A/N: Hi. I haven't updated this thing in... lemme see...eight months exactly. Where does the time go? Heh heh heh, heh heh...heh...

Sorry.

This is something I do when I'm bored. It's more of a between-stories thing than a story in itself, having fun in an idle moment. But I have been writing this off and on since April (jeezus), and the entire last 653 words was written in two chunks, each taking roughly an hour. So if you want to know why it seems hasty towards the end, that's why. Or maybe it doesn't actually seem hasty and I'm just being overcritical. I honestly don't know. Whatever; I'll stop talking now. Enjoy.

"Verse Six," Calvin recited dully. "Tigers are nimble and light on their toes. My respect for tigers continually grows. Verse Seven: Tigers are perfect, the E-Pit-O-Me of good looks and grace and quiet dignity."

"You know," Hobbes interrupted, looking down amusedly from the tree house, "None of this is going to mean anything if you don't do the dance with it."

"What?! Why'd you let me get to Verse freaking Seven when I'd have to start over afterwards?!"

Hobbes shrugged, grinning toothily. "You looked like you were on a roll. Besides, it was hilarious. Oh, hi Susie."

Calvin looked to where Hobbes had glanced, and saw Susie approaching. "Oh. Hello, Susie. What do you want?"

Susie shrugged, stopping under the tree house next to Calvin and looking up at his counterpart. "Nothing. I just wanted to see what you were doing. Hi, Hobbes."

"You can't want nothing," Calvin said irritably, "and want to know what we're doing at the same time. It just doesn't work."

Ignoring him, Susie grinned up at Hobbes. "Hey, is there a rope ladder up there so I can get up?"

In answer, Hobbes pulled the rope ladder into view, dangling it over the side just out of reach if Susie were to jump. He smiled.

Susie watched the end of the rope sway back and forth in Hobbes' grip. "Oh. Well, can I come up?"

"Not without saying the password," Hobbes playfully replied.

"Ha HA!" cackled Calvin. "The password is a ten-verse poem praising tigers! You'll never be able to figure it out! You'll just have to wait for me to finish reciting the password, only with your eyes closed so you can't see the accompanying dance, and then maybe, maybe we'll let you up! HA HA HA!"

During this insane rant, Susie had been standing with her chin in one hand, trying to think of an acceptable password. Finally, she looked back up at Hobbes, met his eyes, and recited from memory:

"Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

"In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

"And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

"What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

"When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

"Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?"

There was a long, long pause following this. Calvin looked from Susie, to Hobbes (whose brow was raised in appreciation), and back to Susie. Susie smiled upwards, trying to look as adorable as possible. After probably thirty seconds, Hobbes lowered the rope ladder into Susie's grasp, she grasped the bottom knot with her feet and the fourth one up with both hands, and Hobbes pulled both her and the rope ladder up into the tree house.

"SERIOUSLY?!" Calvin screamed. "She gets in free for that? This is outrageous! I knew that poem, well the first two lines of that poem, when I was six! 'Eye' and 'Symmetry' don't even rhyme! Admit it, flea bait; you're just letting her up because she's a girl!"

"No," Hobbes corrected. "I'm letting her up because she's a nine-year-old girl who had the entire poem 'The Tyger' memorized. And since the poem praised tigers anyway, it works just as well. And also because she's way nicer than you. And because she's adorable. Now finish the password."

"And do the dance," Susie added, looking down at Calvin. "I want to see this."

"I refuse!" Calvin roared. "This is sexism! This is discrimination! This is like six different hate crimes rolled into one! I'm going to the garage and getting a normal ladder, thank you very much!" With that, he turned and walked straight into his mom, who had come outside to see what all the shouting was about.

Calvin's mom, for her part, looked up at Susie and Hobbes in the tree house, then at Calvin in front of her. "What's going on out here?"

"Top secret classified stuff," Calvin said matter-of-factly. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well," said his mom, checking her watch, "I hadn't seen you in fifteen minutes. That usually means there's some kind of trouble. So I came looking to see what you were up to." A sudden movement drew her eyes back upward, and she saw Susie looking behind her into the treehouse, the inside of which was out of her view. The plush tiger was nowhere to be seen. "Susie, what are you looking at?"

"Hobbes is making a note in a journal that's up here," Susie replied. And then, realizing who she was talking to, she added, "So, nothing."

"When Calvin is gone for fifteen minutes," Hobbes muttered under his breath, writing furiously, "...there's...usually...some...kind of...trouble. There." He looked up at Susie. "It seemed like a good note to take down, for future reference."

