Hurt Me

Summary: Bella doesn't have it in her to act happy any longer. After Italy, Bella second guesses everything she thought she knew about the Cullens who claim they still love her. She rails down to a dark place and doesn't think she has the power to get out this time.

"Now, if you add those two numbers together, divide them, and square the product, you'll get your answer."

Listening to the teacher numbly, I wrote down everything she had done and said.

'All I want to see is a sky full of lighters.'

Bruno Mars was singing now through my Ipod. I had been listening to this particular song twice already.

'This one is for you and me, living out our dreams.

We're all right where we should be.

With my arms out wide, I open my eyes.

And now, all I want to see, is a sky full of lighters.'

This was probably my favorite song behind Lil Wayne's Mirror. I wasn't into rap or that particular artist, but I liked the song. It sang so close to home that it was impossible to hate. Edward had disagreed when he heard it playing on my Ipod the other day, but had humored me not deleting the song like he so obviously wanted to do along with the rest of my playlist that I had acquired before the Italy experience. I never deleted any of it.

'By the time you hear this, I will have already spiraled up.

I would never do anything to let you cowards fuck my world up.

If I was you, I would duck or struck by lightening.

Fighters keep fighting, point your lighters up skyward.'

How inspirational, Eminem. He was most likely the best rapper out there in my mind. He came a long way since he was younger and had one savior in his darkness; Dr. Dre. But what did I know about someone famous and not me?

"Miss Swan."

I looked up at my name, seeing the teacher standing at my desk in the empty class. Had I been day dreaming that long?

"Yes?" I gathered up my belongings to leave the class and get to the lunch room.

"Bella, you've been a little out of it for a few weeks now," she paused, "are you sure everything's all right at home?" She asked me in a soft voice.

I stood up, settling my bag on my shoulders. "Yes, of course. Things are fine. I'm just spacing out more I guess. I'll turn in my work tomorrow." I rushed out of the class to avoid the questions of other things I knew that particular teacher wanted to ask.

After school, I accepted the ride from Angela to Charlie's. My truck was broken down and wouldn't start, so Angela had been offering me rides to and from school so graciously. The Cullens had been back since I and Alice had gone to Italy to stop Edward from – anyway, they were back. I was happy about it, but it was nagging me in the back of my head of them not really meaning their words of love, being a family, and Edward loving me still. They had spoken to me words of gratitude of bringing Edward back home safe, and it meant nothing now. They had their family together again, so I should be happy about that.

But why didn't I feel happy and like I did before?

I loved Edward still. But it felt wrong sometimes.

"Bells," Angela began after putting her car in park outside Charlie's house, "you'd tell me, if something was wrong right?" She asked me softly and slowly.

I grew confused. "What do you mean, Ang?"

She turned her dark eyes to Charlie's house and back to me. "I mean, if someone was hurting you, or...putting you down, you'd tell me right?" She asked me again. "I mean, we're friends. We've known each other for a while now, you can trust me."

I recognized this conversation. I forced a smile on my face. "I'm alright, Angela. Everything's fine, okay?" I assured her and opened the door to get out.

"I'll be here tomorrow!" She called through her open window when I retreated from her and the car.

I waved her away. I watched her drive off while I sat on the porch swing. Charlie wasn't here and I didn't have my key to get in the house. Add into my day: it was beginning to rain, again. I contemplated calling Edward so he could break into Charlie's house, but thought against it. Charlie didn't like Edward or the Cullens too well anymore. Not that he ever liked Edward. This was just a little too different.

I picked up my Ipod, setting the buds in my ear to pass time with some music.

'Life goes on, it gets so heavy.'

How true. I wondered why it was so hard, but then again, that seemed a little depression-like. I wiped all those thoughts out of my head. It wasn't important anyway. We just went on with some distractions, then it would all end one day.

'She dreamed of paradise.'

I dreamed of paradise, but my paradises were a little...dark. I knew if Edward or Carlisle knew about them, I would be questioned even more. I didn't like questions since Italy. Edward had been kind enough to not ask them, unlike everyone else who asked them daily when I was 'off'. I didn't know what that was. I acted normal, right? I went on with my days like before.

