Chapter 2

Once in their room behind a closed door, they wrapped their arms around one another and simply held on for a while.

"Think you can sleep?" Kate's muffled voice asked from against his chest.

"I don't know. Maybe if you say it a few more times, it would help?" he said against her hair and planted a little kiss on her head.

She leaned back to look at him and smiled. "Let's lie down, and I'll see what I can do."

With Tyson's words echoing in his head, Castle closed the blinds before they settled in together.

When they were in bed, stripped down to their underwear, Kate had him lie face down so she could rub his back. It was slow and gentle and relaxing for both of them. "I love you," she whispered as she tucked herself close to him to reach all parts of his broad back easily. She needed comfort, but she was certain he needed it more.

He turned his head to face her from where his forehead had been resting on his arms. "I love you, too, Kate. It's such a relief to say it again. I was trying not to put any pressure on you."

"But you knew, didn't you?"

"If I didn't know before, the fact that you still believed in me, despite the evidence that you shouldn't have, would have convinced me. I knew, but hearing it is nothing short of awesome."

"I'm sorry it took me so long."

"It was well worth the wait," he assured her. "This back rub feels good, too. You're taking care of me, aren't you?

"Yeah. It's what you do for people you love, right?"

"Yeah. Thank you." He snaked one arm around her, pulled her close enough to share his pillow, and kissed her, not moving enough to interrupt the back rub.

"Always," she answered, adjusting under his arm so she could still reach his whole back, while he slid his fingers into her hair and massaged her scalp and the upper part of her neck. "I was so scared, Rick," she said raggedly. "I was so afraid we wouldn't be able to find the evidence to prove you were innocent."

"I was scared, too," he answered. "Mostly I thought you'd find it…then Tyson showed up to mess with my mind."

"We don't talk about him in our bed…okay?"

"Okay." He gave her another quick kiss, trying to put the thought of Tyson watching them out of his memory for now, and told her, "I like that you called it our bed."

"It just slipped out. A little presumptuous, wasn't it?"

"No. That's how I see it, too. Kate, I want this to be our bed. I want this to be our home. I want you to see everything here as ours. I've never been in love like this before, and I want it to last until we're old and gray and walking with canes and helping each other remember how many pills we're supposed to take every day."

"Me, too," she answered, both touched and amused. "It took me too long to get here; but I'm here now. I'm in this with you, and I'm not going anywhere." She pressed toward him and kissed his nose. With a mischievous little smile, she added, "I love you." They both chuckled at his unabashed desire to hear those words repeatedly…and her willingness to indulge him. She noticed that each time she said it, it got easier...and it made her proud to see the look on his face when she said it. "Do you think you can sleep now?"

"If you come close and hold me…and maybe say it one more time," he answered with a smile and turned on his side to pull her close. "I like that you want to take care of me."

She moved closer and they snuggled under the covers and slept until early evening when Castle woke from a dream.

Kate woke to Castle moving and repeating "No!" He was obviously in the middle of a distressing nightmare, so she grabbed his arm and called him. "Castle." Shaking his shoulder, she tried again. "Rick, wake up. It's just a dream."

"Kate," he moaned. "No."

"Rick, I'm here. Wake up." That time she kissed his cheek and cupped his jaw in her hand, and his eyes finally blinked open.

"Kate!" He grabbed her and held her tightly against him, his breathing hard and irregular.

"It's okay. It was just a dream." She kissed his shoulder and stroked his back until he calmed a little bit. They had done this for each other more than once since they had been together. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Can't," he answered.

"Why not?"

"Breaking your rule about what we can talk about here…in our bed."

"Do you want to go to the kitchen and talk about it? I'll make us some coffee."

"No. I want you to hold me a little longer…convince me you're really here."

She pulled back far enough she could give him a thorough kiss. "Is that a good start?" she asked as she peppered his face with more little kisses.

"Great start," he sighed against her neck. "Just let me hold you a little while…then we'll go make coffee."

"Whatever you need."

"I love you so much."

"I love you, too. I'm here, Castle, and I meant it…whatever you need," she answered softly, still stroking her hand smoothly over his back.

After he relaxed and was more firmly grounded in reality, rather than the nightmare, they dressed and Kate started the coffee while Castle found something to heat for dinner.

"The dream was about Tyson?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. Can we talk about it after we eat something?"

"Whenever you're ready," she answered. "Wonder where Martha is."

"There was a note on the refrigerator door. She's at a rehearsal at her school…she should be back around ten."

They moved things from the microwave to the table and ate their dinner sitting close to one another, both needing the assurance the easy contact provided; then they straightened up the kitchen and Kate took his hand and pulled him into the living room to sit on the sofa. "Now, tell me about this dream. Get it out of the dark and let's deal with it."

"Kate…"

"What? That's what you make me do, and it usually helps."

