Disclaimer: i don't own InuYasha and co. don't sue

Title: I'm torn...Can you mend me?
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kagome/Inuyasha
History Brief: Kagome and the rest defeated Naraku 4 days ago. The jewel is complete and the gang heads back to the village to treat wounds.
Summary: An introspective look at Kagome's thoughts during the events leading to her absolute happiness, InuYasha's confession.

I'm torn...Can you mend me?

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Part 1: I'm Torn
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It happened...again, I should have figured it would happen again. Who am I kidding? That InuYasha would actually forget his 'Kikyou'? I must be, in his eyes, the replacement. Nothing more. He cares a little I guess, but only 'cause we're the lowest definition of 'friends'. I stopped being his friend. Instead after awhile, I developed strong feelings for him, feelings of...love. When he got hurt, I cried. When he went into battle regardless of opponent, I worried. But when he went to Kikyou, I put my head down in defeat. Don't get me wrong I personally have nothing against Kikyou. But still...

We defeated Naraku 4 days ago. The jewel was complete and we were back at the village. Soon I'll have to hand over the jewel to InuYasha,and disappear. I walked out into a clearing and found myself at the well. It was mid-afternoon. Sango and the rest were in the village, cleaning wounds and what not. The weather was sunny and the wind - none. That was until I went looking for Inuyasha and saw. Now the weather is cloudy and it looks like it'll pour any second. I sit down beside the well and overlook the forest. I remember this song I heard awhile back, it seems to have much in common with myself at this moment.

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

I did indeed see 'a man brought to life'. He was not 'warm', but he sure 'came around like he was dignified'. I stare down at my hands in my lap, 'he showed me what it was to cry'... I remember when we arrived in the village this morning, InuYasha disappeared in the direction of the forest. I-I followed him. Now I know I shouldn't have. Because the minute I saw him, I broke. I saw him and my other self, Kikyou. They were in some sort of heated argument, but I heard none of it as soon as I saw InuYasha sigh in frustration and pull Kikyou into a very close embrace.

Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore

I wish you weren't 'that man I adored'. But, you are. You really 'don't seem to know', you really 'don't seem to care'. I wish 'I didn't know him anymore', but I do and it won't change. Sure we are done with completing the shikon no tama. I will give it to him like I'm suppose to, go back to my time, and never forget what happened. I stood aimlessly watching them embrace one another. Watching them pour out their feelings to each other. InuYasha had his arms around her in a secure lock. Kikyou just had both of her hands loosely around his waist. What he said to Kikyou hurt the most. He was in...heaven, as it would seem. I didn't feel comfortable there anymore. I turned my back and ran. I just kept running. And you know what gave the final blow? He didn't even see me, see me watching him, see me get torn.

There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
That's whats going on, nothing's fine I'm torn

'There's nothing'. My mind is blank, 'my conversation has run dry.' 'That's whats going on, nothing's fine I'm torn.' I am void of all emotions. For that one moment I felt complete and absolute hopelessness. I kept running until I triped landing flat on my face. I winced as I tried to get up. I looked at my ankle and saw the swelling realizing that I had twisted it pretty badly. Regardless of that and the pain, I got on my feet and walked, slowly this time. That's where it ended and here I am.

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

'I'm all out of faith' and hope in what was never meant to be. 'I'm cold and I'm shamed', for what reason, I do not know. Now I've finally realized that the 'Illusion never changed into something real.' I am finally at terms with reality. 'I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky it torn'. I hear the thunder and glance at horizon as I see a lightening bolt head to the ground. All of a sudden I feel heavy droplets of water fall on me. It takes awhile, but I register that it's raining.

You're a little late, I'm already torn
So I guess the fortune teller's tell us right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light

'I'm already torn'. I remember a few weeks back when my friends back home, forced me to go to a fortune teller's booth. I gave in to their demands. I never thought what she told me would have any meaning, but 'I guess the fortune teller's tell us right.' I really 'Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light.' But I did. I thought that him and me was a possibility, yeah right. It never was, it was her and always her. I was the shadow of his love.

