okay, so this is my first fanfic ever, and uh, i don't really know what i'm doing sooo, yeah, uh, it's not BETA'd i'm not even sure what it means, so all mistakes are my own ?

uh it'd be nice if you reviewed, but do whatver you want, idk

HEy havent been here a long time and i'm kinda gonna try to update but first i gotta try and get rid of all the mistakes in spelling and grammar uh whatver miht take a week or more for it to all be "good" so sorry if you read before it's corrected

also i had to merge chapter 1 and 2 because i suck at this and i forgot how the website works and yeah

Dean Winchester always hated family events such as birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. They only were awkward, and reminded him how unhappy he was.

When he was 14, Dean's mother was murdered and raped by some random perv.

It was November second, and Mary was coming home from the grocery store when she was cornered by a middle-aged trucker. Being raised by a cop she thought it'd be wise to put up a fight, but the training she had gotten from her father was no match to the murderer's brutality, he started punching her, she tried to fight back and she quickly fell on the hard concrete, blinded by rage the man continued hitting her, making almost all of her facial bones break. she was dead. Furious he wondered how dare she die, this bitch, he didn't tell her she could, well she deserved dying, the filthy whore. He unzipped his zipper, his cock was already hard. Once he was finished raping her, he just left her lifeless in a dark alley. Of course the cops never found that pig , he had made a great job at disappearing into thin air. They always do.

The first four-month after his wife's death, John couldn't believe she was gone, he stayed up all night in the living room, waiting for his beloved wife to come home, smiling with groceries in her hands, kissing him tenderly, as if nothing had happened. She never came back. After he realised that Mary was gone for good, the widower slowly fell into alcoholism, abandoning his sons. Nobody ever saw him without a drink in his hand ever again.

Not long after Mary's homicide, Dean had no choice but take care of his eleven year old brother, Sam. He'd cook dinner when his father was out somewhere drinking whichever alcohol he could put his hand on, he'd comfort him when he woke up in the middle of the night, crying and screaming because of a nightmare he had, and he'd make sure Sammy did his homework so he could still have a bright future. Doing all that he forgot to take care of himself.

At that point, Bobby Singer, John's oldest friend, started taking care of the brothers, dropping and picking them up from school, making sure the fridge was always full. He'd sometimes stay over at night. He, of course, wasn't there all the time, how could he, he still owned a garage and had to work. So his wife, Jodie, and his 17-year-old son, Ash, came over once in while, to check on them, making sure they had everything they needed.

But on November second , exactly one year after Mary Winchester died, John killed himself, cutting his wrists open, letting his blood slowly flow out of his body, hoping to join Mary in heaven.

The saddest thing was that Dean and Sam were almost glad about his death, they barely even saw the man anymore and when they did, he was either drunk or washitting them, blaming them for their mother's death or anything bad that had ever happened to him. They didn't love the sad excuse of a father that John was anymore.

After John's suicide, Bobby and Jodie adopted the Winchesters. It seemed like the best thing to do, none of them wanted the boys to be separated in a shitty social system.

But here he was, crying alone in his bed thinking about how his life had gotten so fucked up, all because of some horny son of a bitch, the night before Christmas eve. Though he'd never admit it to anyone, even less to Sammy, he had to be strong, for both of them, because he was all Sam had left, and he had to make sure he never got hurt again. And even if it was all already three years ago, Sammy still needed his big brother. Well technically he was taller than Dean now, thanks to puberty, but he still looked up to his brother.

And tomorrow he'd have to spend the night with his adoptive family and their friends pretending that he wasn't sad or completely broken inside. Sure, he loved his adoptive family, but dinners like that usually reminded him of when his mom was still alive and John was still a loving father.

Tomorrow would at least be interesting, Ellen Harvelle, Bobby's best friend, would be there with her new husband, a certain Morgan Novak, she had met two month ago in Boston, she said it was "love at first sight", yeah right. Even her daughter Jo had only seen the guy once, and he apparently had three kids him and Bobby would have to go pick up at the airport tomorrow morning and they'd be staying at Bobby's for a week and go back to Boston after that. But that was all he knew about the man.