Castle looked down. "He killed you."

"Tyson?"

He nodded. He shot you, and you fell, and he took your arm and dragged you with him away from the car…toward the edge of the bridge. I shot him over and over and over, but he kept laughing and never slowed down. Then he threw you over the edge into the water…still laughing, and he shouted, "You'll never be rid of me." And he jumped over the edge. You were gone, Kate. I couldn't get you back.

She turned so she could sit in his lap and put her arms around his neck. "But it didn't really happen. I'm fine. I'll be here tonight, and I'll come back to you after work tomorrow, whether Alexis is here or not. It might feel a little awkward if she is, but we have to get past that sooner or later, I guess."

He held her close, deciding whether to tell her and decided she'd know he was holding something back. She knew him pretty well. "He said he watched us…making love. When he got into the precinct…that's part of what he told me. It makes me ill to think about it. That's ours…no one else's."

She pulled his head to her shoulder. "The thought makes me ill, too. We're going to have to make some choices, Rick…something we can live with. Tyson likes getting into someone's mind in ways that he knows will haunt them. There were no listening devices or cameras in the loft when the team searched it, so he wasn't here long enough to do that. He didn't record us. He probably got in and out as fast as possible when he planted the evidence. This is a very secure building compared to most. It's possible he could have watched from a distance, but your bed is beside the windows, not in the line of sight in front of them, and mine isn't all that easy to see, either. I'm going to choose to believe that he saw nothing…that he just wanted to mess with your head…to try insinuate himself into something he knows is important to you…to try to be in your head every time you touch me. Try to believe that with me. We can't let him get between us that way."

"You're probably right, but it's hard to get it out of my mind. I never want to compromise you that way."

"I'll go along with the idea that he probably didn't die if you'll go along with my theory. With what we know of Tyson, they both make sense."

"Compromise?" he asked, and she nodded. "I'll do my best," he promised.

"All I can ask." She kissed the edge of his jaw. "Did it help to get it out in the open?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"Nothing to thank me for. We've done this for each other for a while now. It's part of being us."

He held her tighter for a long moment and then relaxed more against the back of the sofa, not letting her go, but no longer threatening to squeeze the breath out of her, either. "What would you like to do tonight?"

"Not much," she answered with a little smirk. "We could take a walk…maybe end up at the coffee shop for some hot chocolate on the way back. It might do us good to get out for a little while…without having to chase anything down. Just hold hands and walk...relax and take our time…window shop, people watch, whatever."

He took her face in his hands and leaned forward to kiss her. "I'd love to take a leisurely walk with you."

"I'll put on some jeans. Be right back."

"I'll get our coats."

They put on their coats, he took her hand, and they left, walking for blocks from his loft with no specific destination in mind. They stuck to safe looking areas, talking about the people and places they passed, stopping now and then to window shop or laugh at some oddity along their path…the point being to find their way back to normal again after the last few hellish days.

"We're getting pretty far from home. Ready to start back?" he asked.

"Yeah. Want to check out the other side of the street?"

"Sure," he answered, giving her hand a little squeeze in agreement. "You're still taking care of me aren't you?" He looked over at her appreciatively.

"Trying," she answered with a loving smile and bumped his shoulder with hers teasingly.

"You're doing a good job. Thank you." He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it as they walked. Just then his phone rang, and he pulled it from his pocket to answer it, never releasing Kate's hand.

"Alexis," he told Kate after he swept his thumb across the screen to answer the phone. "Hey, Pumpkin."

"I just called to check on you. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. Much better than when we got home."

"Is Kate still with you? Where are you? It sounds like you're outside."

"We're out walking. Brisk weather, leisurely pace…normal. It's good.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm sure, honey. You can study for your test with a clear conscience. Just don't stand me up for our date tomorrow."

"Okay. Can I talk to Kate for a minute?"

"She wants to talk to you," he said, holding out the phone.

"Hey, Alexis," Kate answered, taking the phone in her free hand.

"Is he really all right, Kate?"

"He will be. He's doing better than he should be. Your dad's tough, honey. He'll be all right."

"Thanks for being there when he needs you."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else. Now go study. Keep him proud."

Alexis laughed. "I'll do my best. Will you have dinner with us tomorrow night?"

"Unless something has me working late. I'll call if I can't be there."

"'Night, Kate."

"Goodnight." She handed his phone back, saying, "You raised a great kid, Castle."

"I still don't understand how that happened," he grinned, "but she is pretty amazing, isn't she?"

They walked on, stopping to look in store windows now and then. Stopping at a little boutique, Kate smiled. "I wonder if that lavender scarf is as soft as it looks."

"Let's go in and find out."

"No," she laughed. "It was just an observation."

She started to walk away, but he pulled her back toward the door. "No. You have me curious now. We have to check it out."