At least I thought so.

I jumped when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I was so lost in thought, I didn't even hear my song change.

'Look up, silly.'

I grew confused and looked up, and had to smile when I saw Alice in her Porsche waving at me. I wondered how long she had been there. I stood up after putting away my Ipod in my pocket so the rain wouldn't destroy it when I half-jogged to the yellow Porsche.

"Where's Charlie?" Alice asked me immediately after I closed the door and she drove off.

"He's working." I told her, putting my bag down in front of me on the floor.

She looked me over. "Why didn't you go inside? I had a vision of you out on that porch at eleven at night before Charlie got back." She informed me.

I blinked. "I didn't think he was working that late. I don't have my key, and Angela gave me a ride back here."

"Oh...why not just call Edward to come get you?"

I shrugged. "It didn't come to me to call him. I was just going to wait." I said once again.

Alice looked like she wasn't agreeing to my way of thinking, but didn't say anything more on that subject. "Well, he won't be back until eleven-thirty tonight. You can just stay with us tonight and we'll take you to school tomorrow." She decided on her own.

I only nodded to her decision. I didn't have it in me to fight her on Angela coming to get me tomorrow. I would call her later to tell her this new plan. I hope she wouldn't be mad at me.

"Bella, your jacket's dried, dear." Esme handed me my jacket.

"Thank you, Esme." I nodded and put it on before walking out the back door to call Angela.

It was five-thirty now, and I had to call Angela to at least let her know she didn't have to come get me tomorrow. I made sure to pull my hood up as I sat down near the wall with my phone in my hand.

"Hello?" Angela's voice came over the phone.

"Hey, Ang. It's Bella." I told her.

"Hey, Bella! Do you need something?"

I shook my head, looking out in to the pouring rain. "No. I'm just calling to tell you that you don't have to come get me tomorrow for school. I'm with the Cullens for the night." I informed her, looking back into the house as Emmett made a loud noise of most likely beating Jasper once again.

"The Cullens? Where's Charlie, Bella?" Angela demanded.

"Working late I guess. I couldn't get into the house, and I don't have my key because I lost it." I said and let a lady bug crawl on my finger as it took shelter from the rain.

"Oh, okay. That's fine I guess. What about clothes though? Do you have an extra pair?"

"I'll just have these washed and wear them tomorrow. It's fine." I shrugged it off and watched the lady bug.

Angela sighed. "Bella, that's not okay, but I see your dilemma here. Alright then, just let me know if you need a ride back from school. Have you called Charlie?"

"No. He won't answer, but he's working, so I don't expect him to. My mom called, but it was nothing." I said in conversation as I relaxed on the wall.

"Uh-oh. What did your mom say?"

"Not much. She's been drinking a little too much today and called me about not being home and everything."

"I thought you said your mom stopped drinking, Bells?"

I shrugged. "She stopped drinking hard liquor, not wine and beer. It's like Charlie, but he won't drink wine like Mom does." I said.

"That's not very fair."

"Not fair? What do you mean?" I asked her.

I looked to the window when a tap was heard, and saw Alice with her laptop and motioning me inside and to put the lady bug down.

I had stood up and put the lady bug in a pot of Esme's flowers as Angela spoke to me.

"I mean, Bella, that your parents shouldn't drink and bring you into it. They shouldn't drink at all in fact. It's not fair to you to have alcoholic parents." Angela told me seriously.

I closed the door after walking inside again, feeling the nice heat running now. "It doesn't bother me, Angela. You know I don't drink or do anything they do, so it won't effect me. It's normal."

I shrugged off my parents' habits that had gone on my entire life once again. It was normal. It never bothered me.

I looked a the laptop to see some type of e-mail for me. I used the mouse pad to open it as Alice held it facing me so she didn't read it. Privacy.

"I'm just observing, Bells. You know me. Trevor! Put that down! I got to go, hun. Call me if you need something. Trevor!" Angela hung up after her screaming brother came louder.

I had to smile as I put my phone away. I read to the e-mail now.

'Bella, call me. - Charlie'

I looked to my cell battery and saw only a bar left. "Could I borrow a phone? Charlie needs me to call him." I asked Esme.