Susie cackled.

"Calvin," said his mom, "are Susie and Hobbes not letting you up?"

"Yes," Calvin growled.

"No," Susie interjected. "He just has to recite the password. It's apparently this long poem praising tigers... what?" She looked at the stuffed tiger that had somehow appeared back in view when Calvin's mom wasn't looking. "...An ode to tigers, apparently. And there's supposed to be some sort of dance that comes with it. Calvin doesn't want to do it."

"I would do it," Calvin yelled, "if Hobbes hadn't let you in without saying the password! It's a hideous double standard and I won't stand for it!" He turned back to his mom. "So I'm going to get a ladder or something."

Calvin's mom smiled briefly, before looking up at the treehouse. "Susie... Hobbes... let Calvin up, would you?"

"But—"

"Do it."

Susie sighed. She made a gesture to the stuffed tiger as Calvin's mom looked back down at him. "Better?"

"It's still compromising my principles."

The lowest knot of the ladder hit the ground behind him.

"But I'll go with it. Thanks, Mom."

a few minutes later

Hobbes lay down on the slightly warped boards making up the treehouse floor, turning so that his stomach was facing up. "Rub my chest, would you Susie?"

Smiling, Susie reached one hand from her book to Hobbes' chest, stroking it as she continued reading her book. "I have a question, Calvin," she said, looking up at the nine-year-old across from her. "You know how no one can see Hobbes here unless they're shocked into it?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Well, how come you could see him from the start?"

"I wondered that for a while," Hobbes said. "Then I got to know him and it became pretty obvious." He cracked one eye open. "Look at him. Smart as someone four times his age, creative like an surrealist but rational like a scientist, and just disgusted enough with mankind to outright reject many conventional thoughts and beliefs. Calvin here is the next Leonardo da Vinci, mark my words. He gets it from his mom, I think."

Calvin lowered his comic book, Susie lowered her novel, and they both stared at Hobbes as if he had lobsters crawling out of his ears.

"The next da Vinci?" Susie repeated incredulously.

"I get my genius from Mom?" Calvin said. "Where the heck did you get that idea?!"

Hobbes shrugged, sitting up. "I think your mom was something like you when she was a kid. Not nearly as smart as you, but she might have been able to accept my existence once upon a time."

Susie cleared her throat. "Stop, Hobbes. Stop right there. Since when has Calvin been smart?"

Hobbes looked at Susie, as though asking you haven't picked up on it? "...Ask Calvin anything about dinosaurs. Anything at all."

"The largest carnivorous dinosaur," Susie said after a moment's pause.

"Oh, sure," said Calvin. "Give me an easy question. The largest carnivorous dinosaur was, in fact, the Spinosaurus. It was significantly larger than both Tyrannosaurus and Giganotosaurus, which was the second largest. None of these, of course, lived in the same place. Spinosaurus lived in what is now North Africa, Giganotosaurus lived in what is now Argentina, and Tyrannosaurus lived in America. Also, while the Spinosaurus and Giganotosaurus lived in the early Cretaceous period, Tyrannosaurus lived in the later Cretaceous several million years later. Purely speculation on my part, but I'm led to believe that Tyrannosaurus evolved from the larger Giganotosaurus (which was considered to be named Kick-butt-tyrant. Why it wasn't escapes me) due to the latter's speed being limited by its size. Its full speed couldn't have been - "

"ALRIGHT!" Susie yelled. "I get it!" She stared at Calvin, a look of shock and confusion on her face. "Where did that come from?! You barely passed first grade! And your snowmen! Someone that smart wouldn't have..."

Calvin stared at her, amused. "...Do you have any idea how much internal scaffolding is in those things?"

Susie slumped backwards, her world rocked. Again. "...And here I was thinking I was the smart one here."

"You should see him get philosophical," Hobbes commented, laying back down. "Come to think of it, like I was saying, you should see his mom get philosophical."

Calvin looked at Hobbes irritably over his comic book. "You're gonna have to explain that one," he said. "What are you talking about?"

"If you had stuck around during the many times she's sewn me up-"

"What?" Susie said, utterly, utterly bewildered. "Sew you up?"

Hobbes parted the fur on his arm, showing Susie his most recent scar. "Stitches. From when I fight wild animals, or sometimes Calvin."

"Ack. Shouldn't you, you know, make sure there's no dirt or anything trapped in the wound?"