"Castle…" she protested.

They walked into the shop and he seemed to know right where to look for things like scarves. "Alexis has pulled me through this door well more than once," he explained. "Here they are," he announced. "Oooo, and every bit as soft as it looks. Here. Hold it."

"Oh, wow," Kate answered, burying her fingers in the luxurious softness.

"And look. A leather jacket that matches it." He held it against the coat on the display, and it was a perfect match. "Try it on."

The shop owner came in from the back. "Mr. Castle. Nice to see you. Where is Alexis?"

"At college, studying for a test. Tonight I brought Kate. I want her to try one of these jackets. Would you help her find her size?"

The amethyst leather? Good choice. The scarf is a stunning match, isn't it?"

"Castle, I can't wear that to the precinct. We'd never get any work done. The boys would be too busy harassing me about going soft and getting too girly."

"But I'll bet it would look great on you. Just try it on and let me see. Humor me."

Against her better instincts, she put the jacket on, and he could see that she loved it. The leather was almost as soft as the scarf, the style suited her well, and he thought it looked amazing on her. "It's perfect," he told her.

"I love it, but it's totally impractical. Not happening."

"You need to indulge yourself now and then…or let me indulge you."

"No." She took the jacket off and handed it back to the saleswoman. "I humored you. We're done."

He handed the owner the scarf. "We'll take this," he told her.

"Castle…"

"This color looks too good on you to leave it all behind. It's just a scarf, Kate. Let me do that much." Turning back to the shop owner, he said, "Just take the tags off. It's getting colder. It should feel good on the walk home." He gave her his credit card, and when he signed for it, he wrote on the back 'Hold the leather jacket for me.' Christmas was right around the corner, after all.

The woman smiled, nodded, and thanked him before they went back out in the nippy evening air to walk back to the loft.

He stopped just outside the door to put the scarf around Kate's neck and tuck it inside the collar of her coat. "The guys will let you get away with a girly scarf," he assured her.

"Does this mean I can't point out something in a shop window anymore without having you run in and buy it for me?"

"Only if it looks this good on you. I owe you way bigger than this, anyway." He took her hand, and they started their easy pace toward home.

"You don't owe me. You would have done the same thing for me."

"But you trusted me, Kate…in spite of everything. I know how hard it's been for you to be able to do that, and I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me."

"I admit to some moments of insecurity; but I was telling Lanie about the emails, and the more I said, the more certain I was that it wasn't something you'd do." There was a thoughtful pause before she spoke again. "Do you think you can completely trust me some day?" she asked tentatively. "I know I've given you ample reason not to."

"I know you don't make commitments lightly…and we're both committed to giving this our best try, aren't we?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. She looked over at him as he laced their fingers together to make the contact more intense, and said, "We're in this together, right? If we don't trust each other, it won't ever work…and I do want it to work."

"I believe you," he answered. "I trust you." He looked over at her and gave her hand another little squeeze of affirmation as they kept walking in comfortable silence. After a few more blocks, he said, "We're almost home. The coffee shop is on the corner. Still want to stop for hot chocolate?"

"Definitely. It's colder out here than it was when we started."

"Want to drink it here and warm up a little?" he asked after they reached the shop and had collected their orders.

"No," she answered quietly, keeping it between them. "We're almost home, and I'd rather have you all to myself. We have another hour or so before your mother is back. Let's get the fireplace going and enjoy it there."

"Home it is, then. Geez, it's gotten colder."

"Want to borrow my new scarf?" she asked with a grin.

"I don't think the color works for me," he answered as he put his arm around her shoulders. "Come closer. We can share body warmth. You're way better than a scarf, anyway."

She laughed and wrapped her arm around his waist, tucking her hand in his coat pocket. They greeted the doorman when they reached Castle's building and from there made a beeline to the living room in the loft to get a fire going in the fireplace.

They shed their jackets and leaned against one another with a big, soft blanket around them as they sipped their hot chocolate…not finding it necessary to talk for a while. When the drinks were gone, the cups were left on the coffee table and they snuggled closer under the blanket.

"How do we get past the last few days?" he asked. "It all sits in my mind, poking at me…just waiting to storm out and take over. It can't be that much better for you."

"A day at a time, I guess. We got through today pretty well…together. We'll be okay. It may take a little while, but we'll be better. We're stronger than he is, right?"

"Yeah. We are."

"Let's go to bed before Martha gets home…just the two of us. Tyson can't follow us unless we let him. Choices, Castle. Close the blinds, close the drapes, and concentrate on us. I promise I'll make it worth your while."

He threw back the blanket, stood, scooped her up in his arms, and carried her to their bed, being sure the door and the blinds were closed. They had gotten through the day. Now they were going to get through the night. A day at a time. They had each other now. They'd make it.

9