She instantly handed me the house phone. "Of course, Bella. Use it all you like." She smiled and walked away to stop Jasper from tackling Emmett for cheating or something boyish.

I thanked Alice for telling me and walked back outside to call Charlie. It seemed he did get my calls and wasn't busy now.

"Chief Swan speaking."

"Dad, it's Bella. I got your e-mail." I told him.

"Jesus Christ, Bells. Can you call your mother and tell her to not disturb me when I'm working?"

I nodded. "Sure. She called me, but she was drunk and I hung up after telling her to go to sleep and sleep off whatever she drank." I agreed to be middle man again.

"Thank you, Bella. Where are you calling from?"

"The Cullens' home phone. I'm staying here for the night since I couldn't get in the house and you're working. Alice is letting me stay with her tonight. My phone's dead so if you need me, just call here." I told him.

"Alright. If you want to come back tonight, come at like...eleven-thirty, eleven-forty. I'll be home by then." He said with a shrug in his voice.

He didn't care. It was normal.

"Sure. Thanks, Dad. I'll tell Mom to stop calling you." I hung up after he said goodbye.

"Bella?" Edward asked when he came outside with me.

I looked to him. "Yes?" I asked while trying to remember Renee's number again. This was one reason I had a cell phone with numbers programed into it.

"Bella, perhaps you shouldn't call your mother. Don't get in the middle of their quarrels." Edward said.

I looked back to him. He looked worried. What for? It was completely normal to call back and forth between parents.

"Don't worry about it, Edward. It's fine. I'm used to making Renee chose between the phone and the bottle." I joked and couldn't remember the number. I picked up my phone to find the number and remembered it immediately.

"Has she ever chosen you over the bottle?" He asked me softly with sadness in his voice.

I didn't answer. That must be enough of a 'no she never did because alcohol was her first baby' that he would ever get. I dialed in the number but didn't call as to finish Edward's conversation.

Be normal, I told myself. Normal me let others speak before doing something else.

"I take it as a no. Has Charlie?" Edward asked me.

"Charlie doesn't drink to be drunk. He drinks to drink. That's totally different." I informed him.

"Has he ever put a bottle down and chose you over it?" He asked me once more.

I stopped. "My parents got along for reasons other than Renee being pregnant with me, Edward. Old habits die hard, I guess. Can't blame the people." I told him.

Edward looked to highly disagree and I stopped him from asking another question.

"Why so questiony today?" I wanted to know where all these questions were coming from.

From someone else's mouth, meaning he was middle question man, or his mouth, meaning he was curious more than usual.

He grew curious. "What do you mean? I ask as many questions as normal." He sounded confused.

I shook my head. "No, you don't. Especially not on Renee and Charlie with their habits of tipping the bottle and ending up in some type of verbal battle of drunken wits." I stated.

That had made Edward quirk his lips and lean against the wall. "Drunken wits. Do explain." He chuckled.

I had to smile and lean on the wall as well with him. The rain was still coming down hard.

"When they drink, even separated, they end up calling each other to fight out something in the past. Whether it be high school, or me. It was always humorous to me, watching them go back and forth screaming something slurred and not even intelligent. Phil didn't find it very funny, considering he married Renee, but it was inevitable. And if there was no phone, I would be told to fetch a 'cally thingy'." I laughed at the last part.

It made Edward chuckle as well. "Cally thingy?" He questioned.

I nodded. "It was funny, day in and day out some new word was added to the drunken dictionary. It's one reason Phil and Renee get along so well. They both drink to the point of passing out where they stood. I would leave them right there after throwing all the beer out, making them go out to buy more, but it was the thought that counted I guess." I shrugged.

"Does it not get tiring to you? The fact that every parental figure in your family drink?" Edward asked me.

Another question.

I shook my head. "No. Everyone in my family drinks. My grandparents were heavy drinkers and smokers. Some did pills and other drugs. Main cause of death in the family is liver disease and overdose." I admitted.

"Have you ever dated anyone with those attributes. Obviously not me or my family." He grinned crookedly.

I had to smile. I did so love that grin.

"We're talking about Phoenix here, Edward. Everyone drinks and smokes." I informed.