He just hoped one of them was a hot teenage girl, so he could make the best out of it and have sex. Yeah, that would be good. And it wouldn't be too hard to get her in his pants. Honestly, Dean was hot, no girl could ever resist him, all he had to do was say one or two pick up lines, grin and lick his lips and they were instantly his.

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It was 9 am and Bobby, Jodie, Ash and Sam were having pancakes and bacon for breakfast when Bobby yelled

"Balls ! What time is it Ash ?"

"9, why ?"

"Dean and I gotta got get the kids at the airport and we have to be there at 9.40, Sammy, is your brother up ? "

"Naaah, I think he's still asleep"

"Idjit ! Go wake him up boy, tell him if he's not here in 15 minutes imma put my foot up his ass"

Sam ran up to Dean's room, slammed the door open, jumped on Dean's bed and ripped the sheets off of it, screaming

"Wake up princess !"

"What the fuck Sammy ?! Let me sleep"

"Dude, you have to get the Novak's at the airport in like 40 minutes, and if you're not down stairs in 15, Bobby is gonna whoop your ass. So get your ass of that bed and put your make up on, you look like shit man"

"Leave, bitch"

"Jerk"

When Sam finally got out of the room, Dean painfully got out of his bed, and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Once he was there, he looked at himself in the mirror, he had huge dark circles under his eyes, that were still puffy and red from crying in his sleep, nothing unusual, his hair was a mess, pointing everywhere, his lips were so chapped he wondered how they hadn't fallen off his face yet.

Damn, Sammy WAS right, he looked like hell, but nothing a good old freezing shower wouldn't take care of, well except the lips, he didn't really care anyways, he knew it was part of his charm. When he was clean and dry, he quickly put an AC/DC shirt on and a pair of jeans and then ran downstairs to have some coffee

"Come on ya idjit, we have to go now if we don't wanna be late"

Bobby yelled from the front door. Dean chugged what was left of his coffee, burning his throat doing so, took the keys to the Impala and went outside

"I'll drive on the way back Dean"

"What, no, why ? You know I don't like when someone else drives my baby, you wanna fucking kill me ?"

Dean whined as he was getting in what use to be his father's car, a '67 black Chevy Implala, the only good thing he left behind.

"Now watch your tongue young man, and I wont put their lives in your hands, I might trust you with Sam's, but not with anyone else's, remember when you crashed in that tree last year ? I hope you do, because you were in the hospital for four days"

"Ugh, whatever Bobby"

The drive was quiet, but Dean couldn't stop wondering what they would look like, and if he'd get along well with them, and of course if there'd be a hot chick. But he was also nervous to meet them, and the fact that he knew nothing about them didn't help at all. Really they'd have to spend the next week together, what if they didn't get along well ? that'd just be awful and fucking annoying.

they finally got to the airport, and Dean asked the one question that had been torturing his mind

"So, how are we gonna know it's them ?"

"Well, all I know is that there's a ginger, a blond and a black-haired one, so it shouldn't be too hard, right ?"

As soon as Bobby finished his sentence a dark spot caught Dean's left eye, so he turned to see what it was, and he saw the weirdest and most handsome guy he'd ever seen. He usually never admitted that he thought guys could be hot, like Dr sexy M.D. or Chris Evans, but that guy… was different, he just couldn't help himself.

He was about his age, he had dark brown hair, almost black and they were so messy, god it looked like he'd fucked someone hard in the plane's bathroom (the thought of that made his stomach stir a bit, which was… weird) and his eyes, god damn it how could they possibly be THAT blue, they made him want to helplessly drown in them -oh my god, did he REALLY just say that, what a girl-, his lips were almost as chapped and pink as Dean's were, which if he hadn't seen it himself he wouldn't have believed it. He was also wearing some kind of weird beige trench coat with some kind of suit and a tie, all arranged in an elaborated mess, he just looked so awkward and cute -cute ? Really ?! REALLY ?!-. Gosh he didn't really know what to think anymore, he felt weirdly attracted to him but didn't know how or why, he felt as if he didn't have a choice, shit, he didn't want to be, well hopefully he'd never have to talk to him, he was just a random stranger.