But you crawled beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn

I traveled with him always stealing glances at him, when he wasn't noticing. He really 'crawled beneath my veins' at times. But you know what it don't matter now. 'I don't care.' The rain is welcoming to me. It represents me in so many ways. By now, my cloths are soaked and my figure is visible. Not that anyone is here to see. My hair is sticking to my face and shoulders. I close my eyes as another rain drop hits my eyelashes.

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

'Out of faith', 'cold', and practically 'lying naked on the floor.' I am something to behold. A girl down on her luck, her 'illusion never changed into something real.' A glance towards the sky tells me that the 'sky is torn.' The sky representing me, the rain representing my emotions, my sadness. I think about the last nice thing he did. It was 2 days ago. We had stopped to rest for the night and everyone, save me and Inuyasha had fallen asleep. I sat awake staring intensely at the fire that was burning with heat before me. InuYasha was sitting 3 feet away from me. He was just seated with his eyes closed. He was not asleep, I knew that. I'm not sure when it was but I drifted off to sleep and being the middle of October, it was real cold at night. I woke up the next day only to find myself in my sleeping bag.
I got up and saw InuYasha open one eye and do one thing she'll cherish forever, smile.

You're a little late, I'm already torn. Torn.
There's nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
That's what's going on, nothings right, I'm torn

'Nothing's right, I'm torn'. By now night had fallen. I was slightly surprised time had gone by so fast but it had. The rain was not yielding though. On the other hand, it was getting worse. It was now cold, dark, and rainy. But I didn't care that much. Nothing's changed. Why should I go back so soon? Go back and look at InuYasha without instantly filling up with tears and running away.

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel

'I'm all out of faith' and this is indeed 'how I feel.' I glance ahead and see that everything is getting blurry. What is going on? I feel dizzy. I feel faint. Without another thought able to run through my brain, I feel my eyes shut close, my body shift, and I fall to the ground.

I'm cold and I'm ashamed bound and broken on the floor
You're a little late, I'm already torn

If I had kept my eyes open for one more minute I would have seen a white-haired hanyou running, while yelling my name loudly, towards me. But by then 'I'm already torn'

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Part 2: Can you mend me?
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I opened my eyes only to find myself in shelter, and away from the rain. I blink a few times and attempt to lift myself up, only to have futile efforts. I think back and realize that I fainted in the rain and had most likely fallen ill. It's not like it matters though, the mission is over, and no one cares. A chill runs up my spine as I feel his presence in the room. I turn my head in his direction only to see that he is fast asleep. Coldness overcomes me as I realize I am stripped down to my underwear and under a thick blanket. Thinking it would be for the best, I try and get up, only resulting in waking the sleeping hanyou.

"Kagome, you shouldn't move," InuYasha got up and pushed me back down onto my sleeping bag. He sighed in frustration, "Geez, woman why did you get caught in the rain? You should have gone back to the village." As soon as he said that, I felt an air of despair take over me. Remembering why I was out in the rain, almost succeeded in bringing tears to my eyes. Instead I just turned my head away from him. I know he sensed my despair because he asked, "What's wrong?"

The circle of the moon
The rising of the sun
We'll be together soon
Our story's just begun
Time will bring us near
I'll never be too far
Oh, baby, don't you fear
I'll always be where you are

Unable to answer him, I think about another sad song I heard. It's then I come to terms with what I saw. No matter what 'I'll never be too far' even if you don't love me. 'I'll always be where you are' I will still love you. "I'm fine. I fell asleep before it was raining," it's amazing to hear my voice after a long time. It sounds raspy and dry. He seemed to accept my excuse, but I should have known better, "You're not fine!! You're sick! You need to rest. What made you think that you could sit in the rain and not get sick!! You could have died. Stupid wrench!"

Wrench. Yes, I am a wrench. Yes, I could have died. "Would it matter if I died?" it only registered I had said that once I saw the look on his face. But it was true, would it really matter? No, he has his Kikyou the jewel is complete all he has to do is take it once I die. The look on his face, I could fill a whole notepad with thoughts that might be running through his head, a few I bet aren't. Like, 'It would matter!' or 'Yes it would, I love you, that's why!!' All of these? Futile. Completely impossible.

