Welcome to Ace's Monologue.

It's nice to meet you. Yes, Makino taught me the basics to politeness or I'd probably throw you out of this room engulfed in fiery flames burning you to crisp, yelling "BASTARD" or something along that line.

What else…? I'm the 2nd division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates – yes I'm pretty strong don't tell me you thought those biceps were for showing off…

…Hmm? Sorry, I fell asleep again, my bad habit I apologise. If this is my monologue, it means I can say whatever I want, right?

Let's start with my little brother Luffy, well, to start off he's an idiot. A huge one with the common sense the size of a pea. Or a microscopic pea, whatever you say.

I'm a pirate, a damn infamous one to be proud of, currently Luffy's saying something along the lines of being Pirate King but even if he is my little brother that title is probably going to pops. Not a popsicle, mind you, I was talking about Whitebeard. Edward Newgate? Rings a bell? He's my father. And don't start with your reasons on how we don't look alike, just because I'm his son doesn't mean I have to grow a moustache. Moustaches don't fit manly people like me. Moustaches are for like… well people who have no time to shave apparently.

Don't tell pops I told ya that.

I'll burn you.

Getting rather bored and stuffy here, is this how you use a… (what's that?) collator?

COMPUTER YOU IDIOT!

Ah sorry, compater? Marco travelled through a time warp, don't ask me how I'm not one to dwell onto details, they bore me to sleep… not that my narcolepsy already helps me in the process. So yes, he found this fascinating website called fanfiction like what the hell, what is one piece doing here? Are we part of some fictional story piece now huh? That just sucks. It makes me feel like an unreal person when I'm supposedly the person everyone's after.

I mean the marines. All because I'm a son of a devil, ain't the world screwed up?

Evidently, the time-warp thing world Marco travelled to obviously has issues. No, not war, it's not that simple. I scrolled (is that how you use the word?) through this fanfiction page and I see an uncanny number of stories that have me and Luffy. It's called AceLu by the way, totally unoriginal, and extremely disturbing. We are brothers, not partners, not lovers, although I doubt Luffy has the intelligence to figure out what making love means, he'll probably end up thinking love equates to meat.

So that idiot will think, "ARE WE MAKING MEAT ACE?"

And I'll be wise enough not to tell him. I hope he doesn't even mention it, I don't want to think.

Marco says I should start an "Ask Ace" thing, so... Feel free to ask me... anything? God, that just sounds wrong.

I had no idea I was going to do this, honestly it just popped out from nowhere! It's kinda fun to do this though, what do you guys think?

ask Ace stuff I'm sure he'll answer the best he can *bows*