Okay, I battled writers block all the way through this chapter, so I know it fails miserably, but I plan to make up for it soon. I swear. I'm really struggling writing from Dr. Cox's point of veiw, so I'm really sorry if this isn't up to standard.

I failed to mention this in the first chapter but this takes place about ten or so episodes into season three. But at the same time it is slightly AU. Jordan and Dr. Cox aren't back together. (I know.. but I just never really did like the idea of them together... it just didn't seem right) And you'll probably notice some other subtle differences.

Warning:: Dark themes, suicidal thoughts or tendencies, and possible Character Death.

"Newbie?"

No. Surely he was mistaken. Maybe he just really needed to sleep and had started imagining things. But why on God's green Earth would he imagine seeing Newbie's eye in a patient that was probably dying? It made absolutely no sense. Well if he was going to be entirely honest with himself, he knew why he would. Sighing, he considered calling Newbie. He instantly thought up a quick rant to throw at him or the answering machine. Either one would do really.

Even now as he stretched out in the On Call room, he struggled to clear his thoughs. While an hour ago he couldn't get to sleep fast enough, he was now using every ounce of his willpower to get his brain to shut up. Every time he shut his eyes he was bombarded by senseless questions that he didn't know the answers to. They were like annoying gnats buzzing around in his head and just wouldn't leave him be, and the fact that he had no answer for them made it, if possible, worse.

Why would he imagine Newbie? Why would he imagine Newbie as a dying patient? And his personal favorite, how the hell did he know what Newbie's eyes look like so well that he could imagine them on a dying patient? After about ten minutes, his head was pounding harder than before.

Groaning and leaning upwards, he sighed. He flicked his eyes downward to hist watch. It was almost 2:00 AM, so in about another two hours he could just go home and get drunk. All thoughts of drinking aside however, Perry was furious. At Newbie. If the damn girl had gotten off her menstruel cycle ang had just come to work like she was supposed to, none of this would even be happening. If she had just taken a damn Midol and had shown up, he wouldn't be seeing painfully farmilar eyes in critical patients.

Finally giving up on the concept of sleep, Dr. Cox rolled himself off the on call bed and slid his arms back into the sleeves of his white jacket. Replacing the stethescope over his neck, he walked into the main hallway and walked toward the nurses station. He saw Ghandi leaning over the counter talking to Carla as he approached. Leaning against said counter a few feet away, he looked over at Ghandi again who was talking about something about Newbie. He thought for a second before tossing out his next comment.

"Found your girlfriend, Ghandi?" He shot out. There was surprisingly little malice in his voice however, he was too tired to actually put any of the signeture Cox sarcasm into his voice. He internally cringed at that, making a mental note to be more sarcastic.

"No.. And I won't be able to check on him tonight either." He sounded genuinely upset, so naturally Perry went through about seven or eight snarky and sarcastic comments that presented themselves, and he was in the process of choosing one when Carla's voice interupted.

"You can run by his apartment on the way home.. just make sure he's okay.. it's not like him to not answer the phone."

After she said this, Perry's mind suddenly went back to work. If his memory served him, didn't Newbie always babble on about the apartment he shared with Turk? Well.. he was always saying that he didn't give a rats ass about the girl's personal life, it seemed like finally Dorthy had taken it to heart. He was thinking hard when once again, Carla broke through his musing.

"Did you need something Dr. Cox?"

"No.. just wanted to know if Emma had ever called you back, but based on your convo with Ghandi over there, I'm assuming she hasn't." And with that said, Dr. Cox walked around to check up on his patients one last time before he would finally be able to go home.

Ten minutes until he could go home, and rather than gathering up his keys and beating it as soon as he possibly could, he was sitting in the room with the car accident patient. Well sitting isn't exactly the correct word, he was really leaning on the wall as he listened to the ventilator breathe for the man. He just stood there, trying to calm himself down. He had to have just been imagining what he just kept telling himself that JD was probably just at home sleeping off the flu or something.

He wanted to check out what little was found on this guy that wasn't entirely destroyed, try to find something that would deny that this was Newbie. But all he had been able to was find out two things. One, that the guy was on a moped or something, which wasn't exactly helpful in calming his stress, and that it was being classified as a hit and run and that all evidence found was going to be kept by the police for awhile. He sighed and looked at the man again before standing and walking out ther door.

"Hey! Doctor Cox!" A horrifically farmilar voice pierced though his ears, giving him an instant headache.

"I'm sorry to disappoint Barbie but, contrary to popular belief, I am not here for the sole purpose of asking questions."

"Whoa.. you look like somebody just killed your puppy.. actually you like what I assume you would look like if somebody killed your puppy. If you even had a puppy. And-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there. Just. Stop. Talking."

"But sir! I just wanted to know if you'd seen JD yet..."

"No I haven't. And I must say it has been nice without a little girl-dog nipping at my heels every four seconds."

"I just thought-"

"Well you thought wrong Barbie, now if you don't mind, I'll be going home now, getting drunk, and probably passing out, and then guess what, I get to start all over again tomorrow. So ya know.. finding your little boyfriend isn't exactly at the top of my list."

"He's not my-!"

But it didn't matter. Dr. Cox was walking away without another glance back. And he had told the truth, he planned to go home, and he planned to get some drinks, but he had a stop he had to make first. As he walked toward the elevator, he pulled from his pocket a strip of paper. Looking down at the scrap, he read the scrawled writing that was his own. It was the only information that he had been able to glean that might just help. "East River Blvd." Somewhere on that road the accident that gave him his critical patient had ocurred.

As he stepped out of the elevator, he found himself questioning his motives again. He tried telling himself that he was wondering why Newbie hadn't shown up tonight. Then he tried convincing himself that he wanted to inform the patients family. Niether excuse was really working, but he told himself that it was the latter. He knew that if you told yourself something long and hard enough, part of you would start to actually believe it.

He drove for about twenty minutes before he finally made it to East River Boulevard. He stopped his car when he saw a strip of rubber and a lot of shattered glass by the edge of the road. He assumed this was the place where the accident had happened. He got out of the car and walked about twenty feet ahead. What was he looking for? He had no fucking clue. He turned to walk back to his car, and that's when he saw it. Tucked under a bit of asphalt was a piece of broken plastic. He bent over and retrieved it, holding the flimsy piece of plastic in his palm. It was burned and broken, but he could make out parts of the red and white tag. He could tell it was a tag because of the bit at the top that obviously connected to some kind of lanyard or band.

He couldn't discern much from it, but he could enough. All he could read off of it was "red Heart ital." Tucking the piece into his pocket he returned to his car, where he sat for several minutes in complete silence. He had the gut wrenching feeling that if he could gather all of the name tag, as he had a feeling that's what it was, it would read 'Sacred Heart Hospital, John Dorian M.D.'

So.. how terrible was it? Ugh.. I feel like a complete failure after this chapter, so I really apologize. Also, I don't like my description of the badge Dr. Cox found, so I put a link to a picture on my profile. So yeah.. Review?