Just then, his sapphire eyes met Dean's emerald ones, locking into a long gaze, as if they were looking deep into each other's souls, the guy, slightly bobbing his head to the right. Dean's heartbeat was rising considerably, his vision was blurring, his palms were becoming sweaty and he felt himself flush, fuck, the way he looked at him, like he knew every single thing Dean had ever done or thought, he just couldn't hold the gaze any longer, he HAD to look away. Only then he noticed the redhead and the blond, sitting next to him.

Shit

"I think I found them, over there"

He said, pointing at the three kids sitting on a bench, his voice sounded weirdly rough and unusual, probably because that guy was still staring at him. But Bobby didn't seem to notice, or just didn't care, so he went out of the car to greet the Novak's with a warm smile.

Dean, him, was paralyzed, he couldn't move, god, he really wanted to, but he didn't find the strength to even slightly move a muscle, it was like learning about his mother's death all over again, just thinking about-

"Ya coming Dean ?"

Bobby's voice made him jump, he had scared the shit out of him and his heart was still pounding hard against his chest, fuck. He did his best to calm himself, putting his thoughts, or whatever they were, about that boy far away in his mind, put a dashing smile on his face, like he usually did most of the time, and opened the door.

There was a girl, she had fiery red hair, and green eyes almost as deep as Dean's, they were looking at him so intensely, he couldn't help but think of the brother's blue eyes… Damn ! Apparently the staring at people thing was some kind of a family tradition, great. Her skin looked smooth and was as pale as porcelain. She seemed so graceful and feminine.

"Hey, I'm Anna, nice to meet you, Dean, right ?"

She said, pulling him into a tight hug. Wow, she smelled like peaches and mangoes, and her voice was so soft , and strong and vulnerable at the same time, how was that even possible ?

"Yeah, Dean, nice to meet you too"

"This is Gabriel, my younger brother"

"Hey Dean-o"

The small blond guy said. He had a lollipop stuck in his mouth but still managed to put a devilish grin on his face. He already felt like he wouldn't like the guy, great.

"Hey Gabe"

Then, the pale, blue-eyed boy came closer to Dean, until their faces were only a few inches apart, he once again looked deeply in the green eyes

"Hello Dean, I'm Castiel"

Dean was already out of breath just because of his closeness, and why did he have to say his fucking name, it sounded so.. right, said by Castiel, it gave him all kind of different feelings and shivers all over his body. His voice was so deep and rough and sexy and god damn it his whole body was shut down for a few seconds, he even forgot how to speak, crap, dean was never caught of guard like that, at least not since… Fuck, now he felt like crying, he fought the upcoming tears putting his walls back up and managed to say a lousy

"hum, erm hey, I… uh, yeah, hi"

Shit, he hoped nobody had seen his internal breakdown, otherwise he'd probably have to grow a mustache and go hide in Mexico

"Don't worry Dean-o, Cassie here has a small problem with personal space, you'll get use to it"

"Okay, so I got all the suitcases in the trunk, by the way thanks for your help Dean, I really appreciate it. We should probably go now, unless you want to stay here all day."

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The drive back was horrible. Dean was sitting in front, Bobby was driving (already annoying Dean) and Anna, Gabriel and Castiel were in the back seat. Anna was going on about her school, or maybe boyfriend, he didn't know, he wasn't really listening to her, he only vaguely heard her, he still nodded and smiled when she looked at him, but a part from that he had no clue what the girl was saying

Because seriously, how could he hear what she had to say when he could feel 2 big blue eyes on him ? In a normal situation he would've listened and taken part to the conversation, but right now, he couldn't.

Because when Castiel was staring at him, it made a feeling stir inside of him, he couldn't quite put his finger on which one it was, hell, he didn't even know if it made him feel good or bad, he only knew that he had butterflies in his stomach and that he felt exposed, like the boy could see what Dean truly was (that wasn't possible right ? RIGHT ?) and it was bad, because what he truly was, was just a broken depressive teenager on the verge of being suicidal, like his father.