He chuckled. "Let me be more specific." He paused to think. "have you ever dated anyone older who drank, smoked, did drugs, more than once?" He tried.

More specific. Who was it asking these questions that were so detailed?

"Two guys. One man was twenty-seven and I was sixteen. His name was Robert but everyone called him Robby." I admitted. Not very proudly considering he was so much older.

"The other guy was nineteen and I was fourteen. His name was Nathaniel." I remembered the other one.

"Very much older." Edward mused. "Though I can't say anything since my own age." He nodded to himself.

"But you look seventeen, so I don't think it counts." I saved face with his pride I knew was crumbling.

He looked amused now. "Why so much older?" He asked me curiously.

I shrugged. "I wasn't interested in people who were my age. Sometimes I went a year younger than me, but rare. I liked them older and able to do things with no conscious of my age and the risks. I was risky and stupid at times, but that's Swan blood and Anderson blood." I waved it off and took off my hood to fix my hair.

"What did the first one do for a living?"

"He owned a strip club." I spoke honestly.

"Pardon?" Edward sounded a little shocked.

I smiled. "You don't think he liked me for my personality did you? I had a good looking body, and he wanted to show it off to the world on what he had. He put me off as eighteen, and I was never alone for my own safety. He favored me over his older dancers and girls."

"You've done exotic dancing?"

"Stripping?" I asked him with a nod.

He looked me up and down. "Why on Earth would you do that?" He asked me.

I shrugged. "He wanted to show me off, I wanted attention. We both got what we wanted." I looked away from him to the phone I canceled the number for now. I would call later. Hopefully Charlie understood.

"What about the other one?" Edward asked after a minute of complete silence apart from inside noises from Emmett and Jasper, the rain pattering on the roof, and my own heartbeat.

"Nathaniel was a dealer, and a son of a high standing man." I told him. "No. I never did drugs or drank with him. It didn't call to me like he did." I answered his silent questions.

He nodded, looking relieved. "What drew you to this one?"

"I don't know. Reminded me of Renee I suppose. She did drugs all the time around me, and I wanted a man like my mother." I rolled my eyes.

I was a stupid human really. But I was able to admit that. Maybe all the drinking and drugs my mom did while pregnant with me was getting to me at last.

"You've never even had temptation to do them?" Edward asked me with some amazement.

I shook my head. "No. I've drank a couple of time with my ex's, but never to to the point of drunk. I was a social drinker." I admitted once again.

He hummed.

"Why so questiony still?" I asked him again.

He looked at me. "I'm no more questionable than yesterday, love." He answered.

I disagreed. "You never ask this many questions. We've never spoken of parents, alcohol, ex's, drugs, and my sleeping habits. Who wants to know all of this information?" I ousted.

I was a smart human sometimes. I never admitted that though. I was my father's daughter after all.

"I've noticed a great many things since Italy, Bella." Edward began.

I didn't think I was going to like this.

"Like?" I urged him on.

He nodded. "I've notice a great many things about Charlie since Italy, Bella."

I gazed to him, wondering what he noticed. "And what's that?" I dared to ask him, leaning away from the wall and him.

He looked calm, yet riddled with mixtures of emotions. "Bella, tell me," he took out two CD's, "what are these?" He asked me softly.

I knew I lost color when I saw the labels on the clear CD's.

'Bells'

'Isabella'

I looked down, thinking of what to say and or do. I acted normal though...how did he find those? Why would he even suspect...?

"These aren't the only ones I found, love. I found about fifteen more." Edward spoke softly.

Why would he even suspect...I acted normal...

"All labeled differently with different penman-ships. I wondered what they were, thinking they were something family-like with your father, Phil, and your mother. But upon closer inspection, they were...anything but familial love, and not one included your mother. One included your father, but I don't think I will ever watch it again." Edward went on.

I took a breath to calm myself and hopefully gain color back. "Where did you find those?" I didn't look at him or the doctor that came outside and stood ways away.

"One was on your desk, and the box was open underneath it. I took it as you were looking through old memories, and wished to see as well. I didn't think you have minded, and I looked at the one I know Charlie wrote from this being his handwriting. I know he wrote it from the contents as well." Edward answered.

