giving her a nod for them to approach slowly and cautiously. Both agents slowly moved out towards the opening, stopping dead in their tracks.
There was no sign of Emily or Morgan, both moving forward looked around when the sound of a bird call causing the two agents to look up. both froze when they heard a click. Both recognized that sound as the paintball gun's safety being clicked off.
"Don't move." Morgan said, causing the two agents to turn in his direction, he came out from the side of the cabin.
JJ turned around slowly facing Morgan while Hotch slowly turned his head in the other man's direction.
"So what are you going to do, shoot me?" JJ asked batting her eyelashes at Morgan, "But you like me."
Morgan chuckled, "You were right, Princess."
Emily came out from behind the car, "Of course I was. She'd bat her eyelashes to get what she wanted."
Hotch rolled his eyes, "This is nuts."
"What's the matter, Hotch?" Morgan asked, "You seem, what's the word, Em?"
"Jealous," Emily said, causing JJ to scoff, "What?"
"Of course he's jealous Emily" JJ said shaking her head, "You told him you had a crush on Morgan..."
"You opened up that floodgate JJ when Garcia made her little quip" Emily said cocking the paintball gun, "You started this, I only went the honest route. For that I should shoot you on general principal."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Kevin said coming out from behind the paintball wall, "Wow, this is a real Mexican standoff."
"Kevin? What the hell are you doing?" Hotch asked pointing his weapon in the analyst direction, "Didn't you already get shot?"
"Yeah by her," Kevin said pointing to Emily, "I've got nothing against you Agent Prentiss, but I can't let him win."
"Me?" Morgan asked, "What the hell did I do to you?"
Kevin scoffed, "Like you don't know. You flirt with Garcia every chance you get. You make your little jokes. Hell she wanted to partner with you before picking Rossi. I'm here to shoot you for every boyfriend of each woman you flirt with."
"Sounds like a plan," Hotch said turning to point the paintball gun at Morgan.
"Can't let you do that, Aaron." Emily said pointing her paintball gun at him.
JJ raised an eyebrow while Hotch narrowed his eyes at her, "You'd shoot your own boyfriend?"
Emily rolled her eyes, "I play to win. Besides he'll forgive me."
"You sure about that?" JJ asked keeping her paintball gun trained on her as she gave Hotch a sideways glance.
"It's what we do," Emily told her, "Besides I'll give him a little something extra later on."
"Ew," Morgan and Kevin said, while Hotch smirked.
"Can't let that happen," Kevin told her, "I need their help taking out Morgan, besides who's going to stop me?"
"Me," Garcia called out, stepping from the shadows, "Wow feels like an action movie. Sorry Kevin I love you, I really do but he's my Morgan."
Garcia shot Kevin, who flinched while Emily opened fire on JJ who shrieked dunking down, while Hotch and Morgan took turns firing at each other. Emily looked at Hotch then the smirking Morgan. Her decision had been made in that moment.
Rushing forward for she fired off a round as she tackled him and shot the other man, mouthing sorry.
Hotch sat behind the wheel, looking towards the back, "Everyone in?"
"Yeah," JJ said rubbing her shoulder, she glared at the brunette in the front seat, "I still can't believe you shot me."
Emily rolled her eyes, "You'll live. I don't think Kevin will though. Look."
The three agents slightly turned, looking in the backseat. Kevin was lying with his head on Garcia's shoulder as she held him close, an ice pack was held to his face.
"Penelope," Kevin said softly, "No more paintball again. Ever."
"Shh," Garcia said kissing his forehead, "There, there. No need to worry your pretty little head."
"Just drive, Aaron," Dave groaned from his spot next to JJ who gave him a look.
"All right," Hotch said starting the SUV.
"Reid, quit glaring at him," Morgan grumbled holding the ice pack on his shoulder, "Damn Princess, you really got an aim on that paintball gun."
"We were shot by own on partners," Reid muttered glaring at Kevin. His attention going back to Morgan, "Aren't you mad about that?"
"Eh," Morgan shrugged, his gaze landing to the front seat. Hotch's fingers entwining with Emily's before he kissed her hand, "She did it for him. She did it to prove herself to him. Can't fault her for that."
"Huh?" Reid asked.
"He'll explain it later," Dave told him, looking over at JJ, "Would you have taken a paintball for me?"
"No," JJ rubbed her aching shoulder, "One hurt bad enough. But I would shoot a paintball for you like she did."
"That's good enough for me," Dave said pulling JJ close, "Now how about sharing that ice pack?"
"Get your own," JJ muttered, "Damn spy shot me."
Emily sat in the front seat looking over at Hotch, "You do realize I'm the only one that didn't end up getting shot by a paintball?"
Chuckling he leaned in, "For your own safety you better not repeat that in a car full of people who you've shot."
Emily smirked, "But I didn't shoot you or Reid." Narrowing her eyes, "Yet."
Hotch's smile fell a little and Emily chuckled at that, squeezing his hand as she looked out the window.
"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers." Jose Narosky
THE END
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