Yet, a part of him liked that, because it meant he could burst into tears without worrying about his reaction, Castiel would only take him in his arms and hug him, without even saying anything, letting him cry all the tears of his body, and then he'd be fixed, he wouldn't be sad anymore.

Plus, whenever he looked at the rearview mirror their eyes met, and he'd look in those baby blue eyes, only locking their eyes for a few seconds, immediately blushing having to look quickly look away.

A lump had even started forming in his throat, he tried to swallow it but his efforts were vain.

"-and we use to bake pies all the time, we could do one for you Dean, what kind of pie do you like ?"

Shit.

Again.

He remembered he wasn't alone with Castiel and he had no idea what Anna was asking him, he cleared his throat, trying to find something to say without sounding suspicious (suspicious ? why would he sound suspicious, he didn't do anything wrong did he ?) and all he could come with was a lousy

"hmmm yeah"

"Dean, I asked you what kind of pie you liked"

"oh yeah, right, I know, uh I like any kind of pie as long as it's good"

Anna looked out of the window with a frown on her face and crossing he arms, she had been talking to him for the last 10 minutes and realised he hadn't listened to a word of it. Great, she probably hated him now, this was so not going on as he expected it.

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When they got home he asked Jodie if she needed help with anything, she said she was fine for now, so he went to his room.

He let himself fall on his bed, god, he felt so much better already. Well, better in the sense he didn't have to put a mask on his face. His room was the one place where he could just let his emotions show, and no one ever came in without knocking, because if they did they'd immediately regret it. It was his safe place.

Dean laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling and wondering why this all had to happen to him, he already had a hard time hiding his feelings from every body, even from him sometimes, and that Castiel guy had to show up and it was like… like he couldn't hold back his thoughts in public anymore. He just wished he coul-

there was a soft knock on the door, shit, he quickly put his happy face back on

"yeah ?"

he saw the dark-haired boy open the door and stand under the door frame, looking awkward and cute, wait, no, not cute. He was also so straight and serious, which might be turning him on a bit ? no, it couldn't be, he was a dude.

"Hello Dean, excuse me if I'm disturbing you but I was told I was to room with you until the holidays are over"

"Uh yeah, urm, sure, you can, like, there's only one bed, I don't know what we're supposed to do about that, uh"

god, he sounded like a teenage girl talking to her crush, why couldn't he behave normally around Castiel ?

"Do not worry Dean, Bobby gave me a mattress to put on the floor, I shall sleep there"

"No it's fine, I can sleep on the floor, take the bed, I'd feel bad if you had to sleep down there, after all you are a guest"

Dean really didn't want to sleep on the floor, nor did he want to sleep in the same room as Castiel, or anyone else as a matter a fact, but he was polite and knew better than just leave a guest sleep on the cold, dirty floor (even if he had a mattress). He'd be willing to sacrifice himself for a little week, anyways, did he really have a choice ?

"It is not necessary Dean, I am the one disturbing your routine"

This wasn't going to be easy

"You know what, we'll just alternate one day it's you, the other it's me, how does that sound ? And tonight you'll sleep in the bed because you just took a plane and I don't have to explain myself, it's my god damn bed okay"

He said, looking terrified, he always had a "small" problem with planes

"As you wish Dean"

It didn't really look like he had another choice, he'd just have to go with it. The boy just stood there, looking at dean, blue meeting green for the hundredth time today. Which made his blood rush to his cheeks once again, he tried not to look away, keeping there eyes locked, but he only managed to keep it for a minute that felt like an eternity. He cleared his throat, hoping it would make Castiel look away, but it didn't work, great.

"Well hum, i'm gonna go help Jodie or something, so, erm, i'll let you put your stuff, uh wherever, yeah"

he quickly went to the door but the boy was still standing in front of it

"Cas, could you get out of the way ?"

he said, a little bit frustrated, then he realised just how close he was from him, they were meer inches apart, he could feel his hot breath on his cheek, the body warmth coming from Castiel, making his dick twitch, his full parted lips waiting for his, if he leaned in just a little their lips would be touching, maybe if he ju-

"what did you call me ?"