I didn't ask anything else. How do finish this type of conversation up and end it to never be brought up again?

"These are being turned in, Bella. You're still seventeen, since you just turned it a few months ago. These charges are going to be placed against them all with the evidence we have right here." Edward held the CD's up for a few seconds before letting his hand go to his side again.

I had no choice in this. Again.

Four days later

"Who is this man?" The CPS officer asked once more on another photo.

I was sitting inside Carlisle's office with him – considering he somehow gained custody of me along with Esme – and the two officers who had received 'substantial evidence' on child cruelty and child prostitution.

"I don't know." I repeated myself monotonously.

Th CPS officer sighed and looked to Carlisle. "Bella, you lived with this man for two years. You're telling me you were never introduced?" He asked me.

"I don't know him." I repeated.

"I apologize, Officer Bendly. Bella has been rather reclusive and obstinate since the case began against her father and step-father." Carlisle apologized to them.

It wasn't needed in my mind.

'I used to be the kid no one cared about. That's why you've got to keep screaming til they hear you out'

Tinie Tempah was right. The kid no one cares about is right here, being interrogated to speak up against my father, mother, step-father, and other men. I loved my family. I can't put them in jail for something so unimportant.

"Did they say to not tell us, Bella? Did he threaten you?" The other officer asked.

"A threat isn't needed to keep my mouth super-glued shut. Are you done fishing?" I asked them both.

"I don't think the videos we received are fishing, Bella. We have the evidence. We only want your identification since your mother isn't speaking to us." The male officer spoke.

"Smart woman." I told them, looking at them before looking down to the desk again and fingering the photo of Tom Saders. "He was third." I pushed it away in my memory of the man.

"Your third time?" The other one asked, sounding hopeful.

"The third boyfriend. I was seven when he moved in with us in our apartment. He pissed off Renee when I was nine, and he was kicked out. She continued her prowl at the bar." Informed.

"Which bar?"

"The Tavern. Bet you my life if you show these pictures to the bartender – Jerry – he'll tell you every man's name and even where they are. He still works there in the night, where these sad excuses of life are dwelling at his tables or at the pool table with the whores running around." I promised.

This was ending the conversation perfectly. They won't bother me again.

"You should call that in." The man told the other male.

"When he asks what you want, say 'Iz' and he'll tell you everything." I told them and left the room to go outside again.

'Let's take it slow, I don't want to move too fast

I don't wanna just make love, I wanna make love last

When you're off this high, it's a sad goodbye.'

Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean are all too right. Sad goodbyes are to come, I can see it. First, I'm getting my father out of jail, somewhere he didn't belong.

Three months later

"He's right there." The officer pointed to a window where my father was, all ruffled and looking exhausted.

"Thank you." I nodded.

"I was told you can have five minutes. I can't leave this spot. Just make it quick." He spoke softly to me so no one overheard.

I nodded and walked over to the window where Charlie gave up a smile. I gave one back.

"You look good, better than I expected." I observed him.

He grinned. "What did you expect? Tattoos?" He asked me.

I nodded. "At least one."

He chuckled, and I cracked a larger smile.

"What are you doing here, Bella? You know you aren't allowed to talk to me." Charlie said more sadly.

"I'm just letting you know that I made a deal with the suit bastards." I informed.

He looked curious. "About? Lower sentence?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "I've made a promise to bring down Mom's ring of boyfriends and her, if they released you with a squeaky record. You're moving to Canada for a new life." I told him with a smile.

He sat up with some shock. "What?" He asked lowly.

I nodded. "I wanted you out. We won't see each other, but a phone call every now and then to make sure you're still feeding yourself without me there to feed you, but I don't want you in jail. I love you to much." I told him and stood up and my name from the officer.

"Thank you, Bells. I love you, sweetheart." He told me, looking grateful.

"I love you, too, Daddy." I left window to leave the room to walk away with the officer.

"Can I ask why you would give him off?" The officer asked when we reached the front where Carlisle was standing.