"If you'll listen," Hobbes replied, "that's what I'm saying. Calvin's mom does that. Even if she doesn't know I'm alive, she certainly like to pretend she does. She treats my wounds like more than burst seams, she talks to me when there's no one else around (please keep rubbing my chest; that felt nice). I bet she would have been able to see me if she had met me at Calvin's age."

Calvin rolled his eyes without looking up from his comic book. "Yeah, but she didn't. Contrary to what you may have perceived, Hobbes ol' buddy, she's blind to you. Shame, right? Tsk tsk."

"Yeah," Hobbes said quietly. "Yeah, it is a shame. Let's go fix that!"

"What?!"

Hobbes rolled onto his stomach, hopped up onto his hind legs, and vaulted out of the tree house. Calvin and Susie watched as he grabbed a branch on the way down, slowing his decent, then buried his claws in the tree trunk before landing with catlike grace. He stood up, glanced up at his audience, and walked into the house.

"He's good," Susie commented.

"Let's go after him before he does something stupid."

Calvin threw the rope over the side of the tree house, holding it tightly as he climbed out. Slowly, carefully, he descended with both hands and feet around the rope until he got to the point where he could place his feet against the tree. After that his decent was much more rapid. Susie followed quickly, and the two of them dashed into the house after their nonhuman compatriot.

They found him leaning against the doorframe of the living room, watching the occupant. Hobbes glanced at them over his shoulder before holding up a hand and halting them. "Do you mind?" he said quietly. "I want more than two friends, thank you very much." He waved a hand in the vague direction of the stairs. "Go do something else. Do homework, read, plot sinister deeds to invoke on each other. I'll be along once I get started."

Calvin rolled his eyes, stepping back and nodding. Hobbes grinned, flashing a few surprisingly sharp teeth, then switched to all fours and went into the living room.

"Told you," Calvin said to Susie, starting up the stairs. "Stupid."

"And we're letting him."

"Yes. He'll pout if we don't." Calvin gave an exasperated sigh as he got to his bedroom door, the only one with signs on it. "I swear, if Mom blows a gasket or tells everyone that there's such a thing as Panthera tigris bengalis sapiens, I am going to smack him upside the head." He stepped over a dirty shirt and sat on his bed. Susie looked around at the mess, before going to the bookshelf and taking a look at the volumes there.

"Hey! This is a photocopy of my diary!"

All at once, Hobbes nimbly bounded into the room, clearly happy. "Well!" he said, landing on Calvin's pillow. "That was fun!"

"You got her to see you?" Susie said, tearing the photocopy in half.

"Of course not!" Hobbes said, with no change in his happy demeanor. "I'm not gonna try to do that in one day! But I made progress, definite progress. We should do something now. Something fun." He paused, looking at Susie. "But first we should induct Susie into G.R.O.S.S."

"No," said Calvin and Susie simultaneously.

"Alright, then, we should disband the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club. Come on, Calvin. You've been close enough to her for long enough to know that girls aren't slimy."

"That's because they bathe daily."

Hobbes and Susie gave Calvin identical looks until he got uncomfortable.

"Alright!" Calvin roared finally. He gave each of the other two a scathing glare, before grabbing a paper hat off the top of the dresser, putting it on, closing his eyes, and looking as official as possible. "Ahem. I, Supreme Dictator-for-Life Calvin the Bold, Boy of Destiny and general person of high importance, announce the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club to be..." he sighed melodramatically. "...officially disbanded, now and forevermore." With that, he took off his hat and held it to his chest, a final salute to his great organization, before ripping it in half.

Hobbes did a quiet cheer, joined after a second by Susie. Calvin solemnly walked to the trash can under his desk and placed the remains of his hat in the bottom. He turned back to the celebrating pair and stood for a moment silently.

"But!" he said sharply.

"...But?" Hobbes said, abruptly stopping.

Calvin turned exclusively to Susie. "We are still archenemies. No romantic advances, no sharing of deep secrets. Aside from the obvious one." He indicated with a nod the sapient tiger sitting on his bed. "We are still locked in a bitter struggle until the end of time. Agreed?"

Susie looked at Calvin's outstretched hand amusedly for a moment, before looking up at the boy himself and looking him right in the eyes. "Agreed," she said with a smile, which he returned.

They shook on it.

A/N: Yeah, that'll last.

So. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought of this chapter—and for new readers, this fic as a whole. Thank you and good night.