You can dry my tears
But you can't stop the pain inside
I'm trying to hide
As I hold you near
I know I have to pull away
You know that I can't stay
All of my life
No one has touched me the way that you do
Wherever I go
I know that the road will lead back to you

He simply says nothing. What is that phrase? Actions speak louder than words? Yes, that's it. It's true you know? After I saw the look on his face, 2 seconds after I feel his hands lift my body up (with the blanket) and circle around me. Now I lie in his arms, my body in an awkward position. Half of me is still on my sleeping bag. The blanket I had on top of me was circled around my body. InuYasha was seated on the ground and his head snuggled into my neck, and mine in his. For one moment I forget about Kikyou and what I saw, it's all about the moment. 'But you can't stop the pain inside. I'm trying to hide. As I hold you near. I know I have to pull away.' And I do. I place my hands on his chest and push him away.

He looks at me questionably. He doesn't understand. I smile sadly. It's time to confess, "I saw." It looks at me clueless for a few seconds. I look straight at his eyes silently telling him, what I can not put into words. His eyes widen in shock and I know, he knows. I'm not so sure why he's looking at me with that look. I turn away knowing, things have changed, never to be the same again.

[Chorus]
So don't say goodbye
Don't turn away
It doesn't have to end today
Don't say goodbye
'Cause I will love you 'til the end of time
Don't say goodbye

Then I hear words from his mouth, "Don't turn away." As much as I don't want it 'to end today' it has to. I don't heed to his words and keep my back turned tohim. His body shifts again as I feel a weight on my shoulders. His head is bowed, his forehead to my shoulder. "I'm going to leave tomorrow. The jewel is yours, to do whatever you desire with it. Good luck with Kikyou." That's it, my farewell. My goodbye. I feel his body tense up and he swivels my body around to face him. He looks into my eyes, I don't know what he expects to see. All thoughts interrupted as he presses his lips to mine, initiating a passionate kiss.

Can you feel my love inside
The way that my body's sighing
With your every breath
I try to memorize
Every move you're making
So I'll never forget
The way that you feel
Whenever your heart is beating with mine
Wherever I go
I'll keep my memories of you inside

[Chorus]

My breath is caught in my throat as I find myself responding quickly. I can't hold back anymore. Tears fall from my eyes. Why is he doing this, shouldn't hebe with his Kikyou? Regardless enjoying my first kiss 'I try to memorize, every move you're making, so I'll never forget.' So that 'wherever I go, I'll keep my memories of you inside.' I open my eyes wondering when I closed them, as we break apart. He's still in questionable range of me. He's so close I can feel his breathe on my neck. I find my voice, "Why did you do that?" He smiles. Oh gods please don't tell me that it was all some sick joke.

Don't say goodbye
We'll never be apart
We'll see the same stars
Just close your eyes
And I'll be where you are

Don't say goodbye
'Cause if you say that word
My heart won't survive

[Chorus]

He laughs and I look at him in fear. He brings me to him and lays my head on his chest, while he places his chin on the top of my head. "Did you hear what I said to Kikyou?" Why is he bringing that up? Is he trying to rub it in. He asks again and I feel my mouth moving, "You said you loved her." The bitterness in my voice was clearly apparent. I made no attempt to hide it. "Yes I did. But were you there right after when I said, 'I love Kagome now. This is the end Kikyou.' Now, no words could describe what was going through my head, but one of them was definitely shock. He loved me! He was just saying goodbye to Kikyou.

Don't say goodbye

The circle of the moon
The rising of the sun
We'll be together soon
Our story's just begun
Time will bring us near
I'll never be too far
Oh, baby, don't you fear
I'll always be where you are

"It's me? The one you love is...me?" My voice so uncertain as I lift my head to look at him. He smiles and says, "I love You Kagome." For the first time in the last few hours I feel complete happiness. A smile, unable to hold back, works its way to my lips. "I love You too, InuYasha, for who you are." I know accepting him, for who he is, is important to him. I accept him, as a hanyou. I wouldn't have it any other way. Unable to resist the temptation I lift my lips to his. Now, I guess I'll be staying a while because, "I'll always be where you are."

~owari

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Well did you like? A real deep look at Kagome's thoughts. Please deposit a review. I stayed up all night to finish this ficy for you Kag/Inu lovers!
Review if you want more Kag/Inu fics from me