I looked at the officer who looked curious. "I've never known Charlie my entire life. Moving to Forks was the best thing to happen to me. Charlie was the best thing I had, and he deserves something in return to housing me for a year. We're a sick family, the Swans. Charlie isn't a bad man like his father was." I informed him softly and walked away to Carlisle who set an arm across my shoulders to lead me away. I ended the conversation perfectly.

four months later

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" The judge asked.

I gazed to the people in in the juror's box as an older woman stood up with a paper. I gazed to my left to inspect Renee. She looked rather warn and desperate in the defense table with her lawyer and her standing up.

"yes, Your Honor." The woman stated.

"What does the jury find?" The judge asked, taking a look to my mother.

"We the jury, find the defendant, Renee Dwyer, guilty of all charges." The woman answered and folded the paper back up among the cheers in the court from in front of me.

'I go back to December all the time.'

Yes, Taylor, I do go back to December. Everyday I go back actually.

'This is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you telling you I'm sorry for that night.'

But I'm not sorry. I looked to my mother who looked white and devastated. She looked about ready to faint actually. I grew a smile when she noticed me in the back. Despite all of this happening, I loved my mother. This was normal.

Maybe I was a sick Swan. Who knew.

I stood up after putting on my sunglasses, still smiling as I took Edward's hand. He had come with me for the final trial of my mother getting twenty-five to life in prison for child cruelty, neglect, and even prostitution on a minor.

"Bella!" Renee called for me.

I looked back once, seeing eyes on me and her in utter silence.

"Mommy." I called back, reminding her of the past very clearly before turning around and walking out of the court room with Edward's hand in mine.

thirteen years later

'Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?

I wouldn't dream of going no where

Silly woman, come here let me hold you

Have I told you lately?

I love you like crazy.'

Eli Young Band's song has never been more right. I looked out into the forest, seeing those blurs of my brothers and mate going at another fight. I shook my head in fondness of another fight.

"Well then, who will separate this one?" Carlisle hummed from beside me.

Rosalie huffed from her beach towel, her skin glittering in diamonds as she 'sunned' herself in her bikini. "Not me. I separated the last fight." She reminded us.

"that was ten years ago." I chided her.

"Still did it." She titled her head back, her sunglasses still on her face as she relaxed.

I had to laugh with Carlisle and Esme who was near Rosalie doing the same with Alice in 'sunning'.

"Well, I know one way to stop this fight, but it won't be pretty." I told Carlisle who grinned.

"Have at it, Miss Cullen." Carlisle chuckled.

I immediately went for it. "Hey, Rose?"

"yes?" She asked confusedly.

"Remember when I said, thirteen years ago, that old habits die hard?" I asked.

She took off her sunglasses, like the other women did. "Yes..." She looked worried.

I nodded once, pretending to hesitate. "Emmett." I stated simply.

"Emmett? What about Em...EMMETT!" She screamed and disappeared before a sound of two boulders colliding came through the opening.

"Bella, that wasn't nice." Esme chided with a laugh as Alice cracked up.

I shrugged and was engulfed in two strong cold arms.

"Bad." Edward chided and pecked my cheek.

"Did you get out?" I asked him sarcastically, seeing Jasper speed to Alice as he laughed at seeing Rosalie take down Emmett for 'using me' and 'taking advantage of me in my weakened state', with poor Emmett confused under the wrath of his wife and mate as he asked 'what' along with 'wait a second!".

"I have nothing to comeback with." He chuckled in good humor.

"I ended the conversation once again in a perfect manner." I smiled.

'We're never gonna grow up.

We're never gonna slow down.

We were shinning like lighters in the dark in the middle of a rock show.

We were doing it right.

We were coming alive.

We're caught up in a southern summer barefoot blue jean night.'

Jake Owen has never been more accurate. Though I sip blood, not sweet tea.

Just something small I thought of. I hope everyone likes it! I kind of wanted to make it longer, but I don't know.

maybe I can make a different one with this same tone and likeness, but make it...longer and more detailed in between? Just let me know, my peeps!

Also, toward the edge is on hiatus for now. Remember! I'm using the library computer now, and I might only be able to get posted once or twice a week.

P.S - Sebastian is posting today a few more stories for Terrorizing Bella!

-Colonel Rage