Chapter 1

Elena took Damon's trembling hand and put it over the spot where her heart used to beat just a few short weeks ago. "Does this feel wrong?" she asked him. Her other hand caressed his cheek. "Does this feel wrong?"

Oh, God no. It felt so fucking right. But that just hammered home how wrong it was. That he could love her touch, knowing it wasn't her choice – just some twisted sire bond. He'd always known he was the bad brother. But this. He claimed to love Elena, but making love to her when she was sired to him. It wasn't her own free will. It was - bile rose in his throat - it was rape.

He stepped back and his whole body ached from the loss of her touch. "No, you're confused. This isn't real." He squeezed his eyes shut. "What we did wasn't real."

"Was it real last night when you told me you loved me?"

Damon's eyes flew open. Elena was standing straighter, daring him to deny the words he had murmured in her ear, and shouted at more, um, climactic moments the night before. "You know it was real. Is real. I would walk in the sun without my ring for you," he paused, hating what he had to say, "which is why I have to let you go."

"No!" she shouted, covering her ears. As if her delicate hands could block his words from her vampire hearing. "Please don't order me to do anything." Her eyes pleaded with him and it felt like his unbeating heart was being wrenched from his chest. "At least let's talk about it first."

He nodded, unable to deny her anything, especially if it meant a few more minutes when he could still pretend she cared about him.

Elena slowly removed her hands from her ears. "This…whatever we are is just as real for me as it is for you."

Damon shook his head. "You don't know what you're—" Elena put her fingers to his lips. He wanted to kiss each one of those slender fingers, but he made due with simply shutting up.

"When Tyler was sired to Klaus, he hated him. He followed every order, but he hated Klaus more with each order."

The thought of being like Klaus, ordering Elena to do things she didn't want to do made him ill. He gripped both her hands between them and kissed her knuckles. "That's why you have to stay away from me. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to. I don't want you staying with me while hating me."

Elena shook her head. "That isn't going to happen. I only mentioned Klaus to show that the sire bond doesn't change how you feel about the person, only how you act. Everything I feel about you is real. Last night, I told you I had wanted to dance with you, so you asked me to dance. You kissed me first, but I," she lowered her eyes to look at their clasped hands. "I'm the one who threw you against the wall and ripped off your shirt."

Damon felt his jeans getting uncomfortably tight at the memory and his brain started to fog from lack of blood circulation. He couldn't think straight with her so close to him so he stepped away again. "No, you're just trying to make me happy. A vampire sire bond is different than a hybrid one."

Elena closed the gap between them again. "How is a vampire sire bond different? What did you learn in New Orleans?"

"The hybrids are grateful to Klaus for saving them from the pain of turning at the full moon. They turn a bunch of times until it stops hurting and presto chango, no more need to be grateful, ergo, no more sire bond."

"I wasn't grateful for being made a vampire. Caroline sure as hell isn't bonded to you. So why us? Why are we bonded?" Elena ran her hands up his chest and he shivered. The way she said 'bonded' spoke of promises and commitment, not commands and loss of free will.

Damon let out a sigh. It was just going to make it harder once he told her, but he couldn't stop himself. Wasn't he supposed to somehow be in charge here? "It's because you had feelings for me before becoming a vampire."

He expected her to deny it, but she just smiled as she trailed one finger down his chest. "So I wasn't just trying to make my sire happy the night at the motel, after we picked Jeremy up?"

Damon's breath hitched in his chest at the memory of that searing kiss – the one she initiated, while still human.

She continued. "And I think it has to be stronger than just 'feelings'." She actually did air quotes before returning her wandering finger to his chest. "I'm sure a lot of women have had 'feelings' for you over the years. I mean, look at you." Her chocolate eyes flicked to his chest before slowly moving up to meet his eyes.

The passion he saw there was almost his undoing. Don't say it, Elena.

"I think a vampire sire bond only happens when a progeny already loved her sire as a human." Her finger trailed down his stomach and lower.

Oh God, she said it. Fighting the urge to throw her to the floor and rip her clothes off, he instead sped across the room. "Damn it, Elena, you're making it harder than it already is!" Damon dragged his hands through his hair as he paced the far side of the room. "I'm not good. I'm not strong." He stopped pacing and met Elena's eyes. "I'm not Stefan. And I can't let you go while you're doing what you're doing, saying what you're saying. You don't love me, so please just—"

In a blur Elena was in front of him, full vampire face, her hand tight over his mouth. "Don't. Say. It."

He nodded mutely.

Her face relaxed and she was Elena again. "I love you," she said fiercely. "And it has nothing to do with any stupid sire bond."

Damon didn't know he could experience such joy and anguish at the same time as Elena spoke the words he had fantasized about for so long. But the words, the lovemaking, none of it was real. Like when he'd had 12 glorious hours thinking Elena had kissed him back, only to discover to his horror that it had been Katherine. Only this was a thousand times worse. This wasn't Katherine tricking him. This was him tricking Elena. Violating her trust and her body.

"Damon," Elena removed her hand from his mouth to nervously tuck her hair behind her ear. "I just told you I love you. Say something."

"Like what?" Damon blinked back tears. "That I'm happy that some weird vampire mojo has made you believe you love me instead of Stefan? I said I love you so you say it back to make me happy. Big fucking deal. It's just words."

Elena gasped. "I know what you're doing, Damon, and you're not pushing me away. If I was just trying to make you happy, I would have told you I loved you last night. But I didn't. So however this sire thing works, it's not automatic. Telling you I love you, those are my words, my feelings, right now."

Damon felt a spark of hope but he stomped it out before it could glow any brighter and leave him with third degree burns to his heart. "Nothing has changed between last night and today. If you didn't love me then, you don't love me now."

Elena shook her head. "Everything changed. Yesterday our relationship was newness and passion and happiness. After spending so long denying my feelings for you, I wasn't ready to admit that I loved you and there was no rush because we had an eternity to figure it out."

"An eternity?" he choked out.

She smiled shyly. "I was thinking long term." She took his hand and squeezed it. "But then Caroline told me about the sire bond and I knew you would try to push me away. And the thought of losing you…" Now it was Elena trying to blink back tears and doing a lousy job of it.

Damon dried her cheeks with his thumbs.

Elena took a deep breath and forced her words out in one long breath before she choked up. "When Stefan broke up with me I was sad for what I'd lost – my innocence, the girl I once was and everything I had when Stefan and I started dating. But knowing you were coming home to break up with me, I was devastated for the future – a future without you."

Damon stared at Elena, at a rare loss for words. Then he slowly shook his head. "Wow, that sire bond is a poetic thing. I almost believe it myself."

"You're an idiot."

"Well, at least I know that's not the sire bond talking."

She growled. "You drive me crazy."

"I'm pissing you off. Good. That's how the real Elena feels about me. We're making progress. Maybe we can break this thing yet."

They both stilled. And that was the crux of it, wasn't it?

"Elena," he said gently. "You can't even give an opinion on a dress without me interfering. If we're together, Hell, if we're anywhere near each other I will gradually swallow your personality, until you're nothing left but an empty mirror, reflecting back whatever I put in front of you. I love you too much to do that to you."

Elena seemed to shrink into herself at his words, sobbing quietly. Whatever scrap of soul he might have had was being shredded by her pain at her acceptance of the situation. He wrapped his arms around her one last time. For her, but also selfishly, for him. Except for that unfortunate incident when he killed Jeremy, he'd always been able to hold her, comfort her and ease some of the pain. But that could never happen again. After he gave his speech about how nothing would make him happier than her being with Stefan, he would leave town forever.